Discipline between ages 1 and 2

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Hi All,

    My DD is nearing 15 months and starting to need some discipline.  She's a very good girl, but of course she tries to do some things that are either dangerous or hurt others. 

    For other toddler moms, how have you handled discipline between 1 and 2 years old.  From what I have read, at this age they do not understand "no."  I don't really know what to do.  I don't want her to feel bad, but then again I also don't want her to think it's OK to do dangerous things.

    For example, the other night she kept trying to stand in her highchair during dinner.  My DH told her "no standing up in your highchair" 3 times and when she didn't listen, he told her dinner was over and put her in her play yard (in the living room) while we were still eating in the kitchen.  So I balled (I'm also hormonal and 8.5 months pg).  She was ok, but a little whiny.  About 5 minutes later he got her and put her back in the chair (likely because I was hysterical).  She didn't try to stand again during that meal.

    Later we did read that removal is one of the best methods to use at this age beause they don't understand a whole lot.  But i'm curious how others have handled this in-between stage.

    Thanks for any help!

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Remove and redirect.  Very little else will work.  2 years is about the youngest that "time out" will work, and 15 months is definitely too young. 

    For the standing in the high chair--is there a way to strap her in?  That should hold her down.  Otherwise, removing her and putting her somewhere safe is about all you can do.  And then it's up to you whether to let her come back or not.  She's going to start challenging you and your/DH's authority more and more frequently and it's only going to get worse.  You need to have a "united front" and the rules need to be the same no matter who she's with.  Consistency is key.  If standing in the high chair is a "no," then say it once.  If she doesn't sit back down, remove her...and then you and DH need to decide what the rule is once she's been removed--is she allowed to come back or not?  It has to be the same every time no matter who's there with her.

    It may be worth picking up "1-2-3 Magic" and giving it a quick read before the new baby arrives.  Your DD should be ready for it in a few months.  We started counting shortly after the kids turned 2, and it has worked well for us so far.  They usually stop whatever they're doing when they hear "ONE," and they almost always stop by the time we say "TWO,"  and if we get to "THREE," it's a 2-minute time out.  It has really helped us be consistent with them, and they definitely caught on quickly.  It's not uncommon, if we get to "TWO," for one of them to say "no time out!" as s/he is scrambling to stop whatever they're being counted for. 

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    And it's ok for her to "feel bad" for a few seconds.  Kids this age get over things very quickly.  That's why removing and redirecting works so well. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from amy-lynn. Show amy-lynn's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Discipline at this age is tough, but I think removing her from the situation was appropriate. I would sit DD on the bottom step for a "time-out" if she was doing something inappropriate/dangerous. It usually lasted about 30 seconds, but it was enough to get her to snap out of the behavior. I used the step because I didn't want her to associate her pack'n'play with punishment, but I'm not sure it really makes a difference. I didn't need to do it very often when she was so young (but it increased as she got older)
    Now that DD is 2.5, she understands when I say no, but she still sometimes gets time outs. And she gets a huge kick out of it when Mommy or Daddy does something wrong, and give themselves time outs. I think it helps that they also use time out at daycare.
    I know that there are several books that don't recommend time outs for really young children, but they recommend removing the child from the scene, and not giving them attention, so what else would you call it?
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod1818. Show capecod1818's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Trouble.  I found my DS was too young for time outs at 15 months but by 18 months he definitely knew what no meant and I found a 30 second time out like what Amy already wrote about really worked for him.  He was starting to act up and throw toys and the time outs really worked.  He is so much better now because it turned out he was frustrated with not being able to communicate.  Once his language developed he has been a totally different child. 

    Best of luck - this age can be very challenging for parents.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Whatever you do, don't get into the Yes-No-Yes-No-Yes-No game. If you call them to come, or tell them to do something, and they don't do it, don't keep going back and forth.  Why not?  Because after two or three, you just told them it's a game or contest to see who can go the longest.  They will carry on this battle of wills forever.  But what happens is that at some point, Mom or Dad will swoop in and carry them off, or take away the toy, or whatever, having changed the "rules" in midstream.  Kid's reaction?  I've been tricked.  Mom and Dad encouraged me to argue then I'm in trouble for it. It's not about doing what I'm supposed to be doing, it's about Mom or Dad getting their way because they are bigger than me. 

    If they don't come, go get them.  If they don't put the toy down, take it away.  If they don't sit reasonably calmly at the table, put them elsewhere for a couple of minutes.  (Nicely of course).  Yes, they have to do what Mom or Dad says to do, but it takes the emphasis off Mom or Dad "winning" and puts the emphasis on doing the thing that needs doing.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Thanks ladies!  Glad to know that we (or shall I say DH) are on the right track in our discipline measures. 

