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Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from CoffeeQueen. Show CoffeeQueen's posts

    Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    I wasn't sure how to title my post!  Hello to everyone new on the boards and I'm happy to see some familiar names.  It's been a loooong time since I've been on here but I have a kind of weird question and thought you would all be a wonderful sounding board.  I've always received sound advice in the past so here it is....

    DS will be three in July and I am expecting baby #2 in early November.  Recently my son has be come OBSESSED with my chest and nakedness in general. At first I thought it was because of the warm spring/summer weather and my wearing more tank tops (obviously he is used to seeing less bare skin in the winter), but now I'm becoming a bit paranoid about having to feed the baby infront of him. We've had a couple new babies born into our extended family over the last few months and more recently he witnessed my cousin BFing her newborn.  He asked what she was doing etc and I explained it as literally as posssible.  This all seemed to coincide with his preoccupation with my chest.  I've tried doing nothing so as not to draw too much attention to the behavior but thus far it hasn't worked.  I've tried plainly telling him about private parts, and that my chest is mine etc.....hasn't worked.  Anyone else experience this?  I do realize that he has months to work through this phase but per usual I am fixated on something that may or may not be an issue. :)

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    Hey, CQ, welcome back!  

    I don't have kids, but I do have a friend nursing triplets, and she uses a nursing privacy bib.  It doesn't seem to impede her or the baby and is no big deal.  I'd employ that and let the chips fall where they may.  The naked obsession is a common one at that age.


  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from amy-lynn. Show amy-lynn's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    Hi Coffee Queen, I have a four and a half YO daughter, and a 3 week old son. DD started getting interested in body parts around 3 YO as well, so I found a book at the library called "Who has What"

    We read it several times, and that seemed to help with some of her curiosity, and then a few weeks before DS was born, we checked it out again. It has a few pages that talk about how Mommies can feed babies from their breasts or a bottle, but Daddies can feed babies from a bottle. It is really a basic book, but it does explain the differences between boys and girls in an age appropriate way. It doesn't go into any details about how babies are made, but does include simple drawings of both male and female internal anatomy, so you can explain that babies grow in a mommy's uterus, if you need/want to. I found that to be helpful when DD wanted to know where in my tummy her brother was growing.

    My DD was very interested in touching, not just looking, so we had to have many repetitions of the "Mommy's private areas are not for grabbing" speech, but it really is a phase, and at least for us, a short lived one. She is still interested in seeing me breastfeed, but her attention is more on what her brother is doing (are his eyes open or shut, can she touch his cheek as it moves, etc.) than on me. I wish you the best of luck, and congratulations!

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    Honestly, the best cure might be how quickly it's going to get boring to see you nursing the baby multiple times a day.  If you just patiently answer his questions about feeding the baby and don't act like breasts are taboo (adult sex objects), just baby-feeding parts of your body, he'll learn it's not a big deal.

    Also, who knows what he'll be into by November. 

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    The novelty will wear off in a while.  Don't make a big deal out of it and it will go away.

    If he's really pestering, tell him he is allowed one comment/question per day.  Once he's used it up, he cannot mention it again.

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    Amy - that is a great reference! I've been starting to wonder the best way to discuss this, as DD (2.5) is beginning to wonder about the differences between herself and her 9 month baby brother...


    Coffee - I'm curious what your DS's obsession looks like. Does he constantly want to touch you, or talk about your chest, or something else? DD was very curious when I was nursing DS, where she would talk a lot about feeding him "from mommies b00bies" and would ask if she could feed him from HER b00bies, or if daddy could feed him from HIS b00bies, etc. She would also ask to touch. I decided to let her talk about it as much as she wanted, and I let her touch me occasionally, which really just meant a finger tip on me for a second, that was it. The novelty definitely wore off. I think it might have all gone on longer if she felt like I was restricting her. However her curiousity was definitely manageable; i'm not sure what I would have done if she was really grabby or trying to nurse, things like that. I wonder, too, if I'm more comfortable with her doing these things because she's a girl? I have a good friend with a son the same age, and she would not dream of letting him touch her, etc. So I know there are definitely different comfort zones with that. Good luck! The shawl is definitely a great thing to get, if you don't already have one.

