Baby Blues

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Baby Blues

    So, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I definitely have a case of Baby Blues. Hoping some of you here may have experience with this and can just offer some words of encouragement/comfort that it will go away. I don't think I'm headed towards any full-blown post-partum depression, thankfully, but blue I am for sure and I can't figure out how to snap out of it. 

    Basically, I am crying at the drop of a hat - I feel completely out of sorts, I actually lost a credit card the other day (how does one lose a credit card when one does not leave the house??), I bounced a check, which I never do, and in general I just can't seem to get my sh*t together. All of this on top of trying to be a good mommy and a wife, feeling totally inadequate at times, and completely overwhelmed the rest of the time. 

    DH and I are arguing a lot, I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on him to help me out in addition to supporting me emotionally and its taking a toll on us. He means well but everytime he tells me, "well I did it this way and that worked" it makes me feel like he's criticizing me or telling me I'm not doing things right, which brings on the tears and the feeling of just being completely incompetent. 

    I insinuated that I now realize why so many people quit breastfeeding, because it is freaking exhausting and emotionally draining, and DH unintentionally responded in a way that made me feel as though he would see me as a failure if I stopped. I'm NOT planning to quit as of now, but I sincerely hope it gets better as everyone tells me it will - the schedule, etc is just adding to the stress/emotion overload. 



    I look at DD and of course I know she is so worth it, but I can't help but feel a little sad that I should be enjoying this time more and I just can't snap out of this. I find myself terrified - checking on her way more often than I should b/c I'm afraid of something happening to her. When I'm alone with her I ifnd myself more stressed out b/c I am afraid of doing something wrong. Her cord fell off/got tugged off a little prematurely by accident and I think it is now infected. She also hasn't pooped at all today. This makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong - which I know is silly but I can't shake the feeling. 

    This is all from a person who has ample experience with babies...granted, not my own, but generally these things don't scare me and I've been cool, calm and collected about everything up to this point. My mom left last Thursday and snice then I've had these feelings. I know that her leaving triggered something, b/c I'm not the same as I was when she was here. 

    It isnt fair to DH or DD, or to me, and I really don't know what to do...I am guessing some of you have to be able to relate to this (right??). I would really love to hear how some of you dealt with it/got past it...and it would be kind of nice to know that i'm not crazy, and that I'm really doing just fine (my heart knows this, but won't seem to tell my head...)

     

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver - I had some of those feelings when I had DD - More feeling inadequate or not living up to the role of a great mother in DH's mind.  We weren't really fighting but I did not super enjoy his company right after DD was born.  After a while I told him that he was being critical and that I always compliment him and he should do the same.  I also talked to my SIL who has 3 kids one slightly younger than DD which was nice because she had motherhood experience but also had a baby the same age so she could understand.

    BF'ng is a LOT of work, I do it during the day and forumula at night, it was not a discussion this time.  Last time I felt to much pressure to "make it work" and I knew that BF'ng was important to DH.

    I will tell you that this time around things are much easier, DH and I have become better communicators, let more roll off our backs, and I think the main thing is that I feel more confident that I am a good mom and I don't need his compliments (but I sure do like and appreciate them).  He still can be critical (its his nature and he doesn't mean it meanly but it can be annoying) like DS diaper was leaking only when I would change him, so clearly it was something I was doing but I still don't like it being pointed out. I admitted it was something I was doing but had no idea what, I laughed about not knowing how to diaper a boy and moved on. I would have thought about that for days with DD and been upset about it.  

    In my opinion lack of sleep can really make people feel more vulnerable - Are you getting any decent stretches at night?  If DD is doing longer stretches during the day I think it may be great if you rest during one of them (at least).

    Not sure about the cord but for p00ping DS has gone from pooping about 8 times a day to 1 or two - I think that happened at 3 weeks.  If she doesn't p00p tmo (or if she hasn't had gas) then check in with your doctor just to even if its to make yourself feel better - Its worth it. 

