July Infants and Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    For those going back to work post-maternity leave, if it's an option I found that starting off at half-days was really helpful.  I know for some places of employment it might not be an option, but it can be a great way to ease back in.  With the baby's sleep schedule still wacky and being out of practice with a schedule of your own, it allows the flexibility of you not being so compltely overwhelmed and exhausted.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Pugs - I know this is WAY easier said than done, but please try not to worry too much about your stockpile.  In my opinion, 3 weeks is way too early to be preoccupied with that - but I completely understand as it was on my mind too.  Eventually, when DD started going to bed at a consistent time (10 weeks), I would pump before I went to bed at night and get a couple of ounces for freezing.
    The morning is when supply is highest, so that's the best time to pump.  I think that any time the baby BFs he will be able to get milk, so don't worry if you pump and then he's hungry 30 minutes later.

    CLC - My DD's bedtime naturally moved earlier and earlier.  When she first started sleeping through the night around 10 weeks, she went to bed between 10-11.  By the time I went to work at 13 weeks, I believe she was going to bed at 8:30-9.  Eventually it moved all the way up to 6:30-7.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Arcain, from my interview experience, you don't want to bring up children/childcare or flexible schedule explicitly until you have an offer. 

    That said, I tend to bring this stuff up in a more roundabout way, asking questions about the corporate culture...some places are more about face time than getting work done, and I know those aren't places I want to work.  It's usually a question I'll ask someone who would be my peer, not my potential supervisor or HR. 

    If you get a sense of the culture, you'll have a better idea if they'd even be open to the idea of a flex schedule, or work from home, or transitioning in to a full-time role, but you're not tagging yourself with the big "I'm a new mom and will be demanding" badge, you know what I mean? 

    Not sure what field you're in, but I'm in education/fundraising, and, for example, I've found the secondary school level to be a lot more flexible than higher ed...same kinds of jobs and descriptions, but usually less red tape to deal with. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from rama8677. Show rama8677's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Arcain, my two cents is to interview for the job as you normally would by focusing on your talents and past accomplishments and not raising any of the issues you mentioned above about flex schedule etc.  If and when you get an offer for the position, then you should raise your ideas about flex work environment and negotiate the terms of your employment.  If they don't go for a flex working environment, then you will need to decide if you want the job or not. Waiting to bring these issues up makes sense because if you raise your demands/concerns during the interview, it will likely affect their decision makng process about you as a job candidate.  If you refrain from bringing any outside factors into their decision, and they ultimately determine, based on your past work experience and personality, that you are the best qualified candidate for the job, then you will be in a much better position to begin a negotiation about  your schedule, more leverage to make requests and you will have all the info you need on salary etc. to make a fully informed decision regarding whether you want to work there or not.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking an interview to the end and then rejecting a job offer. 

    Also, I think that interviewing is a great exercise and, even if you don't get the job or you get the job and turn it down, it's wonderful that you went through the interview because it can only help you to have had that experience in the future.

    CLC - My DD was nowhere near a schedule by 7 weeks but we were able to get her on a better schedule by 10-12 weeks.  I know it seems like you are going back to work so soon, but think of how much the baby has changed since he was born, and realize he will change again so much in the next 5 weeks.  I think 2 weeks before you go back to work is a good time to start figuring out the nighttime routine.  And he very likely will be going to bed earlier by then.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Liv22. Show Liv22's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Definitely enjoy your time home and don't think too much about work. The time flies by, and you'll have plenty of time to adjust. Plus babies and schedules change so much in those early months. One thing that worked out well for me going back to work was not having the baby in daycare (if you are using daycare) on the same day I started back. DH took a few days off, so while I was adjusting to going back to work, I was getting pictures and email updates. And I could call home 100 times without feeling silly. It made the transition easier. Then DD started daycare, and I could focus on that routine.

    Also that 1st day back, I remember sitting on the T reading my magazine, feeling strange to not have any responsibility in that moment. I knew I could go get an iced coffee without having to go through the drive thru and could eat my lunch in 1 sitting! So try to plan some small little treats for yourself when you do go back.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Just want to amend my previous post where I said you will "definitely" get more if you pump in the morning.  I should know better than to put such black-and-white terms!  I like how Fram phrased it - that supply is typically better in the a.m.

