Cry it Out?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod18. Show capecod18's posts

    Cry it Out?

    I am curious to know when everyone's babies started to sleep (without waking up) through the night.  My 9 month old still gets up once a night for a bottle.  He seems legitimately hungry as he eats and goes right back to bed.  When did your little one drop the night feeding and should I consider the cry it out method?  I just hate to have him cry for hours on end if he is eventually going to drop the night feeding.

    As a side note:  I know that he can do it as he has slept through the night before.  He also goes to bed pretty early - around 6:45 but he wakes up around 5:30.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    If you're not comfortable with the CIO method, don't do it.  Other people have done it with great success, but it was not for my family.  My daughter really consistently started sleeping through the night at 18 months old, but before then she would wake up and immediately fall back asleep when one of us would either go to her to rub her back, or she would walk into our room and hop into bed with us and fall asleep there.  

    Not to say that your child will necessarily be like mine and not consistently sleep through the night without CIO, but I would try a million things else first like feeding him right before bed, giving him a white noise background, or just changing the temperature in his room.  Kids wake up at night for various reasons and we guessed for months as to what the right combination of nighttime things were.  Some nights it worked and she would sleep through no problem, and other nights she was up.  
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    capecod, my daughter was on a very similar schedule at 12 months when we finally sleep trained/night weaned her. I read the Ferber book -- really read it instead of just reading opinion pieces about it -- and found it very helpful not just in terms of sleep training (cry it out) but also in terms of sleep needs and schedules and circadian rhythms and the science of sleep. When I read about the "Ferber method," I realized that everything I'd heard about sleep training was wrong. On one popular AP board, the moderators -- who claimed to base all their assertions on "science" -- said that the baby stops crying because it's lost all hope you'll ever come back. In fact, you come back every five, ten, and then fifteen minutes -- for the entire night, if necessary. I did further research and found that there are, in fact, no studies linking cry-it-out to actual long-term damage. The studies often cited concern chronic neglect, as found in Eastern European orphanages, or are opinion papers that anecdotally link cry-it-out to those studies.

    Lostgrouse is right -- it's not for every parent or baby, but for us it was something that had to be done. Nobody was getting enough sleep. For me, the resulting exhaustion from night wakings meant that I didn't fully enjoy the time I had with my family (and that I wasn't as effective in my job). For my daughter, it meant that she was fussier, less hungry (she's very thin, so we're always trying to fatten her up), and less engaged (in children, chronic sleep deprivation can have a similar effect to lead exposure http://nymag.com/news/features/38951/index1.html). Also, my daughter had six teeth by that time, and her pediatrician warned that nursing to sleep and night nursing could cause cavities.

    For us, the process took just two nights. They were awful nights! But there were only two of them. Both times she cried at five, ten, fifteen, fifteen, and then ... silence. After that, with the exception of illness or some disruption in our schedules, she's slept right through. It isn't that easy for everyone, and sometimes the baby -- or the parent -- just isn't ready (my husband wasn't ready, and at one point I had to physically restrain him from rescuing her). And although the book makes sleep training sound like all-or-nothing, it hasn't been that way for us. Last night, for instance, she didn't want to go to bed, although (or maybe because) she was really exhausted. So when I put her in her crib she started to cry, and I walked out of the room, pictured her sad little face, came back, picked her up, and sang her a lullaby. After that she went right down.

    I know that not all of this relates to your situation, but I post it because it was all wrapped up in one crabby package for us, and it was such a big decision for our family (which makes my mom laugh, since she had five kids and no compunction about letting any of us cry). I'm sorry to go on and on.

