High Needs/Fussy Baby

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Hi all, I haven't been on the boards in so long between the two kids and a new job.  I need to try to come on here more!  But, first I need some help.  My 10.5 month old DS has been fussy ever since he was born, but I am getting very frustrated because I thought he would be much better by now.  He had acid reflux as a baby and meds helped some, but he seems to have outgrown that.  He doesn't sleep much at night (we have tried CIO and also going in a lot....not much helps).  The worst part for me though is that he is really fussy/whiny during the day.  Now that he is crawling and pulling up, he is always at my feet hanging onto me and whining/crying.  So, I end up holding him a lot....but even then, he still whines/cries.  I am pretty sure that when my daughter was this age, she played a lot quietly and did not fuss like this.  The only times he is really good is when we are out of the house (hard to get out a lot this time of year), and when he is eating.....the kid loves to eat.  I just don't know what is wrong or how to fix it.....or maybe nothing is wrong??  He has been to his pedi and the GI doc many times, and he is not "sick" so there doesn't seem to be much they can do.  I have read a lot on Dr. Sears' website about his description of "High Needs" babies, and it fits my DS very well.  Dr. Sears pretty much says to try to find ways to deal with the personality and no need to try to fix it.....but man, it is HARD.

    Has anyone else been through this?  Does it ever get better?  Any tips??

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Memes-sorry not great advice just understanding here. DD was needier than DS (can't exactly call her high needs), and I wondered if it felt that way because I had to deal with a toddler at the same time. Then I felt when DD was aboutg 9-14 months it was super hard to address all her needs and DS's needs and felt like an epic fail most of the time. And the exhaustion was just way worse! DD got up more at night than DS did.

    does he like tactile activies? put two different paint colors in a zip log baggie, tape it to his high chair and let him mush it around and mix the colors up. My kids liked that one, kept them entertained and contained for a little while.   

    It did get better for me, but to be honest, not for a while. but we have days when the kids need more attention, my two are both into the "no I was talking to Mommy FIRST!" I get that from the moment I pick them up until the moment they fall asleep at night. My head hurts some nights from how much they like to talk, talk with me, talk at me...

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Hi Memes!  I'm sorry to hear about that, it must be exhausting.  I can't comment on the exact issue, because DS (10 months) was pretty easy as a new baby.  BUT - he is very much like what you describe now, for the last month or two.  I think it is a combo (for him) of teeth and sickness, but also stage of development.  He always wants attention, picking up, gets super mad when I put him down so I can do something.

    Anyway, I know this doesn't answer your exact question, but just to say that I do think that this is a needy age.  My DD was the same at this age.  So even though we aren't dealing with your exact situation, maybe this offers hope that your DS will be outgrowing it somewhat but just not yet??

    it's so tough when they can't tell us what's wrong...

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Thanks KAM and Med!  And yes Med, that does help to know you are going through something similar.  Maybe there is an end in sight??  His two top teeth are definitely very close, so I am hoping we get a little bit of relief once those pop through.  

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    memes, the resistance to being away from you makes me think it's partially an attachment thing.  My youngest was very attached and just wanted to be physically near me for the first year or so of her life.  She eventually grew out of it (I honestly hadn't really thought of it much until I read your description) but there were many hours of her hanging on my feet and crying because she wanted to be picked up.  She would usually soothe when I picked her up, but if I tried to put her down at all she'd start crying again. She would even wake up in the night and call for me, like she missed me, get all hysterical and hold out for over an hour while trying CIO and whenever I went in (doing small increments of time or working up to big ones) when she saw me she'd just say "hi" like I was going to stay there and hang out.  I was working full-time at the time and I ended up just cosleeping with her (she'd sleep fine then) until summer vacation (I'm a teacher) when I was able to try the crib again.  She was about a year and she adjusted fine at that point.  Around that time she also outgrew the clinginess.

    Sorry this doesn't help much.  Perhaps he will grow out of it?  Does he go to daycare? I felt like it was worse for my DD when she was at daycare all day--she missed me and wanted to snuggle and I was trying to cook dinner.  Then on the weekends it would carry over.

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Memes, no great advice from me, but FWIW, I remember posting something similar when DS was around this age. I agree with Med that it may be a developmental stage. I don't know the psychology around it, but with my DS it seemed connected to starting to move independently (he crawled at around 10 mos). There was definitely a lot of frustration over not being able to do it well right away, and I think probably also some insecurity over this new phase. Adding teething to it doesn't help, either! Hang in there!

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from MJL35. Show MJL35's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    My 11-month old daugther is as high needs as they come. Dr. Sears was spot on with his description. Was a terrible sleeper, always had to be held, arched her back and screamed over the littlest things. We brought her to the dr so many times, only to be told (after testing) that she's fine. And this is just her temperament.

    She has gotten a bit easier now that she's walking. She seems to like her independence. But she still hates the car seat, getting into the stroller, and high chair. Even bath time can be a struggle. Most parents wouldn't understand what you're going through. At least, in our group of friends, everyone had pretty easy babies. Ours, however, could not go anywhere without screaming and crying and it was a really hard time in the beginning.

    I belong to a few online support groups for high needs babies. I suggest you check out The Fussy Baby Site Support Group (Colic, High Needs Babies, Spirited Kids) on Facebook. These women will know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and I myself have found a lot of strength in them.

    There is another online support group called simply High Needs Support, but it's private and I'm not sure how to add you without giving you the adminstrator's personal Facebook details. I hate to post that out in the open here. Is there a way you can private message me though this thing? And I can give you her name and location. If not, that's OK. I know for certain you will find what you need in the first group I mentioned.

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Hi Memes - I don't have a ton of advice, but was wondering do you work? I can't recall. If you do, it could be that he misses you. Both my kids went through this from about 10-18 months-ish (although DS is 19 months and still a bit like this...) Most likely he will grow out of it. Hang in there until he does! Good to know there are support groups, like the ones MJL posted. It's super exhausting to not only feel like you have this unhappy baby, but to deal with so much whining!


    ETA: Sorry, Memes, rereading this it sounds like I was blaming you if you work. Not at all what I meant! Just meant that this happened to me and I felt like it had to do with me being at work all day.

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Typep23456. Show Typep23456's posts

    Re: High Needs/Fussy Baby

    Wearing Baby in a sling can also help CALM and reduce acid reflux (if maybe he is still struggling with this). Silent reflux may cause your baby the discomfort, but without any obvious symptoms. The movement and upright position will reduce pain and keep the milk down. Also I've recently found that a person can use essential oil combined with massage to help calm Baby; there is a video here on this...http://www.breastfeeding-problems.com/acid-reflux-in-babies.html

    Hope this is helpful.