August Infants and Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Babies might not ever start to notice storms especially if not a lot of care is taken to keep the house quiet while they are napping; they learn to tune stuff out. Of course, some of it is personality driven - I'm a very heavy sleeper, DH not so much. We had strong thunderstorms last night, and I didn't wake up until DH got up to pee. He said the house had been shaking for an hour before that. Who knew? Your baby might be a naturally lighter sleeper, but there's no way to tell. Misslily, I was at the trip's mom's helping with the 2 month old babies and the 2 yo, and we got to talking about climbing; her 2 yo is one, too. Her MIL has told her "horror stories" of her husband's climbing, and nothing bad ever happened. I used to climb up the door jams all the way to the top so my head touched as soon as my hands and feet could make the spread. Of course, you'll still worry (the stress of what could happen could drive any mom insane!), but loads of kids climb on everything with foot and hand holds and I don't know of anyone whose child got seriously hurt or worse from it. Hang in there. And, yeah, it's got to be personality differences - my mom and her brother behaved totally differently in the same house with the same rules, too. My uncle was a little devil, my mom the angel. ETA: OMG, I just had a thought - she'll have 3 two yo boys with climbing in their genes when her climber daughter is 4. How will she manage that?!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Liz, just saw your little beans picture over on the facebook page, OMG, she's adorable - waving away at all of us as if to say "Hey, I'm here!" We are far north of Boston, but I didn't hear much of the thunderstorms. DD still sleeps through them, but when awake she is just starting to get nervous of them (not crying, just wants to be held and says "uh-oh" after each boom).

    I'm also struggling with discipline (DD turns 2 next week!) and have found I've actually had to move some things around at home to create a time out zone (small house, few doors). I had her on the bottom step of the stairs for time outs, but she loves that bottom step - it's not a punishment. So now she has to sit in the foyer for time outs and yes, I generally have to sit with her an not speak or make eye contact. We do the 1-2-3 method and it seems to work pretty well. The huge challenge for me now is tooth brushing/bed time routine is a nightmare. I'll have to post when I have more time!

    One last thing, DD does not go to daycare, she's at home with my DH, MIL or my Mom days. I'm noticing that when she does have an opportunity to interact with other kids her age - play dates, library time, swim class, etc. - she has no interest in other 2 year olds and does her own thing. She's great with kids a bit older - 3+. I'm wondering if this is pretty typical of a 2 year old, not yet ready to fully engage and frustrated with communication on both sides - or if I really need to get her more socialized.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    ML-DS was, and still is, much more interested in playing with older kids at the play ground. And he's in day care full time. I think it's a natural thing to gravitate toward those that are more advanced, so you can learn from them.

    Time outs don't really work in our house. Magic 1-2-3 with leaving DS in his room alone works better. The lack of attention is what gets him. And I'm with Mislily-his toys get a lot more time outs than he does. Once DS proves he can play appropriately (i.e. not throw his toys) he can have his toys back.

    There's one super nanny show on Lifetime, America's supernany or something like that. Her focus is the "calm down corner." same principle as Super nanny with the time outs... I've found focusing on teaching DS to calm himself down, and maintain control over his body has helped. Now when he starts to get worked up, I can tell him to take a deep breath, and he'll usually stop. At this age teaching the skill to maintain composure when things aren't going his way is big.

    And in a battle of wills, you will always lose to a 3 year old! Especially since at some point you'll realize the argument sooo isn't worth the struggle-but then you'll be caught in the catch that you cannot surrender to the "so not worth it fight."
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    ML - I found that at age 2 "parallel play" was the norm. My kids didn't even play with each other and at their little playgroup they seldom interacted with other kids in a meaningful way until about 2.9 years old.

