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June Infants & Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Poppy & Med - Good luck with your upcoming transitions!

    I'm really sorry to hog the attention ladies, but I am having a ridiculously hard time with this daycare situation.  I have had a stomach ache off and on for like 2 weeks.  I'm moving, so I have no choice but to switch daycares.  I called at least 10 and only found 4 that are either in my price range or have an opening.  Of those 4, I didn't visit one because I didn't like the state reports I read online.  (They all have violations, but this place didn't sit well with me.) 

    I am now down to 2.  #1 is the one with unlocked doors, but other than that issue, I get a really good feeling about the teachers, activities, and atmosphere.  Specifically on the 2 year old floor, there is only one door that's open.  When you walk in, there is a door on either side going into a 2 yo classroom.  And if a child went out that door, he would be in a gated/fenced area.  Could I be OK with that??  #2 is secure, but has a small outdoor area that isn't fenced in, in addition to a fenced in playground, so I still have to worry about safety to an extent.  I do not get as good a vibe about this place.  The first two times I visited, it was a timing issue because the kids were on the playground and then they were having snack.  Today they were inside, so I was hoping to witness something good.  There were basically 4 kids in a quiet room each sitting separately.  One was playing with a doll, one pushing a car, one lying on a mat.  Is this completely normal for 2 yos because they don't quite play together yet?  I think these were the younger 2 yos of the group.  It just seems so unnaturally quiet there and I don't get a good feeling about it BUT the room is only half full now and by the time DD went there it would be full w/ 12 kids.  Unfortunately, if I wait to check out the full room, one or both of the centers might not have an opening anymore! 

    I feel so ridiculous asking others to weigh in on such a serious decision, but I feel like I am backed into a corner.  Any thoughts, reassurances, or input would be so greatly appreciated.

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chicklet, it sounds like his weight is the only measurement that hasn't increased.  If he's outgrowing his clothes he's growing and the scale will catch up.  Not to be a "you think you have it bad" person - hoping this really does encourage you - my friend with triplets did that for all three of her preemies who started off around 4 lbs and needed extra feedings from the beginning.  She breast fed, pumped, and supplemented with formula all day, every day, for months.  And, took care of a toddler.  They are now a year old and everything has changed.  You can do this, and it will be OK before you know it.

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chiclet - Is it possible that at his 1 month appointment he had just eaten and at the subsequent visits he had not?  Meaning if he had just eaten then too it would seem like he had gone up 3 oz?  I don't want to encourage you to obsess about it, but you could get a baby scale (rent one maybe?) and weigh him at the same time every day to see if he is going up little by little.  Unless anyone whose LO had weight gaining issues thinks that is a terrible idea...

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chiclet, I can totally empathize...with DD it was really bad, how slow a gainer she was, and with DS, it was less of a shock, feeling like someone punched you in the belly and in not so many words called you a bad mother (can you tell I was projecting those feelings from my Pedi's mouth, since she did everything she could to make sure I didn't feel that way). 

    Two things to keep in mind:

    - every kid grows differently.  As a neonatologist reminder me, if he/she is ON the growth chart, that's a good thing.  As Kar said, he might be getting longer, which is sucking up calories, so he's eating but not gaining. 

    - do what you need to to keep yourself sane.  If nursing/pumping/supplementing is making you crazy and obsessed and even more tired (and I've been there, and that's what it did for me!), consider nursing and supplementing with formula.  I started that with DS, and it's been mush less stressful on me this time (with DD I was doing the nurse/pump/supplement thing too, until she boycotted nursing at 2 months and went for the bottle all the time...I still pumped until she was 6 months).  He's 9 months now and is 18.5 lbs and 30th percentile.  He still nurses morning, evening and weekends, and on "school" days, usually has 2 bottles of formula and one of breastmilk a day.  The pedi had me make higher calorie formula (so 2 scoops for 3.5 oz of water instead of 4 oz) to help bulk him up a little, too.  Might want to ask about that as an option? 

    Also, pediatricians are often a little obsessed with weight in the beginning, until your child starts to really be on his/her own curve, and not varying too much up or down. 

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Both Fram and luv have excellent points.  As a scale obsessed freak myself regarding my own weight I know that I weigh up to a full pound less after I pee.  Now, of course, a baby bladder is smaller, but it makes a difference!  And, as luv said, do what your gut tells you - you are the mom, and your baby is showing every sign of health, no sign of "failure to thrive" or anything other than that blip on the weight radar.

