Cranky kid - how best to respond

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Cranky kid - how best to respond

    So, I was just making some lunch for DD who is 21 months, wearing the also cranky DS in the baby wrap- bopping up and down and saying shhh to try to get him to sleep... DD is cranky - (we're on a mission to catch her up on some lost sleep...a toy is not going to entertain her at this point, nor are the 2 bunnies in the backyard that I was trying to get her to watch) and is going mom, mommy, mommy, mommy - over and over. Everytime I stop and ask her whats up she just looks at me. and wont tell me what she wants (or also cant tell me because she's ony 21 months)..I tell her I'm making her lunch and it'll be ready in a little bit as soon as I go back to getting things together the mommy mommy mommy bit starts up again. I pretty much had to yell shhh to her to get her to stop. So, do I ignore her....keep telling her lunch will be ready every 10 seconds... or is there some really smart parenting trick that I don't know of to be nice to her and not be driven insane? (obviously mommy benice is rather cranky too and not feeling very nice).
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    As long as she is in a safe place, ignore her.  She knows you're cranky too and is pushing your buttons.  At least, that's my take. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Have her help you make lunch, whatever that may entail - setting the table, "Mixing" the tuna, etc. I'm thinking she wants your attention and is using any means necessary to get it.  
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Can you involve her in singing a song?  For instance, my two like "If you're happy and you know it" and "The Wheels on the Bus."  It's fun for them to make the gestures/motions involved, and all you really have to do is sing and occasionally show her the "action" associated with what you're singing. 

    21 months is still pretty young, but is she able to "pretend" yet?  Like, if she has a toy kitchen, could you ask her to make YOU a sandwich (or some other food she likes).  Mine just turned two a month ago, and we got them some pretend food and pots and pans for their kitchen and showed them how to "pretend eat" it (they had it in their mouths almost instantaneously upon opening the package so we had to instruct them to put it on their cheeks instead) and they think it's great fun to bring it to me or DH to pretend eat (complete with "nom nom nom" side effects a la Cookie Monster) or pretend drink (slurping sounds).

    This one might be risky, but could you put her in her high chair with a piece of paper and a crayon?  The main issue with this one would be putting the crayon in her mouth and trying to eat it.  We have to watch DS and DD like a hawk still as far as that goes, but they're getting better.  They've discovered that crayons make a very satisfying sound when broken in half, so they're more-interested in doing that than eating them these days (sigh...).

    Otherwise, there's really no harm in letting her say "mommy" over and over, especially if she seems reasonably content otherwise.  My guess is that she's mostly just seeking acknowledgement esp. given her new sibling and that you aren't able to devote all of your attention to her anymore.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    woah, ml - how did you know I made tuna? :)

    DD is still a bit young to help make lunch, I'm thinking now I probably should have just stuck her in the high chair and given her some fruit first. Admittedly, I would normally let her watch tv in the highchair while I made lunch, but we watched too much today already, with the rain and since I dropped the ball about signing her up in time for her usual gym class on Thursdays. I spent most of the morning singing row, row your boat and chasing/tickling DD around the house while trying to soothe DS who, I suspect, wants me as his personal pacifier... my nerves were definitely shot by lunchtime.

    Oh, I look forward to the day where she'll actually draw with crayons - I've tried at home and ofcourse we get them whenever we go out to a restaurant - and it's never been good... she doesn't try to eat them - usually she'll throw them or draw on something other than the paper.

    Now I actually have them both sleeping - both the mailman and the UPS guy came by to drop off and pick up a couple packages I needed to return - and now there is a tree service truck outside .........don't you dare.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    This happened with DD when DS was born and we are still going through it, especially on rainy days.  I try and get her to focus on something else or participate in what I am doing.  For instance if I am feeding DS or something that she can't help with I try and get her to do a puzzle or something that she can focus on.  If I am doing something like laundry or making dinner I let her help, most times she is pretty good at helping.

    On days/moments where those do not work I will tell her nice and sternly "Mommy said I am making lunch" and or whatever I am doing and tell her to go play or read a book, etc.  If she does not do that and keeps going I ignore it.

