How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from SLD11580. Show SLD11580's posts

    How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    Hello! My DS decided that he was going to become a terrible sleeper when my DD was born in Feb. I started bringing him into my bed when the choice of him screaming bloody murder until he vomits vs. him sleeping with me were the options. He does calm down eventually but I can bring him upstairs to go to bed around 9 and he sometimes won't go to sleep until after 11:30. I have tried not having him nap during the day and it doesn't help. I honestly don't know how to get him back in his bed and going to bed earlier. If your kiddo slept in bed with you when did he or she finally go to their own bed? HELP!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    I've heard other parents (I'm not one) say that if you're skipping naps to make him more tired when you have a bedtime issue, you might be shooting yourself in the foot by making him overtired which ironically makes it harder (or impossible) for him to settle down.  I'm sure that's not even close to being the primary part of the solution, but it's something to consider, anyway, as possibly being an ancillary part of it.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    SLD, that sounds really hard and awful. We frequently let DD in our bed with us (she's 14 months), but I imagine a 3 year old is a different story. I know when I work late or am away from her for too long, she really seems to need to physically be close to me, even after the nursing ended.

    You don't say, but I am wondering if the bed is the way your DS is trying to get some one on one attention and cuddle time with you. I'm wondering if you or your partner spending a solid one on one hour in his bedroom, reading books, cuddling, staying with him until he falls asleep and making big boy plans with a star chart (the reward being a Saturday trip to Dunks for munchkins, which babies can't eat, etc).

    Does that help?
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    My son had colic and the croup...for the first 3 or 4 years (at least it seamed that way LOL) I never brought him in the bed with the wife and I.
    I held him and rocked him to sleep in my Lazy Boy recliner sometimes with a bottle. After he passed out it was back to the crib. It's tough but, I'm a sound sleeper I easily could have rolled over on the baby and....I don't even want to think about it! Oh yah? 3? teething? molars???????

    Remember when you take your child to the Pediatrician.........

    "there is no stupid question!"

    Good Luck!  Laughing
    From a Dad
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from hughkona. Show hughkona's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    Can you try laying with him in HIS bed until he falls asleep? After a week or two of this once he is comfortable, can you try to have him fall asleep with you sitting on the floor beside his bed reading a book or something else? Then week by week moving towards the door until you are just in the doorway, and then just coming in for "checks" (and following through with them to rebuild his trust).
    Just a thought. I had to do something similar as a babysitter for a little kiddo.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    You should read Ferber.

    Screaming until he vomits is gross and seems extreme, but it's not unusual. My daughter did it too.

    You don't say how old your kid is. If he still needs a nap he should be getting one. Kar is right, keeping him from napping will just make him overtired and it will be harder for him to get to sleep at night. And you'll see behavioral problems when he's awake.

    I think cosleeping is great when it works for the family. But it isn't working for yours. Nobody is sleeping!

    Read Ferber. The whole book.

    Also watch Supernanny. This seems to be on every episode -- the kids get into the parents' bed. Nobody sleeps. Lots of screaming. She always says the same thing -- put the kid back into bed. Just keep doing it until they give up.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    I'm sorry you are going through this.  It's been 10 months of this?
    Did you abandon his nighttime routine when the new baby came?  Set a routine for him and stick to it. Also - 9:00 is way too late for a 3 year old. He needs to be down by 8:00 at the latest. Which means the routine needs to start at 7:15 or 7:30. And he needs his nap. Sleep begets sleep. It's hard to sleep when you are overtired.
    One on One time while the newbie is napping is important too. He's acting out to get attention.
    So bath, jammies, books, songs, bed.  Lights out at 8:00.  If he starts crying - go back and check in at intervals - but make it short. Not more than a minute.  As lemon says - get a copy of Ferber and use it.
    And no more time in your bed.  If you don't want him there, then don't take him there. Stick with it, be consistant and he'll start to respond.
    Good luck.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    In Response to Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?:
    [QUOTE]You should read Ferber. Screaming until he vomits is gross and seems extreme, but it's not unusual. My daughter did it too. You don't say how old your kid is. If he still needs a nap he should be getting one. Kar is right, keeping him from napping will just make him overtired and it will be harder for him to get to sleep at night. And you'll see behavioral problems when he's awake. I think cosleeping is great when it works for the family. But it isn't working for yours. Nobody is sleeping! Read Ferber. The whole book. Also watch Supernanny. This seems to be on every episode -- the kids get into the parents' bed. Nobody sleeps. Lots of screaming. She always says the same thing -- put the kid back into bed. Just keep doing it until they give up.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE


