giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    Were you "wrong" to say something?  Only because someone that out of control and OK with beating her kid isn't remotely going to respond well to a stranger saying, "Use your words," and could have set her off further either taking it out on her child or turning her battering on you.  Better than a 2 year old, but not great.  You could end up arrested for defending yourself not to mention badly hurt. 

    If you were to call 911, by the time the cops got there she'd be long gone unless you were to make a citizen's arrest and had the cooperation of other patrons and/or the store employees to detain her.  I have to admit I wouldn't have done that.  Massachusetts is anti-intervening; you'd probably be the one who ended up in jail were there to be a real confrontation. The best you could do is the above suggestion to get the license plate and report her without being obvious about it from the safety of your own car.  I'd assume she was armed to be on the safe side.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    First, I don't think this really happened.  I think this is a troll.  That being said, I'm sure that this type of thing does happen occasionally, and that makes me sad.

    Second, as a response to "what should one do if something like this happens in my presence" most large stores have security officers in the store, and in such a circumstance, they would be the appropriate people to contact to intervene.  And if further action were necessary, they could contact the appropriate authorities.  In the event that the store doesn't have security personnel, the manager would be the appropriate person. 

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    Nobody says anything to the gal slapping the bejeebers out of the kid, because she's liable to clobber them next.  Nobody says anything to the mom of the kid who's filthy or clearly uncared for, because they figure they can't change them.  No, they tend to nitpick someone similar to themselves because that person is a safe target.  This is why new moms get all  the horror stories and warnings about Nosy Nates:  They exist, and they are a plague upon the earth.

    True story:  At the zoo, a mom (very large gal, manner of speaking suggesting uneducated) backhanded her two year old across the chest for fussing, then marched her down the sidewalk by a death grip on the back of her neck.  Nobody said a word to her.  Who got the stink eye from the assorted middle class moms standing around?  Middle class mom who leaned over to her twelve year old and said, "Next time you want to complain about how mean I am making you clean your room, imagine living with HER."
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    Troll or not, hearing/reading/seeing this stuff kills me.  Like, can't get anything done for the rest of the day kills me.  Do any of you know which charities/organizations provide the most direct help to kids?  I'd like to start giving, but I never know the best ways to research where the money actually goes.

    Of course these things bothered me before I had a child, but it just hits me right in the gut now, as a parent.  I imagine my child not being able to find safety in mommy (or daddy) and it just kills me.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    Poppy... I know.  I have always gotten way too upset, but now anything at all about kids can preoccupy me for the rest of the day.
    So.  It depends what you want to do in the way of direct help.
    If you have a charity in mind but want to be sure they are using the money wisely, try charitynavigator.org.  They don't rate the value of what a charity *does* with money, but they check out all the fiscal and operating stuff (that I don't know anything about).
    I am a fan of Cradles to Crayons and Horizons for Homeless Children.  One of the things I like best about HHC is that the parents get support.  As much as I think of the kids, I also think how hard it must be to be a parent with NO support system, no role models, no way to take a break, and worried about providing food and shelter.
    Another place is Greater Boston Food Bank.  The program that touches my heart the most is the backpack program where they send home food from school so the kids will have something to eat over the weekend, when they won't get their free breakfast/lunch at school.  :(
    And, here is a list of charities that I have not looked through yet but I intend to do so (and check them on Charity Navigator).  The guy here, Nicholas Kristof, writes for the NY Times and his columns are heartbreaking.  Heartbreaking.  DO NOT read them.  The charities are geared towards supporting women, but many of them are maternal health and/or they support both adult women and girls, so definitely in keeping with improving circumstances for children.
    http://www.halftheskymovement.org/get-involved
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    thanks Medford!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: giving unsolicited advice - what would you do?

    I think the common wisdom is to say, in a friendly, non-confrontational manner, "Is everything okay? Can I help you with anything?" Try to act as if you are simply helping someone who has spilled a bag of groceries. The last thing you want is to make an angry person angrier. And if your intent is to help, your manner should reflect that.

    purplecow, has it ever occurred to you that you are also one of the "middle class moms" who failed to intervene when the woman slapped her child, and then stared at the mother who used this upsetting event as an opportunity for an inappropriate quip? For someone who constantly carps about busybodies, you do a lot of posting about what everyone else does wrong.

    My dear friend works for the Home for Little Wanderers. His job is to counsel the entire family with the intent of reuniting them. He teaches parents basic parenting skills, and helps them learn to be kind and patient and have realistic expectations. For some people, intervention from a state agency may be the best thing that could happen to them -- it could turn their lives around for the better.

    If you suspect that a child is being abused, get whatever information you can and report it immediately. Remember that the experience will not necessarily be a negative one for the families involved -- sometimes an abusive parent is simply overwhelmed and inexperienced, and a social welfare agency can help them get the support they need to be a good parent. Maybe the parent has a drug problem but doesn't know how to get help. Maybe there is one abusive parent and the non-abusive parent doesn't know how to get rid of him or her. A caring, involved social worker can help these people get the help they need and become a strong, supportive family.

    Resources for reporting child abuse can be found here:
    http://www.mass.gov/eohhs/consumer/family-services/child-abuse-neglect/reporting-abuse.html
     
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