    And the one thing I'll say about a battle of wills is that you have to make a choice early on during an incident. Ignore or not. If you give a warning and threaten some sort of punishment you have to follow through (no matter which method you are using). So if you say "stop that or  you'll get a time out" you have to give the time out if the behavior continues. There have been a few times I have wished I'd tried something else like ignore and distract (which works better with 2 year olds than 3 year olds). And NEVER threaten a punishment you aren't willing to do. So don't ever say "Santa won't come" or something crazy like that.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Like GC, I need to start up'ing the contributions to the Therapy Fund, as we do Time Outs totally 'wrong' according to most things I've read, and that Pampers links above.  DS, like LIL's DD, has to be totally removed.  Punishment for him is not getting to be with the people he wants to be with (even when he wants to be hitting them).  We don't have the PNP set up, so bad mommy, I put him into his crib (he can't or doesn't climb out).  He's usually crying by then, saying "No" to the time out as we walk up the stairs.  So unfortunately he doesn't calm down for the 30-60 seconds I leave him there.  He stays upset usually yelling out for me.  When I re-enter his room, he stops crying immediately.  I say "are you done?  Sorry?  Ready to go back and play, etc" and he is always (so far) ready to get back on track, so to speak.  I make it clear what wasn't right (hitting, biting, complete lack of control whining, etc) so he knows why he was up there (I'm guessing he forgot in between me telling him no and the actual time-out drama).  And I try to immediately praise the first thing he does right.  At his young age (22mths), its hard for him to know that I am mad at the action or bad habit, and not mad at him.  I have no doubt he thinks the latter because his vocab is still forming.  Whether this is right or wrong, I do my best to be consistent with this routine so that as he gets older it starts to be a deterrant.  Although he must understand some part of it as I've said No and then second time said "One more time and Time Out" and he's actually stopped on a few such glorious occasions.  
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    ML - my DD is the same way.  (She just turned 2.)  And she does go to daycare 2 days/week.  I asked at daycare and they said she does play with some of the kids her age there, but it depends on how they approach her.  If they get all up in her face, she won't have it.  The ones who are more relaxed about the whole thing, she will play with/near.  Same thing when we get together with a group we've known since she was born.  Actually, LIZ - our Great Beginnings group!  Still having get togethers.  :)
    And she really, really dislikes 1 year olds who are toddling but still babies.  She could have written this blog post.

    Liz - I hope you love great beginnings.  It was really good for me, having a structured time/place.  And if the LO cries, well, she won't be the only one!
    I can't remember when DD noticed thunder storms but they never seem to wake her up.  She definitely notices during the day now but we talk a lot about the weather and I try to make it exciting when there's good thunder and lightning.  She says "boom!" with a big grin.

    Kar - I like it!  But I still need something like a Cosmo quiz - I want to answer questions about my personality and philosophy and it spits out what book to read!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    IPW, it's natural and OK to get mad at him for bad behavior, punish him, and then get over it (both of you). He will learn to cope with someone who loves him being mad at him that way. If you teach him that you can concurrently be mad at him and love him just as much as when you are happy with him for his good behavior he'll be prepared for how life really is. His wife will get mad at him someday, and you want him to be able to handle that, right? No wife is going to say, "Gosh, Honey, I'm not mad at you for 'forgetting' to take the trash out, again, I'm mad at your behavior." She's going to be mad at him for not taking the trash out, again, and he needs the emotional skills you gave him to handle that without disintegrating or assuming his wife doesn't love him because she's angry at him, not angry at "his behavior." I guess the bottom line is that I hope no one makes a concerted effort to teach their child that if anyone is mad at them that means they don't really love them. And, how will a child learn to take responsibility for bad behavior if they don't have to own being the cause of the negative feelings it caused? If no one is actually upset with HIM he has nothing to apologize for - the bad behavior should apologize, mom is mad at that.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Med, we think so much alike so often! I LOVE quizzes, and there definitely needs to be a discipline philosophy one!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Ml - parallel play is totally normal at this age.

    Miss lily - sorry the for the tough times!  No naps must be so hard.  DD #1 is napping this morning because she was just over tired.  Often I will still get two naps so I can't imagine how hard it would be to have none with two kids!!

    For the most part DD #1 (21 months) does parallel play but there is this little girl in her gymboree class and sometimes they are just partners in crime together laughing and playing.  She also in general prefers the older kids.

    Can I just say that I feel so blessed with DD #1 and DD# 2.  We just came back from one week at a beach house in South Carolina and they were so great on the plane rides and on vacation.  DD #2 is 3 months today and is just as cute and smiley as can be.  DD #1 is very good with her, loves her dearly so I don't think I could ask for anymore!

