January - Infant and Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    If you don't like your Pedi - switch - even if it's with another doctor in the same practice.  It's his problem if it's a bad fit - not yours.  You're the patient and if you're uncomfortable you should find another provider.  If you've met someone in the practice that you prefer - you should call that doctor and switch.
    If you feel the need to inform the original doctor, I think, a short "We think Dr. X is a better fit for our family and lifestyle." is sufficient.
    It sounds like your doctor wouldn't notice if you left anyway - or remember you if you had to see him for an on-call visit.
    I used to work at a brokerage firm. If someone left us, we knew it was because they had decided we were a bad fit. We didn't need to be told - and most of the time we weren't. It didn't mean we were bad - but all teams are different. It works the other way too, we acquired clients who weren't happy with their current brokers.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I think misslily is right, too, about how you explain your leaving.  Simple, straightforward, honest, and nonconfrontational.  Who can argue that some personalities and styles are better fits for some people than others?  If this leaves them wondering, hurt, or paranoid, that's their problem, not yours.  

    The burden is not on patients to allay the irrational fears of their doctors regarding patients' leaving for other doctors.  It's on the doctors themselves to internalize the fact that it is unreasonable to expect that their style, expertise, and personality, are going to suit every single patient's needs and preferences in a doctor.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    LLE - I would say it depends on a number of things.  Now that I have been in practice for many years, it is much easier for me to remember details because I truly know all my families and their backgrounds, etc.  In the beginning it was much harder and if someone is taking on a lot of new patients, it can be difficult.  I would be upset if my child had a particular delay or illness and this was not remembered.  From the 12-15 month time period, there is a lot of variability so I am sure that I have asked twice if they are walking before b/c I wouldn't have noted it as being abnormal if they weren't walking at 12 months.  I am not sure if that makes sense.  I always ask parents over and over about stairs in their house,windows, choking things - mostly to reiterate the importance but also, I am not going to remember everyone's home set up .

    I cannot stand it when I go to a doctor and they don't seem to remember who I am when they have seen me multiple times.  I would be less concerned about the individual details (save for actual medical problems) and more concerned about the general feeling of lack of familiarity.

    I hope that helps! 

    Again, this is something that gets much easier when you have been in practice for awhile.   I know I struggled in the beginning when everyone was a new face and a new family.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    There are always reasons behind the enumerable things that might make a particular patient uncomfortable or unhappy with their doctor.  I don't think many of those things point to the doctor being intrinsically "bad."  

    The key for patient satisfaction is having the freedom to find a different doctor if they want to.  Patients who don't like their doctor are going to be less likely to call them if there's a problem; that's not good for anyone.

    The key for doctor happiness is to accept that not everyone will be enamored with them...and that that's OK.  Patients and doctors are people - not all styles and personalities are going to mesh perfectly.  And, for either party to expect otherwise leads to disappointment and hurt on both sides when a change should be made in the interest of allowing the patient to be comfortable with the person who holds her family's lives and well-being in their hands.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    LLLE-I like Misslilly's explanation as to why you're switching, and I'd switch. I like to feel comfortable with the pedi-it's a true partnership.

    My last apt with the kids our pedi stopped the apt to ask about how our extended family was-he remebered that a big event took place in DH's home country and wanted to check in to see if our family was impacted. I was very impressed in his off hours he was remembering my situation. This is above and beyond, but it's nice to know the partnership is there. BUT he comes in and mispronounces our last name every time. :) (something I don't even bother to correct him on-and I feel bad since I'm sure he'd want to know...)