    Daisy, thanks for the book recommendation.  I will have to pick it up.  Oh, and her highchair has a 3 point harness.  The part that goes between her legs cannot be adjusted so it gives her enough slack to be able to try to stand on the seat.  We did move the tray closer to her tummy which also helps because another thing she likes to do is put her foot on the tray.... and then try to put food in between her toes. 

    Ahhh... the toddler years are fun but will definitely test my patience!  ;)
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    I'm glad for this thread because DD is almost 9 months and we're already having to tell her "no".  we're trying to find other things to say, but it doesn't really matter what we *say* right now, what matters to her is that she is stopped from doing the (dangerous) thing she wants to do.  She's obsessed with the bathroom and we keep forgetting to close the door, so she'll inevitably crawl in there and one of us will have to take her out and she cries.  She loves investigating plants, which I think is great, but when she goes to put it in her mouth I say gently, "Not for eating." and take it away, and she cries.  I don't like making my baby cry, but I guess it's something I'll have to get used to?!  I need to pick up some books on development and discipline so I can read up on how one relates to the other.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    The best thing to do is head them off at the pass--put away things they get into, shut doors, etc. so you're not going around all day taking things away.  Occasional fussing or crying about having something taken away is not going to hurt anyone, so long as it's occasional. 

    Don't feel bad about this transition--it takes some getting used to when they are newly mobile--you've spent 35 years leaving the bathroom door open and two weeks having to close it every time.  If you've moved everything truly dangerous (Drano under the sink or whatever) then just play it by ear and if she gets into something repeatedly, move it.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Removal and distraction.  We put our twins in the pack & play when they did things they shouldn't and wouldn't stop.  A minute or two usually worked.
    Otherwise, my favorite line is: "Let's do something else."  And I redirect them to another activity or toy.
    And it can be hard on mommy...as you know.  But it's harder when they get older and you haven't done anything about directing their behaviors. When I get sad, or worse, mad (you'll get mad sometimes too when they get a little older and won't do what you want) I sing - it distracts them and calms me down. Even if you just make something up to row, row, row it can be quite soothing for both of you.
    "The No-Cry Disipline Solution" is a good book - it's about offering choices - the ones you want, and making things fun so that they want to comply.  I've gotten lots of good ideas from it.

    Good luck!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    I was wondering because of the mentions of finding alternative wording... is there something not right about the word "no"?
    I think it makes perfect sense to use the other techniques like removal, distraction, heading them off at the pass... but it also seems like "no" is a clear and simple word that fits the bill.  On the other hand, I've heard lots of people (on this thread and in the "real world") say that they use something different.
    We have been using it quite a bit with our 11 monther, and now I'm wondering if that was a bad idea.  On the other hand, it seems like she often listens.  I haven't read any of the books, so is "no" considered too harsh?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Medford - I don't see "no" as a wrong/bad word, I guess I just want her to know why something is not allowed.  I also have read that using "no" too much can lessen the impact, and I'd like to try to reserve "no" or "stop" for the really dangerous activities, so she learns to associate it with immediately stopping the activity... not sure if I'll be successful, but going to try.  There's a little on that here: www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/18-ways-say-no-positively, but I'm sure there are other sources as well.

    ETA: There are some things I don't love about this article, such as when he suggests bringing your toddler somewhere where he/she can run and play and "taking along a book."  I think he means for the parent.  I can't imagine reading a book while my toddler runs around unwatched!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    I think the issue with saying "no" all the time is that it starts blending into the background and they just stop hearing it b/c it's all they hear.  We use "no" and "stop" for the most-part.  For ~2 years and up, if you use counting (1-2-3 Magic), you can put the kids on notice that they're doing something they aren't supposed to with a firm "ONE" followed 4 - 5 seconds later by a "TWO" if they haven't stopped, and then a "THREE" if they still don't stop...which is then followed by a "time out" for the younger kids or potentially something more-creative for older kids (docking allowance, extra/undesirable chores, etc.).  There are more details about when it should be used and when it shouldn't, but that's the basic gist of it.  The goal is to have it be emotionless from the parent standpoint so that the kids aren't doing things to get a reaction or induce the parent to have a tantrum (yelling, etc.).  I still use "no" and "stop" ALL THE TIME, but they're now followed by counting when appropriate and time-outs are relatively few and far between on most days.  And, of course, there are days when it feels like not a minute has gone by all day w/out one of them being in time out, but those days are rare and usually coincide with some other event that has them "off" to begin with.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    We say "no" but it does start to feel like you're saying it all the time and I think they don't listen.  Most of the time I say "no" and do the removal anyway.  Seems to help them understand.  Otherwise - with a 15 month old for example - you'll say no, they will smile at you and just keep on doing whatever it is they want to! :)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    You can't let a small child go totally unwatched, but eventually you can choose a safe place for the kid to play, and you can sit down and keep an eye on them as opposed to needing to be at arms' length the whole time. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    I'm not a parent, but aunt to a girl who, as a young child, was never told "no" because her parents told me "it upset her to hear that word."  Sure enough, whenever she was told "no" she threw a horrible tantrum.  Her parents created a monster.
    I guess the point of my story is that while I understand that it may feel like "no" isn't always effective with young children, it's far better than the alternative of never using that word.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Mezzo - I love that story.  IMHO in order to properly socialize your children you need to show them the difference between right and wrong.  And sometimes they are going to feel very bad about it.  It's part of life.  As Supernanny said in a recent episode - they are supposed to feel bad, if they don't feel bad, they will continue to misbehave.  It doesn't mean they don't love you.
    Metting out discipline isn't easy, but its very necessary in order to raise happy, well-adjusted kids.
    personally I hate being the bad guy and having to do a time out or take away something they want.  But it comes with the title of "Parent".
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Nothing wrong with "no" so long as they learn something along with it.  They can't tell the difference between "No, that's wrong," "No, that's dangerous," "No, that's not polite," and "No, it's impossible right now" if all they hear is the word "No."  Not that you need to go explain every single little thing, or that everything is negotiable, but they aren't going to learn if it's just "No" all the time without any context. 

