1. You have chosen to ignore posts from happy2bpg. Show happy2bpg's posts


    Ok, I might be asking for it with this question but my in-laws are driving me nuts so I wanted to ask.......

    My in-laws have addressed several gifts to DD from Santa.  This kind of rubbed me the wrong way because I feel like, as parents, this is now a special role for me and DH.   Am I freaking over nothing; most likely, but I am having a hard time this holiday season. 

    Ok, little vent here, sorry.....Not only do I go back to work in two weeks after being off since June, but I am also waiting for the return of dear ol' AF (which has made me a hormonal WRECK!!). In addition, DH's family apparently has a million little Christmas tradtions that they (he) insists we carry on with our kids.   His mom has been bringing over all this childhood holiday things (ornaments, stocking, decorations, etc) and he wants to use them.  I am sad; I wanted us to get a set of stockings together, as a family.  He thinks it's special for him to have his for  many years to come.  My mom still has all mine and I think that's where they belong.   They are part of my history with my parents but fine,  I get it.  I was starting to get over that stuff when I see the pile of presents his mom has for the baby and one is from Santa and another has a note that says she cleaned off some of his toys from when we was little for her to now play with.    Seriously!?   Glad he liked the Sesame Street people, but I do not feel like I need to have every little from him growing up to carry on with my kids. If there is something really special, then I can see it, but  I want them to have their own stuff.   Errrr, sorry, it's just all driving me a little crazy this week!!   Someone please help talk me off the hormonal ledge!!!
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Santa??

         Take a deep breath  and a seasonal drink of rum or brandy would not hurt.  Now relax and let it go.

          Getting upset that some of grandmother's things say Santa  is completely silly.

          There is no reason a child need have everything new for them.  There are a thousand good reasons for taking care of things and passing them on for use again.  For the values you instill in your children,  grandmother's message is a wonderful one.

       As baby gets older there will be fewer things from DH's childhood, because older children go through, damage, lose parts and wear out a lot of things.  The occasional books, Lionel trains, or Erector sets or Monopoly games will be there, and these can be occasions for Daddy talking about when he was just their age.  How nice of grandmother!

        As for stockings, my first godchild's grandmother came to visit just before baby's first Christmas at 11 months, complete with filled stockings she had made years back for her son and a Mom and Dad one, with a new matching one for baby. 
         I thought my cousin who had purchased some and embroidered names on them and hung them on the mantel weeks before would blow a gasket.

         Then an Army nurse friend who was visiting on leave said- how wonderful.  You know when we were children, we visited my great grandparents every Christmas eve, and had our stockings brought home from there.  But Mom hung ours  Christmas Eve., and starting every day from Christmas morning until 12th night (little Christmas) someone would put in a small gift.  Sometimes parents, or any visitor to the house who had brought something "stocking size."

       Ten years later, they still have their own family tradition.  Grandmother's stockings come with her and are opened Christmas eve.  Then Jan 6th they open the family "12 days of Christmas"  stockings.  When some family and godparents send the 3 kids gifts, we put in at least 1 stocking stuffer since Mom and Dad's budget is now stretched thin,  but there is no problem with stockings.  It even helps with the letdown after Christmas morning.

         They order an Advent calendar every year that has Advent, and below, the 12 days of Christmas, symbolic of the time the wise men and others made their way to bring gifts.

         Make your own traditions.  If you do not celebrate  little Christmas, start with a present a day added to each for a couple of weeks of Advent.  The kids love seeing them get bigger day by day!  Or go from Christmas to New Year's, otherwise a nothing holiday for most kids.

        No sense getting upset over gifts of love -  they are precious, and not everyone is so lucky!  :)    Wag
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Is this DD's first Christmas? Grandparent's get rather excited and overstep their boundaries in their well meaning excitement.

    At least you have things from DH's childhood for DD to have and cherish-my ILs threw everything out, saved nothing from his childhood. Nothing.

