Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    In another post, Nene mentioned something that reminded me that I wanted to start a post.  (about the extra cost of daycare for 2 children in our updates thread).  So, it was always assumed we would have two children. I'm an only, but DH is one of 3, and he always uses the term "our kids" plural when talking about our family.  DS is just about 6 months, and we are 36 (me) and 40 (him), so I'd guess if #2 is to be a reality, we'll need to get cracking soon.

    My question.  How do you do it?  It seems incredibly hard.  I know moms and dads have been doing this for thousands of years.  BUT, I feel like I am able to manage our family's schedule with one quite well.  And somehow I feel like it would be phenominally harder and I'd be overwhelmed.  I'm probably making a mountain out of molehill.  But curious for those with 2 (or more) little ones, how was the transition?  Any tips?  And for those contemplating (or about to) add to their current family of 3... are you just going for it or was there some real discussion about it?  Is it one of those "sure its hard for the first year, but then they can play together" kinda reality? 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    Since I did the two-fer deal the first time around, my situation is a bit different, and my "normal" has been two kids from the beginning.  That being said, it's just something you do.  I think there are probably challenges involved in having a toddler and a newborn/infant that I never had to deal with, but learning to prioritize which child's needs are more-urgent in the moment and getting two kids out the door is something you just do because that's the way it is and that's what you have to do.  If you want a second kid, when you feel the time is right age-spacing-wise, just go for it.  I think it's kind of like the first kid in a lot of ways--if you wait for the "right" time, it's never going to happen.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from trhoward. Show trhoward's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    I'm waiting on the arrival of #2 and thought this thread on the pregnancy board was helpful:

    http://www.boston.com/community/forums.html?plckForumPage=ForumDiscussion&plckDiscussionId=Cat%3a982ab641-9368-4d63-9123-280cf0ac364aForum%3a85f7c5b4-abd3-456b-860e-4cd13acf5dd0Discussion%3aab647bd8-66d0-4206-856f-eb8db54e3d3d
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    I guess I don't have to repeat myself!  Check out the other post!

    Wait until your little one is a little older and you'll see how it does get easier.  Things just become different and you're able to manage.  

    Oh and it totally melts my heart everytime my daughter goes over to my son and makes him laugh.  It's the best thing in the entire world.  I'm glad that we have two for that reason alone.  
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    Grouse, we really are living the same life... I could not agree more with this: "Oh and it totally melts my heart everytime my daughter goes over to my son and makes him laugh.  It's the best thing in the entire world.  I'm glad that we have two for that reason alone. "

    My DS lights up when DD enters the room (forgets all about his dear mom...) and she, in turn, loves to make him smile!

    I won't lie, it's hard at times, but there were times that having 1 was hard too!  It's challenging to figure out who's needs are more urgent - the baby's are obvious, but the toddler's aren't always, so it's a constant small adjustments.

    Like someone else said, you figure it out, because, well, you have to!  It's been going on for thousands of years, so where there is a will, there is a way!

    As for affording daycare, that too is a priority call!  I pay more for my 2 kids in daycare each month than I pay for my mortgage on my small home, but we are very happy with the place we have (a small center) and it's worth it to us to sacrifice in other areas (like a house where they can have their own rooms... someday!)
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    I'm in the same situation...DD is 5+ months old, I'm about to be 35 and DH is 38.  I also have the added component of having had a C-section and wanting to wait long enough to try for a VBAC (so at least 18 mos between deliveries). 

    I see my friends with 2 or more kids and I know it can happen, but also that once we add a second to the mix, things will never be the same, just as they are so different than before we had DD.  I grew up with one sister and lots of cousins around our age, and I know that I want my daughter to have that same opportunity.  Of course, she's surrounded my surrogate cousins, in the form of our friends' kids. 

    I think like with most things, we can plan forever but once we're in it, it will work out.  People always talk about day care as a 5 year problem (since then they start school), so I know that writing that check every week will come to an end sooner than later.  And I love that our lives are now centered around the 3 of us and what we can do together, more than where we're going.  I'm not looking to give my kids everything, but I know I can give them the most important things, including lots of love.  I survived high school without designer jeans, ESPRIT bags, or a leather jacket (all things I thought were vital at the time), but I learned to love reading, that family time is important, and that if I really want something I can find a way to earn it; I hope I can give my children the same lessons, whether I can afford all the latest "must haves" or not! 