    Oh, I almost forgot - I had a couple of pour my heart out moments with DH after DD was born (I hit another difficult time a few months after returning to work) and just pouring everything out made me feel better.

    I think if you feel there is a problem you should call your doctor. I did feel like I was going crazy at one point after I stopped nursing DD and waiting for my 1st period to arrive. I called my dr and they were great and just did follow up phone calls to check in. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver, I feel for you!

    I totally had the baby blues - someone could just say "cry" to me and I'd start balling my eyes out.

    How many days/weeks are you postpartum now?

    I think what you're doing now - writing about it/expressing how you feel is a HUGE step in feeling better. When people say having a baby/being a parent is hard work... they really don't emphasize how ridiculously challenging it is - in so many ways.

    Those first weeks of breastfeeding were so difficult, especially when one side was much harder for her to feed off than the other, and I would be clenching my teeth in pain the whole time she nursed on the right hand side. When we went out to Target and bought a pump I then felt bad for feeding her from a bottle and not "direct from the source" - how ridiculous of me! So much of what I did or didn't do made me feel so guilty.

    What did make me feel better was taking pictures of her. I would sometimes feel happier by looking at the pictures, and those first weeks/months were so tough, I'm glad I did because I hardly remembered them!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    First of all, we probably called the ped at least once every 3 days for the first month or so. I once called because my daughter was excessively crabby; my husband once called because she had a small red dot on her stomach. These were calls to the emergency line too -- 3 am calls. It's really scary to be put in charge of a newborn. And I was around all the time for my sister's kids -- I felt like one of them was MY baby, I was with him so much. But it's a different story when it's your own, and you're the decider. They're so little and they seem so fragile. But remember how the nurses in the hospital manhandled them? Babies are tough. That said, I carried my cell phone in my pocket at all times for the first 3 months because I was convinced I'd have to call 911 at any second. I stared at my daughter when she was asleep to make sure she was breathing. Sometimes I would poke her to make sure she wasn't sleeping too deeply.

    I was deliriously happy in those first few months, but also constantly overcome with panic over doing something wrong. I would divide the time my husband was gone into 30 minute segments to get through them, and then if he was late I would feel like I was going to lose my mind.

    Crying is one of the ways your body sheds all the fluids you stored during pregnancy, so it's normal and VERY healthy for you to cry a LOT.
    For the first two weeks, your body releases hormones that keep you going through the sleep deprivation and panic. At the end of those two weeks you crash HARD. This is another biological fact. The midwives warned me that both of these things would happen, so I wasn't surprised.
    Things will start to improve soon. Newborns nurse every two hours for about 40 minutes at a time. So that means that you never sleep -- it's 20 minutes for one breast, 20 for the next, 80 minutes rest, then back to the breast. It's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. And nobody can really help you with it (which means that your husband should be doing everything else and waiting on you hand and foot). It also means that your breasts get really sore. But you're building breast tissue during this process, so the soreness will wear off, your output will improve, the baby will learn to nurse more efficiently, and sessions will space out and you'll get more rest soon.
    I took comments about breastfeeding really personally too -- so much of one's self image is tied up in it, however irrational that feeling might be -- but I know in retrospect that the comments were meant to be supportive. But they are galling, particularly when they come from a man. You might feel a LOT better if you go to a breastfeeding support group. It helped me enormously. In addition to the technical advice I received, it just felt good to be in the room with all the other cranky, exhausted, confused new moms -- and the ones with older babies who were super supportive and totally competent and represented a light at the end of the tunnel. I distinctly recall one mom who had an older kid and a newborn, and her baby was screaming at the breast and arching her back and acting pretty much the same as my daughter did and this more experienced mom was totally unphased and just kept cramming her breast back into the baby's mouth like it was no big deal.

