October Infants and Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    October Infants and Toddlers

    Happy October, all! I am so excited for fall to be here!

    Sorry to all of you dealing with sick kiddos. DS (7 mos) had his first overnight with my parents this weekend while DH and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary, and we came back Sunday morning to a very sad baby with a fever and sniffles. He got better as the day went on, though, and seems back to himself today.

    Despite not feeling good, DS has developed the adorable new habit of laughing spontaneously. He seems to do it in response to either an animal (particularly my in-laws' puppy, and sometimes our cat), a picture of himself, or looking in the mirror. He was being a bear when we left to drop him off at my parents' on Saturday, but as soon as we put him in the car he started looking in his little activity mirror and laughing like a fool. It was so cute!

    I'm having a slight issue with our daycare, and I'm wondering if any of you would say something about this. We love our daycare provider and DS seems to as well. She's been running her home dc for over 30 years, had glowing references, and every time I come to pick DS up he's engaged with her and the other kids and happy.

    My problem (if you can even call it that) is that there are several adults in the household, and a couple of them smoke. I hate cigarette smoke and can sniff it out anywhere, so I am almost certain no one smokes inside the house (at least not the downstairs where the kids are), but there was a full ashtray on the porch when I came the other day and I've seen her daughter and son-in-law smoking right out front. I'm vaguely bothered by DS being even in the vicinity of people smoking so frequently, but since they're not actually doing it around him and he's not in rooms with secondhand smoke, etc., I can't even cite specific health concerns. DH hates smoking even more than I do and he isn't concerned, and I'm not sure what I'd say anyway, but I can't quite let go. Thoughts?


  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    I would not only be concerned with the ? of second hand smoke but I would also worry about a potential fire,  I worked in an institution where people were allowed to smoke on the grounds, well they didn't always use the ashtrays/buckets.  The fire dept. was there at least once every month or two because for some reason people think it's okay to put their butts out in the mulch (mulch is highly flammable).

    Talk to owner and express your concerns.   Some people have allergies and experience nausea at even the faintest smell of cigarette smoke. 

    I have given up more than one hairdresser because I could smell cigarette smoke on their clothing,  just saying.

    Just my opinion.


    PS:  Maybe they could go at least 100 feet from the dwelling to smoke?

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Arcain, I hear you on the hatred of the smoke.  But it sounds like it is very separated, so I'm not sure whether or not it would really be an issue.  There is such a thing as third-hand smoke, the stuff that lingers on hair/skin/clothes/furniture.  I was worried enough about third-hand smoke that when my MIL would babysit my newborn DD, we kept a clean shirt for her to wear (my FIL was an extremely heavy smoker and everything out of their house smelled terrible).

    But I think the legitimate questions would be: does anyone smoke in the daycare area (even when there are no kids there)?  Are there open windows between where people smoke on the porch and the daycare area?  Does anyone who provides care to the kids (e.g. the daughter) smoke during the daycare day; if so, what is the protocol for washing up after a cigarette?  If all these things are okay, then I don't think you need to worry.  Easier said than done, I know.

    I am also feeling uneasy about daycare.  I love our daycare, but DD could potentially be one of the next to transition to the next room.  I feel like she *just* got to her new room, and she really likes it there, and I like the teachers.  The next room currently has only one permanent teacher (one just left) and the one that's there hasn't been there too long and I don't know her well.  Also, the kids just seem so much bigger and more physical than her.  Probably a lot of this is just my own unease!  I'm also debating applying for preschool for next fall when she'll be 3 (yes, I know that's crazy far away).  She could stay at the same place, but with the new LO coming we'll need to increase the days and I'm not sure if it would be better to have a real preschool.

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerbride09. Show summerbride09's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    I would second trying to ask the questions medford suggested, as far as where people smoke in relation to the daycare area. Also, does the daycare provider herself smoke? If that was the case I'd also be concerned about 3rd hand smoke.

    I'm glad fall is coming as well, but I feel it will fly by...we have a lot of things planned and events coming up. I guess it's good to be busy! If it's nice this weekend I'd love for DH and I to take DD to get a pumpkin, maybe carve it. I know she's too little to appreciate it, but I'm  too eager to start our family traditions :)

    Survived my first day back at work- it'll take me a while to get back into the real swing of things, but overall it was a decent day.