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chiclet, I was also going suggest supplementing with formula, even if just for a little while.  You could even bottle feed the formula with baby propped on a boppy while you pumped, and then use the extra bmilk once you have a little stash.  Is your pedi concenrned about no gain at this point?  A baby growing out of clothes is a baby growing, no doubt.

    Fram - my two cents - go with #1, for now.  You are not committed there forever.  If it is the one you have the best feeling about, and there is a spot, get her in and tell yourself you will re-evaluate after 1 or 3 or 6 months, or whatever you are comfortable with.  DD's safety will be a major concern for her caregivers there and I'm sure that they have a system in place - locked doors or not - to account for the kids at all times.  Unless there is a resport that they lost a child due to him'her wandering out, or a stranger walking in and taking, she'll very likely be safe and secure there.  And once you have a decision made - even a temporary one - you will feel much better.

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    OK, go with the first one, that has unlocked doors.  WHY?  Well, you may certainly also ask the director whazzup with the doors, and how they know where all the children are at all times - do they count every 30 minutes?  When a door opens they count? Do they blah blah? How long have they been open?  They don't have any kids getting out violations, so that's great.

    But then I'd choose that one, because you have a much better feeling about the activities, curriculum, etc.  yes, 2 yr olds don't play together like preschoolers (3's and 4's) do, but they do interact - they often play side by side and, frankly, they DO interact, it's not (ever) quiet in our toddler/twos rooms!  Well, when they are very engrossed, of course they are quietER but they still chat to each other, comment, and are active, which is a (wee bit) noisy.

    Are you in NH that there would be 12 two year olds in a room?  That's a lot of kids.  Go with the one you like better.

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    poor chiclet! Was that the PEDI who insisted on the nursing then pumping then feeding a bottle? I hope to heck it was, vs. the lactation consultant.

    I am feeling a teensy cranky about lactation consultants right now, who are often great, and well intentioned, and extremely knowledgeable and all that but sometimes I think they are the soup nazis of the breast feeding world. They have one of my mothers who has low milk supply for various reasons WAKING HERSELF UP TO pump at 3 AM every morning when her 5 month old sleeps through the night and when she only gets 2 oz at that 3 AM pump.  So if my baby was sleeping through the night, I'd be doing it too, and giving said baby some formula to offset my pumping and nursing.  Also, said lactation consultant wants her to pump WHILE SHE DRIVES.  Seriously?  Anyhoo. 

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    I actually think a 2 week transition, or perhaps a 1 week transition at that age, is a good idea, because that cold turkey thing can be very overwhelming for a child.  Remember your first day at work, when you had to master everyone's name, find your way (and back) to your boss' office, the lady's room, the lunchroom and the copier?  And you had to master the stupid phone system?  AND you are an adult who can ask questions, make plans, read signs, etc. while a child cannot when they are confronted by all that newness.

    medford, i think you should find out which classroom your daughter is going into. They should know which preschool room it is.  then get the teacher's names in that room.  Then go in and introduce yourself and your daughter and play for a tiny bit every day when you pick up or drop off.  You SIT with her in the block area, read a book to her in cozy corner/library, play right alongside in the writing center, art area, with the playdough or in the math/science areas.  Just for about 10 minutes.  then take her home or to her classroom - lather, rinse, repeat for the next few weeks. She'll have a sense of the classroom, won't imagine it's worse than it is, and will start to enjoy the new equipment and even see the kids and get to know a few.  Clear this with the director first now when your daughter is NOT with you: my daughter is getting herself all worked up about not wanting to go to preschool. I'd like to spend about 5 or 10 minutes with her when I pick her up/drop her off so she starts to see the fun things there.  That's fine with you, right?  It should be - of course, you CANNOT leave her in the room without you, as she'd put them out of ratio, out of group size, and it's not appropriate since she isn't "their child" yet.  But to visit with you? Should be fine.  Yes, I know you probably have your son at these times, but can he handle sitting next to you in the carseat for this amount of time or will he freak out? 

    Of course, if it's your husband doing drop off/pick up without the baby, he can do the above just as well.  I always encourage my parents of toddlers (remember, we don't have preschool) to do this in the week or two before we start the (11/2 week) transition for their child so they can get a sense of the room, and their child can see the fun stuff while having fun parent/child time.  It works well for those parents who do it - and the ones who we think are going to have a harder transition have been faithful with this and it does seem to ease the transition.

