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Kids Quarreling

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Micromom. Show Micromom's posts

    Kids Quarreling

    Looking for advice on managing the standard big/little sibling rivalry.  I've got a 3.5 year old boy and a 1.5 year old girl.  

    The younger one is at an age where she gets into his things, and invades his personal space, but not old enough to reason with, though we do go through the motions of "disciplining" her (a firm "no hitting!"  removal from the situation etc).

    The older one tries to be patient, but does have some legitimate gripes about her behavior which frustrates him.  We try to respect his feelings and and limit the bad behavior on both of their parts.

    I know this is par for the course, and I'm hoping when she gets a bit older they might play a bit better together.  Still, it's driving me a little crazy, and this morning I considered putting up a room divider to keep the peace.  I'd rather we all just learn to manage the situation better and I'm looking for insights or tips.

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Kids Quarreling

    Can't offer a bit of help since I haven't been there or have knowledge of what my siblings did about this (but, I know they didn't escape it), but wanted to say that I think it sounds like you're doing GREAT! I'm sure there are tips to be had, but in the end it might just be a part of having more than one child that's inescapable to some degree, anyway. Your littler one will become able to reason at some point relativelly soon (in the scheme of things), and as that happens, of course, your older one will be able to handle more as he matures, as well. I think if you keep doing what you're doing their dynamic will move in a positive direction as they both grow and add to their repetoir of coping and respecting others skills. Really just want to give you a hug and a little encouragement...Sundays are slow on the boards.
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  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Kids Quarreling

    We're heading into this stage...DD is 10 mo and DS is 3.5. We're getting it both ways, as soon as DD picks up a toy, it's DS' favorite. And vice versa.

    we've made some rules:
    1) there are DS' toys that are off limits to DD-basically his lovey, or any toy DD could choke on. DS knows she's not allowed to play with them. DS is very good and keeping certain toys out of her reach.
    2) if we are in the room the person with the toy first gets to play with it. If we are out of the room we don't get involved-if we get involved the "big guys" involved and the stakes are immediately raised. THe kids get to work it out. At DD's age this is working well since she is distracted easily.
    3) Turns, they both have to take turns. DS takes the lead on teaching DD this. We tell DS we need to teach DD how to do things, and take turns is one of them
    4) teaching DS the art of distraction and how to distract his sister. IF he wants to play with the legos, and she wants to chew on them, show her another fun toy to chew on so she's not into the legos.

    We'll see how long this works. But for the moment enlisting DS' help in being a big brother and teaching DD how to play and share is working.

    And we are also showing DS that even though DD is still just a baby she doesn't get away with things. Even the typical baby stuff-she's teething and went to chew on DS. So she got immediately removed from the situation (just to play with a parent in another room-it's no behavioral, but DS though she was getting a time out for biting since house rules state "no, biting, hiting, kicking, etc."

    That and we are starting a bank account to pay for all the therapy bills each will have because "you always favored XX over me!" It's unavoidable. :)
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Kids Quarreling

    About to have a baby in just over a week and will then have 2 kids 21 months apart so I know this is in my future... sounds like you all are dealing with it well, even though there's not one perfect solution!

    Just wondering - do any of you allow bedrooms to be "off limits"?  Like if one child wants to read or play in their room, the other is not allowed in?  Obviously not when they're so little they need constant supervision, but maybe when a touch older?  I'm an only child, so have no experience with this.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Kids Quarreling

    Poppy - I don't have experience with this as a parent, but as an older sibling I can answer.  Yes, my parents allowed me to play in my room and not have to let my younger brother play with me.  We had plenty of shared property, but it meant a lot to me to have "my stuff" that he wasn't allowed to play with unless I said.  Similar to what KAM said.  And that included that I could sometimes play in my room and didn't have to play with him.  I can't remember, though, if it was any time I wanted or just certain times.
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Kids Quarreling

    Poppy-I thought about having DS's room off limits to DD...but she crawls right in there on her own! Too many toys! Probably when they are older we will allow them to have their alone time. But right now, DS and I will play in his room and he is fine with DD being there too.

    The thing that keeps the peace the most at this age, is giving DS quality time. Either DH or I will play alone with him in his room, or go off and do something together. After those times he's much more willing to share and play nicely with his sister.

    Right now they truly enjoy playing with eachother. But I do realize this could all change in a heart beat! sigh.
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: Kids Quarreling

    What worked pretty well originally for us was DD1 having toys in the kitchen/dining room that were just hers.  The babies weren't allowed in the kitchen so she had somewhere to escape to.  Also more than once she's been sent upstairs to play for a little while to give everyone some breathing room. The hardest part was DD1 wanting me to be with her playing and not being able to since the twins needed supervision in the other room.

    The twins are now allowed in the kitchen and have their own heads to heads over toys so sometimes it three-way fighting in our household.  DD1 does still escape up to her room for time to time.  If I see who had it first that's the end of the fight and if it is something sharable like the play kitchen and its 800 pieces of play food they have to share.

    I struggle immensely with this same issue.  DD1 asked me why she had to have a little sister this weekend after a bit of a fight over Barbies.  The advice I've been given is to keep them on the go as much as possible to make opportunities for fighting a minimum.  My problem is that being on the go is almost as bad as the fighting in my opinion.  ;-)