April Infants & Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble, not sure if this will help, but my mom has made no bones about how she could hardly wait until I was out of diapers.  She hated everything about it.  She also had a hard time enjoying time with me before I was verbal; guessing what I needed got old and tiresome.

    You don't have to love everything about every phase to be a great, loving mother.  There are things about babies, toddlers, teens, and even grown kids that just aren't fun or endearing - give yourself a break for not enjoying those things.  Who would?!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble, I also have more fun with DD now that she's older.  However, if the only reason that you're wishing the LO's babyhood away is because of the stress of b-milk, then you should rid yourself of that stress so you can enjoy the rest!  AM and PM b-feeding would still me more than many 8 month olds do.

    Arcain, I had the same experience with cutting back calories and supply.  I ended up just using a think-if-I-want-to-eat-this and am-I-really-hungry approach.
    Also, I know I'm harping on this point, but don't expect your body to act the same way it used to while you're b-feeding.  Certainly it's calories in and out, but calories out is all goofed up.  Restricting calories in can even cause your body to slow calories out as a defensive measure.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from wrkingmom. Show wrkingmom's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    For those considering the colored bubbles (though past easter) dont do it!
    My mom bought them for ds and the color gets on everything.  Granted it washes off most things but did not my sneakers and we had to wash the car after using them because there were green circles all over it.  Plus I dont feel like they made good bubbles - almost like they were too heavy.  Regular bubbles are much cleaner and better.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    med, no one is disagreeing with you.  If someone's metabolism slows due to bf'ing it simply means her body requires fewer calories to do the same activities, and I doubt it could be more than a 5% dip (a rather marked change).  If her normal metabolic usage is 1800 a day + 200 for bf'ing that's 2000 calories a day.  If her bf'ing metabolic needs are 5% less that's only a 100 calories difference, or 1900 a day.  That's not enough to stop counting calories and expecting to lose 1/3 - 1/2 lb a week.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    I should have probably been more clear... Some people (including me) can't eat the proper number of calories to lose even 1/3 pound per week AND maintain milk supply at the same time.  It stinks, but it was true for me (and maybe 25% of my friends).  Unfortunately, during the period of intense, frequent b-feeding, I had to accept the 10 extra pounds OR accept the tank in supply.
    I didn't use it as a reason to go nuts eating or to not exercise.  But I wasn't able to cut calories beyond the amount I felt hungry for without damaging supply.
    So those 10 pounds became my constant companion for an extra year after DD was born.  It was not lovely, but it did go back to normal after we cut way back on nursing.
    Others don't have this problem, and the b-feeding just helps them burn!  And some may decide that they would rather get back to a healthy weight even if supply is affected.  I would definitely not judge that decision -- I didn't enjoy my 10 pounds!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from rama8677. Show rama8677's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Med, I second your point.  I've been calorie counting/exercising as a way of maintaining my weight ever since I graduated from college (about the time I realized (the hard way) that I could no longer eat whatever I felt like whenever I felt like eating, ha ha).  My body has always responded to calorie counting and I'd been w/in a few lbs of the same weight for 10 years as a result.  After I had my DD and was breastfeeding, my body/metabolism/everything changed, and the tricks that had worked for me to maintain/lose weight over the past 10 years no longer were effective.  I tried restricting calories further, adding more in, eating healthy, increased exercised etc. but nothing worked - and restricting calories too much caused my supply to tank, not a good thing for nursing.  I nursed DD for 13 months, and was never able to lose the last 5-7 lbs of baby weight UNTIL I stopped nursing, (and continued to count calories and exercise regularly), and the weight steadily came off w/in a few months. 

    I truly believe that nursing can impact your system more than we realize, and in some cases prevent you from losing weight.  (Some women have the opposite effect, that nursing makes them lose a ton of weight quickly but it comes back on again after they stop nursing).  I also think there are many other factors at play that enter in when you are caring for a newborn that create major stress on your body and all of its systems, such as decreased sleep, stress, new routine, non-regular mealtimes, eating faster than normal, etc., and all of those factors really affect your entire body, including its regular metabolism and ability to lose weight. 