    As for certain milestone quetions, I have a funny feeling the practice may have a set of canned questions they ask at every apt for certain age groups. it eases a parent's mind when you preface such questions with "remind me, is sonny walking yet?" or "okay, let's do the standard questions first..."
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Yeah, I wouldn't be so very concerned if the doctor didn't seem to remember things like milestones.  But when we see our pedi for checkups, it's very clear that he has just gone on the computer and looked at the record -- he always mentions any sick visits we've had with other doctors in the practice recently, and even any calls we made.  I guess I don't need him to *remember*, but I do expect him to *review*.

    ajuly - I know what you mean about the 2/3 year separation.  I always thought we would want another 2 years later, but when the LO was 15 months (now 17 months) I couldn't believe it would be "time" to try again already!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I am very interested in this pedi discussion.  LLL - I hope you come to a solution you're happy with!
    We had to have DD's 9 month appt with a different pedi.  I felt particularly comfortable with her and considered switching, but then realized I feel perfectly comfortable with the other one too.  It didn't occur to me that "our" pedi would even notice that we had switched!  I guess on paper they would both see the switch somewhere, but it's such a big practice that it didn't occur to me they would really notice or care.

    Ajuly - Does DS wake up at night to BF?  I am perplexed by some babies drinking so much less BM at daycare.  DD has taken 18 oz since 3 months!!  (Along with morning and evening BFing.) 
    I have been going around in circles in my mind trying to figure out how we should adjust DD's routine at day care and finally decided to start phasing out the first bottle she gets.  She BFs at home in the morning, so I don't think she needs a bottle again before her morning nap.  (She gets solids then and maybe I will introduce a sippy with water or juice - I am all over the place!)

    Lissa - DD is 10 1/2 months and has been drinking one bottle of formula per weekday since about 6 months.  Lately she sometimes gets 2 formula and only one BM, so I guess that's what she'll get until we transition to milk.
    I usually pump around 10:00 and it was sooooo hard to force myself not to go this morning :o(  I keep thinking maybe I should try a little longer, but it really is time to rip off the bandaid.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    In Response to Re: January - Infant and Toddlers:
    [QUOTE]Poor Poppy! I remember once when my in-laws came to visit I'd thought I'd go mad.  I had a runny nose which I decided to fake into a full blown head cold/ sinusitis attack.  I'd go to bed right after dinner so I could read a book and get away. Maybe once Zoe is down you use your pregnancy to hit the sack and have a little alone time.  Even if it's with a good book or your laptop. Of course from what I remember of the first trimester you may just want to sleep anyway! Hang in there!
    Posted by misslily[/QUOTE]

    Update:  in-laws definitely didn't hear me venting.  MIL has been extremely sweet to me this past weekend, and since she tends toward being passive-aggressive and holds grudges, I know this would NOT be the case if she had heard me.  I no longer constantly feel like I'm going to throw up.  Just occasionally.

    Thanks, Misslily, this is exactly what I've been doing lately!  I think sometimes DH doesn't like it because evenings after dinner are our "us" time, but it's such a treat to get into bed at 8:30 with my kindle!  (the kindle is a lifesaver now that we're sharing a room with DD and I can't put on a light to read...)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Lissa – “name fartism” is my new favorite expression.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Fram - if it helps you feel better, I found that dropping to one pumping per day helped my work day SO much.  Twice per day interrupted my thought processes a ton, whereas once per day was just the perfect break!  GL with whatever you decide.

    Poppy - I feel for you.  It's hard to balance "me" time and "us" time in that tiny window after baby bed time!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    poppy and medford- me too! and being pregnant again (the nausea and narcolepsy as I refer to the first trimester) makes it even more challenging.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from wedoct09. Show wedoct09's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Hi everyone, it's been awhile since I have had time to post!  

    Fram, I am starting to feel the same way.  DD will be 7 months on Sunday and I have been pumping at 5:30 when I get up and twice at work.  It is getting tough, especially to find the time for two sessions at work. Plus I don't always get enough for what she is drinking and have to use frozen or what I pump the next morning and catch up on the weekend. We are going to start trying to transition to formula later this week and once she is taking that ok I am going to cut one work session out and gradually work to cut another one out.  I have to still figure out whether to cut the second work one or the one in the morning so I can sleep 1/2 hour later!  A bit nervous about doing this as she was so difficult to get to drink a bottle and still won't take one from me. 