    Yaaaaaaaa, ahhhhh just remember.....your kid never read that book!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    In Response to Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?:
    [QUOTE] Yaaaaaaaa, ahhhhh just remember.....your kid never read that book!
    Posted by RogerTaylor[/QUOTE]
    exactly. That's gives me the strategic advantage!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    I pulled out my copy of "No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers" and the author had a good idea for kids around the same age as yours.
    Go to the dollar store and get 25 or 30 small things. Wrap them and put them in a box or jar. Explain the new bedtime routine to your LO and tell him that every night he is a good boy at bedtime and stays in bed he gets a prize in the morning.
    She says after a month the new behavior should be set.  She also said that if he asks for more toys to offer to re-wrap the ones he has already gotten. Most of the fun is in the unwrapping every morning.
    It might be worth a try.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    I also recommend reading Ferber.  My daughter is younger so I don't have the same problem, but the book describes the EXACT situation that you have.
    One of the main strategies is going to be to start with a late bedtime (using the time that he's actually been going to sleep, post-difficulties) and then gradually move it earlier once things are going well.  So following the plan is definitely going to be really, really tough at first.

    Obviously different things work for different people.  But the other nice thing about reading the book is that you feel like you have a plan.  For me, having the plan made me feel much better and more in control.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    There was an episode of Supernanny last night (Phelps Family) and the 2 1/2 year old had this problem.  She had the mom put him in bed and then stay in the room. The mom sat on the floor with her head bowed and didn't respond to her son unless he got out of bed. When he got out of bed, she put him back in with no communication.  It took almost an hour - but he did go to sleep and stay in his room.  I've seen it before and I'm pretty sure that if you stick with it, it gets shorter and shorter until you are just doing good night kisses and leaving the room.
    Of course the whole thing starts after the usual bedtime routine - bath, jammies, story etc.
    Again - good luck. I hope things improve. You and your son both need some rest!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from gmailwell. Show gmailwell's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    With our children, I have found that bedtimes after 8pm give them a second wind that would carry them for a couple more hours. The problem is, this second wind takes energy which should be stored for the next day (glycogen, in the liver).

    I personally avoid "prizes" for anything that is to be a part of our routine. We try to make the routine pleasant and keep it the same every night so that is it something we all enjoy.

    For developing a bedtime routine, which did involve getting one child to settle in his own bed, my husband and I talked about our bedtime routines and discussed calming bedtime measures that had worked for our friends. Typically, we give the children a warm bath, dim lights through the house and rely on nightlights in the bathroom for the bath and to look at a story.  I like this video, parts 1 and 2 for developing a calming bedtime routine:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azzAStrRgLU&feature=relmfu

    A link on the bedtime/liver issue:

    http://www.youandyourchildshealth.org/youandyourchildshealth/articles/sleep%20i.html

     
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  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from AP-Mom. Show AP-Mom's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    There is nothing wrong with cosleeping with a three year old. If he feels safe and secure in your room than why the rush to get him out?  Having a new sibling is scary to a toddler and he needs you.  

    Can you set up a place in your room just for him? A twin mattress, an air mattress even a sleeping bag.  You can start him in his own bed but let him know he can come into your room, quietly, and get into his special spot.  THis worked great for us.

    Our child is now 11 and will still occasionally drag his yogibo and sleep on our floor. Especially after a nightmare or if he is stressed or nerwous about soemthing-a big game, tests, etc.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    I think he is probably way over tired if he is going to bed that late.  Ferber or Weissbluth (Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child) are both good reads.  I think if the goal is having him sleep in his own bed, I do think the idea of being in the room quiet and returning him to bed repeatedly is probably the best and least traumatic option given his age. 

    While I don't think that there is anything "wrong" with bringing a child in your room when he is scared or needs comforting (personally I have not done this) I do think you can do your child a disservice if by not teaching them how to self soothe and fall asleep on their own.  I also think one of the biggest problems with letting kids sleeping in parent beds is that they will often get in a habit of waking up in order to go to the parents room.  This will interrupt their sleep.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: How do I get my (almost) 3 year old out of my bed?

    "There is nothing wrong with cosleeping with a three year old"

    There is if people aren't actually sleeping.

    There is if you are doing it because someone told you that it's the "right" or "only" way, even if it's not working for you.


    Sleeping is like dieting...if there were one perfect way to do it, people would have figured it out by now and everyone would do it except the 1% of the world who enjoys being contrarian. 


    Second, having a new baby is only "scary" to a toddler if you let it be. The number one reason they are troubled by Kid #2 is that they've had hot and cold running mommy every waking moment up to then...if the first time Mommy has ever told you to wait two minutes is because of the baby, of course you will be mad at or scared of the baby!  It's a big shock to find out that Mommy is not one of your appendages.

     

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