    I am going back to work in 2 days.  I can't believe it.  Last time I went back to work in Jan which was fairly easy since it was the dead of winter and I was feeling isolated.  Now I am just enjoying the summer and having both DDs it makes it harder.  I know I will like it once I go but I am not looking forward to having to deal with my take home work on top of both girls dinner/bath/bedtime routine.  DD #1 is going to bed at 7 (thank God) but still is getting up once. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Take this post with a HUGE grain of salt, as we all know I am NOT:
    a) a mother
    b) a mother of twins

    but what I AM is a director of a childcare center with lots of experience with children from newborn to 5 years of age.  (after age 6 I am completely lost, believe me)

    As Kar said, IF you can remember to phrase your requests as positives vs. negatives, it works so much better.  this is how I train our teachers.  So, with our toddlers who are banging on the table while they are waiting for lunch to be put down, we say "Can everyone swish their hands back and forth" (and then the teacher shows them) instead of "Don't bang your hands."  Because they WILL bang if you say don't.  (remember when your mother said "don't you dare slam that door young lady!" as you flounced towards your room in a teenage huff?  and then we, umm, HAD to SLAM the door?  Same principle here.)  When we are about to leave the classroom to go outside, we say "please walk." vs. "Don't run." This is true for toddlers AND preschoolers.  Or, if we want them to be quiet as they walk by the baby room, we'll say "let's all tiptoe" and then we tiptoe with them, making it a fun game. 

    so whomever said "don't put your foot on the table" might have had better luck with "keep your feet down."  or "keep your feet on your footrest" said with a happy sound vs a "keep your feet down or else tone".  (cuz if you got an or else tone, it's daring them to do the bad thing).

    catch them being good.  that is, if they often hit but aren't right now when patting the kitty, say "oh, what a good job doing gentle touches."  don't over use this, or you'll have a kid who only performs when you are watching, but still it doesn't hurt them to know what TO DO vs. only hearing what NOT to do.

    giving a warning (but not 6 warnings) helps, too, and doing "toy time outs" is very useful, as that's really natural consequences.  So, if they are throwing blocks and you told them to 'build with the blocks, not throw.  Throwing hurts Mama.  Can you make a tower as tall as Mama?" and then she stills throws those blocks?  Oh, yes, it's "You threw the blocks. That's not safe.  You can't use the blocks now - time to do something else.  Do you want to bounce a ball or do some playdough?"  And then when he calms down or later that day you can certainly introduce blocks again.... 

    all kids need to be outside every day - active kids like Miss Lilly's son need to be OUTSIDE EVERY DAY for approx 1 hour.  Miss Lilly knows this, which is why her backyard renovation taking forever has been the killer, because he NEEDS to be outside running and climbing on a jungle gym every.freakin'. day.

    AND, of course you can use all the right ideas, use positive language vs. 'don'ts', know your chlid's triggers and head him/her off at the pass, or when he/she is tired, and they will STILL test you and be just plain brats sometimes.  And then they'll need time outs, or toys in time out, etc. So using these techniques aren't 100% (and aren't in childcare, either!). 

    Miss Lilly, I also think your son might be a good candidate for tumbling class.  Seriously, to use up some of that energy!  Also, can you get tunnels and a tumbling mat for them to use when it's raining or he needs to burn some energy and can't go outside?  he can roll on it, jump on it, and eventually you can teach him summersaults, etc.  Not sure you have the indoor space for this, but it might help. 

    Also, The Spirited Child book by Mary Kurcinka Sheedy (or other way around?) is fabulous, Miss Lilly!  You'll probably like it, I found it really interesting.  I did NOT like The Difficult Child by some man (can't remember, it was about 20 years ago I read these books in desperation over a toddler I was working with) - what I remember was that it was very punitive, involving lots of spanking and stuff.  The Spirited Child is NOT about punitive punishment at all.

    Of course, all of this is fabulous, until you find a child IN A SINK and you have a heart attack thinking "he could have hit his head..."  and that gets me thinking of the ad during the olympics "when (American male gymnast's name) climbed within a foot of the ceiling at a store, many mothers would have disciplined their child.  Blah blah's mother got him gymnastics lessons...."  So really, I'm thinking gymastics is in his future (not necessarily the Olympics, just the 'burn of his energy and get it going in a good direction' future)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Kar, totally get what you are saying.  I recall when I was a teenager, the thought that my mother was angry and disappointed in me was often way worse than the punishment.  And I'm not scarred from that, and would be thrilled for my son to have that much respect for me when he's older that he would care that I'm upset with him personally rather than just no game boy.  He's just so darn little now.  You are right, I do get mad at HIM too, not just the behavior, but I'm not sure he will understand "Time out because you are being bad" rather than focusing very specific on the bad thing (hiting, biting, food throwing, etc).  Amazing how many parenting books there are and it really is still trial and error.  Just hope not too much error :-)

    LIL - so awesome that your vacation was so fantastic!  Good luck back at work.  I know you enjoy what you do, so that helps tremendously.   I am actually looking for a new gig and just got a 2nd interview, so am over the moon.  This would dramatically change my life, which now currently includes 2 to 2 1/2 hours a day in the car commuting.  This would be a work from home with very small amounts of travel.  Wow.  What I could do with 2 1/2 extra hours!!!