    I loved breastfeeding from the start and it wasn't painful, but it wasn't easy for me either. It's a learned skill like any other, and you're just starting out. Just like any other worthwhile pursuit, you have to learn how to do it and work at it a bit, and then it's immensly satisfying.

    Your husband should understand that you're going through a lot right now and be supportive of you. He should know that you're having hormonal shifts and not get fussed at you when you snap. And he should be cleaning and cooking and doing everything you can't do, because you're the one who has to feed the baby from your own body. But there's no way they can really understand that stuff, any more than they could understand being pregnant, so you'll have to remind him. I think that my husband and I probably argued a lot during those first few months too, but it's all lost in a haze of sleep deprivation now. I only remember that we fought because a city concilor candidate came to our house at one point and I answered the door with my daughter. He had a 9-month-old and my baby was 3 months at the time, and he was all, "Oh man, that was a brutal time. My wife and I were at each other's throats." And I felt so relieved that it was normal.  He told me that it improves in 3-month increments, and he was absolutely right.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Oh, and I dropped my daughter on the stairs and cut off the tip of her finger in the first 2 months, so if you don't do either of those things you've got me beat.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver I'm sorry you're feeling this way but it is totally normal and you are doing a GREAT job!  Bringing home that new, awesome little bundle is so life altering you have to give yourself time to adjust.

    Breastfeeding was very draining on me at first and DH never got up with me so it was me and DS in the middle of the night every couple of hours.  DS also liked to stay up for 4 hour stretches sometimes and I realized after a few long nights I needed to feed DS then wake up DH hand him over and get some sleep too. (It didn't matter that he went back to work, I was working too taking care of our baby and needed his help.) 

    It does get easier.  It took me about 3 weeks with the bfing but you have to do what is best for all of your sanities.  If doing a Bfing/formula combo works don't feel guilty.  If you decide not to do any supplementing that is okay too.  I took it a day at time at first, then a week at a time.  Small attainable goals is what I would recommend. 

    DH and I also argued.  I think this too is normal as you're both tired and experiencing lots of new and life changing things with DD having arrived.  Life is totally different now with this other person who needs you so much (plus you raging hormones).  And oh the sleep deprivation!  Often I felt like DH wasn't listening to me and my suggestions on how to handle things with our DS.  I later realized that we both were learning and that what worked for me may not work for DH and that we both had to figure out what worked for the two of us and that each other had to accept that.  We went as far as thanking each other for suggestions and then saying "but I'm going to try doing it this way first."  That helped us because it was acknowleding what each other had to say but also letting the other person know we were going to try it our way first.  It definitely was not easy.  Sometimes I was right and sometimes DH was right and eventually we did figure it all out together.

    Having your mom leave is huge.  She is your mom and no one can replace her help and encouragement so it's normal that you are feeling out of sorts.  You can do this and you are doing a great job!  I felt very uncertain and worried being alone with DS when DH went back to work.  I worried about if something happened I wouldn't know what to do but as the days go on your confidence with it all will increase! 

    Oh and checking on DS when he slept.  I would touch his belly to make sure he was breathing and I got up several times during the night to make sure he was still okay in the basinet beside our bed.  All normal in my opinion.  You hear and read so much before they are born about SIDS and stuff that it takes a little adjusting to get comfortable. 
     
    I would call your pedi about the cord and pooping.  I pulled DS' cord off by mistake as well, it got snagged on something but now I don't even remember what. 

    Communicate with your husband, call your mom and have long phone conversations and know that we are here too!  Give yourself some time it's all new and it will take some time to adjust and figure out what works best for you and your DH.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    A dvr really worked wonders for my outlook in those first few months too. Nothing worse than having to get up at 4 am with a squalling baby, sit down in the comfy chair, and catch the final 5 minutes of a perfectly good Law & Order, and then have to sit through 40 minutes of hoverround commercials. I used to sing those stupid hoverround commercials to my daughter as lullabies. Stupid Tom Cruze. Or those diabolical JG Wentworth operas. I'd be shuffling around the house all national geographic style singing, "I have an angry baby and she needs milk NOW. Call Baby Wentworth, 877-MILKNOW." But once I could watch a decent show while nursing it became less of a chore. It was probably the last time I made it through an entire hour episode of a tv show, as a matter of fact.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver - I hope you feel better soon!  And I hope that hearing from all of us will help.

