September - Infants and Toddlers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    too true Kiwi, it is amazing how that driveway gets shoveled, and believe me I have an extremely helpful, involved husband, but still I feel like ultimately, things fall to me. It is not a complaint. Like IPW, I hate being away from DD so when I am there, I want to do everything!

    Poppy, the Mother's Club is a regional parenting group in my area, The Club arranges playgroups, adult social events, interest groups (like running club, wine club or knitting groups, book clubs, etc), charity events and clothing swaps/consignment sales, there's a forum with Big Tent. It's not for everyone, but I really love it and have met so many wonderful women through the club. My area is full of people who are not born and raised in this area, so the club is pretty much the way parents of young children get to know the area and each other.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    ML - That's wonderful.  I really hope to find a club like that when we eventually find a house, because it's likely I won't know anyone in the area where we settle.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Of course, you need to speak up and bring your feelings out on the table instead of stuffing them inside.  But, be sure to process before you go into it that he doesn't perceive that he is taking advantage of you.  His "overall commitment to the family and home" is probably something he's proud of and, if so, he'll be taken aback by your perception that you're being taken advantage of.  I'm not dismissing your feelings or your need to talk with him about them, but I think if you frame it like you're being taken advantage of there's a good chance he'll resent that and feel as unappreciated and unsupported as you do right now.  And, instead of getting what you need from him for bringing it up you'll get a defensive argument that's hurtful for both of you.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Let me preface this by saying DH is the best, he handles a lot, does all the things Kiwi talked about and the majority of our house cleaning...But...While I was on my maternity leave he got up after me every morning (except one day on the weekend) had a nice relaxing morning and then headed to work.  I don't like forcing him into changing I would prefer him to want to change on his own (I don't want resentment to build either way between us).  So I mentioned a few times how I'd love it he got up on weekday and doesn't it seem weird I get up 6 days and he sleeps in 6 days?  A week later he got up on Weds to break up the week, it was wonderful! 

    Communication is key because one may feel the other is happy doing everything when really the other person feels like its just too much.  I know this sounds like a 1950's housewife but I compliment him anytime he helps with something unexpected.  Thing never get split 50/50 but talking about things makes sure both are happy.  Also, for any thinking of having a second I will say that there is more communication needed and re-adjustment of the "work load".  Just when you get in a routine things change!

    ML - If I were in your position with the Mom's club I would probably pass, I just know it would be too much for me.  I would whole heartedly offer to help with any special event type things.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    KT--I am not poking fun, because I do understand the frustration, but your statement " I don't like forcing him into changing I would prefer him to want to change on his own" reminds me of that scene from The Break Up where Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn start fighting after their dinner party. She says, "I want you to WANT to do the dishes." and he says something to the effect of "No one WANTS to do dishes." I always try and keep that in mind--most of these tasks that get under our skin are things we probably would NOT choose to do IF we had the choice. But, as adults, that's part of the deal, we all have to do these things--whether it's household stuff, baby stuff, marriage stuff, etc.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Poppy - move to Newburyport :)! I can't say enough good things about the area, not just the Mother's Club!

    Everyone's reaction, from DH to my mom and friends and all of you are saying the same thing - "run for your life!" I agree with regrets, I can't do it all and I can't serve on the Mother's Club board this year, or probably ever. Bummer, part of me would really like to do it to repay all the kindnesses I've received this year. I'll just volunteer as I can.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Oh I love that part and it is very true!  I probably should rephrase and say I bring things to his attention and let him see that things are out of wack.  If things are real our of line we talk right away. 