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    You could call the Board of Health in your town/city and complain, there are laws regarding these matters.  (smoking at a childcare facility)

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Medford, can you talk to your director? Are they talking about moving your DD up? At our daycare, the transitions are discussed between the teachers, parents and director, and they do not move up unless both parents and teachers feel it is time. DS is being held back on his transition per our request, and his teachers do not feel he is really ready to move up even though a younger classmate has moved up - he is on the small and quiet side and not showing any signs of boredom so he is staying put (another boy who is same age is also staying per his parents request too). They know he has a lot of changes with a new sister at home so they are willing to revisit the issue when it has been a few months.

    But we did leave his old daycare in part because the new director was just moving kids up to the next room as soon as the child hits the age without addressing the child's developmkent. 

    You know your child best... And hopefully you are in a place where you feel that your DD is safe, thriving and the director works with you as the parent and not around you.

    I can not believe it is October already! DS is doing well... We feel that we can relax a little since we have not seen any new seizures, and he is very happy in general. It is so cute to watch him and DH kick a little soccer ball around since he started a once a week soccer class at his daycare. He loves it... He takes the ball to the park in his wagon, and just laughs as he plays with DH. His language skills really jumped in the last week and we are enjoying this time with him. 

    DD is a month old already... And a little chunky baby. She was a pound heavier than her birthweight at her two week checkup... But I don't think she is keeping that pace of growth, whew! However, people tend to think she is older than she looks, even the hospital pediatrician who saw DS was surprised at how big she was. We did have some really bad nights with her and fussiness (10PM to 5AM of crying or nursing nonstop) that made even our pediatrician cringe and he recommended probiotics to see if that will help... Hard to know if it was just timing or related, but since then, we have not had such miserable nights. So no more DS running into our room at night to complain about the very loud noises from the baby :) that is how he describes her crying - every time she cries,  he looks at us and says "very loud noise!"


  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Thanks, Medford. I need to get the guts (and the appropriate time) to ask my dc provider. She's the most approachable person ever, so it shouldn't be hard. I think I just need to get clear what's acceptable for me and what I'll ask her to do (or whether I'll say I have to look elsewhere) if I don't like the answers. Good luck with your DD's situation. Hopefully they take your input into account!

    Robin, I appreciate the concern, but I'm definitely not at the point of reporting her. Besides the fact that I don't believe they're technically violating any regulations, I need to get a better understanding of what's going on before I take any action.

    Cwag, glad all is better with your DS. That's so cute about his reactions to DD's crying. Hope the worst is over!

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Thanks for the advice yesterday ladies!  I got huggies overnites and tried it last night, and this morning I had a dry and happy DS :)  He did take 2oz less than usual in his nighttime bottle last night, so not 100% sure we're out of the woods, but I'll take it!

    CWag - glad to read your DS is doing well with no more episodes.

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    cwagner - thanks!  good ideas and points.  One thing I'm not thrilled with about the center is that they don't seem to notify everyone about personnel changes.  They have a photo board in the hall, but it's way out of date.  I'm not sure if I am being realistic, though, in wanting to know about personnel throughout the center.  My reasoning is that even if we're not in that room now, either DD will go there later, or the LO-to-be-named-in-April will go there.  Anyone else at a center and do they notify of all staff changes?

    Also, that's too funny about the "very loud noise".  My DD will spontaneously say she doesn't like babies, and when I ask her why she says, "they cry and cry so loud".  Huh.  Little does she know what's to come!

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Arcain - Is it a licensed home daycare?  If so, I just found this on the mass.gov website: "Drinking alcoholic beverages and smoking on the child care premises during child care hours are prohibited."  (Now that I look at it again, it only says during child care hours, so the ashtrays are OK if they are only being used after hours.  But you said you have witnessed adults smoking, which is not OK.)

    I didn't realize how fired up I would get about this... but I would switch daycare in a second if people were smoking anywhere near DD.  It doesn't sound like the actual provider smokes, but if she does, I would find a new one.  I hate that DH smokes and DD is exposed to third-hand smoke.  He always washes his hands and usually puts a sweatshirt over his clothes while he's outside, but I still hate it.  He's planning to stop in the near future.  Anyway, DD goes to daycare full time (~9 hours, 5 days per week).  There is no way I'd let her spend that much time with a person who may have third-hand smoke on her body/clothes.  (Sorry if I offend any smokers out there!)