    You know, I suppose I did go through (am going through?) the baby blues.  It didn't even occur to me to call it that because to me it makes perfect sense that we'd be so tired and frustrated and hormonal!!

    DD's cord also bled - for like a week before it fell off and a couple days after.  It freaked me out and I called the pedi's office twice, but she was fine.  Hopefully your DD is fine as well - does it look irritated or oozy?

    Around 3 weeks (I think), DD went from pooping like 8 times a day to once - if at all.  You should definitely check with your doctor, but mine told me not to worry unless she went 5 days.  So far she has gone almost 3 days once.

    I agree with whomever said BFing got easier around 3 weeks.  Something just clicked and suddenly I didn't feel chained to the couch against my will or frantic to get something done in my hour break.  And the breaks got longer, so that helped!  Keep your chin up!!

    As for DH... I was very frustrated and emotional for a while and DH didn't seem to relate completely.  There were times when I just wanted the baby to stop crying or eat soooo badly and DH would look at me like, Why are you so upset??  or Why are you angry??  Of course I wasn't angry with my baby, but DH wasn't the one getting up every 2 hours in the middle of the night.  He was/is super helpful, but it's still not the same.  He also has a very optimistic idea that we will never have to purchase formula... And yet he was the one to push pumping and even now he will suggest a bottle if she is the slightest bit fussy at feeding time. I balled my eyes out for a couple of days after pumping because it felt like quitting, but hey no baby wants to suck on bloody nipples.  It's very frustrating that he a) assumes I can BF for the long haul and b) suggests things that to me feel like giving up. I know these aren't the same as your issues, but we got through it and I know you will too!!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver - just wanted to expressed my empathy!  I thought the first 6 weeks were awful.  I had a cranky pants (not colicky thank God) and a sick baby (hospitalized for 14 days of the first month).  I cried every night for the first 10 days.  I couldn't eat (good for weight loss but bad for feeling terrible).  I would have terrible anxiety about breastfeeding and even sleeping b/c I knew I was going to get woken up quickly.  We definitely argued more.   I remember one day thinking "What have I done??"  I also remember wanting to run away.  I kept focusing on 7-8 weeks when I knew that crankiness would improve and her sleep would improve.  And I am happy to say they both did. 

    I really think this time is very difficult for a lot of us.  I think it is important to talk about and one cannot underestimate the storm from the hormones. 

    I think if you can see that the light is ahead and know that this is temporary great.  But, if you feel that you need help now, I would not hesitate to make an appt with the doctor.

    Hugs to you!

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver, you don't have to be in "full blown" PPD and completely debilitated (or worse!) to seek a little help "snapping out of this."  Baby blues has a range of severity of symptoms, and just because you can function and feel your symptoms are on the less severe side, it doesn't mean you are disqualified from or aren't deserving of therapy or other treatments for PPD.  No professional would question your wanting a little help getting through this and we can all build up our coping strategies now and again even for no particular reason other thanfor wanting to improve our lives and relationships. 

    I'm not suggesting you need it, per se, just saying you won't be looked down on or questioned if you decide you might benefit from therapy even if your case is mild.  In fact, therapy with no additional treatment, is shown to help the MOST for mild cases.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    i'll sixth the baby blues.  i think you and DH will eventually find a way to communicate without taking everything personally/as a criticism - you're in such a new and stressful (and sleep-deprived) situation, both of you, that it's really hard to get along without a rough patch.  and i hated BF-ing and felt a zillion times better and more like myself when i finally quit.  there, i said it!  :)  know that you are NOT alone.  hang in there - it will all get better. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Micromom. Show Micromom's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    You are TOTALLY NORMAL!  Sleep deprivation, worry for your little one, hormonal changes, it's like a perfect recipe for emotional breakdown. 