    Love everyone's advice about the interview stuff, and love Liv's point about looking at some of the perks of going back to work.  For example, I'd never be on BDC if I didn't come to work. :)
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    In Response to Re: July Infants and Toddlers:
    [QUOTE]Liz- Glad to hear that you are doing better!  Go to the wedding and have FUN! AFM - DS is 3 weeks old on Thurs. and he is eating like a champ.  I am BFing and just tried pumping for the first time tonight and nothing came out! Then DS wanted to eat a couple of hours later and Im not sure he got anything.  Is it better to pump in the morning or at night?  I have to go back to work at the beginning of Oct and want to have a stock pile of BM.  Speaking of going back to work, I am having major aniexty about having to leave DS to go to work.  I dont want to go back at all but unfortunately I dont have a choice.  I am really sore still from the c-section.  When will the pain start to go away?  I also have pain to the left of my incision which is wierd?  It feels like it is bruised.  Anyone else feel this pain?
    Posted by pugslove[/QUOTE]
    Pugs, I have the SAME exact pain as you. On my left side above the incision, but below my belly button it feels like there is a bruise. Sometimes if I laugh too hard or pick something up it feels like a stabbing pain. I had an apt. today and the nurse said it is normal. Just pulled muscles. It can take up to 6 weeks for everything to settle back into place. Remember, they literally moved organs and our uterus around during the c-section, so it makes sense. I am just taking Motrin every 6 hours to keep the swelling down.

    Oh, the witching hour. Ours might have started last night. From about 10-1 she was up screaming. The only thing that calmed her down was to feed her, but it is REALLY hard to burp her, and if we don't she throws it all up. She was starving though, ate 7 ounces in a period of 4 hours.

    What can we do about the burping??? We have tried every position and we only get one like 1 out of 5 times.

    Also, last night was the first time she had a real screaming fit and I felt my anxiety literally rise up in my body. I had to go upstairs, do some deep breathing and I started to read the Happiest Baby on the Block. DH is VERY type A and this type of stuff doesn't bother him. He see's a problem and comes up with a solution, but I on the other hand and VERY emotional, and the screams were literally piercing my heart. Any suggestions on how to work through this?? I know it is totally normal, but it kills me to hear her like this. TIA!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Liz-one burp technique that worked well with the kids was to put them on your should like a conventional burp, typically on the left shoulder, then make a "C" with your hand-so your thumb is on their belly and your fingers on their back, and slowly with a little pressure pull your thumb up their belly. think of it like gently squeezing toothpast out a tube. It will gently let the gas bubbles come up. We used to get our best burps out this way.

    So, DD got bit again today at daycare. This is 4 times in two days. All the babies are teething and moble in her room. Never before has she been bitten, and after two days the center is suggesting we move her to a different infant room. I'm torn! We "love" her teachers and so does she. It just doesn't feel right to pull her and put her in a different room where the same "issues" can happen again.  I guess it's more than one child biting, so it's easiest to move her...but her stranger anxiety has really increased lately. I have to decide by the end of the week.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Rama, excellent interview advice.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    KAM - I'm sorry your DD was bit again. It seems to me like she's being punished by having to change rooms rather than the children that are doing the biting. That doesn't really seem fair to me. However for your daughter's safety it might make sense to move her. Sounds like a tough choice, good luck! Liz - the technique that works best for our DS is burping him high up on the shoulder so that your shoulder is applying pressure to the belly. DH is much better at this technique than I am, perhaps because he's bigger so more surface area on the shoulder.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerbride09. Show summerbride09's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Love the burping advice...sometimes 15 minutes and my LO still won't burp...I know it contributes to her gas pain but I can't force it out of her!