    So, not to say that simple calories in, calories out/exercising approach isn't a good one, because it is clearly the best way of monitoring your weight and losing weight, but just noting for those nursing mothers that are feeling frustrated with weight loss, that at least in my experience, my body didn't regulate back to normal until after I stopped nursing, at which point the last few lbs of weight loss happened.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    In Response to Re: April Infants & Toddlers:
    [QUOTE]Arcain, I had the same experience with cutting back calories and supply.  I ended up just using a think-if-I-want-to-eat-this and am-I-really-hungry approach. Also, I know I'm harping on this point, but don't expect your body to act the same way it used to while you're b-feeding.  Certainly it's calories in and out, but calories out is all goofed up.  Restricting calories in can even cause your body to slow calories out as a defensive measure.
    Posted by medfordcc[/QUOTE]

    I just wanted to add that this has been my experience as well. My weight has hit a plateau (I'm at 6.5 months now), but I'm making peace with it because my supply is more important to me than the extra 5 pounds.

    I am hopeful that these last "sticky" pounds will come off once I stop the BFing. I recently spent a week in Italy on a work trip. I came back 4lbs lighter (despite eating everything I wanted--yum), but I wasn't pumping as much (couldn't, due to logistics). I agree with medford that the whole BFing/metabolism thing is complicated and variable from person to person. (Oh, and those 4lbs came right back once I got back on a normal nursing schedule.)

    ETA: And, I agree with rama, too (posting at the same time).
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble, ditto what Kar and Medford said. I know it's tough anytime you're thinking of giving up bfing, but 8 months is amazing! I'll be happy to make it to just 3 mos! Medford, thanks, and that's exactly the method I'm following. I fell into very thoughtless eating habits while I was pg and continued after DS was born bc I thought I could. I'm seeing a major change in habits just from asking "do I really want/need that?" Kar, I do appreciate the practical advice, and I'll certainly pick up calorie counting again if I remain stuck too long, but for my own mental health, as well as my milk supply, I'm going to hold off on getting that strict now. I used that method to lose 35 lbs about 8 years ago. It's super effective, but it kind of dominated my life, and I'm a bit too overwhelmed right now to take it on again.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Rama and Kiwi, thanks for sharing your experiences. I suspect that's my situation, too (bfeeding slowing down my metabolism). It is frustrating, but I'm going to count it as just one more thing to factor into my ongoing cost-benefit analysis of continuing to nurse. Right now, it's not worth the stress to count calories or the dip in my supply, but ask me again 2 months from now and it might be a very different story, especially if I'm still struggling with nursing.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    me four! I used to whine to my doctor that BFing wasn't helping me lose, and she told me some people's bodies are just more sensitive to the loss of calories- when I cut back on mine (even a little), supply just tanked because my body was more interested in feeding me. And...then I found out I was hypothyroid, so I am sure that didn't help either.

    trouble, I feel your pain. we had a similar period of time, right around the same age. I tried to do things like look at a book before, we always had to be somewhere by ourselves, and then I would try to position him where he could see me while feeding. I also tried singing to him- but did better when just talking while he was nursing. helped a little for my DS... but I agree with all the others.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Thanks Kar :)  Your kind words mean a lot.  Med, I hear ya, I'm not ready to give up on breastmilk, but maybe limit the breastfeeding to save my sanity and the enjoyment of DS's first year.  Thanks everyone else too for your supportive words.

    BTW, I am totally in that 10lbs club.  They will not budge and any less eating and my supply plummets.  I am trying to eat healthier calories now though.    Like cottage cheese rather than ice cream.  Basically no sweets.  That and exercising more.  I'll let you know how it goes!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    I'm not meaning judging anyone at all by my "simple" calorie advice.  If it doesn't work for you because of bf'ing, of course, your bm supply is of paramount important.  But, if nothing else, at least stay a constant weight - there is no need to gain weight to keep up supply.  I'm betting that 2100 calories a day will be a good maintenance amount for most of you bf'ing ladies if you're around 150 lbs.

    However, consider if you might be able to shave a mere 50 calories a day and make progress without sacrificing bm supply.  Whenever you've tapped into your fat stores for 3500 calories you'll have lost a lb whether that takes 2 weeks or 2 months.  If 2 months, so be it; next year at this time you'll be 6 lbs lighter.  People often dismiss anything less than a lb a week loss as "not worth it," but 1/4 lb a week is 12 lbs a year, and many of you are saying you only need to lose 10.  Aim for a year, and I bet you'll meet your goal and keep bm supply at tip top.