    DD is doing great!  She is so much fun, always laughing and smiling.  She pulls herself up to her hands and knees and can cover some good ground on her belly!  She is 15 pounds so still a peanut though she looks huge and feels heavy to me!  She has been eating vegetables for about a month now, hoping to try fruit this weekend.  She loves to eat food and is always trying to grab DH or my fork when we are eating.  Our only issue is sleep.  She takes naps of 2 hours or less at daycare (over 3 naps).  She sleeps typically 8-7 though some nights she sleeps straight through, other nights she wakes up once or twice (blood curdling screams!) and others she wakes up every hour.  We can't figure it out.  I think we have to start sleep training soon.  Going to have to read up on the different methods. 


     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from wedoct09. Show wedoct09's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    In Response to Re: January - Infant and Toddlers:
    [QUOTE]I see I have a lot to look forward to! Is there anyone else out there with a 1 or 2 month old?  I feel like you all are so far ahead of me, which I suppose is good, since you have all already been through what I am going through. :) More advice for me! I am exclusively BFing my DD, who is now 5 weeks old.  I have no idea when (if at all) I should introduce a pacifier.  Should I just avoid it altogether? And, I am struggling with when to begin pumping and intoducing a bottle.  I will be going back to work in mid-March.  I have heard 4-5 weeks from some people, but my pedi recommended waiting until closer to 8 weeks, if possible.  I don't want to screw with my milk supply, but I suppose I could pump and then immediately feed what I just expressed.  But we are not on any schedule - I am just responding to her needs on demand, at this point.  Any advice or personal experiences with pacifiers and introducing a bottle (while maintaining BF) are welcome!
    Posted by jennifyr78[/QUOTE]

    Jennifyr, we started trying a bottle at 6 weeks and if we are lucky enough to have baby #2, we will definitely try earlier.  We tried in vain to get her to take a bottle for 6 weeks, I was so stressed for the end of my leave that she was going to starve.  We tried every trick.  Some days she would take a bottle, though more often she would fight it and was lucky if she took 1/2 ounce.  We started daycare still not taking a bottle.  Day 1 she hardly drank and nursed non-stop for hours when I got home.  Day 2 was a little better and by day 3 she was drinking great.  We went from 2 oz bottles (which we used to throw most away) to 5 oz bottles in about 3 weeks.  At 7 months she still won't take a bottle from me (she let's me put it in her mouth and then when she realizes she freaks out) though takes from daycare great and from DH as long as she hasn't seen me for awhile.  

    I hope your DD is more agreeable!  :)  

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I know this isn't quite the same, but I wanted to add to the pedi topic.  We've only had three appts so far, but the standard procedure has been that the nurse starts us off, asks a bunch of questions and then weighs/measures the baby.  Then the doctor comes in and asks a lot of the same questions.  Stuff lke if I am still breastfeeding, how often is she eating, average BMs and wet diapers, etc.  I'm not sure if the nurse writes our answers down anywhere, so the dr. may not know, but is our nurse just thorough, or should we have to repeat everything for both?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Poppy, great news - thanks for the update.  

    Jennifer, I'd ask the doctor why there is a complete and thorough repetition of all the questions at every appointment.  It seems to me that if the nurse isn't recording or conveying the answers it's a complete waste of time, and he probably isn't even aware of it.  OR, the nurse is the one who is ultimately responsible for recording the answers for the doctor and there's just no logistical way for her to get them to him before you step into his office.  Ask, then you'll know. :)