    We never used a bottle, so I don't know if this advice is good or not, but my mom did say that when she wanted to night wean us she switched our formula to water and we were all, "well screw it, I'm not waking up for water," and the problem solved itself.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I hope my giant essay doesn't offend anyone. I know that sleep training is a personal -- and difficult -- decision every family makes for itself, and it's not right for every baby. I just wanted to share my own experience, for what it's worth, because I'd read a lot of stuff about the dangers of sleep training and how the baby would lose all trust in her parents and the world and it kept us from sleep training for a long time, which turned out to be, in our particular situation, a disservice to ourselves and our daughter.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    capecod--If you're looking for another book, I highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. My DH and I turned to it when DS was about 4 months old. We were having a horrible time getting him to sleep and nothing we did could soothe him. He'd end up falling asleep out of exhaustion after screaming and crying. We knew we were in a vicious cycle of him being overtired. We did a better job with daytime naps and we started putting him down for the night awake and letting him fuss, but we'd check in regularly like lemon said. Literally, it was only a few days and the crying got significantly shorter each night. He would often (and still does) start babbling as a way to self-soothe and help himself fall asleep. Looking back on it, we see that DS has an independent streak, so it makes sense that he needed his own space and opportunity to go to sleep. (He will not fall asleep on either of us ever. How I miss those snuggly newborn naps!) All this said, he still wakes up at least once/week or so if he's hungry. We know that if he fusses for longer than a minute or two that's he's hungry. So, we feed him and it's right back to sleep, no stimulation beyond the feeding, etc. Weissbluth did say at this age it's common for them to need more food and it's not necessarily a comfort feeding or habitual act. That's definitely true in our case--DS will usually wake up if he's a feeding short that day. The other thing is we know at this point is what's a tired cry and what's a pain or nightmare cry. We respond right away to the pain or nightmare cries.
    Good luck!!!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I would also like to reiterate Lemonmelon's thoughts that sleep training is totally a personal choice and hopefully nobody gets offended at anything that any of us say.  I was hoping to make sure that I didn't sound judgmental in the fact that CIO was just not for us.  It also helped that nobody in my family had any ill effects from sleep deprivation or anything like that as the night wakings were usually once a night and so brief that we barely even noticed them.  I.E. this morning at 5:30 my daughter ran over to our bed, I scooped her up and we all slept well for the next hour in bed.   
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    That was another thing that spurred us to sleep train -- our daughter wouldn't co-sleep. From about 6 months on, she would push us away and fuss until we put her into her own crib. She is big into snuggling, but not at all into sleeping snuggled up. So when she woke up at night, I couldn't scoop her into bed with us and go back to sleep. I had to make a big production of getting up and nursing, and that would kind of wake her up a little bit -- and certainly wake me up a lot -- and then we both had a really hard time getting back to sleep. So when I say "waking in the middle of the night" it was more like we were both waking up at 4 am and maybe taking a brief nap before waking up again at 6. Horrible.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I've tried a lot of things with my two and the Weissbluth book is fantastic.  I like that it's not judgmental about HOW you get your baby to sleep (co-sleeping or CIO).  I've never read Ferber, but I can say that when we started sleep training, we went in at prescribed, gradually longer times, didn't pick them up, rubber their backs, shooshed them, and the kids were P*SSED.  Rather than soothing them, our presence was aggravating them.  So, at 6 or 7 months, we did what I thought I'd NEVER do--extinction--this is when you simply let them cry and don't go in.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but both of them were waking up 2 or 3 times a night EACH, and not always at the same time, and DH and I were miserable and exhausted and barely able to function during the day after dealing with this for a couple of months.  They had started sleeping through the night around 15 weeks and that lasted exactly a week.  I went back to work at 16 weeks and all hell broke loose.  After the pediatrician assuring us for a couple months that I would do no long-term damage, and after trying everything else we could, we decided that we HAD TO do it.

    I will also tell you that everything you read, and probably your pediatrician, and most people you talk to will tell you that CIO (including extinction) will "only" take 3 or 4 nights.  For our kids, it took ELEVEN.  So, it PROBABLY will only be a few nights, but it may be longer.

    Now, at 11 months, my kids sleep pretty well most of the time.  They have never had a problem going down for naps and sleeping 1.5 - 2 hour stretches.  They have never had a problem GOING to bed at night.  The problem has always been the waking up after they're asleep at night.  It is unusual for my daughter to sleep through w/o any wake ups, but usually they're just episodes of 5 minutes or less where she fusses and cries and goes back to sleep.