    Being pregnant, having a baby, then caring for that baby (especially during the first high maintenance weeks) is really intense.  After the first few weeks of post natal high and extra help, it makes perfect sense for you to have a little crash.  Hang in there!

    All new moms go through it, but it seems like very few talk about it.  I felt like a failure when I wasn't "blissful" every minute.  I absolutely adore my kids, but I was surprised at how hard it was, especially early on. It definitely gets better.  Don't be afraid to ask for help, or accept it when people offer.  And take some time for yourself.  It's amazing what even an hour out of the house alone or a mini date with your mate will do for your spirits.

    Also, it's OK to take a hybrid nursing/formula approach, or even switch to formula all together.  I had supply issues with my first and I cried and cried over it, but when we finally switched to formula we were ALL so much happier.  He was happily drinking milkshakes, my husband was glad to be more involved, and I was a happier and therefore better mommy.  I know it can be a controversial topic, and I respect everyone's personal decisions, but just do what works best for you and your family.  Your little one will be fine no matter what you choose.

    My friends swear by their mothers groups.  They said it was just great to be with other mommies, going through the same thing, to talk to people who understand and not be critical, and maybe have some helpful tips. So maybe give that a try?

    We put so much pressure on ourselves to be "perfect" moms.  The most important thing is the happiness and health of your family, that can be achieved in a lot of different ways.  You'll find your way and get in a groove sooner than you think.  Good luck!



     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Please be easy on yourself! Nobody understand what a new mom is going through than other new moms! Even older mothers forget the "fun" of the first few months/years. But you certainly are not alone!

    I give my DH explicit instructions when I'm pregnant and just after giving birth-if he finds me in tears just to give me a hug and say he's sorry. Don't fix me, just hug me. He quickly learned this was the best approach. Who doesn't feel better after a good hug and someone saying sorry? Tonight give those directions to DH.

    My DH was a strong BF supporter, and didn't understand the struggle I went through. It's painful, exhausting, and for the longest time you feel as though you just aren't doing it right. I had serious supply issues and while DH thought he was being encouraging it was actually more hurtful. If he had just given me a hug and said "I'm sorry" I would have felt better. :)

    I've told other close friends, be explicit in your expectations of people-it took me a while to do this. But when people come to visit, tell them exactly what you need. A good friend won't mind loading the dishwasher, or getting their own drink. Or snuggling with the baby while you take a shower/nap. I had to tell my own family I was no longer there to wait on them when they came to my house. But I didn't get to this point until much later! DS was about 22 mo when my father was in the hospital, DS was freaking out for some reason, I had just fed my sister and mother and everyone sat around the table while I cleaned and dealt with DS's melt down. I lost it! And it was the best thing I could have done! now every time they come over they help me! Now it's to the point that I have to stop them from doing my dishes (I rarely stop them ;)) One girl friend had family staying with her to help out-and she was the one making coffee, tending to the crying baby, cleaning up. My advice to her was to just simply give people tasks.

    Stop being a hero! You can't do it all! And don't think people don't want to help you, but they just don't know how!

    Take it easy on yourself. Your DD loves you and you're doing the best you can do and she loves you for that. Also, be easy on your DH. Don't expect anyone to be a mind reader. Simple rules that apply to all situations are good.

    Maternity leave is the hardest time! you're healing, you're exhausted, you're dealing with crazy hormones, an infant you're trying to meet all demands for, entertain and enjoy. You're giving every ounce of yourself for this little person, who loves you, but honestly just sits there and stares at you. It get's sooo much better once your DD really smiles at you, and giggles with you, and really interacts. I promise you it gets better!