    Not gonna lie - your daughter will still have some tearful drop offs, and will probably have some tears a few times in the first few weeks at nap time, or late in the day, or whenever, but a transition shouldn't panic a child.

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Thanks for making me feel a little better. I really feel like I'm doing everything I can. I think this is just one more thing DS inherited from DH. The pedi does want me to supplement with an extra bottle or two a day but he doesn't care whether it's formula or EBM. I'm pretty sure that DS ate more before his last weigh in than he did today, so maybe it's not as bad as I think. In theory, I want to pump because I want to get my supply to match his needs but, man, what a pain! I'm trying to tell myself that this is why I get 12 weeks off from work. 

    CT - I tend to agree with you about the soup nazi lactation consultants. I get that breastfeeding is super important and you should devote time to it. But yes, she's the one who wants me to pump and bottle feed and nurse. If only I had more hands! I'm willing to do this through the weekend when DH is home and maybe things will look up come Monday. I'm going to bring DS for another weight check on Monday afternoon. Hopefully he'll get a few more ounces by then!

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALS76. Show ALS76's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chiclet - so sorry you are going through all this angst regarding feeding your DS.  Others have already made excellent suggestions - but I just wanted to say that I can totally empathize.  DD1 was a premie and was really tiny and therefore I was obsessed with her eating and gaining weight.  I tried breastfeeding, but it didn't really work.  For weeks I would feed, pump and then supplement with a bottle.  It is exhausting - I totally know what you are going through.  It is a never ending loop - as soon as you are done, it is time to do it all again.  I actually felt so lonely and felt like I was being held captive to the whole process during that time.  I would actually cry because a simple trip to Target seemed impossible given the feed, pump, bottle schedule.  I will say that eventually I had to give up on breastfeeding directly and just switched to exclusively pumping.  It was really hard - but I was on the edge of going insane otherwise.  Bottom line - do what you have to do to keep yourself sane and feed your baby.  As long as those two things happen - it's all good.

    On another topic - for those going through daycare classroom transitions... we had a very rough transition from toddler to preschool earlier this year with DD1.  I think part of it was made worse by the fact that DD was extremely attached to her toddler teacher and we had to walk by her classroom everyday to go to the preschool class.  Once DD saw her former teacher, it was all over.  Tantrum on the floor, begging me to not make her go into the new class.  It was heartbreaking.  Luckily the director and the other teachers were very sympathetic and let her ease in gradually.  If she needed to eat breakfast with the toddlers - they let her do it.  Cold turkey probably would have worked too - but given the proximity of the classrooms and the fact that she could actually see her old teacher through the window... the gradual approach ended up working for us.  It definitley took a few weeks though. 

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chicklet, from what you've told us, I have little doubt that you already ARE producing enough for his needs.  And, if not, supplementing with formula will not detract in the slightest from the good you are doing your baby by bf'ing.  It's not like it cancels it out or anything!


    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    not only could he have eaten differently before the weigh-ins, he could have had a huge load in his intestines when he weighed more.  All it takes is one giant dump in a diaper to equal 3 or 4 ounces.  If he's peeing and pooping enough, he's getting enough milk.  The lactation consultant sounds like she's forgetting you're a human being, not a dairy cow with nothing to do all day besides stand in a pen and be pumped while chewing her cud.  It's extremists like that who give breastfeeding a bad name. 

    Also, 8 lbs is a great weight!  My oldest didn't hit the 8 pound mark until she was at least 2 months old.  I get that they're worried about the range and the growth and all that, but it sounds like DS has some meat on his bones.

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chiclet - My babies were also slow gainers, but always managed to stay on "their" curves.  I would tend to agree with FRAM that a scale might be a good idea for your sanity.  You could weight him before and after a feed to see how much he's getting.  If the DA last week was right after he fed 5oz and the DA this week was right after he did a big pee and p00p the difference could be huge.  I would always schedule my kids DA's for mid-morning and make sure to feed them right before so it everything would be pretty consistent. Also, my pedi told me head size is the biggest indicator as to nutrition.  If their head is growing, everything is good.   

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Wow, so many things to respond to... Chiclet, I feel for you.  And I totally agree with others that you should not knock yourself out with an insane pumping regimen.  You are a good mom and it sounds like your baby is thriving.  (And CT, any lactation consultant who suggests a new parent should get *less* sleep deserves a good kick.  One suggested to my friend that she wake up every two hours to do extra pumping and I was so appalled.)