    As for play with others... DS is JUST starting to play with others, and it can go either way.  Sometimes its screaming "mine" everytime one touches anything the others have touched.  Sometimes its mirroring what they are doing.  Sometimes he just smiles and then wants to be with me.  Still learning..
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    IPW, I'm glad you took my post the way I hoped you would. It all must be very hard, and it sounds like you are very conscientious and doing great.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    ml, thanks for the compliment! I just posted a recent picture of DD on the facebook page.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    CT - thanks for all the reminders. I try and do lots of those things. Positive talk versus negative talk is a good one. I spend a lot of time at the grocery store these days saying "Stay with Mama." "Hold my hand" "Walk with me" and only resort to "if you can't behave you'll have to ride in the carriage" if I get non-compliance.We do try and go out as much as possible. And we do running games in and out the house - hide and seek, tag, whatever keeps them moving. Today we threw the comforters and pillows on the floor in their room and they jumped on and off the beds while I sang Five Little Monkeys.Talk about the happiest kids! They love doing somersaults too.
    I love catching them doing something good. They beam with pleasure when they get compliments out of the blue.
    The other day I was letting DS play in the car (something he loves). DH said to me "Why are you letting him do that. I didn't really want him in my car today." I told him I was trying to find something I could say yes to. I had said "no" far too much and I needed to find something he wanted to do that I didn't mind. And I try to always look for a "yes solution". Of course sometimes it all goes out the window...they are 3 year old twins after all! :)
    I'll look into gymnastics and tumbling for the Fall.
    I have the Spirited Child - never have time anymore to read it though!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    As I mentioned, it totally works on adults, too, like my ex husband's (EMT) patients he told to stay still rather than to not move. It's far better from a memory and compliance perspective to say "please [do] remember to do xyz" than " don't forget to do xyz." Men/husbands respond particularly well to this approach, and they won't even be aware of it. It ups the positivity quotient in your marriage without any effort other than changing the habit of making positive rather than negative requests. Thanks, CTDC for shining the spotlight and expounding on this - it is so easy to do but so many people don't know about it. To get more of your needs met for no cost is fabulous!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Wow ladies!  Great advice!  I've been trying to redirect rather than say "No" (thx Kar and CT-DC), some toys got a time out last night too (Good idea Miss Lily!).  And Liv, that pampers article was just what I was wondering about.  

    No actual time outs since I last posted, but DD has still been acting up.  I wonder if it's a combination of her "terrible 2s" and DS getting older - he is pretty aggressive too (he is such a boy).  Sigh...  Maybe I will have to make a gym in my house like CT suggested.  DD has literally been doing headstands in her crib (we have a video monitor).

    ML: My DD (27 months) has been starting to get more interactive with other kids within the past month or so, but not all the time.  She loves to be chased and peekaboo and totally engages her little brother and tries to engage her peers at playdates, but also still does a lot of parallel play.  She also loves older kids!  
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    What i suggested is subtly different that redirecting. It's the difference between saying "please remember to take out the trash" rather than "don't forget." the subject is still the trash (no redirection) it's just that you've expressed what you want hubby TO do (remember) instead of what you don't want him to do (forget). I mention it not be to nit picky but to make sure you scoop up on the actual tip and get the benefit thereof. Redirection is positive, of course, since you aren't mentioning the behavior you want to stop by replacing it with another action, but that's totally different. "Don't hit your sister" should be expressed by saying, "be gentle with your sister." "Don't run in the house" should be "walk in the house." "Don't climb on the sink" should be "stay off the sink." This technique works best before any misbehaving has occurred, but also is effective during it. Saying no and redirecting is after. You can do both and hopefully get the best possible result. I know it may sound nutty since technically you're saying the same thing two different ways, but the better response (higher compliance rate) is subconscious and well proven. It does take practice because we seem to all be wired to say "don't run!" rather than "walk!" ETA: another way to put the tip is to remove "don't" from your speech to the extent possible. It does not replace saying no and redirecting.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Magic 1-2-3 is big into positive praise. But they say be sloppy with giving it out. Not every time you catch the child doing something good, or else you'll get what CT did. but generous enough you're giving lots of praise, but not for everything.