    I also know that I'd rather have my kids be babies together and be relatively close in age than spread them out too much.  Just a personal preference...it's how I grew up...and my husband had 10 years between him and his brother, and he wishes they had been closer in age too. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from June08bride. Show June08bride's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    I have a 16 month and a 3 month....its a struggle everyday, yet totally manageable.  I stay at home and that is a struggle financially.  I wasnt making enough at my job to justify daycare costs and gas so it made more sense for me to stay home till our girls are older.  My opinion is if you are def going to have another...just do it.  You cant plan or save enough for everything and once your in the boat, you can totally figure it out along the way. 

    Having just my oldest was awesome, but once her sister came into the world, our lives became even more awesome and you sorta forget what life was like before them.  Im sure you know the feeling tho!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from hotcinnababy. Show hotcinnababy's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    I'm new to the mom of two routine.  I thought one was a handful but always planned for more and was the type to say, we better get preggers now before something changes my mind.  My oldest is 29 months and youngest is now three months, so my oldest was able to understand that a baby was coming as we got the house ready.  She is now in love with her sister and visa versa so as someone quoted above, it makes me eternally happy to see them interact.  I'm a big planner, so our morning routine, while not quite up to clockwork standards with a moody toddler, is as close to clockwork as I'm ever going to get.  I'm back to work now and we've managed to leave the house on time every day except for one when everyone but me decided to throw up at the exact same time!  My oldest loves helping out, but when it's not her bag it was something I could do for myself anyway.  My husband and I now joke that when the kids are up we don't talk to each other but through the kids - why don't you ask Daddy to get you more yogurt, or I think it's time for mommy to feed you, etc.  My husband has been good to listen for my oldest at night and get up with her when needed so I can focus on nursing the baby.  He does travel for work and that had me a nervous wreck for when he'd be out of town for 3 days (and 3 bedtimes!).  We found a routine that kind of worked, everyone got to bed (nearly on time) and he made sure that the house was stocked with my favorite wine before he left!  It is the little things.  I will say that the one thing that I put my foot down about - I got a house cleaner, and also now that the kitchen needs painting, someone else has got to do it.  My time at home (what little I have with working full time) isn't going to be spent on those things right now.  As far as daycare costs, yes, it is more.  We use a family daycare which we love and is the only place where the two kids can be together (infant and toddler) and it's worked so well for us, but we'll see in September when #1 starts preschool and we need to make two stops on the way home!  You can do it!  Good luck
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    IPW, I find myself sort of struggling with this. The plan for us was always 1 child. I had a horrible pregnancy, rough delivery and both DH and I are older - DH will be 50 next year, and we are not in the most ideal financial situation. We had reasons for only having one, mainly our age, finances and energy levels.

    But I cannot stop myself from wanting another baby so badly it practically brings me to my knees. I can't imagine how we could ever pull it off, but I want to be pregnant and do it all again SO BADLY. I'm really trying to ask myself, do I really want another or did I just love every second that I've had so far?

    I don't know how we would manage it, I'm not a high level energy person, my house looks like a cyclone hit it with just one child who can't even crawl yet, my husband would have to give up his work completely and be a full time dad, daycare wise. I just can't seem to stop this strong biologicial pull for second baby.

    Just about a year ago, when I was just starting to show, I attended the funeral of the daughter of a friend. I had watched this girl grow up (she was 25, I helped her shop for her prom dress, knew her from the time she was 12). Her mom was a single mother, and this child was her world. Even now, even to write this I get all teary thinking about it. Is my friend still a Mom if she lost her only child? How does she get out of bed every day? I feel this has had a huge impact on my interest in having another baby.