    I know my parents are going a bit crazy this year. My mother's theory, and I'm okay with it, let the grandparent's spoil the kids when they're younger and it doesn't matter who the presents come from.

    As for the From Santa-I'm totally with you on that! Parent's give gifts from Santa. I'd talk with your MIL and said that you guys will take care of the gifts from Santa, they get to take the credit for all the gifts. Claim it's a tradition from your family that you will continue with your DD.

    Best of luck!

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from happy2bpg. Show happy2bpg's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Thanks ladies.    I know I should not be complaining and it is nice for DD to have things from both of us from when we were little.  I definitely want to share our memories with her.  I just don't know why it is bothering me so much that my MIL has been doing this.   I have some stuff from growing up, but not a whole heck of a lot.  Saved the important things, like my special doll, but not much else.   I guess I just feel like my toes are being stepped all over and they are not leaving me much room. DH and I have kind of been arguing about all the tradition nonsense too, so I am just feeling a little sensitive right now.  DD is only 4 months and we know she doesn't even what's going on so it's not a big deal.   Since I have gone 12 weeks without a paycheck, we are not getting her anything this Christmas; just cannot afford it.  I am really wanting to but, really, it's not worth it.   I'm sure I'll get over it all.
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from tbracer39. Show tbracer39's posts

    Re: Santa??

    My mom has been addressing a few gifts from her as from santa since my oldest son was little (he's 5 now.) He thinks it is great that Santa leaves him gifts at his house and at nana's. I don't see anything wrong with it.
    My mom did just give me a bunch of my baby's 1st ornaments and they are hanging on our tree with my kids' ornaments. Like whatawag, my husband has nothing from his childhood and it's mostly because Christmas' were horrible for him growing up. So I don't see an issue with having some of your husbands old ornaments hanging on your tree.
    As far as the old toys, I don't know about gifting those, but my mom also hung on to tons of toys from my brothers' childhood. Those stay at my mom's house for the most part where he plays with them and occasionaly he'll bring one home (he recently found a Wolverine action figure he couldn't leave behind :-) ) We usually leave some of my mom's "santa" presents at her house so he can play with them there.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kaydo. Show kaydo's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Happy - I think I'd be with you... it's not any one of the things your MIL is doing (which, individually, if they were the ONLY thing she was doing, probably wouldn't annoy you so much) - it's the accumulation of things.  My MIL is a big over-boundary-stepper so I know exactly where you're coming from.  I don't have any great advice but I definitely feel your pain!  One of the most infuriating holiday moments I've ever had in my life was when my MIL told DH that she didn't understand why we feel the need to spend every other Christmas with my family in Canada.  To quote her: "Her family is so big, they won't miss you.  Our family is small, we miss you more.  You should spend Christmases with us."  It didn't even OCCUR to her that, uhhh, we see their family all the time, my family lives in a different country, we see them a few times a year if we're lucky, and I MISS THEM!  (Plus, Christmas with my big, loud, boisterous family is WAY more fun that strained, polite, uncomfortable Christmas with his dullsville family, anyway.)

    Anyway, one thing I think I would tell your MIL is that you'd prefer she address her gifts from the grandparents and leave the Santa gifts to you and DH.  She probably just didn't want it to look like there were a whole bunch of grandparent gifts but even though DS won't know the difference this year, you probably want to set the precedent for the future.  Good luck! 

    (And good luck going back to work.  I go back in mid-February and I'm already dreading it.)
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Santa??

    happy--I understand your stress. Just remember that in a few days all the Christmas stuff will be done. I think *everyone* may go a little nuts when a first child/grandchild arrives (I am assuming that based on your MIL's interference). Hopefully as the years go on, your DH will feel more secure in wanting to have your own family traditions.

