Re: autism spectrum disorders - DS
posted at 6/21/2013 12:28 PM EDT
In response to stefani2's comment:
i'm a high achiever, type A non-touchy-feely person and typically approach things with the attitude "if something's wrong fix it immediately" and "if a behavior is undesirable stop it"
Steph, I'm sorry you are going through this - and here I've been jealous of your twins and new baby, we all have our burdens, it's just plain strange and heartbreaking what joys and challenges life gives us sometimes.
But I do want to say these traits you have that you are beating yourself up over are the very traits that got your son to an early diagnosis and will provide him with the most amazing advocate for his needs and best interests through out his life.
You are going to be an amazing advocate, but you have to give yourself some time, like everyone else said, to mourn and to reimagine your new life. I think it's perfectly healthy and acceptable, and really a good idea to step back from the world right now and deal with it yourself behind closed doors. You'll think and say and feel all kinds of things that you will forget and move beyond, but your parents, or whoever you vent to (besides us) will not forget. I've been going through that recently, I would see a pregnant woman and just be so angry and jealous it would ruin my day (and everyone around me too), but I've allowed myself space and time and I am finally comfortable and content with the beautiful life I DO have. I'm blessed with what I have, and you are too.
When I went to New Mom's Support group on maternity leave, one of the weekly speakers was a woman named Melissa Sessions. Super smart (Harvard MBA smart), powerful career woman, very type A and her son has ASD. She was amazing, just a regular mom talking about her experience and all they've managed to do for their son. Basically her message was that she wanted to speak to us before anything ever came up with our newborns, to know we would never be alone, the resources and networks are out there. Just knowing that in advance was such a comfort, and to this day (almost three years later), her business card still sits in my wallet (she told us to call if anything came up and we needed someone to talk to). Someday, when you are ready and able, you are going to be that kind of mom to ALL your children.