posted at 5/3/2012 8:55 AM EDT
IPW - I'm really happy for you. That's wonderful news.
posted at 5/3/2012 9:17 AM EDT
That is great news, IPW. As a step-child to 4 brothers I've dealt with the whole step- thing for 25 years. I think you are wise in your analysis and handling of this, and it seems she's letting go of making her husband's issues her own. Thanks for the update; we'll watch for the next about tonight. It sounds like there's reason for great hope with her.
posted at 5/3/2012 10:05 AM EDT
IPW, That is so fantasic! I am so happy for you that I am tearing up. I have my own issues with both of my parents so I can sort of relate. I've recently started seeing a therapist about them. The one thing that my therapist said to me about it, that really resonated, is that a woman really needs her mother after she becomes a mother. I am skeptical that there is hope for my mother, so I will probably always be missing that support, but I'm so happy for you that there is hope for yours.
Wishing you all the best!
posted at 5/3/2012 11:52 AM EDT
Great news IPW. I hope everything goes well. Keep us posted and give us an update tomorrow.
posted at 5/3/2012 12:23 PM EDT
Good luck, IPW. I hope you guys have a great night together. Maybe this is just the type of night she needs to jump start her relationship with your LO. Enjoy!
posted at 5/3/2012 12:38 PM EDT
How exciting! I hope you have a great night and can't wait to hear the update.
posted at 5/3/2012 12:57 PM EDT
That's great, IPW! I hope the night goes well for everyone. How old is your DS again?
posted at 5/3/2012 2:04 PM EDT
IPW - that all sounds very promising and I hope you have a great night/weekend!
posted at 5/4/2012 7:47 AM EDT
You guys are all so great!! WPP, my DS is just about 19mths. So we had a great night. We picked DS up at daycare, and my mom was excited to see his "school." She loved the rooms and thought all the little kids were just too cute (they are!). DS was SOOO SHY. He's starting to enter this shy phase, so I knew it wasn't just my mom, but also showed her that she is pretty much a stranger to him. She didn't get upset about that though, and the two of us were very chatty for most of the night. The three of us sat in the kitchen while DS had dinner and I prepped for our dinner later. DS started to open up a bit, and while normally very verbal this time of day, was only saying one word here and there. But he was still super cute and she interacted with him just enough to also respect his space, since he was being shy. As the night went on, DS started playing and running around the house being himself. DH was home by then and we all seemed to be having a great time. She never really interacted with him one on one, but lots of cheering when he would do something funny and encouragment when trying something new. She helped me put him to bed and was genuinly excited to be part of our evening. Our dinner later was also great. Lots of laughing and fun conversation (and some wine!). She actually seemed totally comfortable and happy being at our house the entire time.
I'm so pleased and I think she really enjoyed herself. I'm really thinking that a lot of her behavior is because of my stepdad and his ways. She has always bent over backwards to please him and make sure he's happy, so unfortunately its come at the loss of a close relationship with her grandchild. As I said earlier, that I can't fix. So I'll just keep trying to grab little moments of her time and hopefully we can spend some time at their home up north over the summer. I'm not looking for total immersion - and I'm very pleased with this step.
Thanks for all the support here!
posted at 5/4/2012 8:06 AM EDT
Wonderful, IPW!! What a great beginning - can't wait to see what blooms where these seeds are sown.
posted at 5/4/2012 8:09 AM EDT
So happy, I was sending good thoughts your way yesterday after reading your post. Glad it went well and you found a way to connect.
posted at 5/4/2012 9:28 AM EDT
IPW- Thanks for the update...it's always nice to hear of something positive!! I'm glad everything is looking up for your family!!
posted at 5/4/2012 9:52 AM EDT
IPW, I am so glad you updated this thread!
What a good story - it's a testament to how carefully and thoughtfully you handled the situation and found non-threatening ways to draw your mom back into your DS' life. Good for you!
I think you're wise to be so accepting of those things you can't fix, while also being proactive about making opportunities for your mom to be with you all. Good luck and wishes for more nice visits!
posted at 5/4/2012 10:42 AM EDT
IPW, that sounds like a great evening! It really is a testament to good intentions on both sides and excellent execution on your part. I hope things progress and continue to be positive for your relationship. Is there a way you can schedule a "date night" of sorts for your mom to come and do this again on a regular/semi-regular basis?
posted at 5/4/2012 11:48 AM EDT
IPW - so happy for you. Actually tearing up in my office at the moment. I really hope this relationship continues.
I was thinking the same thing as Lissa, any chance you can pick a day each month (or even every other month) to do an overnight with her?
posted at 5/4/2012 1:52 PM EDT
If my stepdad has any more business trips out of town... I think she'd come again in a heartbeat. But, they aren't that common, and I don't think she'd ever do it on a night he's around. But, again, baby steps. :-)