    We are at a really comfortable spot in our relationship communication wise where we laugh about the stuff we each really don't like doing or play rock paper scissors for something - We are real mature!  All kidding aside though, Kiwi is 100% right - somethings you just do, like it or not.  Having a partner through the not enjoyable things makes it a lot better.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    KT--if this were facebook, I'd LIKE your post!!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Can we agree to stop using "1950s housewife" as a put down as in, "Not to sound like a 1950s housewife or anything, but..."?  Maybe I'm being thin skinned, but it does hurt my feelings being a SAHW.  I don't see my life as anything to be ashamed of, and complimenting someone for a job well done shouldn't be seen as old fashioned or anything to be ashamed of, either.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Each person should be thanked for what they bring to the household.    It's a two-way street...each person deserves to be thanked for what they bring to the household.  Of course many times this often isn't the case...moms just do what needs to be done they are never asked to change a lightbulb, etc.  

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    I second the sentiment about '1950s housewife'.

    And how is thanking someone for doing anything - household chores or otherwise - 'like a 1950s housewife'?.  I routinely thank my DH for doing things like mowing the lawn, going to the store or getting me a drink.  He does the same for me.  It's just polite to thank someone who does something for you, even if it's mundane or something they regularly do.  Sounds like communication issues with some rather than having an 'old fashioned mindset'. 

    And ML, I think you are dodging a bullet by turning down the mother's board. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from nene72. Show nene72's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    IPW-Don't worry.  It was me and I did experience a loss.  We're going to wait a few months before trying again.  On another note, how do you get out of the house so quickly?  DH helps out in the morning and it still takes 1 1/2 hours.

    ML-What a nice honor.  I think being asked is a huge accomplishment.  

    Count me in as one who struggles with the division of labor.  I work shorter hours than my husband so I do more around the house and with DD, however, there are times I wish he was more thoughtful about what needs to be done when he comes home.  I'm amazed at his ability to walk in a room and not realize the little things he could do to help out a little.  Jokingly, I tell him if he thought like me things would go smoother. 
     
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    But, ladies, if they thought like we do, they'd be women.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Kar - I'd love to be a stay at home wife/mom just at this point its not in the cards for us.  When I wrote that I meant trying to be super pleasing - Although I do try and be very pleasing, makes life happy for everyone.  I'm sorry if that came off wrong and you took offense, certainly didn't mean for it to be rude.

    Thanks Kiwi - I normally don't post about these type of things but I couldn't resist today. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    In Response to Re: September - Infants and Toddlers:
    [QUOTE]Each person should be thanked for what they bring to the household.    It's a two-way street...each person deserves to be thanked for what they bring to the household.  Of course many times this often isn't the case...moms just do what needs to be done they are never asked to change a lightbulb, etc.  
    Posted by Winter2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    I agree that each person in a relationship deserves to be appreciated for what he or she contributes to a relationship, but I have to say that this kind of sentiment--"moms just do what needs to be done they are never asked to change a lightbulb, etc." really bugs me. My husband doesn't need to be asked or "nagged" to do his fair share of work around our house, just like I don't either. We are both equally capable of seeing what needs doing and getting it done. This whole mom/martyr bent is really condescending. Imagine if our husbands were having a similar conversation about women/wives. We'd be crying foul for sure. Maybe I am lucky or strange or something else when it comes to my marriage, but I don't think so. At least not in comparison to my close family and friends.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Nene - I am sorry about your loss!

    My beta is not rising normally so I am pretty sure early miscarriage is imminent.  Why did I think it could just be easy this time??

    Anyway, I realize I am so completely blessed with DD but it is still painful. I am not getting any younger here! 

    Regarding division of labor - Even though DH is awesome and he participates a ton, the bottom line is that I am the bottom line. No matter what.  I am constantly thinking about her needs and taking care of all the details.  I think ultimately it is just a fact of motherhood and I think that the sooner I (we) just get comfortable with that the better we will feel.  That DOES NOT mean that husbands should not contribute as much as they can but equity can never be a goal as far as I can see.  (In truth, inside, I think I like being the go-to person anyway so I might as well just embrace it).
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Nene - so sorry for your loss as well.