    I know that DD wants my attention but its not always possible to have it all the time.  Another thing I have been doing (DD is older though, 26 months) is working on expressions.  I tell her how happy it makes me when she does "X".  So if she listens and goes and reads a book while I am doing whatever, I tell her after how happy she made me that she listened and read her book.  She loves it, she loves to hear that someone is happy and loves doing expressions. I'll put on a HUGE smile for her when I tell her it made me happy and she'll giggle away and it will even change her mood.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    In Response to Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond:
    [QUOTE] On days/moments where those do not work I will tell her nice and sternly "Mommy said I am making lunch" and or whatever I am doing and tell her to go play or read a book, etc.  If she does not do that and keeps going I ignore it. I know that DD wants my attention but its not always possible to have it all the time.  Another thing I have been doing (DD is older though, 26 months) is working on expressions.  I tell her how happy it makes me when she does "X".  So if she listens and goes and reads a book while I am doing whatever, I tell her after how happy she made me that she listened and read her book.  She loves it, she loves to hear that someone is happy and loves doing expressions. I'll put on a HUGE smile for her when I tell her it made me happy and she'll giggle away and it will even change her mood.
    Posted by KT75[/QUOTE]

    Good advice! We have a baby faces book that we read that has happy, sad etc and we've read it enough times that she makes the sad face before I even get a chance to. I'll have to try that, thanks!

    DD is just starting to play on her own a little bit here and there - I'm definitely looking forward to her gaining some more independence in that area. She gets bored with her current toys/books/puzzles too easily and if we can't leave the house I know the day isn't going to be fun.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    It's hard, hard, hard.  Especially on a rainy day.  Sometimes I know I just have to put down what I'm doing and sit with my two for a few minutes and do what they want.  Then I can get back to making lunch etc.  Sometimes I turn on the Elmo's World DVD.  I realize you said you'd had too much tv already, but I might have gone for 10 minutes more to get lunch on the table.
    Sometimes I hand over a snack cup with 5 or 6 goldfish or teddy grahams to stem the tide while I finish making lunch.
    We're not ready for unsupervised crayons yet either (23 months).
    And sometimes I have to let them whine for 5 minutes while I finish what I'm doing.  I sing songs which seems to help.  They love "Favorite Things" from Sound of Music - also "Doe a Deer".  And "Loverly" from My Fair Lady.  And songs from Mary Poppins - Supercallafra...etc. Fly a Kite and Love to Laugh are all good choices.
    And we sing "One More Minute, one more minute, one more minute and then we'll be all done." to the tune of Goodnight ladies.  I use it when it's time to stop playing something too.
    Good luck!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    In Response to Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond:
    [QUOTE]DD is still a bit young to help make lunch
    Posted by beniceboston[/QUOTE]
    Do you have a salad spinner? My daughter has been "helping" make dinner with the salad spinner for ages. You don't even have to put salad in it.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    As you know, I'm still childless, but I'm thinking that if you cannot distract her with a salad spinner (fun for all ages!) and you know she's OK that the worst thing you can do is give her attention every 10 seconds for her whining.  It will just reenforce that whining (for no legitimate reason) works to get you riled up.  I suggest just letting her say "mommy" until she tires of it because it doesn't pay off with even as much as a glance (that she notices, anyway).
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Oh Benice - I have one more trick.  I pack up some of the toys every once in a while and put them away.  Then every 3 or 4 weeks or so I switch them back out with other toys.  It's like having new toys and books all over again.  I use a big plastic bin.  Ususally I do the switch during the evening after my twins go to bed (like Santa) but the other day I just got the box out and let them dive in - they had a blast.
    Anyway - its a great way to stretch your toys a bit.
    And a tupperware bowl and plastic spatula have become new favorites along with empty smoothie bottles so they can pretend to cook with mommy.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Have you seen this article?
    http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/06/17/6883577-whining-is-the-worst-sound-in-the-world-study-confirms
    lol
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    In Response to Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond:
    [QUOTE]As you know, I'm still childless, but I'm thinking that if you cannot distract her with a salad spinner (fun for all ages!) and you know she's OK that the worst thing you can do is give her attention every 10 seconds for her whining.  It will just reenforce that whining (for no legitimate reason) works to get you riled up.  I suggest just letting her say "mommy" until she tires of it because it doesn't pay off with even as much as a glance (that she notices, anyway).
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
    That's in my babycenter this week, actually! It's good advice but I have a lot of trouble following it. The whining is SO annoying. I would do almost anything to make it stop. I guess just pretend it's a led zeppelin song or something. "Mama? Mama! Hey Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    In Response to Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond : That's in my babycenter this week, actually! It's good advice but I have a lot of trouble following it. The whining is SO annoying. I would do almost anything to make it stop. I guess just pretend it's a led zeppelin song or something. "Mama? Mama! Hey Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    I can imagine!  But, if you'll pardon the correlation, I did this with my dog, and her whines (even barks!) were pretty annoying, too...incessent and insistent.  Every time I'd go to the kitchen she'd follow and demand things.  I kept doing what I was doing without speaking to or looking at her (I didn't even tell her to "go lie down") even though it was quite a challenge to ignore her completely.  And, eventually, since it was never worth her while from an attention or food perspective, she stopped bothering to try, and now I enjoy peace and quiet during food prep time.  It was difficult, honestly, even if she is "just a dog," but it did pay off.  My mom swears my dog is "just like a 2 year old," so I hope I don't offend anyone with the correlation!  Please forgive my ignorant self if I did. :)