    When DS was little and we were out of the country and I was absolutely a nut about him listening and holding my hand (he was 1.5 at the time) I would tell him to hold my hand...if not I was going to hold his ear-kinda jokingly. To this day it's a joke with us, I'll tell him to hold my hand when we are walking in the street and he'll say "no, hold my ear." Adding humor and silliness goes a long way with kids. So I must look like a really mean mommy holding DS's ear lobe as we cross strees, walk in malls...but DS is laughing the whole time, walking right by me, but he's getting fun attention.

    Mislily have you thought about getting one of these (when the landscaping job finishes) http://www.littletikes.com/kids-toys/jump-slide-bouncer we got one for less than $200 and it's awesome! Big enough even an adult can climb in. And its easy enough the kids can help set it up with you.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    The boards are pretty slow this week.  Everyone must be on vacation... or having babies like Poppy!

    Thanks for all of your suggestions re:disciplining.  It's not something I'm concerned about yet (18 months), but I may have to print some of it for DH to read later!

    Did anyone enter a photo in the Baby Games contest?  I considered entering a photo of DD crying, but since BDC is completely ridiculous these days, I haven't even been able to view the information and usually make it through about 3photos before it says "Page not found." Tongue out
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    ladies: what is the link to the facebook page?  i want to see all the babies/toddlers!  :)
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    stefani, it is Boston.com Parents and Wedding Boards.

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Friends-of-Bostoncom-Wedding-and-Parenting-Forums/265239243521198

    The interesting thing about discipline is (as Kar has mentioned) the basic basic foundation of it, at least the stuff that works, works with all people, not just little kids.  sure, you tailor it to fit your needs, the situation, and the object of the discpline, but overall the stuff that works, works.  I really believe that becoming a good disciplinarian with my daughter forced me/helped me be better at disciplining in the high school classroom. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    I use "Fast Food Speak" and "toddlerese" on my DH from Happiest Toddler on the Block and it totally calms him down too! :)
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerbride09. Show summerbride09's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Fram- I thought the boards were business as usual this week, but most of the posts were about discipline or playing and my DD is way too young for both so I've just been lurking all week  Tongue Out

    My DD was 8 weeks yesterday and is just getting cuter every minute. I swear I heard a giggle come from her the other day.

    We had our first experience with our parenting choices being criticized, by DH's grandmother who is in town to see DD. DH and his mom and sisters have always warned me how his grandmother can say some...choice things...but every time I've been around her (only a handful since she lives in another state) she's been nothing but pleasant.

    So, in a 2 hour span she comments on nearly everything...she says that pacifiers are "just so unhygienic" and that DD will be sucking it til she's in gradeschool, and to the baby that "oh of course I told them you had gas pains but no one listened to me" (DD was fine, just a little fussy and it was not gas). And saying to me "oh I thought you'd be the type to breastfeed til she's 2"...my response: "well I never really did breastfeed her, I tried and it just didn't work out".  Grandma: " Well it's never easy on the first or second day"...I wanted to say LISTEN GRANDMA...you don't know how long I tried for or how mentally taxing it was and how much better off we all were when I stopped...oh and newborns have a need to suck and no I won't just lick off her pacifier if it drops on the floor in a store (yes she thought all moms would do this...)  

    Ugh DH told me that he and his family had been warning me and now I finally know what they were talking about...
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August Infants and Toddlers

    Thanks, lissa. I bet it made you a better communicator overall, too. These skills may be "basic," but many people are ignorant of them until they are forced to learn by having a toddler, for instance. My dh and I have been using "Are You Really Listening" from Amazon with great success. It gives a lot of parent-child examples as well as spousal, etc. ones and, while it isn't even close to being a book on discipline, it is an excellent book on communication, how to listen and what to say and how to say it to get your point heard. I highly recommend it for anyone seeking help with these skills, and, honestly, who couldnt use a boost in this area? It would apply to everyone regardless of parenting/disciplinary style.
     
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