    In that vain, Trouble, I think your plan is awesome - make sure your cottage cheese (and other healthier choices) is low fat so you don't inadvertantly eat as many calories in cottage cheese as ice cream - it's possible.  And, if you are buying the price conscious larger container, use a measuring cup!  It's easy to eat twice as much as you should be totally inadvertantly thinking you are doing something great for your waistline.  Same with 100% whole wheat pasta - a GREAT choice, but beware - it has the same number of calories as white pasta (it just keeps you feeling fuller longer from the fiber so you don't eat more later) so measure that, too.  

    If you don't have time to count calories at least grab a tablespoon to measure things like salad dressing, hummus, and peanut butter and a 1/2 cup to measure things like rice, pasta, and potato.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble hang in there! My DS was very distractable at 8 mon! At 11 he is much better, he's also more efficient now so he will nurse for a much shorter time. The period only lasted for a few weeks or so. When he was an infant I used to pat him on the bottom and that would keep him focused. It sometimes worked when he was older too.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble, you're welcome; your unfair guilt over not enjoying every part of motherhood was breaking my heart.  No one looks down at their bleeding, cracked, inflamed breasts and says, "Too bad I only have X more months of this beautiful experience," unless they are taking copious amounts of Mother's Little Helper.  Some things are just plain awful even though you couldn't possibly love your son more.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble - I think you've done such a great job getting to 8 months.  I have a friend who was planning on doing a year and her son totally weaned himself at 9 months. She was sad about it too, but if baby is no longer interested, it is what it is.You should be so proud of your 8 months of bfeeding! I only managed 8 weeks of pumping before I had to give up.
    And there will always be things we don't love about child care.  I hate bathing my kids. Just hate it. The splashing, won't get out of the tub, wet towels everywhere is exhausting. But they LOVE it - at least that's something.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    In Response to Re: April Infants & Toddlers:
    [QUOTE]Trouble hang in there! My DS was very distractable at 8 mon! At 11 he is much better, he's also more efficient now so he will nurse for a much shorter time. The period only lasted for a few weeks or so. When he was an infant I used to pat him on the bottom and that would keep him focused. It sometimes worked when he was older too.
    Posted by ajuly09[/QUOTE]


    My eyes bugged out for a second and I was like.. this woman is still BFing her 11 year old???  :-)

    Trouble... I know its easy to say, and hard to do, but PLEASE don't feel like a failure.  I think Medford said it best, he has already gone way longer than so many babies out there.  And if you can still do morning and night, you will still have that special time together.  Not trying to say you should stop immediately, but if that is what you decide, you are a huge SUCCESS and not a failure for making it to 8 months!!

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble - Ditto what everyone else said - you are doing great!  :o)
    DD went through a distractable phase around 6 months, but she got over it.  Though, she also cut back on the number of minutes soon after that - from 15 per side to like 6!  I hate to leave out those who couldn't or didn't BF, but there are a lot of people who BF or pump in our little community and I think we forget sometimes what an accomplishment it is.  I was so used to talking to y'all about it that it didn't seem like a big deal until a friend was blown away when I was still doing it at 9 months.

    Arcain - In the middle of the night, I wouldn't feed DD unless she was truly awake.  Although that is a good point that waiting until she was really awake may havekept her up longer afterward.  If DS goes a couple of weeks without waking up until 2 am and then suddenly wakes up at midnight, that may be an indication he isn't waking up from hunger.  Something to keep in mind down the road!
    Kudos to you, as well, for trying everything you can in terms of BFing!

    Misslilly - I don't hate bath time, but I sure am glad that DH is "better" at it than I am :o)

    AFM - I hope this isn't obnoxious to say, but I am one of those BFers for whom the lbs just melted away.  I weigh about 6 lbs less than I did before pregnancy, although there is definitely some extra padding in the front.  But now I am so worried about gaining since I barely BF!  I may be imagining it, but going from twice a day to only before bed, I feel like I am noticing weight gain already. Time to cut back on the ice cream and fit in some exercise! 