    Here is the link to the Mass website.  The document for a home daycare is called "Regulations for Family Child Care Only".  I read the entire thing while I was home on leave and looking for daycare.  It made me feel so much better to know there were so many rules regarding the care of my precious baby!  For example, if a child is under 6 months old, it has to be in the provider’s sight at all times, even while napping, for the first 6 weeks of care.  I needed to look some things up for myself anyway, so you inspired me… More to follow on what’s been bother me about my daycare!

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers


    Thanks, Fram. Hope nothing too bad is going on with your daycare! As for mine...yeah, looks like they may be in violation, then, if outside is considered "on the premises" (it's certainly on the property, so that seems like it'd be the same thing). I'm getting more worked up the more I think about it, too. I've already inquired with a bunch more daycares and I'm going to talk to the provider tomorrow as long as I can get her at a non-hectic time. I haven't told DH yet that I've gotten so serious as to inquire at other places...gotta have that talk tonight.

    Trouble, glad your DS is staying dry :-). That reminds me of the other question I had. DS has developed a habit of p00ping seemingly right after we put him to bed. I usually check on him as I'm heading to bed and, more often than not, his room stinks, and he has a full diaper when he gets up in the morning. He goes to bed at 7 and sleeps usually 11 hours or so, so we're talking a long time in a dirty diaper, but he doesn't seem to care -- he even plays in his crib happily when he wakes up. He's had a very slight rash just the last couple days, but Desitin seems to be doing the trick. So the question is, do we wake him if he's not getting upset about it? It seems gross to leave him in it so long but I'm not sure we could count on getting him back to sleep easily if we got him up to change him, no matter how careful we are.

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Glad that was helpful Arcain!  Good luck with the conversation and/or finding a new daycare.

    I'm trying to figure out how to explain my daycare issues without babbling on and on.  Basically it's been one thing after another that the provider mentioned off hand after the fact.  They decided to make their second floor an apartment for their adult daughter (whom I've met and is great)... but that also entailed a roommate... who has cats... and losing some of the space used for the daycare now that the provider's bedroom is on the first floor... then I realized another room is no longer used... finally not one, but two new kids started this month and she didn't mention it in advance.  Not that she has to, I don't think, but why wouldn't she when I speak to her every.single.morning?

    My review of those regulations showed that she had to inform the state about taking away space used for the daycare (but not us), however she should have informed us about adults who would be there on a regular basis (daughter and her roommate).  One day I was picking up and a child pointed up at the window and said "There's Sally" and I'm thinking, Who the hell is this person that the kids know by name??  Anyway, it's been rubbing me the wrong way - not sure why I didn't complain to you all sooner :o)

    Turns out I can access bdc just fine at home, so my work computer must be blocking cookies or something that makes the forums hard to access.  I guess it's for the best!

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Ugh, I posted this whole long post earlier and it wouldn't let me post and I lost all that I had typed.  This is condensed.


    Overall, the thing I would worry about is the weather getting colder and the smokers coming in.
     Also, an even bigger concern I would have would be all the people coming in and out of the place.  Are they in contact with the kids?  Is there ever ever ever a chance there might be a day where your lovely and wonderful care provider has to run out for milk and leaves the kids with her daughter or someone else? 

    AFM, I've been busy off the boards with a 3.5 year old who is done with the "honeymoon" period of the new baby.  She's still wonderful with her new sister (now 3.5months old) but definitely less than wonderful with me.  I really, really miss work but I also feel very guilty about missing it because I am so fortunate to be able to afford to stay home for extra time with the girls.  On the other hand, I also feel a little guilty that while we can afford it, it's definitely a tighter time financially than it would be with two incomes.  I have really wonderful, great days where I feel so lucky to be enjoying the gorgeous weather with my girls, a grand vacation, then I also feel exhausted and isolated from missing my friends at work and spending all day dealing with nursing a constantly hungry infant, trying to keep a 3.5yr old happy (impossible) while not totally spoiling her.

    On the upside, DD#2 rolled over (front to back) today and DD#1 and I both saw it!  Very exciting.  My first rolled a lot later (4.5 months, I think) but DD#2 has been earlier on all the physical stuff every step of the way so this is not surprising.

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Fram, that's really frustrating. The core of it is actually similar to what's bothering me about my daycare -- not keeping parents informed about what's going on in a proactive way. There's a similar situation at my dc with people I don't know being around -- mostly the owner's other adult daughter (one daughter is her assistant), to whom I had to introduce myself when I came to pick DS up a couple weeks ago. I know it's a home dc and they're family, but I would much prefer the dc owner to say "Here are the people who are sometimes around my house. I want you to meet them so you feel comfortable, and please know that the licensed providers are the only ones caring for your child."