    You can also give very specific directions without starting with "no" every time so they don't tune out everything that starts with "no."  "Don't eat the plant," for instance, doesn't start with "no" but it also makes it clear that they are supposed to do something, now. 

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    One thing I find myself CONSTANTLY needing to say (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this) is, "Not for eating!"  I think she's just figured out what it means because if I say it when it looks like she's about to put something in her mouth she SHAKES the thing furiously and goes "Aaah!", as if she *really* wants to put it in her mouth but mommy said no!  It's funny.  Then about 3 seconds later she will slowly rise it toward her mouth again and do the same thing when I say it again.  If she is able to keep it out of her mouth, she's allowed to hang on to it.  If it goes fully in the mouth it gets taken away (at which point she cries).
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Poppy, my almost 9 month old does the same thing...for some reason she LOVES to eat my phone.  "Phones aren't for eating", "we don't eat phones", and "let's look at the pictures instead" are some of my comebacks.  But inevitably, if it's in reaching distance, she will grab it and try to take a bite.  For some reason, she's really into "tasting" all of the things she shouldn't eat, and could care less about putting food in her own mouth!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    I have a few thoughts on the whole "no"/discipline thing. We tend to reserve NO for dangerous stuff. Like last night, DS (21 months old) was making a beeline for the fan in the window with his index finger pointing out. DH and I said really loudly in unison, "NO!" DS jumped because he was so surprised. (Then he started making all these faces as though he was about to cry but never did. He went through about 6 different expressions. It took all our will not to start laughing.)

    I've also tried working on other words to express similar ideas. One of my big ones is "gentle". It started when DS was trying to pull my hair or grab at me. I would stop him, say "gentle", and then show him what I meant by gentle (rub his cheek, give him a soft squeeze, etc.) Now he knows gentle and if I say it when he's doing things like trying to throw a toy, he'll stop and act more calmly.

    The other things that cracks us up is this. DS knows clearly what he's not allowed to touch, like our phones and laptops, the radiators, etc. He has a lovey that he is particularly attached to and is often with him. A few months ago, he started a little game where he'll place the lovey on the thing he dying to touch, but knows he's not allowed. I think it's quite a clever solution for a toddler! :)
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Thanks for all the good information!  See, why read books when I have you all to pass along the good parts??  :)

    I have been starting to do the "not in your mouth", and it gets taken away if it still goes in.  She totally gets it, she just wants to experiment.  I have also been using "gentle" with my earrings (she loves to touch them) and although she thinks it's a funny word for whatever reason, it's actually been working well.
    My new mission is to teach her to hand me crumbs or whatever that she finds on the floor instead of eating them.  So far we're at a 60% success rate and I'm thinking I can quit vacuuming soon because she'll pick the stuff up for me!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Poppy and LuvR - try keeping some teethers handy. Your LO's are probably teething.  I used to substitute a teether for the thing they were chewing that they should have...like my phone. :)
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    In Response to Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the good information!  See, why read books when I have you all to pass along the good parts??  :)

    I always think this same thing about the boards! :)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Discipline between ages 1 and 2

    Yes, I am aware of of *why* she wants to put things in her mouth (I can probably speak for Luv here too).  I do know a couple of things about babies.  I was just illustrating how she's starting to learn there are certain things (like flower petals) she is not allowed to eat, and watching the learning process is so interesting.

    Kiwi, love your DS's new method of touching the non-allowables... very smart!
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share