Baby Blues

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Ladies, thank you so much. I haven't even had a chance to read all of your responses but I can say I feel so much better already just knowing that I'm not alone in this. It was definitely therapeutic to just get it OUT and admit that I was not feeling complete euphoria that I expected. 

    The last few days have been much improved - I think DH realized that I needed his support emotionally before I needed help with the baby and he has been so great and patient with me since I had a complete meltdown. He made me go out for a drink the other night too, his mother babysat for a couple of hours, and while it did feel strange it felt good to get out. We're still working on the nighttime routine but I am just focusing on that 7-8 week mark... ;-)

    Her cord was NOT infected, and she's gaining around an ounce a day, and pooping like a champ. Having the pedi tell me that I'm also not doing anything wrong made me feel good, too. Sometimes you just need LOTS of people to tell you you're normal to make you feel somewhat normal...

    We also found the credit card. It was in DH's computer bag. We both totally looked there, and I suspected he had it all along...so part of my sanity has been restored purely for the fact that he is STILL more scatterbrained than I am. ;-)

    I hope the next few weeks continue in the upward direction, I'm sure I'll have moments, but I am so grateful to have you ladies to lean on. 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    So glad you're feeling better Silver!!  The first few weeks are SUCH a roller coaster, but for me they steadily got better.
    I still feel a little nutty sometimes, of course.  The other night, DH made dinner while I was BFing and then encouraged me to eat while he cared for baby.  I was so grateful... but 2 hours later I was overly p!ssed off when he fell asleep with the remote in his hand while I was BFing at 9:00.  So unfair that he gets to pass out when he wants to!  (Not to mention I was stuck watching some random hockey game when the DVR stopped playing.  Grrrr!)

    Something that helped me with BFing was setting up a permanent spot with everything I need in arm's reach.  I don't really like the glider, so I needed to figure out what worked.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonslp. Show bostonslp's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    I have been reading the responses to this since Silver posted, but wasn't sure what to say.  Silver I'm glad you did post because there is so much support out there and it's hard to know that you are not alone at 3 am when the baby is crying and you've only slept 1 hour and you know you'll be up again in 45 minutes! 
    I am in the same position as you - DS is 3.5 weeks now and we have good and bad days/nights.  The first week was terrible and then got better but the past few days were bad again which I think were directly related to getting very little sleep. 

    I have a group of friends who all recently had babies and it's so therapeutic to talk to them, just to know we are going through the same things.  I guess no one can prepare you for how difficult BFing is and how little sleep you will get.  And some days it feels like everyone has it all figured out and you are still struggling.  I am still struggling to get to a support group - it's just hard to get out of the house when you are feeling down, even though you know it will be helpful.

    As for DH, I was surprised at how his support has decreased.  All through the pregnancy, delivery and the first week, he was supportive, and now it seems like he doesn't understand why the house is not cleaned with dinner on the table since I am home all day.  THAT is super frustrating and we have fought a lot about it.  I have even lost it a few times and stormed out of the house just to get away from it all.  He just doesn't seem to understand, but is getting better.  Yesterday I took DS to the Dr b/c he was not sleeping and had a lot of gas.  Just going in and seeing that he is gaining weight and having the NP tell me that I am doing the right thing was helpful.  She also said dad should be making dinner :)  I wish she wrote that on a script!  your DH was so good to get you out of the house...sometimes that's all you need is an hour away.

    I think the hardest thing for me, is accepting this new life.  I love my DS and we are having a lot of fun together (on our good days) but I miss my time with DH and sleeping in and my old body and cooking dinner ( yes i do enjoy that).  maybe i'm a bad mom for saying it, but i'm mourning my old life and that on top of all the other changes is really hard.   so silver, you're not alone at all.  i think the best thing is to take it one feeding at a time :)  you're doing great!!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    I'm surprised to hear about all these husbands who want clean houses. I don't think my husband would care if I  never cleaned the house again. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even notice.

    I'm not saying that he's awesomer than other husbands in that regard, I'm just saying that he has a really high tolerance for filth. I assumed it was a secondary gender characteristic for all males.

    Although if he did complain about the house being messy I would tell him to clean it.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Lemon, I'm with you.  My DH doesn't care at all about a clean house which is mainly why he doesn't clean - not because he thinks it's a womans job or anything like that.  I did finally get to vacuum on Monday. DH was out with DD when I got home and I had 2 hours with no one in the house!  I think I vacuumed up a 3rd cat and I feel so much better.  Better than if I had taken a nap during those 2 hours.  Ahhh... it's the little things in life :)

    Glad you're feeling better Silver!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    I've got my husband trained to clean up after dinner while I put our daughter to bed, but it took some doing and he really isn't capable of improvising according to need. Like, he knows to spray down the stove top and wipe it with a sponge, but if something splashes onto the wall he won't clean it because he doesn't see it. Even if it's a giant spaghetti sauce splotch or something. And the cat has to be in the act of vomiting loudly on the rug directly in front of him for him to see that there is cat vomit on the rug. He's a great husband in other ways, but his cleaning skills are on par with my cooking skills. He is equally mystified by my ability to ruin simple meals (like spaghetti, for instance) so I'm not saying that I'm awesome and he stinks.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    SLP - I can empathize with mourning your old life.  It's challenging to accept this completely new reality!