    So this weekend we are having a "welcoming party" in lieu of a Christening. I am getting nervous about her being around lots of people (around 25 guests). My plan is to not let her be passed around like a hot potato, but how do I convey this to people, especially my mom (throwing the party)...I fear she will get totally offended and make a big deal. LO is 4w5d and the party is being held at my parents' house.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    So, I know that post-partum depression/anxiety can start to set in after 2 weeks, and I am started to get worried a little. At night, around 6-7 I start to feel really anxious. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it is because I am exhausted, or that I get really upset when she is crying at night. I am very good about taking my meds, but I am still feeling the anxiety at times. I'm wondering if this is normal, or if I should be telling my OB about it.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostongrl. Show bostongrl's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Summer... to some extent it will be unavoidable to have others hold her... but I found when DD was that young if I brought her into the gathering in her carseat, took her out myself, and held her that people were less likely to ask to hold her.  It helped that DD was a peanut and I think people were still afraid of breaking her at 4/5 weeks.  But basically, I would simply "take charge" of the situation by proactively picking her up, and offering people the chance to peek at her tiny feet, etc, and just not offer them the chance to hold her.  Even DH was still a little afraid of holding her when she was little, so I really was the only one holding her most of the time.  This may not work depending on some family members.. but maybe tell your mom it is ok for her to hold the baby but to please not offer anyone the chance to hold her.  My mom and my sisters would tend to ask to hold DD, but they always gave her back to me rather than passing on to other family members.  If you felt uncomfortable with who was holding her or how many times she had been passed around, you could state that it is time for a diaper change/bottle/etc and just remove her.  If anyone says "oh I can do that for you" just be prepared with some standard statement like "oh, she's been fussy and I'd really prefer to feed her" or "she has a bit of a rash and I like to make sure it is ok".  That will put you back in charge and sort of reset the whole situation.  I also found that when DD got tired, I would tend to retreat to a quiet room with her, even if there were lots of people at my house or if we were visiting the IL's etc.  There were many times that DD and I hung out in a bedroom while others were chatting/eating/etc.  

    AFM ... Today was actually pretty good on the clinginess issues.  When we got home from daycare, DD sat in her highchair while I cleaned bottles and unpacked our bags, then we played for a bit, and then she sat in the bouncy chair for a bit while got some laundry done... I consider that a huge success since I did not end up with her in the Ergo just to be able to get the basic chores done.  

    On a different topic... DD is really not loving the purees. She will accept about two miniscule spoonfulls and then turns her head, purses her lips, and makes it very clear she does not want any more. We've tried several fruits and veggies, all to the same effect. Yogurt goes over a bit better, but depends on her mood.   The only thing she actually likes and gets excited about are the baby mum-mums, which I feel is equivalent to junk food, but it at least is getting her to get use to the idea of putting food in her mouth.  Do I just keep offering the purees (and make peace with throwing out a lot of left overs)?   Back off the solids for a while?  I've been toying with doing a little bit of the baby-led weaning and giving her whole chunks of zuchini to see if she would gum and suck on them.. but the choking hazard has stopped me.  She seems to like the few grown up foods we've offered her, for instance my mom was giving her little bits of the inside of a french fry yesterday. So that is what got me thinking about doing the larger chunks of food for her to hold and control the process... but my gut says she should master the purees first.
     
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Bostongrl give great advice about keeping baby from being turned into a hot potato. I'd also say that my DH made everyone wash their hands before holding our kids when they were tiny. He said it was "doctor's orders" to keep them from getting sick. It deterred lots of people!
    At my kids christening they got totally overwhelmed and I had them in a dark room soothing them for most of the party afterwards while the guests were entertained by my parents and my DH.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    CLC - you are just about past peak fussiness time.  I think you might consider that the "witching hour (s)" you are experiencing are actually the result of you baby needing an earlier bedtime.  This was just about the time it happened for DD #2.  She was just a crank after 7:30 so I started to put her to bed.  Now sometimes this meant she would wake up earlier but it was so worth it to not having her so cranky during that whole time.  After a week she started to go down around that time and now is waking up only once at 2-3 am.  Totally doable for work.  I am with you that the late bedtime for me is not compatible with working!

    As for those dreading going back to work - it is so hard to say how you will actually feel.  I was dreading it and really enjoyed going back to work.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Bostongrl-how old is your DD? Mine, 10 mo, has refused purees for about two months now. I just cut food up really small so she can't choke (she can still gag, but not choke) and let her go at it. Some babies, when they are ready really do refuse the purees. If she can handle the pufs she should be good to explore cut up banana and other soft stuff.

    We met with the day care more extensively last night about DD getting bitten. Apparently its several children, all of them teething, and she's the only one getting bitten. And it's only been the last two days. Her teachers are really trying hard to keep the kids seperate and engaged with teethers. DD was held most of the time yesterday, so she' getting spoiled! DD is very social so she wants to be playing with all the kids. I really think it's just a fluke she's gotten bitten so many times in such a short period. We're going to wait it out a few more days to see if the pattern continues, and if one bitter emerges-if that's the case we'll determine what to do then. But I'm not convinced the kids in the other room won't bite-she's pretty sweet looking.