    And, from the previous vein of the discussion, I think that any doctor who insists on asking the same standard questions every single visit no matter what notes they have as a matter of how he runs his practice is wasting precious time.  They are rushed enough already, there is no excuse for not quickly perusing the answers to the standard questions to refresh him when you come in next time.  This will leave necessary time for you to ask him questions and for him to ask NEW questions without being as hurried for his going over the same things again and again.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Question - and this was brought up by ML on the TTC boards.  She mentioned the topic of smothering, and it made me think of something I've been thinking.  I'd love some thoughts from you all.  My DS is 15 mths Thurs... and I've spent 1 night away from him.  And it was actually a night he stayed over my MILs because of a late, late night at work for both DH and I.  Hated it! So I haven't actually gone away anywhere without him.  My DH has take 3 business trips and a few guys nights and been away 8-10 nights total.  I am exploring a new (really great) job opportunity that would have me travel 2-3 nights every 2 months.  And I'm freaking out.  For two reasons.  Freaking out about being away... and freaking out that I'm freaking out.  I feel like I should be able to step away now and then.  My folks sure did.  I have a friend who is on a wonderful romantic vaca with her hubby for 4 nights away from their 3yr and 15mth DDs.  She's not panicking.  How do I get there?  I certainly don't want to start going away from DS just for the sake of going away, but I don't want to smother him, or create some unhealthy situation for me where I can't physically be away from him.
    I would love to hear how some have delt with separation issues (or perhaps there are others like me who just don't separate).
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I obviously don't have experience with this so take it with a fist full of salt, but how you "get there" is to just do it and let it work itself out emotionally for you and your family.  You know in your head there is no damage to be had by your taking that job so you just have to take the plunge.  Humans make do, they naturally adjust to difficult emotional changes, and those things become a new normal.  The way to do it is to do it.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    IPW - I am away from DD at least once every other week, when she goes to my mom's overnight. This has been going on for 3+ months, since we moved in with my in-laws.  (though I've never been away from her for 2 or more nights in a row.)  I think it is *totally normal* to be freaked out about spending overnights away from your baby.  I do think it takes practice to not freak out, and I'm sure you can get there.

    At first, it was very hard.  I think it took maybe... 3 or 4 nights away (not in a row, obviously) before I could actually try to enjoy my "night off" and not mope around the house missing her and worrying about her.  I either call or ask my mom to call when DD is in bed and asleep so that I can know there hasn't been any sort of "mommy's not here to put me to bed like she does every night" trauma (which I think maybe there was once, but not since then).  Then, I touch base again in the morning, usually around 8 or 8:30.  Then maybe again around lunchtime.

    So, I've been successful dealing with the 1 night away, but I have my first 2-nighter coming up in a couple of weeks (having a weekend away with friends).  I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that... we'll see.

    My advice, since you work, like me, would be to try it out a couple of times in the near future, on a weeknight.  If possible, maybe come home and spend an hour or so with DS before taking him wherever he's spending the night.  The next day you'll miss that morning time with him, but you will have a normal day at work in which you wouldn't have seen him anyway.  I think this is all harder when it's a weekend and involves the (rare) bulk of time you typically get to spend with him.

    If you are able to do this sort of practice, you'll see if your reaction improves with time.  If it doesn't, that might inform your job decision.  But I bet it will.  You may not ever love it, but it might not be so horrible after a few tries, and you mgiht even be able to start your own little rituals for "you" time when you're away from him.

    My 2 cents, FWIW!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I hope you won't mind if I vent.  And I hope this won't come off as DH bashing because that is not my intention!!
    I'm trying to be less controlling and let DH make more decisions when it comes to DD.  He feels like I constantly tell him he did things wrong, so I'm trying to choose my battles.  But sometimes he doesn't listen!!!  DD is staying home with him 2 days a week for a while, so this morning we had a discussion - not just me talking, but a discussion - about how we would follow the same eating schedule she has at daycare so we could see for ourselves if she really needs so many oz.  He said he didn't need me to write anything down, but I did just in case.
    So I call him at lunch and ask if he gave her a bottle this morning and he says no, he gave it to her after her nap.  Ahhhhhhhh!  How can I refrain from telling him something is wrong if he blatantly ignores conversations we have??  I am not the only one who needs to work on this!  OK done now.  Thanks!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    Jen - The nurse is updating the records in the system, but they may not replicate on drs. laptop by the time the dr. arrives. Or they are just trying to start the conversation.

    Fram - I am totally with you on the frustration, but you have to let DH do things his own way, it just is not worth the friction between the two of you, or the undermining his parenting decisions. Sometimes I am at odds with my husband and struggle to keep my mouth shut. Usually, one of us comes around and realizes the other one was right. Usually it's him :)

    IPW - Smothering, yup, that's totally me. I could right a book. For me at least, in part, I think much of the smothering has to do with how much I do not like my job in proportion to how much I like my daughter. We have talked about this, and you aren't crazy about your current job, correct?