    Lemon - My DH definitely couldn't care less if the place is clean!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Your old life will return to a certain extent, but you have to force yourself to do things because it's always a choice between sleep and something else.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Boston- I really found the first 6 weeks not very enjoyable but it gets so much better as the sleep gets better IMO.  At 4 months I was no longer sleep deprived and found that has DD became very happy and predictable, life got so much better.  I still miss some parts of my old life like spending time on the golf course with my husband but it feels so much better as DD has gotten older, very interactive and super fun now.

    Talk about bad mother - my life also got better going back to work.  I work 4 days and having that adult time turned out to be very important to me. I like Mondays more than I ever have before because work is just a different kind of energy then being at home.

    My work partner says the cleaning thing comes down to particle size.  Men just can see the smaller particles of dirt like we can.  She did an experiment at home and found they have to be quite large for him to notice. 

    Boston the first time you husband is alone with DS for a stretch, I think he will understand how hard it is get things done.  My husband was (and at times still is) paralyzed when taking care of DD.  He did not understand how I got anything done!  All my big plans for maternity leave were out the window.  There was no working out, house products.  It is survival mode baby! 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    LOL particle size, I love it!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    To those with the really young babies --
    I remember about that time when my husband had gone back to work but I was home, and the baby would be up and down all evening.
    I remember thinking the first day, "oh my god, we're never going to have dinner together again.  We're never going to watch a TV show.  We're never going to talk about our day."
    But we do.  I felt like our life, which I had loved, had been blown to smithereens.  I guess it has, in a way, but it's SO different than those first 3 months.  She started going to bed and actually sleeping for the whole evening, and we started having dinner together (even though it's takeout or frozen), and some of what I thought was lost forever is back.
    It changes fast.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    In Response to Re: Baby Blues:
    [QUOTE]I've got my husband trained to clean up after dinner while I put our daughter to bed, but it took some doing and he really isn't capable of improvising according to need. Like, he knows to spray down the stove top and wipe it with a sponge, but if something splashes onto the wall he won't clean it because he doesn't see it. Even if it's a giant spaghetti sauce splotch or something. And the cat has to be in the act of vomiting loudly on the rug directly in front of him for him to see that there is cat vomit on the rug. He's a great husband in other ways, but his cleaning skills are on par with my cooking skills. He is equally mystified by my ability to ruin simple meals (like spaghetti, for instance) so I'm not saying that I'm awesome and he stinks.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    I think we have the same husband.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    In Response to Re: Baby Blues:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Blues : I think we have the same husband.
    Posted by poppy609[/QUOTE]


    I used to get mad about it (his lack of interest in cleaning -- not sharing him with you) but after 10 years I realized that he was never going to change, so I just picked a few really detestable tasks (car maintenance, garbage and recycling, cooking) and assigned them to him and I do everything else.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonslp. Show bostonslp's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    it's not that DH is so interested in a clean house, I think it's more, "I can't believe you were in the house all day and nothing looks different."  He sounds exactly like the husbands you mentioned above. 

    luckinlife - funny that you wrote what you did.  A few nights after I posted that, I went out (a glamorous trip to the supermarket!) for a full 45 minutes.  I just needed to get out of the house.  This was during a stretch of time when DS was cluster feeding at night (every hour from 6-10 for a few nights in a row). I fed DS and left DH with a bottle.  After I had been gone for 30 minutes, DH was texting about how fussy he was (ie: get home asap).  That night, before DH went to bed, he said to me, "If DS is screaming like this all night, wake me up so you can have a break."  He was starting to get it!  Since then he has been way more understanding and I try to go out here and there so that he remembers ;)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    In Response to Re: Baby Blues:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Blues : I used to get mad about it (his lack of interest in cleaning -- not sharing him with you) but after 10 years I realized that he was never going to change, so I just picked a few really detestable tasks (car maintenance, garbage and recycling, cooking) and assigned them to him and I do everything else.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    That's a good plan.  We do something similar, but I think I need to task him more stuff.  Once a week garbage and occasional heavy lifting is not really cutting it from my perspective.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonslp. Show bostonslp's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    In Response to Re: Baby Blues:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Blues : That's a good plan.  We do something similar, but I think I need to task him more stuff.  Once a week garbage and occasional heavy lifting is not really cutting it from my perspective.
    Posted by poppy609[/QUOTE]