    I suppose it's difficult to always stay ahead of the myriad concerns that parents have, but in both of our cases I think the owners did/are doing a very poor job of communicating. I think it's reasonable to expect you'll be informed about people who will be around as well as changes in the daycare space (not to mention the regulations). Are you going to say anything to her?

    Lissa -- If I'm going to confront her about the smoking, I think I should ask about the other adults, too. As I said above, I'm not worried so much as annoyed that she doesn't seem to think she needs to tell the parents. On the bright side, I'm not worried about her leaving them with anyone else -- either the owner or her assistant is always in the room with the kids, and usually both of them are.

    That's awesome you're getting extra time at home, and awesome about DD#2 rolling -- that is early!! I hear you on the mixed feelings though. When I left my last job I was certain I wouldn't want to go back to work. I felt that way almost until being offered the job I'm in now. But after the first few months, when a couple hours' babysitting from my parents once a week was all I needed to keep balance, I found myself wishing for more structure and to have a job outside of caring for DS. I guess you never really can tell how you'll feel. That said, don't feel guilty about any of it. Yes, you're lucky to have the option, but it certainly doesn't mean you can't wish to be back at work sometimes. As for the finances, you're doing it for good reason, and saving daycare costs, so you shouldn't feel bad about that either. Are you planning on/considering going back to work, or are you going to see how this continues to go?

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Lissa - I think I would feel the same way.  It sounds like you are doing a great job of handling it.

    Fram and Arcain - I was happy to see your posts because I think my issue is basically the same.  I feel like I don't have the full info on who is working at the day care.  In my case, it's a center and there are many (6?) rooms, so I just don't know if I'm being unrealistic or not.

    But I'm really feeling like they should have told us that one of the lead teachers from the next room up from DD's had left, particularly because that's the room that DD's room combines with at drop off and pick up, so DD spends lots of time with those teachers.  I thought she was just on vacation!

    Also, again because it's a center, they have lots of subs and part time people who cover breaks and vacation days.  They are mostly either students from the high school who are interested in child development, or ones who just graduated.  I think that's great, but it's surprising to me when I show up and see DD with someone I've never seen before.  We also just got a monthly newsletter, which has news from each classroom but just about stuff they're doing.  And it said something for preschool room like "Mr. Brad and Miss Lynn are excited to blah blah blah".  Who are those people??  Those are totally new people to me, and apparently now they're the lead teachers.  Anyway.  Not sure if I'm being realistic for a center.  I'd like to see a photo board with every staff person, full or part time.

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Med-I'm not sure how big your center is, but if my center informed us of all personnel changes, it would be a daily update I feel. But we go to a big center, 5 infant rooms, 4 pretoddler rooms, 4 toddler rooms and 4 preschool rooms. with such a big center there's lot of turn over, so we get updates only on our rooms from the teachers in the room. And one teacher leaving has a crazy domino affect at our center. DS just had one of his main teachers move out of state in June and they still haven't announced who the permanent teacher will be in that room. They've had consistent care, but no final decision on who will be the lead. Frustrating!

    But I would assume with a smaller center communicating those changes would be easier.

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    One of today's "Goods" under Worcester in groupon is a Levana video baby monitor they say lists for $230 for $109.  i haven't researched it at all, but here it is for your evaluation, anyway.

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Med - it sounds like we go to a similar sized center that you do.  We have one of each room (infant, Toddler 1, Toddler 2, Preschool, Pre-K).  We do also get a monthly newsletter with updates on each of the classrooms and what they are doing, but it usually also mentions any staffing changes at the beginning.

    I will say though that I also do get slightly annoyed when there is a sub or part-timer that I don't know.  That doesn't happen very often, but they don't tend to introduce themselves.  And our staff photo board is at the entrance, but is not up to date.

    So, we have some of the same issues as you, that I usually just let go.  However, I do agree that they should communicate major staffing changes to the parents as they happen, either through a newsletter or some other means.

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    I'm sorry for all the day care worries everyone is having. If it is any comfort or comparison, I'm not crazy about the car DD gets from my mom during the week - a little too much TV and not enough interaction. We all struggle when we can't do it by ourselves.