    Our greatest concern is with DS, we changed his preschool room because some of the boys in his old room were really aggressive and DS was happily joining in. We noticed a huge change when we got him into a different room. He happily played with kids, and engaged in activities. Then about two weeks ago the center moved one of the aggressive boys into his room and we've noticed the behaviors once again in DS. Well, last night when we got DS he mentioned that the other boy had pushed him and he fell off the jungle gym (only fell down a step or two). When we got home I noticed two huge scratches on the side of his neck and some small ones on the front of his neck. DS said it was from the same incident. I'm waiting for his teacher to call me back but I'm uber frustrated that we disrupted DS's routine 6 weeks ago, saw huge improvement in him (he has started to write his name) and now the center has shifted one of the difficult children and are still not managing him.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Like Lily, I also did not have any hesitation about telling people they had to wash their hands if they wanted to hold DD.  In short, do not feel the least bit badly about doing whatever you need to do to feel you are operating in your baby's best interest.  There are really bad colds, flus, stomach bugs going around right now, it's not worth the risk!  Too bad to anyone who doesn't get that.

    KAM - so sorry for all the daycare troubles.  Very distressing, both!  I can't imagine DD getting bitten once, let alone over and over.  I'm not that familiar with the infant daycare setting, but I would think if the teachers were sitting right there on the floor with the kids and watching them constantly, they could see when one went to lean in for a bite.  And so frustrating about DS. That is one of my fears moving forward with daycare, preschool, and even looking ahead to elementary (having been an elementary school teacher) - how to deal with more difficult, aggressive children being around my child. I'll be curious to hear what his teacher has to say about their strategies for dealing with it.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Liz - If ever your concerned, I think it's worth mentioning to your doctor, but I also think it's completely normaly to be anxious, emotional, weepy, etc.  It's hard to remember the blur of those early days, but I can imagine feeling anxious as it gets later in the day because you have no idea how the night is going to go, if the baby will be fussy, or if you're going to get any sleep. 

    One thing I always tried to remember, even several months later, is that one bad night is just one bad night.  It doesn't mean you'll never sleep again... I don't mean to put words in your mouth as you didn't say anything about needing sleep.  Just throwing that out there for all the new moms!  When you're on your 4th night of being woken up by a teething 6 month old it's hard to remember that you will get to sleep through the night again soon!

    Summer - Good advice already, but I found that DD wasn't passed around as much as you might think.  We went to MIL's birthday dinner when she was 2-3 weeks old.  There were ~20 people, but I'd say only 5 held DD over the course of the night.  And like others said, there are usually plenty of opportunities (diaper, feeding, crying) for you to swoop in and hold onto her for a while if you find it necessary.

    KAM - That seems so weird that they would want to move DD when she clearly isn't the problem.  Couldn't there be other teething babies in another room?  Hopefully the biting phase will pass quickly!!  How old is she?

    AFM - Daycare is closed today, so BIL is watching DD.  She does like him, but was crying so much when I left this morning :o(  Hope they have a good day!  The upside is that DH's family thinks DD is a total daddy's girl so at least now BIL knows she loves me too!!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Summer - While total your right as mom to not want everyone passing your child around, you should be prepared for family to be hurt.  You're having a welcome party for the baby.  People are going to want to hold the baby. 

    I practically don't let people with babies get in the door before I'm begging to hold the baby.  When my best friends adopted, we visited the baby was 2 weeks old.  I barely said hi and congrats before I said give me that baby.  Turns out I was the first person besides mom and dad to hold her even though they had already seen family and friends since they came home. 

    After washing hands, I'd let anyone hold my newborns but my smallest was also 8lbs 2 oz so I never considered any of the fragile or in any real chance of getting sick.

    Bostongrl's advice was perfect.  Have reason/excuses prepared. 

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Liz - it's not that unusual, but I think you should call your doctor.  Sometimes they can do a short term med adjustment for this difficult period.
    Also, related to your previous post about a lot of crying in the evening, it took me and my DH a while to accept that we should take turns.  We used to both loiter around when she was fussy in the evening and that was a waste.  Seriously get earplugs and go to another room and read or write or whatever calms you while your DH has a turn.  Try to accept that it's okay to take turns.