    I am really responding because I am totally thinking of you and your return to school. I am also back to school after the holiday break and I am in a total state of denial/disbelief/panic/sadness. I don't want to return at all--I feel that if I am going to spend my day with children that I want it to be my own child! (Plus, there's some cr*ppy stuff with my return, out of my control, that adds to my stress.) I am sure that I'll have some crying/pouting fits in the next couple of weeks. Just know I am totally understanding and sympathetic. We can commiserate with each other.
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Happy...take some deep breaths and have a nice, tall glass of egg nog :)

    1.)  DH needs to firmly but nicely tell his parents that Santa gifts are the exclusive domain of the children's parents.  Possibly let it go this year (LO won't remember anyway), but make sure that at some point over the next few weeks or months, and again early next December, DH communicates this to his parents.  Your in-laws are used to having been Santa for a couple of decades, so it's probably not something they gave much thought to, but it's your and DH's turn now, so they need to step back.  If DH's grandparents did not give presents from Santa, make sure that he reminds his parents of this as part of that conversation. 

    2.)  Let me put the ornament/decorations etc. in perspective.  EVERY SINGLE YEAR from the time I was about 7 or 8 years old, my parents got each of us a special ornament that represented something about us at the time.  If we were taking a dance class or playing a musical instrument or playing a particular sport, etc., the ornament would have something to do with that.  On top of that, my mother has saved every single last one of the ornaments I made as an art project in school.  Her intent has always been that when we have our own houses/families, that she would give us those ornaments to decorate our trees with.  I never really appreciated it when I was younger and have only really fully-appreciated it over the past year or two.  I suspect that these ornaments that your MIL is giving to DH are representative of him and his life up until now and if I were you, I would try to see them that way and fully-embrace using them to decorate your tree.  And maybe your NEW tradition can be getting LO an ornament every year?

    On the other side, DH's grandmother makes a stocking for all new family members--either when they are born or when they marry into the family.  They really are beautiful.  I received one as a wedding present; DD and DS received theirs a couple months ago when DH's grandparents came to visit.  DH's stocking was actually made by his GREAT-grandmother (and was the last one she did before passing the responsibility to her DIL--DH's grandmother).  I think it's a wonderful tradition and we have them all hanging up now. 

    My mother has lots of our toys from when we were little, but she keeps them at her house and lets us know if DS or DD seems to really like any of them (so that we can get an updated variation of said toy for our house).

    I should also note that I believed in Santa until I was 10, and had to pretend to believe in Santa until my brother was 10 (I was a senior in high school by then) because he still believed.  DH's mother, on the other hand, TOLD him there wasn't a Santa when he was pretty young--5 or 6.  I have told DH that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are our children EVER to be told ANYTHING that would indicate Santa isn't real.  Anyone who does WILL NOT be welcome in our home (DH's mother also took it upon herself to tell DH's cousin when she was still quite young too).  It was also tradition in our family that presents from Santa were not wrapped.  On Xmas morning, we could play with our Santa presents until our parents were ready to get up and open the wrapped presents.  DH has seen the light, and has agreed that Santa will not wrap presents in our house either since it may buy us an extra couple of hours of sleep on future Xmas mornings when we will have been up all night assembling toy kitchens or bicycles, etc.

    All of this being said, it IS important for the two of you to create your OWN traditions, and you and DH should have a heart-to-heart about what you remember about your Christmases growing up and what you would like to carry on or things you've heard about that you would like to incorporate.  It really doesn't have to be all or nothing.  For instance, I heard about "The elf on the shelf" tradition from another mother of twins and DH and I both LOVED this idea and will start doing it next year.  (You get a toy elf and from Thanksgiving or early December-ish, you put it somewhere where it can "watch" your child/children and it will go back to the North Pole every night and report to Santa whether the kids are being "naughty or nice."  Every night, you move the elf to another location (so the kids know he's left and come back) and the kids can look for him every morning.  You can give the elf a name, and no one is allowed to touch the elf, but they can talk to him.  Apparently there are kits and a book, but really, you just need an elf-looking toy.)  We're both really looking forward to incorporating this new tradition and feel like it fits into what we want out children's Christmases to be like.  Yes, you are starting your own family now, but that doesn't erase who you used to be and where you came from.  This is your chance to keep the best of the best, put aside the things that don't "fit" anymore, and to create new traditions that "fit" better.
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Happy, I don't have children, but your post reminds me of when I got engaged.  I was engaged for about a day when people started saying things to me like, "Could you avoid getting married on such-and-such a date, because that would be inconvenient!" etc.  Finally I just asked for some breathing room to enjoy being engaged for a bit before having to think about all the "stuff" that comes along with planning a wedding!  I know that these people were only saying these things to me because they were so excited I was (finally) getting married and didn't want anything to get in the way of them attending the big event! But I needed to take it all in myself before being able to address their needs (which I eventually did, making sure the date worked for everyone I love). 

