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Paternal PPD?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from LLTyrrell. Show LLTyrrell's posts

    Paternal PPD?

    I read in one of the baby magazines that Post Partum can also affect fathers and didn't know if any of you had experienced it...
    A little background, my husband and I are both young (I'm 22 and he's 25) so part of the issue may have to do with maturity or feeling like he's missing out on his "youth". But about 6 weeks after DD was born my DH (the d is now loosely used) said that he was miserable and needed to leave. He packed his stuff and left me with the baby and the dogs which was very overwhelming as I had just started to feel a bit down myself. He comes to see the baby regularly (almost daily) and when I ask him why he left he says he was depressed and miserable. Its been about 2 months since the initial split and I have been working very hard to mend our relationship. After reading the article about Paternal Post Partum Depression I asked if he worried about supporting our family and raising our DD and he said that was the root of his misery. My question I guess is how can I help him "snap out of it"... Did anyone else go through similair situations with their spouses?

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    I'm really sorry you are going through this.

    I do not have 1st hand experience with this but I do know a distant friend that did.  She opened up about it one night while a bunch of us were having drinks.  What she went through was a little bit different because her DH starting living a single type lifestyle while she was pregnant.  She said exactly what you asked your DH, if the pressure was getting to him and in his case it was.  He could not face all the changes at home, that she was not going back to work, all the financial pressure to make ends meat was on him etc.  I'm not sure how long it took for him to get back to "normal", I know that he did but it was not an overnight thing.

    Have you suggested that he goes to see his doctor or that he or both of you could go talk to someone together? 

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  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    I have a male family member who got married 3 year ago (at the age of 23) bought a house and his wife had a baby last year. He did not handle it well either - he put himself under a ton of pressure & responsibility and I honestly do not think he knew what he was signing up for (the baby was planned). He did some major rebelling against his situation and was (from what we could see as outsiders) trying to sabotage his marriage and get away from it all.

    You both need marriage counselling asap & hopefully he has friends/family that can support him as an individual with needs, but also not let him forget that he can't just abandon his responsibilities.

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    In connection with KT's post, talking to someone (both for him alone and for you together... and for you alone, while you're at it!) is the best thing you can do now.  Don't neglect your own mental health during this time.  But at the same time, it might be too much to expect that he'll actually snap out of it.  It will be a process, not an event.
    Stinks... wishing you lots of luck.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    I think true "post partum" depression is, in large part, hormonally driven and, therefore, can only affect a birth mother.  But, a man can certainly be overwhelmed and anxious for being a new father, and that can develop into just a real clincal depression related to the baby coming.

    In my experience, depression isn't something you "snap out of."  In fact, that mindset is very destructive because that expectation being completely unrealistic fuels the fire. 

    I'm very sorry you're going through this, and I hope things turn around.  But, you cannot make him do anything.  Nor, are you responsible for his actions.  Therefore, HE has to decide he has a problem that's worth fixing at any cost and seek help whether that's employing a therapist or psychiatrist (the main difference being the power to prescribe medication).  

    If he doesn't decide for himself that your marriage and his child is not worth working for, there's nothing you can do about it.  Depression is devestating and requires a mature adult response - getting real outside help.

    During this time, you'll obviously need more emotional support than ever.  I hope you'll reach out to your close family and friends and rely on them as you get through this.  And, you will get through it no matter what he decides to do or how bleak things feel right now.

    Best to you and yours,
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    In Response to Re: Paternal PPD?:
    you cannot make him do anything.
    Posted by kargiver

    You can't make him do anything emotionally, but I hope you're taking steps to ensure that you and your child are provided for.
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    I had the opposite end problem with my DH, some PPD associated with his advanced age (48). He certainly didn't walk out or rebel or party or anything, but in the first few months he withdrew from DD and myself. We were already going to marriage counseling (everyone who is self employed should be required to attend marriage counseling)so treatment came up very naturally. It turns out he had fears of not being able to keep up with my daughter as other dads might.

    Counselling helped a great deal - but finding other men in his circumstances was HUGE. Check your hospital and ask if they have a Dad's support group, talking to other men in his current circumstances is key for feeling "normal."

    At 6 months, no one is more in love with or connected to DD than my DH. They take long walks and swim lessons together and have long daily talks that my daughter actually participates in. He's mellowed with age and has his priorities straight and I am lucky for that.

    But being a 25 year old dad in this part of the country (where most people delay parenthood) sucks. He needs to find good role models.

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    ml -- younger fathers can't keep up with their daughters either. The trick is to pretend to chase them in a circle and then just kind of stand there and move your legs while they run.
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    Dang, LM, we could have saved $300 in co-pays if we just thought of that! :)
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    LL- I really don't have much to add b/c if he is not willing to work on this really there is nothing you can do.  I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this!  I can't imagine how hard it must be on you!

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Paternal PPD?

    Get thee to individual counseling.  You need to take care of yourself, and to work on yourself so you can make a decision about staying or getting divorced.  Now, I do think you should suggest that you jointly see a marriage counselor (you should see someone else so it doesn't look like you and the counselor are ganging up on him - or at least, that's what Dr. Laura Berman would say).  Because a married person can say that they aren't happy in the relationship and that they request that the other person go together to try to solve the problem.  But what you can't do is force him - Kargiver is right.  So if he won't see a marriage counselor, you still go by yourself, because you are going to have to get yourself strong enough to decide when you are done with the relationship, done trying. 

    Because you aren't going to want to be in this limbo forever.  But you have to get yourself strong enough to take a stand for yourself and for what you will not put up with. 

    Good luck!

    And, no, I don't think he or anyone will 'snap out of it' - it never works for anyone, man or woman, co-worker or love relationship.