    Poppy and ALS, thanks for the sympathy and insights on the preschool transition.  I do actually agree that it might improve once the transition is over.  DD likes to know the "routine", and I think going back and forth between rooms is stressful for her.

    CT, as always, love your insights!!  Just to clarify, she was excited at the idea of going to the preschool room.  It was when the transition actually started that things went badly.  One of the main issues is that (at 2 years 10 months) she is a bit behind in her comfort level and development when it comes to socializing with other kids, and she doesn't like it when kids are in her space.  When they started taking her to the preschool room, there are a bunch of (fantastic!) excited, social, physically affectionate kids who were amped up to have a new friend coming in.  They wanted to hug her and say hi to her and play with her.  And she wanted no part of it.  (Side note: I always feel really badly for the other kids!  They are SO excited and it must stink to have your friendly advances turned down!)

    Anyway, last week there were several episodes of absolute melt down, and the director and one of the floaters that she knows well had to help her.  But, I had great conversations with the director and teacher and we made a plan where yesterday I went in early with her and spent about half an hour in the preschool room with just me, DD, and one teacher (no kids, and I got my mom to watch DS).  We all talked and played together and looked at all the different parts of the room.  I felt like getting oriented to the space without also having the kids around would be helpful.  The same teacher is also taking her as a shadow for a little bit and will have her in the same station or as a helper until she gets more comfortable venturing out.  Well, I think it was a good idea because her teacher reported that she did MUCH better yesterday, and while she seemed stressed in the morning, she had a good nap and seemed peaceful during the afternoon activities.  Oh, and when I went to pick her up, she was sitting on the floor with the other kids listening to a story with the pre-K teacher, where on Friday she had been on the teacher's lap.  Fingers crossed for today!

    I'm glad to hear that I was on the same page as you (CT) in terms of me playing with her in the new room.  I guess maybe most of the kids they have don't need that part of the transition?  It's a small center so they usually know the other teachers at least by sight, but she didn't know the room.  Her transition to toddler went fine, but it's a whole different ball game in preschool because of the kids actually wanting to play together!

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Glad to hear things are going better, Med!  Hope it continues.

    CT (my saviour) - What would you recommend for transitioning my DD?  Just as a reminder, because it's hard to keep track of all the LOs, she will be 28 months then.  In NH, the ratio is 1:6 for that age range, so yes there will be 12 in the class.  I'm planning for her to start at the new daycare center on a Thursday, so she will only go for 2 days that week.  I could take a half day or two if you think I should not throw her right into a full day at the new place.  She's generally pretty easy going, but I don't think there is anything so far that compares to the upcoming changes.  Thanks so much for your insight!  ETA: Luv's post made me also wonder if you have any thoughts on when I should start telling DD about the new daycare.  I feel like at this age, I could wait until a week before, but I could be completely off base.

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Looking forward to hearing CT-DC's thoughts, too, and DD (2.5) and DS (9 mos) are going to be starting at a new center in 3 weeks.  We're doing an orientation day the week before, and we've started talking to DD about her new school in Daddy's office, and how she and Daddy will go to work together.  We've also lined up a couple of play dates with her two best friends at the current daycare for those first few weeks, as a transition; coincidentally, both of them are leaving the current daycare this summer, too. Any other advice is definitely appreciated! 

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    For the mom with the breast feeding difficulties:

    Set yourself a deadline at which point, if it is clearly not working well you will supplement with formula.

    Yes, bf is wonderful and holy and awesome and moms knocking themselves out to do The Best for their kids get little gold stars and all that.


    If the kid is not growing and/or your mental or physical health is suffering, go to Plan B.  That's why we HAVE a Plan B.  Would you rather get patted on the head by the nursing nuts, or have a healthy kid and a healthy you?

    And if your lactation consulant guilt trips you, fire her on the spot. 

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    RE: transitions:

    FRAM, for your  28 month old.... I would tell her 1 week before her last Wed. at family childcare:  "In a few days you are going to say goodbye to Provider's name and start at a school! I'm so excited - Mommy and Daddy saw the school and it has a large playground and a special place where you can pretend to cook dinner.  You'll have your own cubby and get to sit in little chairs for lunch."

    And then if you think she's ready, I'd make a 3 chain paper chain and hang it somewhere (bathroom?) and each night you take off one chain, so Monday morning is 3 more days until we say goodbye to Miss X and hello to the new school, 2 more days.... today is your last day at Miss X's house.