    It sounds like you just want to enjoy and take in this first Christmas with your LO, and you're not getting that breathing room from your/DH's/LO's love ones.  It must be so overwhelming to be a first time parent, trying to determine what your traditions will be when people outside of you and DH are constantly saying, "what about this?  what about this?"

    Sorry, I don't really have any "advice", just wanted to say I can understand why you'd be feeling the way you're feeling.  I hope it all works out and you have a wonderful Christmas!
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from happy2bpg. Show happy2bpg's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Thanks everyone!!!   And I totally agree that it IS great for him to have some things from when he was little.  He used to (and still does ) get a TOn of ornaments every year from his aunt and uncle.  I think a previous poster was right in saying that it's any one thing, and I know my MIL is excited and means well, but it's just everything together.    I LOVE the idea of having a special box of DH' toys from his childhood at Nana's and DD can see them, play with them and hear all about Daddy's childhood days when she visits.  I am going to somehow gently suggest this to her.  My MIL is 3 miles down the road, so it's not like she's not part of our life or never sees her.  I also think it would be a little easier if I had some negotiating room with DH but he is standing steadfast by all of his traditions.   Like, I went online yesterday and ordered DD her first stocking, soooo adorable with a little pocket for a letter to Santa, and he was not happy because it wasn't the classic red and white, like his.   I am trying to incorporate his traditions but he's not making it any easier (he is sooo stubborn).   My family doesn't have a whole lot of traditions that we did absolutely every year.  I am not so much about the things as I am about being with the people I love and just sharing happy times.  We chatted again last night and a little more this morning and hopefully things will be better and we can move forward with the rest of the holiday without incident.    I never would have predicted that this would have been such a huge issue.  If I wasn't so insanely hormonal, it probably would be a little different.

    So, having said that, as  I mentioned yesterday I am still waiting for my first visit from AF since giving birth.  Clearly she's coming since I am on the emotional rollercoaster ride from hell.  Can anyne share their experiences with their first visit from AF and tell me what else I might be able to expect???
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Happy--your hormones will be out of whack for about a year after giving birth (some would say 18 years ;)  ) so what you're feeling may not necessarily be AF-related.  Are you nursing/pumping?  Are you on the mini-pill?  Or another form of birth control?  I've been on the mini-pill since my 6-week post-partum appt. and I'm still pumping 3 - 4 times/day.  I still haven't gotten AF (babies are 7 months old now).  But back to the hormones...don't forget that you are under alot of stress right now, so even if you know for a fact that you're "due," it may be delayed b/c of the stress.  And even if you only "suspect" it, bc you feel hormonal, it may "only" be the Mommy hormones kicking in due to all the stress.  Ah...good times ;)
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Santa??

    She won't know you are really "Santa" for a long time so what's the impact of having their grandparents address some presents from Santa?  Your child will think those presents are really from SANTA not you or them.
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kaydo. Show kaydo's posts

    Re: Santa??

    LOVE the "Elf on the Shelf" idea... totally going to do that when DS is older.
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Daisy, the elf-on-the-shelf tradition is one of the cutest traditions, I have heard of in a long time. Too bad our children are all grown up.