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    I would hate to have to use a nursing cover all the time, but different people have different skill levels with the darn things.  I find them to be awkward and hot, plus useless as the baby gets older and either pulls the thing off or refuses to eat due to the distraction!  To be honest, it might also deepen the interest since there is something mysterious and hidden going on in there.

    My 2.9 DD has lots of questions and also tells everyone that the baby eats from mom's breasts.  It is a bit awkward but I just smile and agree.  To her I say things like, "no, only the baby can drink mom's milk; did you know that I fed you when you were a baby?" And, "no, you cant touch because breasts are private and for feeding babies, but you can touch my shoulder", et cetera.  Basically I try to be open about it while being clear about the physical boundaries.  I also brought it up a few times before DS was born, when something relevant happened, because I didnt want her to be surprised.  Like "oh, aunt blah blah is feeding the baby from her breasts.  Thats how mom will feed our new baby sometimes."

    i am a pretty private nurser, but I decided that I just had to go for the openness with her.  Interest died down in a couple of weeks.  Of course, as Poppy said, you may be dealing with a different level of interest, but this has worked for us.  GL!


  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    I have always been comfortable with women nursing in front of me, from the time I was a kid.  It's just no big deal, and I see it all the time in my business.  But I must say, having someone use those nursing shawls is very distracting - I actually am more uncomfortable than if they just peeled up their shirt and nursed!  I think it's exactly that idea that medford was saying 'what's the mysterious thing that's going on down there?' - I had that feeling this past weekend, while a new mother in our family was nursing her 4 week old, but later when the shawl was packed in the car she just nursed and I realized it was the SHAWL not the nursing. I am completely crazy and high maintenance, and I shall get over it (and tell her she doesn't need to use the shawl unless it makes HER more comfortable).

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from rama8677. Show rama8677's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    Totally agree that the nursing covers are a pain!!  I don't mind using them out in public but I absolutely refuse to use them when I'm at my house.  If nursing makes someone uncomfortable then they can leave the room until I'm done.  I agree with Lissa that your son will surely lose interest once you bring the baby home and you are nursing 6-7 times a day.  It's new and different to him but he will soon find something else that is new and different and become obsessed with that.   My DD1 was interested in what I was doing at first, but now it's totally boring to her and she doesn't think it's a big deal at all.  I'd just make sure you talk to him about the baby and feeding so he's prepared for what you will be doing. There are a few older sibling books that include pics of the mom breastfeeding the baby too.

    As for him being obsessed with you and your chest now, I bet it is a phase that will pass quickly but I'd just reinforce it every time he reaches for you or stares at your chest that it is a private area and if he wants to cuddle or touch you he can choose if he wants to hug you or hold your hand, leg etc.  You could see if there is a book out there about how boys and girls have different body parts and read him that.  Honestly, at this age, they are just curious and have no inhibitions like the rest of us do so he's probably just curious about your chest (which he doesn't have !) and exploring it through touch, visual etc.  I think it's a phase that will be long gone by the number No. 2 shows up!

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from CoffeeQueen. Show CoffeeQueen's posts

    Re: Nursing a newborn around a chest obsessed toddler in tow....

    Thank you all for the feedback.  My brain is absolute mush and I completely forgot about my post and to check back for responses.  I've been half joking that this second kid is taking all the brain cells the first one left behind!

    I am hoping that this too shall pass, like mostly everything else we've been through before.  DS is the kind of child where once he knows a behavior is undesireable, he'll push and push to get a reaction.  At first I was giving him the whole, "That's mama's body, hands to yourself" speech.  As of late I've just been trying to ignore it and just get up and walk away so as not to give a big reaction.  His pokes are deliberate because when he does it he will simultaneously say, "b00bies!", and smile wickedly. His devil grin is rediculously cute and I struggle to keep a straight face.

    Amy-lynn, I'm going to check out that book because I'm sure a piece of this is curiosity.  DS will go on and on about how mama has b00bies, daddy and him don't because they're boys etc.  Maybe a more concrete approach with age appropriate illustrations will help .