    The other thing to keep in mind is that kids are likely to have sleep interruptions during teething or when a developmental milestone is coming up.  My daughter had night terrors before starting to crawl, and recently as she was gearing up to walk, she was waking up several times a night and SCREAMING.

    At this point, we've just decided to deal with each wake up as it comes.  If DS wakes up and cries for more than a couple minutes, we'll usually go to him b/c it's unusual for him to wake up.  If DD wakes up, we'll let her go longer b/c she often wakes up and often settles back down on her own.  If we know they're teething, we'll go in sooner if we know the tylenol or motrin is wearing off.  If they didn't eat a good dinner and/or didn't finish their before-bed bottle, we'll feed them if they wake up.  It's all judgement calls and knowing what's "normal" for each kid.

    So...sorry for the long post (when are my post ever NOT long?)...but do what you think is best for your child and your family and don't worry about what other people think.  There are as many ways of getting a baby to sleep as there are babies.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod18. Show capecod18's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Thanks guys for all the suggestions.  I may start with trying to give him a night time bottle before I go to bed and see if he sleep feeds later at night - if that will do the trick. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from am1028. Show am1028's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    My daughter didn't start consistently sleeping through the night until she was about 15 months old.  I believe this was mostly due to the fact that we had ear tubes placed at that time, prior to which she was getting a lot of ear infections which would wake her and then once she got better, it'd take a little time to get her back on track. 

    If your son is only waking once per night and all it takes is feeding him a bottle to get him back to sleep, I probably wouldn't try CIO.  I'd be more inclined to try other things first, but as everyone else already said, you have to decide what will work best for your family. Have you tried to feed him a little more right before bedtime?  Or to get him to eat a bit more at each feeding during the day.  I might go that route first.  I found, like Kiwigal, that when DD had nursed and/or eaten less during the day, she would wake up especially early because she was hungry. 

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Notanewbie. Show Notanewbie's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    My son was a bit like Daisy's kids.  The gradual approach advocated by most sleep training methods just really, really upset my DS.  He would get progressively more p1ssed whenever we went in or whenever we tried to soothe him.  So from the age of about 4 months to 9 months he co-slept with me and DH in our queen size bed (prior to 4 months old, I was blessed wqith a baby that slep through the night in his bassinet - all the trouble started when he outgrew it and refused to sleep in the pack n play.) We did try a Ferber-ish method around 6 months on our pedi's advice, but it didn't feel right to me so we held off doing anything until 9 months.  At that point DS was getting too big and too squirmy.  None of us were getting any sleep.  We did the CIO to extinction method that Daisy described.  We were a bit luckier though since it only took us a few nights (20 minutes the first night and 5-10 minutes on the following couple of nights).

    Good luck with whatever you decide.  For me, getting DS to sleep trhough the night was mostly about listening to my gut and doing what worked for us.  I was not willing to let him CIO more than 15-20 minutes so lucky for us that's all it took when we tried it at 9 months.  If it hadn't worked I would have scuked it up and tried again at 12 months old.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I definitely "tank up" my daughter before bed -- we have dinner, nurse, then brush teeth and read books. So she's nice and full. For her, waking at night was habit.

    Now it's habit for ME. She's been sleeping through for months but I still wake at 4 am every night.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from enjar. Show enjar's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Ours "slept through the night" (meaning 6-7 hours) at 12 weeks and 8 weeks.  We used the "dream feed" technique, giving them a bottle at about 10 PM without waking them up, just go in the room, feed em, put em back down.  Worked like a charm.  No crying it out needed.