    Ask her what she might like to bring to her goodbye party (check what's ok) - popsicles?  cupcakes? what color, kind of cupcakes?  you go, have a party at PM snack, say goodbye, and she can make a card to give to Miss X if she's really attached.  It's important to have the goodbye concrete.

    I love the idea of a thurs and fri at the new school.  I'd have her do a 1/2 day on thursday - get there at her regular time in the morning, pick up right in the middle of lunch, before they start going on cots, but she'll probably see the cots.  You pick her up (she may be eating like a champ, may be crying, but either way, you can feed her at home when you get home before her nap) and if the cots are down, I'd say oh, tomorrow you will sleep on a cot - look at the cots!  Let her choose a blanket to bring for naptime - children always like to have their own familiar (smells like home) blanket -if she has always brought her blanket to childcare, then bring that one, as it's the same one and it's the same routine. (find out what time lunch starts and what time they go on their cots or 'lunch is over' so you know)

    Friday, do a 3/4 day - pick her up right after nap (ask what time lights go on).  I always like kids to sleep before the weekend when amnesia strikes! But if you pick her up right after nap then she doesn't have too much time to get upset (if she was going to) and you reinforce that Mommy comes back, she always comes back.

    Then Monday can be a regular day, although if she had a hard 2 days then perhaps another 3/4 day - pick up right after nap. But have tuesday be a regular day so she understands that she stays the whole day.  (unless Monday was a disaster, in which case she's telling you she needs a bit more time) You can split these 1/2 and 3/4 days with your husband, I just say 'you' meaning any parent, obviously. 

    Now, when you drop her off those first few days, I would stay for about 20-30 minutes playing with her so she gets a chance to get comfortable and create a routine.  No more than 30 minutes, and say goodbye - no sneaking out! yes, she's going to CRY but she simply cannot find that you disappeared - that's uber scary, and she'll end up clinging to you much more because she knows that if she lets go you'll disappear again. 

    Take a special doll/stuffed animal as a transitional home object - it can nap with her. If she always has a pacifier at naptime this is not the time to change that and wean. 


    Luv, your 9 month old will probably need a few days to a week of transition if you can possibly do it - that's right in the middle of seperation anxiety and stranger anxiety. Can you do 2 or 3 mornings only, then 1 or 2 3/4 days (8-3 or something)? then Friday a more full day with perhaps an earlier than usual pickup?  For your 21/2 yr old I'd do the same because you aren't going to leave 1 there and come back.  She's already been at a center so will find lots of similarities (more than FRAM's because her daughter has been at family childcare) to the new school from old school.  you and your husband can take turns taking 1/2 days, working from home, whatever.

    If you can't do 5 days between you, I'd do at least a few 1/2 days or 3/4 days - again, mostly for your 9 month old.  Still, we find that even after the first week or so of transition and the baby is doing fine (not hysterical during the day, can be soothed by the teachers) it still takes one month for the baby to fully come into his/her own and reallly show us their personality.  After that month we'll start to hear the real laughter, chuckles, laughing hysterically, etc.  And only then do we realize the baby has been holding back a bit, a little tamped down.  (again, we're always kind of on our best behavior in those first few weeks/months at work, it takes a while to get to know people and be a little looser in the lunchroom, during a meeting, etc.)

    Your children will make the transitions well - be upbeat and happy (even if you are crying inside) and treat this like a new adventure - none of this "I know you don't want to go, I wish you didn't have to go, too, but Mommy and Daddy have to work so you have to go to school."  this may be the truth, but it's a bit debbie downer and not helpful to our children.  Soon you'll find your child tearing out of the car and running down the hall to get to the classroom - or, like at our father's day sports day event at a park today - one of the children (23 months old), when playing with her father, all of a sudden stopped and said "Where Miss Keisha?" - we pointed her out, and she smiled joyfully and ran to the teacher.  THAT's what you have to look forward to!  It's so nice when you see it.


  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Fram, I'm on pins and needles - which center did you choose? 

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Hi CT - Just saw your post.  Thanks, as always!!  I haven't committed to anything, but am leaning towards #1 and have to decide within the next couple of days.  Thanks for your detailed suggestions.  I should be able to pull off 1/2 days, etc. to make it easier on DD.  She has a lovey at daycare that they gave her for nap time; I'll have to ask if we can take it.  Her daycare provider and I are both going to be a mess on her last day, but we'll have to hide it well and be excited about her new school!

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    CT.DC...thanks so much for your suggestions!  The kids only are in daycare 3 days a week, so it's a short week, with grandparent time at either end.  We're doing two transition days the week of the 4th...orientation day where I come too, and then another orientation day where DH drops off, and then visits at lunch and takes DD upstairs to see his office and then I pick them up.  Then the "full" week begins...