    Luck - I'm sorry about your betas too...I'm still thinking sticky thoughts for you

    DH tries to help in addition to his typical stuff (he does the trash and the shoveling) and if I need help he is pretty good about picking up on it and asking if there is anything he can do but what does bug me is when he says things like you go to bed I will clean up the dishes and I come down to all the dirty dishes exactly where they were when I went to bed.  I know he means well by saying it and has every intention of doing it but gets sidetracked or whatever but one more thing in the morning does not help!!  It also bugs me that I come home to cheerios on the floor and a dirty diaper because he couldn't clean them up before dropping DS off at daycare.  Really how hard is it to walk into the kitchen and put a dirty diaper in the pail before walking out of the house?  And since he works from home...why can't he quickly clean up the cheerios! 

    Sorry for my rant, I know it didn't really contribute much to the discussion.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    I didn't mean my request to be aimed at anyone in particular, although the latest comment to that effect clearly prompted me to say what I did.  It's been said as a put down a number of times here, and I don't keep track of who has said it.  Generally, starting something, "Not to sound like a 50s wife, but..." hurts my feelings.  Can't you just say what you want to say without prefacing it that way?  I totally understand no one means to be hurtful, though, and accept your apology, KT, thank you.  I was just speaking up because I know everyone who is using that phrase would want to know it makes me feel pretty awful, like you'd be ashamed to live my life.

    On a much more important note, lil, I'm very sorry your numbers stopped increasing...that's so disappointing to say the least.  Words fail me, but my heart is with you.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Life is good.  School's started so I'm back to work.  Time is fleeting.  I should be asleep right now.
    DD transitioned so well it made me a little sad.  She clearly missed her friends at school and her teachers by the end of the summer.  2 weeks before I went back to work she started spontaneously saying "I miss Miss Debbie and my friends.  I will go back to school soon?  You go back to work!"  The first day back she gave Miss Debbie a HUGE bear hug and gave me an over-the-shoulder, no eye contact wave as she ran to the toys.  It's reassuring you're happy and all, but jeez louise, shed a tear for my sake, kid!
    The potty training stuck pretty well when she went back.  She's had NO accidents at day care or with my MIL or my mum.  We had a bit of an issue the first week and a half with her demaning our attention when we were trying to get dinner on table and she wanted to snuggle and read books.  She started peeing on purpose to get attention.  REALLY overt stuff.  Like,
    Her, yelling: "Mum MUM MUMMY!  READABOOK! PLEASE?"
    Me: "DD, I have to chop this up, can you wait 2 minutes please?"
    her: "MUM!  NOOOOOW!  NOW!  PLEASE?"
    Me: "I promise I'll be there in one minute . . .
    Her: "NO! NOW! [stomps her feet, spreads her legs, pees in the middle of the kitchen floor]

    This happened a couple times.  We fixed it by making her change into boring white undies and plain black shorts or pants (she's obsessed with picking her own outfits, she's been stubbornly choosing all her own clothes since 18 months).  Apparently that's a fate worse than death to her because she changed her behavior pretty quickly. Who knows what she'll think of next.   
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    I'm surprised to hear that day cares transition babies to one nap so soon, but DD is only 6 months so I have no idea when that transition takes place.