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Notanewbie. Show Notanewbie's posts

    Re: Santa??

    I feel like I'm often a naysayer on this board, but really I'm not so bad in real life.  I just have to say that elf-on-a-shelf creeps me out.  I would have been severely freaked out as a child with an active imagination who believed in ghosts and monsters that lived over my canopy bed and under the bedskirt.  If an adult had ever suggested that a doll was watching me, I would have been freaked out beyond belief. Probably not a problem if you start out with our little babies, but beware for older children with vivid imaginations.

    As a side note, you know those dolls that have eyes that open and close when you pick them up or lay them down? I read something once that said the spring inside the doll's head that causes that action can sometimes break and the eyes will open spontaneously while the doll is just laying there. I literally would have dropped dead if that had ever happened to one of my dolls.
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Santa??


    That is hysterical.  It never crossed my mind that it could be scary to a kid, but, of course, if it freaked one of my kids out, the elf would go back to the North Pole permanently :)  I have one of those dolls you're talking about (my favorite from when I was little), and the spring has broken and one of the eyes is always open and one is always closed (stuck).  I probably would've been completely freaked out if the eyes opened on their own too!!!

    That reminds me that there was an article/column on the "Moms" page sometime in the past couple of months about a 3 year old who was completely freaked out about Santa and didn't want Santa to come to the house and kept asking his mother "Santa's not going to come to our house, right?" and didn't even want Santa to leave toys for him at Grandma's house.  Poor little thing!  It's sad but kind of funny that kids can get so freaked out over things like this.
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Notanewbie -  The ever watching-  and reporting on behavior -  creeps me out too.  Just what I would never want, to raise my child thinking big brother is always watching.
       Funny that something that delights so many can  so disturb others of us.
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from happy2bpg. Show happy2bpg's posts

    Re: Santa??

    Post Holiday Update:

    AF made her grand re-appearance on Christmas morning.   I knew she was coming since I've been having bouts of cramps and backache the last week or so.  Not to mention the hormones.  I have to say that it was an awful feeling knowing how irrational I was being and not being able to do much about it.  And the crying...oh the crying!!   Exercise has always been my stress release but I haven't done much walking lately since the weather got colder.   I contemplated going back on the pill but really don't want to because I used to get migraines.   I came off long before I was married and haven't had a migraine since.  So I hope things will get better as the year goes on and not all cycles will be as intense. 

    As far as the actual holiday is concerned, we had a great one!   It was busy because we tried to get everywhere and see everyone and DD was quite fussy most of the time.  Poor thing was just so tired and off her routine and way over stimulated.  Everything was fine with the IL's and I actually have to admit that the time we had at our house Christmas morning having brunch and opening presents was probably my favorite.  I am sure the mamosis had something to do with that!!!!    Since this was our first Christmas with DD we wanted to see everyone (no pressure from anyone but ourselves really) and I am definitely re-thinking it for next year.  I have a big extended family (dad 1 of 6 and mom 1 of 4) so my family has always done dads family on Christmas eve and mom's family Christmas day.   This year we did both of those and threw in DH's family (it's only his mom, 2 sisters and aunt) for brunch on Christmas morning.  Due to scheduling though DH and I didn't eat a proper dinner (had grilled  cheese at like 9:30) and I really didn't have any special time with my parents and they didn't get to spend much time with the baby since she cried and cried both days.  I am hoping next year we can work in some time for us and my parents (and hopefully my brothers too) since spending time with them is so important to me.   Plus gift exchange with them wasn't anything; we opened theirs to us and the baby without them and they opened ours in the middle of my uncles craziness last night.   I am going to have to figure out how to work it next year.  I'd love to see my relatives but would really love to spend quality time with immediate family and start making the holiday special for DD and her siblings (if there are any in the future).    I'm afraid that if I say we aren't participating in one of those gatherings to stay home, that we won't see anyone.    But I guess we have 364 days to worry about that!!!!