    To get to that point, we "moved" the night feed back over a few days.  So say the night feed is at 2 AM, we moved it to 1 AM for a couple nights, then 12, then 11, then back to 10 and then eliminated it entirely.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from am1028. Show am1028's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Did anyone try the "dream feed" method with a BF child with any success.  I thought that was a great idea, but my DD wouldn't latch without my waking her up.  I have heard people have done it, and I'd like to try it again with baby #2.  Any tips?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I would imagine that a BF dream feed would either involve co-sleeping or some other more imaginative technique!  Never worked for us, but we did actually nurse in bed often when our daughter was older.  
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from am1028. Show am1028's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    We nursed in bed often as well, but it was always at her initiation.  That's why I can't figure out how the dream feed with nursing works,  since it is parent initiated, at a time of their choosing, not baby's.  Like I said, though, I have heard (can't remember where I read this) that people have had success doing it. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from enjar. Show enjar's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    We pumped and put the breastmilk in a bottle.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from am1028. Show am1028's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I could go that route, but I hate pumping with an incredible passion, so I probably wouldn't do it any more than absolutely necessary.  I did hear people who had success with the BFing dreamfeed though, just can't remember who these people were or where I heard of them.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod18. Show capecod18's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Ok so I tried the cry it out method this weekend.  I didn't think I was going to but I thought what the hell and started on Friday.  He woke up at 2 on Saturday morning and I let him cry for a bit thinking it was going to be a nightmare.  He cried for a total of 20 minutes and then went back to bed.  He slept through the night Saturday night and last night.  I should knock on wood but I think he is ready to drop that night feeding because both mornings where he slept through the night he wasn't ravenous to drink his bottle in the morning.  I realize now that when he got up at night I would come to his room with a bottle - most times before he even started crying (I have this weird thing going on where I wake up right when he wakes up before he starts crying).  I am crossing my fingers that this is going to work.  Cool
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Good luck, capecod! I also feel like I wake before my daughter cries -- I think she must make some preliminary peeps that my mom super-hearing picks up.

    Now you have to retrain yourself. We sleep trained about four months ago, and I still wake every morning at 4:30. Who trained who?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Kiwiguy. Show Kiwiguy's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Way to go Capecod.

    I found that once our little guy had managed to get through a couple of consecutive nights without waking, we realized that he really could do it. That put a whole new emphasis on him waking in the night. In other words, we were more tolerant to leaving him for 5 or 10 minutes to see if he would nod back off again, which he usually did very quickly. I also realized that previously we'd be up and in to sooth him at the slightest cry, so although he had been waking with a cry, we had in effect been keeping him awake by changing and feeding him.

    Our transition from a regular night feed to sleeping through was only a few nights, so hopefully you are well on the way to restful nights again!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    Capecod - sounds like your guy isn't waking up hungry in the middle of the night.  He's waking up because a night feeding has become a habit.  Once you stop feeding him, he may very well sleep through the night.
    We stopped the 2 am feedings at 4 months - pedi said it was okay and to go ahead and CIO.  It only took about 5 nights - and that was with twins.
    Mine have been having trouble napping recently and I've been using Ferber - I have Weissbluth too, but right now I'm happier being able to check on them.  Both books are excellent resources for sleep training.
    Good luck!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Txgrl82. Show Txgrl82's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    DD hasn't had a night feeding since about 3 months minus the occasional middle of the night wake up. She goes down anywhere between 8pm and 9pm and sleeps till about 6/7am.

    CIO worked for us. I didn't think I could do it at first and DH had a really tough time with it, but now he sees that it was the best decision for us. Now, there are nights that we walk into her room to put her down and she practically leaps into the bed! However, there are still those nights where she wants to party, and we have to let her cry for a bit, usually about 5-10 minutes and she's done.

    What works for us is a bedtime routine: dinner at 7/7:30, tubby/change into jammies, play/read for about 1/2 hour then a bottle/BF. 

    As others have said, you just have to figure out what will work for you. Good luck!! 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod18. Show capecod18's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    I am happy to report that besides last Friday when I did the cry it out, DS has now slept through the night 4 nights in a row.  I guess he really was ready since it only took one night not to go into the room when he woke up to get him to sleep through the night.  I also have noticed what a good mood he has been in when I come to get him when he wakes at 5:30.  He is rearing to go.  Thanks everyone for the advice.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that he continues on this path.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Txgrl82. Show Txgrl82's posts

    Re: Cry it Out?

    YAY!!! Congrats!!!
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share