    Just rambling here, but I've had this same question on my mind. I look at the pregnant mom's in DD's swim class and practically drool on them.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    We've been talking about having a second kid too. It's something I never seriously considered until recently because I could barely handle the one. But now that she's 2 she's just so easy and fun, and she helps me out around the house. And the second won't be as difficult because I'll know what I'm doing and not freak out about every little thing. So much of the difficulty of having a baby was what my husband and I did to ourselves -- the baby can never cry, the baby must be observed at all times, the baby is constantly in danger, and when the baby is actually sleeping peacefully, she must be stared at intensly because she's so beautiful and also because she could vomit very quietly and aspirate it into her lungs and die (thanks, MIL). We never gave her or ourselves a break. Plus we now know how to bathe, feed, burp, etc. -- it's so hard to learn all that stuff through trial-and-error on your own live, vulnerable newborn. It's like learning CPR with an actual drowning person. Or like having to teach yourself CPR from a book while the person is gagging and convulsing in front of you. It makes you crazy. And our daughter was also refluxy and very screamy and feisty, right from the 2-week mark on. I feel like the odds are good for us having a super mellow one the second time around.

    I'm the youngest of 5, so I know that having siblings can be a real mixed bag. But my mom died recently after a long decline from ALS, and during that time our entire family -- my aunts, cousins, siblings, and spouses of siblings -- pulled together to take care of her at home and allow her to die there. Despite the fact that she was largely bedridden and often in pain, Mom was happier in that last year than I've ever seen her -- she had all her loved ones around her, catering to her every whim. She had visitors every day. And she could tell the same stories over and over, tell everyone what they should have done in situations with which she had no experience, boss everyone around, and complain as much as she liked to a captive audience. I helped out as much as I could, but because of my daughter's age I wasn't able to be there as much as I would have liked. What would I have done without my family? Mom would have gone into a nursing home, and she would have been lonely and depressed, and died much sooner. It would have been a miserable last year for both of us instead of a really happy one. And after she died I would not have had my family to turn to for comfort. My mom and I were very close, and it would have been unbearable. So that really turned me from kind of thinking about maybe having a baby to practically demanding my husband put some sperm into me immediately. There's something very special about family, even if you don't particularly like them. I want my daughter to have that (the special part, not the disliking).

    I'm about to turn 39 but I am not so worried about being an old mom because I'm already an old mom. I feel more energetic and together now than I did when I was 29 and drunk all the time.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from quadgirl1234. Show quadgirl1234's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    With my #2 on the way, I worry every single day how I am going to handle dealing with 2 but I know I will be able to do it.  Right now, with a 2 year old, we can go anywhere, get out of the house in a flash, do things pretty quickly.   I always wonder when #2 arrives if we are ever going to be able to leave the house.  Reality is, I know we will be able to do it.  That is my personality to, and I usually dont let things stand in my way.  I am preparing DD to be more independant like walking in and out of the house, up and down stairs by herself. 

    A while back, before I was pregnant I put a post up about how badly I wanted another child and DH was set against it because our house is only 2 bedrooms and just too small.  That never worried me because other things were more important to me like my daughter having a sibling, her not being alone when we are gone.  I have 2 sisters and cant imagine life as an only child.  Now that Im pregnant, DH could not be happier, escpecially since it is a boy!

    Circumstances will never be ideal.  You can plan all you want but something will always happen.  When I got pregnant, we were not trying, but not preventing either and it happend on the first month.  At that time, DH was not working, and our financial sitution was not good at all.  Probably not the best time to have another child.  But it happened, since then DH went back to work, and things are back to way they used to be.  I still wonder, how the heck I am every going to pay for two kids at daycare.  Right now DD is only there two days a week, and I work from home the rest but recently outsourcing rumors at my job have forced me to interview and if I do get another job, I will most likely be in the office 5 days a week which means, 2 kids X 5 days a week.  It will be a fortune but I know it will all work out. It always does!

    It is a lot to think about but really for us the most important thing was that our kids had a sibling.  Yes, I am sure it will be rough, but the times when they hug , fight, and love eachother are going to be the times when I know we made the right decision.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    I have been feeling similarly IPW.  My DH stays home one day with our DD so he fully knows how to care for her and absolutely steps up when he is at home.  However, I KNOW that he does not have her needs on his mind 24/7 like I do.  I think it just comes with being the mother but sometimes it is tough.