    Oh, and BF babies can go a week without a BM. And my mother tore my cord off just days after taking me home from the hospital-and my belly button looks just fine. :)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    In Response to Re: Baby Blues:
    Don't fix me, just hug me. He quickly learned this was the best approach. Who doesn't feel better after a good hug and someone saying sorry? Tonight give those directions to DH.
    Posted by KAM2007



    This is excellent advice and should be written into the marriage vows.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver, I am sorry you are going through this, I am sure it was not something you expected!

    I remember when I went to my two week and my six week appointments, my midwife gave me a survey (everyone gets a survey) to see what range you are on the blues scale. EVERYONE is on the range somewhere. And FWIW, she told me those that have the blues are generally pretty great milk producers.

    :) Hugs, I'm going through a little PPD myself and I really feel for you. It's normal, you will get through it with all this great advice (above).
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ek16. Show ek16's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    I don't post too often, but saw this and really wanted to respond.  I totally had the baby blues- I remember telling myself that I wanted to make sure all of my friends knew this happened and it wasn't just them if they went through... because when I was going through it I felt like something was really wrong with me!  All you hear is about how wonderful it is, how there is this instant bond- and it is wonderful and there is a bond, but it is so hard and so emotional!  I think when woman talk about how wonderful everything was, they are forgetting how hard those first few weeks are!

    I had an April baby too (he just turned one!), what really helped me was just getting out of the house and feeling normal again.  I would go to stores that were convenient for moms with babies, like those that have mom rooms, BRU, Nordstrom.  Also- if you can find a group- I am not sure where you are located, but Winchester Hospital runs an outpatient lactation support group every Wednesday.  Its actually in Woburn- you can find the info on their website.  But it was a great place to meet people and if you are having any issues with BF you can have your questions answered and its free!  Janice, who runs it is awesome! 

    I hope that helps, it does get easier!  But don't be embarrassed, we were all there!  I just found out I am pregnant again (big surprise!) and it was one of the first things that came to my mind was dealing with the baby blues again- I am due in December, so getting out of the house won't be as easy as it was the first time around....
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Hang in there Silver!
    Breastfeeding is hard - I couldn't do it with my twins and had terrible guilt and tears about it. Hormones are going crazy and adjusting to life with baby is hard.  Sleep deprived people get cranky.  It's a huge life change.  My DH even went through a "you don't have much time for me" phase (are you kidding me???).
    It gets better - it gets easier and it gets more fun.  You're the mommy and whatever you choose to do is the right thing for your LO.  Call the pedi if you have questions - even in the middle of the night (I did!).
    Cry if you want to - it's okay. I criedn every day for lord knows how long.  Ask for help from friends and family.  I was so grateful for meals my friends brought over.  Even premade stuff from the grocery store was delicious!
    Once baby can take a bottle of pumped milk - go out and get your hair and or nails done - or go shopping.  A little "me" time is good for you!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Silver - by now you know you are absolutely not alone!  All of the things you said rang a very familiar bell for me as well.  There are two things that always, always "saved" me during those hard early times:

    1. getting as much sleep as possible
    2. joining a mommy/baby group

    The more tired I was, the more easily upset I could get, and the more I worried about everything.  Sleep really is the magic cure for so many things during this first year of parenthood.  If I was rested (even after a short nap) I felt much more like I could handle motherhood.

    Joining a mommy/baby group at the Isis Parenting down the street was a LIFESAVER for me.  It forced me out of the house, thereby teaching me that I could get DD and myself out, by myself, successfully. And having the chance to sit in a room with other first time moms was INVALUABLE.  I strongly recommend something like this, or like a breastfeeding support group as others have mentioned.

    I will say this, which some may argue with, I did not find that going out of the house by myself in those early days was helpful to me.  I would go out and immediately feel lost and aimless.  I did much better going out with friends (especially other parents).  Or going out with DD.