    KAM - do they have any ideas about why your DD is the only one getting bitten?  (I mean, aside from looking super sweet!)  Is she not mobile and the other kids are?  FWIW, I agree with your decision not to uproot her right away.  The decision with your DS is so complex and unfortunately I have sympathy but no advice!

    Boston - I've never been able to find any evidence that they really need to master purees before other types of foods.  I agree with the others who say it's okay to try little bits if she's interested!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Liz, when you start to feel guilty about DH's doing his part, consider the beauty of the future relationship you want between him and his daughter. He'll be the man in her life teaching her what it's like to be loved by a man, and a close father/daughter relationship guards against bad boyfriend choices and all that goes with it. Think about the moment everyone stands up to see your daughter on her father's arm as they head down the aisle. That unique and irreplaceable bond of a father and daughter is as great a gift as the bond between mother and daughter the rewards of which cannot be duplicated by any other means...and it begins the moment she's born. By allowing yourself a break you're also allowing their relationship to flourish. It's impossible to overstate the value of your relationship with your daughter, but at the same time, you can't teach her what he can about being loved and valued by the most special man in her life. Moms can be a lot of things to their kids, but they can't be the opposite sex. Parents can raise kids alone and things can turn out fine, but your daughter is super blessed to have two loving parents and can enjoy the emotional benefits of strong relationships with her mom and dad if mom shares control with her partner in parenting and in life from the beginning. I hope maybe this look at the future will help you let go of the guilt and embrace the joy of your daughter's having a fully present, engaged, and loving father...and get some rest in the process! Like Fram said, how things are right now is not how they'll be forever (or even tomorrow), and focusing on the future and how you want it to grow between the three of you might help get you through today.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Liz, just to echo others, I would definitely make a call, except that I wouldn't call your OB, I'd call your therapist.  She prescribes your meds, right?  So she's the person who would make any adjustments, etc.  And care for PPD and related disorders is about meds, but also about sleep, emotional well being, talk therapy, eating well, all that other good stuff.  I know I've mentioned it before, but it's also a good idea to keep track of when these anxious feelings are creeping in (is it always around dinner time, or bed time, or before leaving the house)...writing down when they happen helps you take control of them. 

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Thanks, guys. It was around 7pm and I just didn't know what we were in for, because the night before she was really fussy and crying a lot. I have 0.5mg of Klonopin for when I get these feelings and I felt better after taking one. I actually had an appt. with my therapist yesterday and she said that this is normal and as long as I stay on my meds, I will be ok. I am seeing her once a week now.

    But I will keep track of these feelings. So far, it is at night. Also, it doesn't help that people keep telling me "Oh she is 2 weeks now, thats when all the screaming starts!!!"
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Liz - all of your feelings are totally normal. Tiny babies can be quite difficult to deal with. You and DH are both in a totally new situation. All those TV commercials with Moms and Dads smiling lovingly at each other in the middle of the night are very misleading. A screaming baby at 2am is hard on everyone.
    My DH was less than helpful when my twins were tiny. I would have not survived if my parents hadn't paid for a night nurse to come 3x a week for 4 months! It was like he had PPD or something. My kids were diagnosed at birth with unexplained hearing loss and I think it shook him to his core. I was crying, he was detached and we were both exhausted. I only tell you this so you know that it isn't all sunshine and rainbows for everyone - we've all been there in one way or another.
    You'll get through the first few hard weeks and you'll start to get more comfortable with taking care of her. Sounds like you have a great DH - let him help whenever he's willing. One thing that worked for lots of my friends was to divide and conquer. So you do a feeding at 6 or 7 and then GO TO BED. He's on call until midnight. You're on call after that. That way you might get to sleep from 7 to 2am or so. He gets to sleep from midnight to morning. Everyone gets some decent rest that way. At 4 months we weaned off the 2am feeding and at 5 months they were sleeping 12 hours straight. Life got so much better at that point.
    Do tell your OB and or your therapist about your feelings. I poured my heart out to my OB at the 6 week port partum visit and it really helped me a lot.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: July Infants and Toddlers

    Thanks lil. I'm going to try an earlier bedtime tonight. I tried to get him down at 10 pm last night but it didn't quite work out. It ended up taking us until 11:15. I'm going to try 9 pm tonight as he started getting fussy at 930 last night. We'll see how it goes!
     
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