    Like you said Lemon, sometimes I feel that internally I make it more difficult than it is. DD is the best.  She is not fussy, sleeps and eats well so why do I internally feel stressed?  I guess it is just the constant responsibility of caring for someone and wanting her to be happy and satisified.

    I would be fine with just having one child but for DD I want to have another one.  Both my parents are deceased and I absolutely cannot imagine life without my sisters who are also my very best friends.

    Plus I figure DD will need someone when we are old (hopefully) and crotchety (hopefully not).
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    IPW, your comment about bedtimes at 7 cracked me up.  I know that some people manage to do it, but not in my house!!!  Ha!  The baby goes to sleep around 8:30 and my daughter sometimes stays up until 9:30 or so.  Granted we don't crack down because if we were to do that we would get 1.5 hours of time with them at the end of the day and neither of them is sleep deprived.  

    Totally agree about the cleaning lady, she's the best!  Also, it's important to have a great trusted babysitter who lives nearby so if you and your husband want to get away for a little night out, you can do it.  My DH and I don't have as much time to spend with each other alone anymore since we all tend to go to bed at the same time, but we make some quality time whether it's just calling on the way home from work or having those nights out alone.  

    ML--so sad about your friend.  She will always be a mom.  There's no denying that.  It's just sad about the lost/missed opportunities.  There's nothing fair in that to anyone, but unfortunately that's the way that life is.  Again, there is no right time and something will always stand in the way, but I'm sure that if you want another one so badly you certainly won't regret it.  You may regret not having another, but there's no way when you look at that sweet little face that you would ever regret having one.  


     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from hotcinnababy. Show hotcinnababy's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    IPW, yes, I have those husband issues too!  I find that making sure I communicate the need in advance helps, and I've found too, that it's a confidence thing.  He's amazed that I can handle it all.  I make sure he knows it's because I know I have naptime and a run to CVS by myself to look forward to that I can do it.  But it's not perfect! 

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    Lemon, I'm sorry to hear about your mom.
    I enjoyed reading that story.  Nice, about the family, and funny at the end.

    Tina Fey just had a funny article in the New Yorker, "Confessions of a Juggler" about debating whether or not to have a second kid.  I think it was an excerpt from her new book.  She hit on a lot of the same points you all have here!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    ipw - i think you can definitely set a 7pm bedtime for both babies and still have adult time!  :)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    Thanks, Med

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    **Lemon, I'm very sorry about your mom. 

    Having an 8 and 10 year old, I can tell you - just DO IT! You will not regret having another child.  (I wish I had listened to the people who told me that about having a third...) 

    My boys are 23 months apart, and I remember asking some friends how they could get their houses clean with an infant and toddler. It makes things harder for a while, but overall, I think easier. One thing that we never wavered on was bedtime, it was always 7:30 (until recently, of course). They are the absolute best of friends and I can't imagine not having my awesome little guy.  

    My husband and I are very involved with the boys and we love spending time as a family, focusing on them most of the time(too much really). However, it is so nice when we drive in the car and they can entertain each other, or if we are on vacation or out to dinner and we want to have our own conversation, they can play games or talk, etc. They are very different personalities; one is very intellectual and serious, and the other more athletic and funny.  But like a married couple, it's wonderful how they truly help balance each other out.  

    It's also nice not to have to feel the need to always have another playmate over, or take someone else with us, and they've learned to play together, problem solve, settle disagreements and that sometimes you may have to do something that may not be your first choice.  

    I always joke that it was a very good thing I had my second or I might still be sitting there like I did years ago, staring a my now 10 year old while he eats! lol  




     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    In Response to Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.:
    [QUOTE] I always joke that it was a very good thing I had my second or I might still be sitting there like I did years ago, staring a my now 10 year old while he eats! lol  
    Posted by MichelleandtheBoys[/QUOTE]


    I have quoted that joke many times
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    me too... I used to sit with DD while she ate b'fast and watch her... now I barely have time to get her b'fast on the table!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Question for those with 2, or more, little ones.

    Given the post above about Tina Fey, I was wondering if anyone else saw this: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20479888,00.html

    As a 39 year-old working mom about to have #2 (and worried about juggling everything) and a huge Tina Fey fan, I am happy for her and will be curious to hear her humorous take on having #2!
     

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