    Like KT, I had a few complete breakdown moments with DH (KT - I may be taking liberties comparing your "pour your heart out" sessions to my breakdowns, LOL) and as much as that's not necessarily desireable, it did make him realize how much pressure I was putting myself under, and he became more sensitive.  Your DH is no doubt also having fears of inadequacy as a parent, and when the two of you don't know what you're doing (or don't *feel* like you know what you're doing) and you're both flailing a bit, it can be hard to lean on each other.

    This might sound dumb, but DH and I started watching TV together and it would be our nightly ritual.  Do you have Netflix or On Demand?  We'd pick a series that we could watch from Season 1 and watch it together every night.  I think it was Dexter and Weeds in those early baby days.  It was a non-baby link that we could share, as silly as that might sound.

    Good luck - it's totally normal, what you're feeling, but knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any easier!

    ETA: just wanted to add that I know that "get as much sleep as possible" probably DOESN'T seem possible.  I just mean, really try to take the advice of "sleep when baby sleeps".  I found even if I got 20 minutes of sleep/rest, I would feel more able to deal with the day.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    In Response to Re: Baby Blues:
    A dvr really worked wonders for my outlook in those first few months too.
    Posted by lemonmelon


    Ditto, ditto, ditto.  This actually became my "alone time" (even with DD attached to my breast).  I got to watch all of my Masterpiece Classic/Theaters, which DH won't watch. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Ha Lemon you're right it should be written into vows!

    DH had trouble with this at first since he wasn't to "blame" for my crying so therefore shouldn't say he's sorry. Then I explained it to him this way "are you sorry to see my cry for no reason?" Saying sorry when you find me in a heap of tears doesn't mean you're accepting responsibility for anything, just a "gee, I'm really sorry you're going through this." He got it!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Kam, I tried it out on my husband last night! He came home all worn out from work and instead of being all, "Well I had a b*tch of a day too, so stop yer complaining and cook me dinner!" I just said, "Oh honey, I'm sorry. You work so hard" and gave him a hug. He hugged me back and thanked me for being so understanding, and then he jumped right into chores without being prodded in any way. Do I owe you a $20 copay for the marital counseling?
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    so much good advice here already!  I totally agree on the new mom/BF group, especially with your first baby. 

    My advice wrt DH is to think of it this way:  He's never done this before either, and he may be feeling just as lost as you are.  If you need him to do something, ask, and be specific.  It seems obvious, but I know I didn't at first!  Since you're BF, as others have mentioned, there is so much of your day where you can't do anything else.

    BF can be hard, lonely and exhausting, at first.  If DH wants to support you, he needs to understand that.  I also really liked that my DH was willing to support my decision either way - he never pushed me one way or the other, but he listened to me trying to sort it out and was content with whatever I decided.  Yes, I am thankful :)
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    LOL Lemon glad it worked for you! As for my fee, we can barter! I'll give advice to anyone who cleans floors!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Poppy - Meltdown/breakthrough were a better way to say it than pour my heart out!

    I also agree with DVR and watching tv together - That has become a date for us - Order dinner and watch a bunch of shows or a movie. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Probably you already know this stuff and have had these facinating, seriously magical thin boxes for awhile, but our rear projection broke a couple of months ago so I just learned that the new TVs have WiFi capability so you can stream directly from Netflix (and other sites) to the TV if you get a receiver (or not if the TV comes with one - ours didn't) - it looks like a USB thumb drive, but a little bigger, and sticks into the side of the TV.  We got a Sony Brevia, and, finally, I'm addicted to "Lost" with DH.  We watched the first 11 episodes of Season 1 on Saturday.  Watched so long Netflix timed out and stopped playing - we thought it was broken, lol.  Not sure if it would completely replace a DVR, but it might.  DH says that he knows techies at his job that use the capability to avoid needing a cable service altogether, but I'm not that savvy with it yet.

    So, yeah, a new TV might not be necessary, but the (relatively) new technology is pretty amazing at this point.  We've definitely moved beyond just a nice, crisp flatscreen picture.  It's awesome.
     
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