    I'm still very shaken by a very vivid dream I had last night that my daughter drowned in a pool. I woke up at 2:30, cried and could not get back to sleep - still haunted today. I suppose I make too much of my dreams, but I'm wondering why I would have such a dream and wondering if it's common to have such a frightening dream.

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    uuugh. ml, that's horrible.  When I have nightmares they're always drowning nightmares. I think being a lifeguard for 8+ years seriously affected some deep part of my subconscious. 

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    ML, get a book on dream analysis. You will feel so much better. The standard interpretation of dreaming that someone else is drowning is that you are worried about their health or well being.  A dream is always symbolic, not literal.  Remember that and you hopefully won't feel as bad. Has your LO been sick? 

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    First - people still smoke? And they take care of kids? Can't they at least empty the ash trays before anyone shows up in the morning? I'd ask about it.

    Fram - isn't this the place that lost your son? Or was that someone else?

    I think anytime you have any questions about daycare you should have no qualms about asking. You guys spend a lOT of money on this and should have complete confidence in your providers abilities. If not, you should switch immediately. There is nothing more precious than your children - no excuses for sloppy behavior on the part of these providers.

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    ml - That is awful, but others are right that it probably reflects some worry you're having. This is my total pop psychology, but I wonder if it somehow symbolizes you being worried about her going into something new that she might not be able to handle. Any big transitions looming for your DD?

    I can't comment with authority on the daycare center issues, since mine is a home one, but I would hope they would have SOME way of keeping parents apprised of staff changes -- maybe a newsletter or something?

    I did talk to my provider yesterday about the smoking and I feel better. She assured me that it is only 2 people (her daughter and son-in-law), and that they smoke exclusively outside, which I had guessed given that I can't smell it anywhere inside. Neither she nor her other daughter (who works as her assistant) smokes, and she went on to tell me how much she hates it. Unprompted, she did bring up the state regs and said that they have to smoke outside. Not sure about that given the discussion on here (does the outside count as the daycare "premises" -- maybe not since it's totally separate from the kids' outside play space? I guess we'll find out if she's right on that, since she mentioned she has her state inspection today.

    I am going to give it a few days, since I sometimes tend to get so relieved once I've garnered the courage to bring up an issue like this that I lose sight of whether it's actually resolved, but I'm confident in the important stuff -- no one is smoking around DS or in the rooms he plays/sleeps in, and no one who handles him there smokes either.

    In other news, maybe it's all this thinking about daycare, but I'm feeling down about not being at home anymore. I love my job, but I was just thinking about the time DS spends with his daycare provider during the days I work and it adds up to so much more time than I see him (he's been sleeping past when I leave in the morning, and I get home around 5 and he goes to bed by 7). I do wish I could have another day, so work 3 days and be home with him for 4. Overall, though, I think I'm having a hard time admitting that I want to work, even if it does mean giving up a few days with him. I comfort myself constantly that DH and I need to both be working right now, but why should I have to say that? I know there's a LOT of talk out there about this lately, but I just needed to vent a little :-).

    FWIW, this has nothing to do with the quality of care he receives when I work -- recent issues aside, I love his daycare and my dad and MIL are wonderful on the other days. Not to mention the fact that DH, who saw him less than I do now when he was going through the insanity of his old job, now gets to spend every morning before daycare with him.

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    ML - it's horrible, but I think it's also normal.  I really feel for you, I have been there.

    I hope I don't come off as a crazy, but I really loved the TV show Charmed, and there was an episode where someone was taking down the "sandman" - who came and sprinkled dream dust.  When people weren't able to dream, they weren't able to work out their fears and feelings, and everyone was worse off during the day.  I know that sounds a little silly, but I think the premise is sound that dreams are how we work out all these millions of things we take in.

  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: October Infants and Toddlers

    Thanks Ladies, she did have a cold last weekend and overall I have concerns about the quality of care she's getting during the day (from my mom and DH - mom allows too much TV and DH can zone off on his computer too much, basically I just wish it were me at home and I know I'd let things slack too). I also have been really busy at work and don't feel like I'm getting enough time to connect. I'm sure that's it.

    Arcain, I met with my mother's group's business networking group and we all acknowledged it was at least a 2 year process to get used to being a working mom. Be gentle with yourself, let the house be a mess just go home and hold your baby as long as you can and make the best of every work day. It takes a while to be comfortable saying you love your work, but it will come. :)