    I miss her while I am at work SO MUCH and resent the long hours and off hours requirements of my job. I really believe if I had a job I loved, I wouldn't feel this way nearly so much, except Baby ML is twelve kinds of awesome.

    DD has a virus and we took her to the pedi tomorrow. We met a really nice pedi I had not met before, young, pretty and smart and I so wanted to say "do you post on the boston.com parenting board?" I'm so sorry, I can't remember at the moment if it's LIL or LLLE that's the pedi.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    IPW: I totally don't think it's smothering to not enjoy or want to spend nights away from your infant/toddler.  I think if you hadn't spend *any* time away from your LO that's be a little weird.  (I knew this woman who could count the number of hours she'd been away from her 2 year old!!) It's all about your comfort level and LOs.  You could give it a shot and if it's too hard don't do it.  I've only spend 3 nights away from my 20 month old and that was only because she couldn't stay with me in the hospital when I had DS.  Ha!  And so I haven't spent any nights away from DS.  I think I'll be more comfortable with it when we they get a bit older.  I wish I had family close by too, I might be more comfortable if I could have family babysit. 

    Fram: it's not just your DH, mine is the same way.  I think not listening is how they assert their independance.  If it's not life threatening, I'd say let it slide.  It's not worth a fight.

    AFM: DS slept 9 blissful hours on Friday night!  I couldn't believe it!  We're getting close now!  I also upped his bottles to 6oz starting yesterday and he started on cereal Saturday.  I hope he gets the hang of cereal soon, but in the meantime he does seem to be taking the bigger bottles.  Yay! 

    DD, well, she's my girl.  I tell you, I love, love, love the "wonderful" ones!  I hope she always stays such a friendly, fun and outgoing girl!  The more words she learns the more she just melts my heart. :)
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    My twins will be 2 1/2 on Friday and I have never spent a night away from them.  I have only been out of the house at bedtime twice.
    And I'm a SAHM so they are with me all day, every day.  My parents come once or twice a week for about 3 hours at a time.  Sometimes I go out and sometimes I stay home and get a mountain of laundry done. I'd have them sit at night, but they are older and go to bed pretty early themselves so they just do daytime sitting.  I'm ready for a babysitter so we can have dinner and a movie, but DH isn't.
    All I'm saying is you'll get there when you get there.  I know lots of people who don't leave their kids with anyone but family for years.
    BTW - I don't worry that they are being smothered by me either.  They have a whole lifetime to go to school and playdates and sleepovers and heaven knows what.  I don't think being with me for the first three years is going to have an adverse effect on them.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    the wonderful ones, huh?  It does not seem that way in our house this week!  I am half kidding -- the LO is an absolute joy most of the time.  Just yesterday and today she's been really willful and I'm having a hard time knowing how to set limits in a way that makes sense.  I'm trying to keep in mind that to her it doesn't make any sense that I would let her play with the crayons in the morning (because I could supervise) but not later (when I was trying to get dinner ready).  We're both a little frustrated.
    IPW - I have never left the LO overnight either.  I don't think that necessarily implies smothering... works out differently for different people!  But I think all the advice you've gotten is great.  I'm sure it will be totally fine for baby IPW and harder on you!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I guess I am in the minority. Undecided
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: January - Infant and Toddlers

    I've only left DD overnight once (she's 14 mos), and after that, my DH and I decided we'll try to do a night away at least every 3-4 months. 

    That said, we do much better than that about having evenings out or time together as a couple.  We're luck in that my parents and sister are close by and are happy to sit when we need/want it.  We try to do that at least once a month. 

    I'm sure as she gets older she'll want more sleepovers with her grandparents...and since #2 is on the way, I'm guessing I'll want them then too!  It is hard, though; I think for me, since I'm working and away from her 50 hours a week, I want to be with her as much as I can when I'm not at work.  But it's so important to remember who you are as a couple, separate from who you are as someone's parents...the best for me is going to a restaurant and being able to sit at the bar, next to one another, and just talk and people watch and try as hard as we can not to talk about DD for a while! 


     

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