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Kar - I used to tell my sister that my dog was developmentally more advanced than her 1 1/2 year old - turns out that doesn't go over well.  You will be happy to know we talked about it on my recent vacation with the family and I stand by this assessment.  My dog is definitely more advanced than my DD.

    I also have a theory that if we as humans stuck by simple Pavlovian conditioning we would all be better off.  I.e. guy treats me badly - avoid guy.  Eating bad foods makes me fat and feel bad - avoid bad foods.  Somehow we have overcome this to our disadvantage!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    I can't tell exactly, but I honestly hope I wasn't offensive, and I didn't mean to imply my dog is more advanced than anyone's human!  Just that conditioning her to understand that whining doesn't work seemed similar enough to mention my success with ignoring it...  :)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    I'm not sure if you are responding to my post but I certainly was not offended! Dogs can comprehend so much, mine has a huge vocabulary and pees and poops in the right place.  Seems pretty good to me.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    If they want to stop being compared to dogs, they should stop acting like dogs.

    I also think about a story my friends who worked at the NE Aquarium told me: The staff noticed that fish were going missing from the tanks overnight. These were tanks without predators, so it was a real mystery. They installed a camera in the room and saw that at night the octopus was climbing the side of his tank, lifting the lid, climbing down the outside, creeping across the floor, climbing up the side of another tank, lifting that lid, eating a bunch of fish, climbing back out, replacing the lid, back across the floor, back into his own tank, replacing HIS lid, and then just hanging out like, "Nothing going on in here. Just counting my arms... dooo de doo dooo." That's when they realized that the octopus was bored. So now they try to keep him occupied.  They put his food in a series of puzzle boxes and he has to figure his way through them before he can eat. Stuff like that.

    So the lesson here is to keep the kid busy at all times, and not to eat octopi because they're smarter than humans.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    In Response to Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond:
    [QUOTE], "Nothing going on in here. Just counting my arms... dooo de doo dooo." [/QUOTE]

    ahahahaha.

    I was not offended by the dog comment either... the last time I had a kitten the little nugget meowed all the time for attention, after that I was ok with just getting a fully grown cat next time - it was exhausting.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Lemon - Did you hear the story on NPR about the gorillas getting out of their cages everynight at the zoo?   They couldn't figure out what happened.  Turned out one of them made a make-shift key out of some metal, unlocked a lock everynight and out they went.  Finally, after catching them after multiple break outs they found that the gorilla was hiding this piece of metal in his mouth so to not be caught.

    Yeah, DD hasn't figured that one out yet!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Luck - that sounds kind of like the book "Good Night Gorilla".
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Yay for not being offensive!  Thanks for the reassurance.  :) 

    I think if we're 100% consistent with ignoring whining it really does stop eventually - what creature of any species would keep repeating behavior that never works?  But, I know, it's VERY hard!  I found it easier to resist caving when I thought about how just one slip up of giving her attention of any kind as a response to whining would reinforce her drive and will to keep doing it.  
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Too funny Rysmom.  Perhaps it was autobiographical?
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Good night Gorilla -- exactly like that!!!
    The octopus story is hysterical and terrifying.  I'm going to keep a close eye on the baby if we take her anywhere the aquarium.

    I am really enjoying these excellent tips as we start to get closer to the stages of salad spinners and crayons.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cranky kid - how best to respond

    Fridge magnets is another good one for that age.
     

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