separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    DS is 8.5 months old now- and recently (last month or so) he has cried (sobbed) when I leave, unless he is with his father. (I do daycare drop off). When I pick him up from day care, he again will cry hysterically from when he notices me until I actually physically pick him up. he was mid diaper change the other day and I couldn't pick him up- but he screamed anyway.

    he does fine during the day, but will also do some of the same type of crying when I put him down for naps at home (he doesn't do that at daycare, although they put him down when he "appears tired.")

    I am struggling to figure out if this is normal or if this is something that I am encouraging? There is another child around his age at day care who will cry sometimes, but it isn't the hysterical, 'world is ending' cry I get. 

    FYI- I do not go back to him when he starts crying at day care. I do say goodbye and tell him I will be back later, just like always.  (which is usually when the crying starts). I don't want to sneak off... with nap time, I will go in after a few minutes and pat him- but he doesn't get picked up. As long as I am with him (during nap time) he is ok.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Winter - this is starting with my DS just recently (He is 7 months).  If I leave the room, even if DH is there, he will cry.  I read that from around 6 months on babies can have a kind of separation/stranger anxiety so I think this is perfectly normal.    It breaks your heart though doesn't it!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Heartbreaking... but sounds normal.
    Our little one is starting a similar thing (more if she is approached by strangers) and someone just told me that some psychologists have even called it "the anxiety of eight months".
    I don't know if you read the Barbara Meltz column on BDC, but she has addressed it a few times.
    Here is a link.  It sounds like you are doing a great job.
    http://www.boston.com/community/moms/articles/2005/03/24/comforting_rituals_can_lessen_trauma_of_day_care_drop_off/

    Best of luck!

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    thanks! hard not to feel crazy, especially now that he has those huge alligator tears.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    My DS (8mo) has started to give me the big pouty lip when I leave too... and he also flipped out when my neighbour, who comes over all the time, came by yesterday!  Hang in there!

    He has also started to show a strong preference for me over DH, which melts my heart, but I think is hard for DH.  I am loving every minute though, cause I know it's temporary :)
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    DD is starting to be more wary of new people or acquaintances, so I'm steeling myself for this newest phase.  She's almost seven months and definitely notices when we leave the room now.  Sounds like you're doing everything right! 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Winter - we are having a similar, although slightly different, issue.  DD (8 months) always wants me to be holding her.  We don't have the issue with daycare drop-offs, but when she is home she wants to be with me all the time and this weekend she did not want to nap at all.  She also got sick again, so I don't know if it is a behavioral thing or if she doesn't feel good.  She was such a cranky pants and cried a lot this weekend.....I found myself doing things that I did when she was a newborn like taking her for walks or driving around aimlessly just to get her to calm down and stop crying and maybe nap a little.

    Are any of you having any of these issues, or is this totally different?  I am starting to worry about it and hope it is just a phase or due to her being sick.  I am so used to her smiling little face and her being able to play all by herself.

    It sounds like you are doing all the right things though.  I haven't really let my DD cry it out for naps yet, so I may need to do what you are doing.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from huntersmama72. Show huntersmama72's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    I have a son who is 9 1/2 months old and recently started crying when I leave to work and crying until I pick him up when I get home! so im guessing this is pretty normal! although its not histarically its more of a whinning, I think its just a baby thing! they love there mama's =] 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from nene72. Show nene72's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Memes, I'm sorry to hear about DD.  I feel like our DDs rotate sicknesses.  It sounds as if her mood was related to not feeling well.  DD is the same way when she's sick.  She doesn't want anything to do with DH which I think makes him feel really bad.  Once she's feeling a little better, she returns to her happy self.  This weekend, for example, she chose him over me a few times ;-)  Good luck, I hope DD is feeling better soon.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Nene - thanks, I think you are definitely right.  She is doing much better the last few days and I think it's because she is feeling a little better.  She is pretty much back to her normal, happy self and not such a cranky pants.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    memes i am convinced that teething (and the end-of-winter sicknesses that are going around) have been wrecking mood havok! however, I also think that we have had some crankiness around hunger lately. he totally scarfs food- all the time- but now that he is starting to move, he wants even more calories. he doesn't want to take the time to eat... but that is a whole other issue.  for the first time in a while, he is wolfing down whole bottles (and i think the clinginess with me was around feeding)- i can't remember if you are nursing? but maybe even if you are doing certain feedings, that may also be something??
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Such typical development at 9-10 months of age -- both stranger anxiety and separation anxiety.  Warning:  if your baby hasn't seen your parents in a month or so and then does see them at this age, he may have stranger anxiety and cry like he's never seen them before - so be prepared to explain to the grandparents who may be upset if they don't remember this phase from when they were parents.

    Many, many, many babies and children have very different reactions to different parents dropping them off at childcare. Wow, that sentence didn't make any sense!  But what I mean is, children react differently with different parents.   Some children are fine when one parent drops off, and totally sad when they say goodbye to the other parent.

    Yes, do NOT sneak away, help him get involved with something fun, say goodbye, I love you, have fun, see you later and leave.  Hard, but the long drawn out isn't good, because you're still going to leave, and it's still going to be hard for him because it's a phase he's going through. 

    Don't rate your son's reaction on how others in the room are doing, even if they were born on the exact same day.  Children are different, and perhaps that other child will start this 1 month from now as your son is coming out the other side.  Or that baby won't ever do it but will do something else.  They'll crawl, walk, talk, eat, and interact all differently, resist the impulse to compare and contrast, as hard as that is!  Smile

    I would encourage you to peek in the infant room (if you can) and not go into the room if your child is having a diaper change - stand outside out of sight until he is done, hands washed and back on the floor.  It is TOTALLY TYPICAL that children get upset when they are on the diaper table and can't get off when their parent gets there. 

    Also, you should wash your hands when you enter the room, but right after that, do pick up your son and give him a hug and a kiss.  THEN you can collect the bottles, day sheets, sippy cups, talk with the teachers, etc.  Many parents try to get the stuff done before picking up baby and it only gets them more upset. 

    By the way, if your baby is having sep. anxiety then you'll also notice that you can't hide things from him as much - he'll search for them!  Before, when you took something you didn't want him to have and put it behind your back, once he couldn't see it, it completely disappeared from his mind.  Gone, poof!  NOW he is capable of remembering, holding the image in his mind, and he's gonna crawl around behind you and search that down!  Part of growing up, but now you can't just hide your car keys or remote behind your back or on a shelf anymore!

    That also means he is capable of holding an image in his mind of you, and your husband, and he can remember you - you don't just disappear when out of sight from him, therefore he can be upset that you gone.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: separation anxiety- how not to be the problem?

    Winter - yes, I think teething could be part of the problem, although I have been expecting DD to get a tooth any day now for a long time....still nothing.  And I agree that my DD has been an eating champ lately, as long as it is something that she likes  :).  And I definitely experience the same as you with bottles, she is hungry but too busy to drink her bottle.
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share