    We have a wedding in Chicago in July, so that should help motivate me... Although I am still undecided about whether I'll go.  I can't imagine leaving DD for a few days!  MIL has joked about watching her during that time, so we'll see.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Trouble - FWIW, a very similar thing happened to me when DD started getting teeth.  she started biting me right away during bf-ing and it wasnt' too long after that that I stopped.  I was getting mad at her for biting me, and resenting the whole process, while at the same time mourning that I couldn't continue longer.  There was other stuff going on with me that hopefully is not the case with you (I had some sort of delayed PPD that went untreated for about a month before I figured out what ws going on) and my milk supply greatly decreased at the same time), but I just wanted to say I (along with most others here!) completely get that mixed-emotion experience when a baby-phase is ending.  Part "Hooray!" part "boo-hoo!"  I'm currently feeling that way about the bottle. DD is almost 18 months and I know we should be thinking about giving it up, but it's hard to think of it just being gone.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    What is there something wrong with bf a 11 year old? Haha I just lol at that IPW and almost woke up my 11 MONTH old who is falling asleep nursing.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    LOL, I read it the same way but knew your baby was about a year old, ajuly - time does fly, though.  Doesn't it seem like we were just in the Weddings section?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml26202. Show ml26202's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    OK, I'm going to hijack the post here (with apologies), because honestly it's a little too embarrassing to post on it's own and it's on my mind this morning.

    As most of you know, I learned in January that it's not safe for me to have another baby. We are coping fairly well, we both have our moments, but my sex drive is completely gone, zero interest, fake it until you feel it variety sex.

    I'm wondering if this is a fairly typical phase for some women when they are done having children, or perhaps experienced a loss? I'm wondering if this is an emotional phase I just need to work through with my therapist, or if I need to talk to my doctor about it.

    And no, to date I haven't mentioned this to my therapist.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    ml, I'd bet it's emotional that's translating to hormonal/physical.  Since you were so hoping to have sex "pay off" in having another baby and that's not going to happen I think in order to build up your sex drive again you need to shift your emotional purpose for sex from baby making to love making.  And, yes, I think a therapist is key in helping you make that transition.  

    ETA:  A therapist will give you specific bedroom (or even out of the bedroom) tasks that will help you start to see sex like you did when you first got electrified by DH's touch or the even just the thought of being intimate with him.   However, your regular therapist might not be the way to go.  There are sex therapists that are specifically trained to deal with this very common sexual issue.  I'm sure it occurs for post-menopausal women, too, if they were only viewing sex as a baby making activity their whole adult lives and now are wondering, "What's the point?"

    Consider this, though, I just learned that there are chemicals in seman that act like powerful feel good drugs like oxycodone that are delivered to your blood stream transvaginally.  The more you do it the more you want it, literally as if you were addicted to drugs.  That's not the whole answer by any means, but it's got to be a little bit of an incentive to make a regular date. :)

    ETA:  Sex just for the sake of sex rocks.  Life has thrown water on the fire, but a therapist can help you purposefully redefine what turns you on (back to what it used to be) and that will rekindle it.  It will be a process, though, like anything else.  Imagine lighting a fire with just sticks and straw - it's work, it doesn't look like fun, and it's easy to give up and just be cold.  But, if you stick with it, it starts to smolder and then FIRE catches for you two to warm yourselves and cook by.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    ml, it could also be hormonal.  You [and I] are at an age where we are experiencing hormonal shifts, regardless of whether we have babies or are trying to have babies.  I would recommend talking to your doctor or a gyn before thinking 'its all in your head' and talking to a therapist. It may be a combination of the two, but I would rule out the physical first. Also, if you have allergies or  take allergy [or asthma] medication, that stuff can mess with you, even though allergy and asthma doctors pooh-pooh that [or at least they did to me - but could not explain how I 'cured' that problem by not taking my allergy/asthma medication for a few weeks].  So definitely talk to your medical doctor about the issue and about any potential medication side effects.  Once you rule that out, you can consider talking to your therapist about it.  GL! 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Thanks to everyone for your supportive words!  I hope to find comfort in DS and my new breastmilk/feeding relationship soon.  If nothing else, having a plan (nursing only in the morning and before sleep & pumping otherwise) make me feel better.

    ML: Good luck with your struggle.  Hormonal shifts and emotional changes are consequences of motherhood that we don't often talk about, but really are more the norm than we let on.  But.. I think that certain birth control lowers drive.  I really feel like the minipill lowered my drive (but didn't delete it).  Just throwing it out there..
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Infants & Toddlers

    Indeed, it can be hormonal - a two pronged approach is definitely in order.  And, yes, most bc pills lower drive and inhibit arousal.

    Trouble, even if the feeding doesn't become as rewarding as you'd hoped, it's not a failure and the phase is temporary no matter how it goes.  Putting expectations on it "becoming rewarding" will only add stress - just go with the flow so to speak and accept it for what it is.  However you feel about it is OK, honestly.  My mom never looked back and said that poopy diapers weren't really that bad - just the thought would make her gag probably even now, lol.
     
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