    We have a similar system too, plus he does all the outside work (gardening, shoveling, etc) but, especially now that baby is here it doesn't cut it at all.  The thing that gets me is that he can clearly see when something needs to be done, but still needs to be asked/told.  The "clean" light on the dishwasher is on and there's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.....guess what, time to empty the dishwasher. But no, I have to tell him to do it.  And then he does do it.  but WHY do I have to be the one to tell him?  That's the kind of thing that drives me crazy!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from JKFDais15. Show JKFDais15's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    it's nice reading this..  My DS is 11.5 weeks.. things have definitely gotten SOOOO much better than the first 6 weeks BUT i do mourn my old life.. as luck said, I miss going and playing golf with my husband on a weekend or going out to dinner just us or going for a run or signing up for a road race together where both of us can run.  We tried taking DS with us for the first time a week and a half ago for dinner.  It went pretty good.. he slept most of it and woke up toward the end.  I ended up taking him out while DH payed the check.. it was rushed but a first we had to try!  I do miss just lingering for a couple hours over wine and talking though.  :-(  We also took a long walk/jog over last weekend together with DS.  we have a jogging stroller and don't want to run with him till he is older but we have the carseat attachment and a slow jog with the front wheel locked looks ok and stable..  Granted I can't run these days, it's like starting over but a walk/jog was ok and felt great to be back out there.  We were both in golf leagues the last few years.. well my DH's league already started back up so not only does he work all week, then he golfs on Friday nights too; it can be frustrating but i know it's part of getting back to a somewhat normal life so I decided to do my league again this year too - however I'm going to only do every other week and it doesn't start till May.  That way it's one night every other week away from my DS for my husband to do the getting ready for bed ritual.  I'll miss him but need to do this for myself.  This is my last week of maternity leave and a part of me is looking forward to going back to work but a part of me is dreading it too.  I'm planning to work from home 1 day/week so that will be nice but as many of you said my DH will really learn what it's like now since he's going to be home with him 1 day a week every week and 4 days a week come the summer since he's a professor and has the time off.  The most I've left them alone together was just last week for a hair appt.. 3 hours!  they did great though.. he took him to a golf course and practiced putting while DS slept in his stroller the whole time.. haha!  but they took a nice walk before too which is what got him to sleep.  So i think it does get better is what i'm trying to say, BUT I think a part of you will always miss your old life but maybe it will get even better!  these posts make me think that way so here's hoping!! 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from JKFDais15. Show JKFDais15's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Oh and to do the cleaning, we've been doing it together Saturday mornings when DS is still sleeping or when he is down for his first nap.. with both of us doing it at the same time, it goes pretty quick.. and if he wakes, we continue to do it especially the vaccuuming as he seems to like that noise a lot!  But the first 6 weeks the house was a disaster.. it's now back to normal (for the most part.. a new definition of normal). 

    I still do most of the cooking although my DH will do it too sometimes, but I will usually do it right when DH gets home and takes DS.. it's their time to play together and he's missed him all day so it works out ok.  I like the time to make dinner myself :-)  but we've mastered eating one handed or with a baby bjorn on us or some kind of prop/chair in the room with us..  I do miss the dinner hour alone chatting.  we've actually gotten him down twice in the last 11 weeks where we did eat solo!  late but solo!  :-) 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    I think that men are truly wired to have to be told to clean.  I just read in Shape this month that 70% of bachelor's coffee tables have fecal matter on them.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Kar - I am not sure if you really read that (or just kidding with us) but you made me laugh out loud!  Thank you!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    I don't think she's kidding.
    How did the fecal matter get onto the coffee table in the first place?
    Never mind, I don't want to know.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonslp. Show bostonslp's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    Jan - I appreciate your post, it gives me hope!  I can see that things are "better" already.  I have found that a huge part is just changing my expectation.  I will not sleep through the night, I will not be able to meet up for dinner unexpectadly, etc.  But I do have this amazing miricle, so I guess it's a small price to pay.  And it was really hard for me to appreciate this miricle when I was up every hour at night feeding. All I could think was poor me, my life is over.  It's just nice knowing I'm not the only one who felt that way!
    Can you tell today is a good day??  thank goodness for this beautiful weather!


    Silver - how are you feeling??
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    re: fecal matter, the other day I caught part of a horrible show called something like The Doctors when I was in the waiting room at, of course, the doctor's.  They were showing how there is fecal matter on a lot of stuff, and they basically said that where a lot of hands go, fecal matter goes as well.  Fun!

    re: baby blues, it recently occurred to me that things change so fast.  I was feeling wistful for impromptu dinners out, and then I thought, "well, it's not *never* again, it's just not right now".
    I know that is sometimes not reassuring enough, but sometimes it makes me feel better.

    I hope you are all well!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Baby Blues

    SLP - I found the same thing!  I was wearing myself out by trying to run to Babies R Us, etc.  When she was a few weeks old, I had to accept that I would be happier if I just stayed home and enjoyed her for a while.  Most things can wait!

    This might sound petty, but I actually mean for it to be a good thing... I think I'm going to start keeping track when DH does something around the house, etc.  Otherwise I am too hard on him.  There are ways he could step up, but he does do things.  Not to mention he works all day.  But once we're both working, we'll need to figure out a system for splitting up responsibilities.

    I've heard that most computer keyboards have fecal matter on them too. but have nothing to back that up.  Wonderful!
     

Share