    DH does work right upstairs, so maybe we'll see if he can go down at lunch to see DS every day that second week, too, as a transition? 

    In other news, over the weekend, DS officially became a crawler...and started really pulling himself up, as well.  We are in for it now!  

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Hope everyone had a nice father's day! I joked with DH at the end of the night that they should just do away with mother's/father's the end of the "special" day you're just exhausted!

    (Warning rant ahead)

    But then again we are in the middle of the IL visit. And they are no help. Let me clarify, they are no help when I'm around. the second I'm in the house they escape to their bedroom to watch TV. I'm left to cook/clean/take care of the kids (normal yes-but I have the added pressure to also tend to all their needs). Which is fine, but come on-they're here to bond with the kids, retreating to their room the second I arrive home (with the kids-they couldn't possibly watch them alone, so there's no running to the store for me, and the kids are in daycare all day while I work) isn't really giving time for them to bond. So this weekend I found myself doing all the cooking and cleaning-even had to iron their clothes! While they watched TV alone in their room. At one point I found a missing sippy which had rolled under the couch, spilled and the milk had spoiled-DS and DH were emersed in a Lego project and DD wanted a part of it and was crying since she couldn't be. So there I was tring not to to hurl from the spoiled milk all under my couch, DD crying, DH busy with DS and my ILs just walked away from it all. It would have been emensely helpful if they had tried to play with DD while I cleaned up the mess.

    OH, and the great comments from them! They commented how it was good DD has lost weight (she's 20 months)! Oh, and the mess they've made out of my washing machine with the "garments" they've had me wash (I know inspect what they give me to avoid any mishaps again).

    They forgot to get DH a present for father's day-which really is no biggie, but my MIL commented that she got my BIL something and FIL something and forgot to get DH something. So she ran to their room to regift something they had gotten for my BIL to give to DH. I couldn't stop laughing at that. Mind you in no way did DH ever expect a father's day gift from them. But way to make it awkward and point out that DH is the forgotten child!

    The whole time I am trying not to say a word, just keeping the peace. the last time they came to visit us was 4 years ago, and I don't see them coming to visit us again-so the arguments are just not worth it to me. DH is appreciative of my effort to keep the peace since he butts heads with him on a daily basis.

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    KAM: My MIL also comes to visit for 3-6 weeks a year from Europe.  She doesn't sound nearly as.. um... annoying as your ILs do, but I finally figured out her deal.  She wants to help, but is afraid of getting in our way, overstepping, or doing it wrong.  So if we give her specific things to do with specific instructions she does very well.  Maybe try that?  Just a thought!  I always rember that quote from Ben Franklin (?) that fish and visitors start to smell in 3 days.  LOL.  But it's so nice for the kids to get to see their Granny.  I just wish it didn't have to be a granny-a-thon!

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    Re: June Infants & Toddlers

    Chiclet - I really feel for you! I went through the same regimen of nursing, bottle feeding and pumping. A simple trip to the store can really feel impossible!

    Everyone is different in how they deal with stuff like this, but FWIW, I have some regrets about how hard I tried to make bfing work. I think I did the 3 step routine for about 3 months, slowly eased off pumping over the course of 6 weeks or so, and then stopped nursing all together when DS was about 6 mos. We had to supplement from day 1, so I at least had the benefit of feeling "in control" and not worrying about him getting enough. I had a friend who EP'ed for 6 mos or so and they were constantly worrying their daughter was underfed.

    Just be very tuned in to a) how you're feeling throughout the process and b) what you're giving up to follow this routine. It's so easy to get tunnel vision and think you just need to do everything possible to get your baby as much breastmilk as possible (and even the most well-meaning LC contributes to that!) but it really does matter that you feel like you can go on a day trip or have a night out with DH. I needed to very gradually wean myself (pun intended) off the whole process, but I had a friend who just stopped trying to nurse entirely when her daughter was about a month old. I think we both did what was right for us and our babies, though, as I said, I think I caused myself, DH, and DS some undue stress because I was slow to let go.

    Ok, I just realized this whole post seems to assume you WILL have to give up nursing before you want to, and that's just not true. I'm sure you've learned this already, but those who succeeded with bfing tend to think it's a foregone conclusion that you will, too; and those who didn't -- like me -- do the opposite. Take it all with a grain of salt!