Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    DH helps when I ask.  But I always have to ask.  And he does let me sleep in on Saturdays - although that only started after a big fight last Mother's Day.
    He says my job is to take care of the kids and his job is to go to work and support the family. I can't argue with that really - but I work much harder now that I'm at home than I ever did when I had a job. Raising twins is 24/7 - not Monday to Friday 9-5.

    Thank heavens for my parents.   They come by to help every week.  And once the kids turn 3 I can send them to nursery school for a while! :)
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    MissLily--the difference is that his work day ends at some point and your's doesn't from the sounds of it.  If the arrangement works for you, that's one thing, but it sounds like it doesn't and that you'd like him to be more involved.  I'm not judging--I'm just saying what's coming through to me in your comments.  I'm home alone w/my twins one day a week.  As soon as DH walks through that door, I'm running as fast as I can to get some time alone and "take a break" in another room or volunteering to run to the grocery store (not b/c we need anything, just to get a break from being with the kids all day) or pick up dinner that we've ordered out.  On the other hand, the other 4 work days, DH and I are practically fighting over who gets to do whatever needs to be done with the kids (except baths...DH does that almost exclusively...I loathe bathtime more than changing an exploded diaper...).  Weekends, DH is a morning person and I'm not, so he usually gets up with the kids and makes them a "fancy" breakfast like oatmeal or eggs (when I make breakfast, it's frozen waffles in the toaster oven).  The times that I've gotten up with the kids on the weekend so that DH can sleep in, he's up 15 minutes later anyway, so it seems kind of pointless--if he's not going to take the opportunity to sleep in, SOMEONE should ;)  Anyway, if you aren't happy with the arrangement and you need a break at the end of the day, I hope your DH gets that and is willing to step up and do more of the things you'd like him to.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    Our arrangement is much like LostGrouse - with the difference that we HAVE asked each other for help/a break from time to time.  I had some work related stress keeping me up a few weeks ago (so unfair, 3yo with night terrors, 6mo needs to eat and I can't sleep in between!) and DH actually offered to take my turn with the night feedings so I could get some sleep.  I guess I didn't ask so much in that case as he offered, but point is, we're 50-50 on average, but not every single day.

    One thing I was very aware of when DD was born was not enforcing MY way on DH about every little thing... as long as the kids are fed and safe I trust him to do it his own way (ok, so it took a little practice to "let go" but we got there some time ago - I think as a nursing mom between hormones and pure contact time with the baby it's a bit hard to let go, even to your husband)  Also, we're generally in agreement about what's ok and what's not, so that helps
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    Miss Lily - being a working mother I can tell you your job is much harder so I would have to disagree on principle with your husband.  I would guess if he spent two days alone with  them he would understand that right away. 

    I am so grateful that my husband stays home one day a week and I stay home one day.  I think this allows us both to have quality time with DD by ourselves and we each feel completely comfortable caring for her.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    I'm sorry but "taking care of the kids" is not a "job" - its a role as a parent. I am also home full time and I'm exhausted by 5pm - and that's just with one child.

    My husband works 60-70 hours per week, but when he comes home - he's ready to change a diaper, feed, give a bath etc. And he also cleans, goes to the grocery store - anything that needs to get done he's on board to do it.

    taking care of one's children is a "job" that never ends ... and there is no reason why that should be your responsibility even when he's home.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    If you were compensated for that time, it would come to $70,120/year. And that's just minimum wage -- good luck finding someone to watch twins for $8/hour.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    Canuk, I feel like we're twins!  :-)
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    In Response to Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad:
    [QUOTE] And she likes to play with her Ikea finger puppets
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    We have those, too!!  DD doesn't really know what to make of them yet (4 months) but I'm hoping she will eventually love them.

    Ditto the changing table - some of our best communicating (e.g., singing, screeching, etc.) goes on there.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rirlo01. Show Rirlo01's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    This is a great discussion, and I appreciate both sides to it.  It's something my DH and I discuss regularly, and several friends and I have similar discussions about gender roles in relationships - even before kids are part of the equation. 

    Anyway, I certainly agree there's room for improvement in everyone when it comes to language/communication, expectations, etc.  I'm curious, though, about the original post.  When I read it, I interpreted the bit about the DH taking direction not as a point about the OP being bossy or demanding he do things her way, but as indication he doesn't help without her asking.  If that's the case, I think it's a legit gripe.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from SarahInActon. Show SarahInActon's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    I guess this whole thing also shows why its really important to have these converations before you have kids and then it sort of becomes too late.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    In Response to Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad:
    [QUOTE]I interpreted the bit about the DH taking direction not as a point about the OP being bossy or demanding he do things her way, but as indication he doesn't help without her asking.  If that's the case, I think it's a legit gripe.
    Posted by Rirlo01[/QUOTE]

    Of course I'm not the OP, but I will say for my part that such was the case early on with our family. My daughter and I were used to each other after 9 months as one person. And since infants mostly want comfort and food, she didn't want my husband a lot of the time. But as she got older and more into roughhousing and running around and such, the balance shifted towards the middle and now is slightly in his favor -- this morning she climbed onto his chest and hugged him over and over and said, "I missed you, daddy! You're my BEST friend!" leaving poor ol'chopped liver mommy in the dust.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from momofatoddler. Show momofatoddler's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    I have kind of a unique perspective because DH is a part-time SAHD and I work full-time. Even before this arrangement, he has been an equal partner in parenting decisons and parenting duties.  (I dare you to find a man who knows more about the ins and outs of making your own baby food, breastfeeding or diaper cream options!)  As the parent who walks in the door from a long day at the office followed by a crappy commute, I know it is tempting to just sit on the couch and regroup. But I know that once I get home, we have equal responsibilities for raising our children. I think it would be healthy for any couple to change the roles up now and again so we can all appreciate the many demands on our time as parents, workers, friends, children, etc.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    Lost your focker comment cracked me up.

    Canuk I totally agree.  I learned that how I handle things is what works for me and how DH handles things is what works best for him but I did want him to do it my way early on!  It was tough letting go but DS will be all the better for our different styles.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Mini Rant - "Medals" for hands on Dad

    Glad I came back to this thread because I think it took a great turn :o)
    So far, DH is very hands on and we're as close to 50/50 as we can be with his working and my being on leave.  The other night, DD woke up to feed at 2:00 am and was still fussing at 4:30.  I was finally at the end of my rope and woke DH up to try getting her to sleep.  I felt awful because he has to get up for work at 5:30.  He called me that afternoon and told me I can't do that to myself and I need to wake him up sooner.  I am so lucky!
    One thing that is challenging is when I'm BFing in the evening and he lounges... If I weren't BFing, I'd be cleaning or doing laundry or getting dinner ready or bathing the baby, so we need to work on him stepping up to do some of those things... And I need to work on sitting still and not expecting him to be as antsy as I am!
     
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