    Am I crazy to think that 9:30 is WAY too late to put DD down for her first nap at day care?  She wakes up around 5:45-6:00 and on the weekends, I put her back to bed after 2 hours.  I think 9:30 is way too late... But I have to admit that it has been working out very well.  She has been napping at day care from roughly 9:30-11:30 and then 2:00-4:00 and then she goes right to bed around 7:00.  I'm afraid to mess with it!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    I'm sorry if my post sounded like I was "man hating" to anyone, which I am TOTALLY not.  Kiwi... I think it is great that your DH notices stuff the needs to be done and then actually does it.  I hope that is not rare... but it is in my world, my family and among my other mom friends.  My DH is awesome, awesome and wicked smart and thoughtful and dedicated to his family and does think way better than me on big picture stuff (that tree should come down as one day it could fall on our house).  Its just day to day "small" stuff we hugely differ on. I think there are inherent differences between men and women.  There are certainly exceptions, but I have found my husband can have intense focus on ONE thing... probably more so than I could.  Whereas I can have decent focus on several things.  I think that is why I end up doing more and more of the child rearing and housework.  I just notice the need (as others have said as well).  I can't tell you how many times my husband will walk past the trashcan, a dirty bib or shoes on the bottom stairs knowing they need to go UP.  He will make a sandwich leaving crumbs in his wake and then go clean his workshop spotless.  I don't in any way think his actions are malicious or unkind... its just his focus isn't on the things I focus on.  Last night at 6pm he asked if we wanted to go to the driving range, just not thinking that DS's bath is at 6pm and bedtime at 7pm.  His thoughts are with good intent..."let's go do something as a family," my thoughts are more analytical.  It just is.  Total moral of MY story... I am feeling overwhelmed... I said something... there seems to be willingness to fix... just not sure how to make it happen.  But work in progress.

    LIL - I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

    Nene... sorry you had to experience a loss.  As for getting out the door quick, I prepare tons the night before.  I put my outfit in the bathroom, the bottle is full of water just ready for the formula, if lunch is needed, its made the night before and in the fridge, I don't wash and dry my hair every day, I have a single cup coffee maker that takes about 30 seconds... few other tricks here and there.  DS is also still very young and doesn't participate in his getting ready.  So I pick his clothes and kinda rush through diaper, getting dressed, and bottle.  If there is any time to spare, then he can play (rare at 5:50am!)
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from nene72. Show nene72's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Thank you everyone.  I was going to share it in my original update because I'm sure some may have read it on the message boards but did not want to spoil LIL's announcement.

    LIL-Sending sticky thoughts your way. 

    Liss-You're post makes me feel a little better about my situation since DD (who is one) has reached the point where she often expresses disappointment when I pick her up from school. Yesterday, I worked later and got her 30 minutes later than usual and she was just fine.  I guess I should find a gym closer to work, work out, and then pick her up.  I guess the upside is that we've found schools that make our LOs happy. 

    Fram-It may be different for your DD but when I nap trained, I tried to put DD down 3 hours after she woke up.  DD was really sensitive about her nap window and if I missed it, she would not be able to go down. Although 9:30 seems late to me (I would aim for 9), go for it if it's working!

    IPW& LLLE-I can totally relate to your stories!  It's nice to have somewhere to vent. 

    On another note, yesterday I went to the gas station and asked them to fill up my tank and told them I would pay cash.  Part way through the process, I realized that I did not have my wallet (it was in my diaper bag at home) and I asked them to stop filling it up.  Thankfully, they were nice enough to allow me to bring in the money today.  Just an ancedote to the post awhile back about working mother's who get it all done...there are defiantely days when I juggle better than other.  Obviously, yesterday was not one of those days ;-)
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    IPW - I clearly don't have an answer to this transition to one nap, but I will tell you that DD does fine at daycare even with the lack of sleep.  They tell me she is happy all day long.  She only seems to show her fussiness to her family.  I don't know if it is because daycare is so fun, or if she is just more comfortable with us.  Anyway....just a thought that your DS transition might go ok for the daycare, but may be hard on you.  We are still doing two naps on some days and one nap on other days at the moment.  I hope to get down to one nap on all days soon.

    On another note, DD is now a champion stair climber! She can get up super fast!  I am working on teaching her how to get down safely (backwards right?), but I don't think she understands.  I know there was a thread on this awhile back, but not sure if anyone has any tips.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Oh and Nene....sorry about your loss.  We are trying to decide when to go for #2, but I don't think we are quite ready yet. 

    And Luck - let's hope those numbers start rising.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: September - Infants and Toddlers

    Just enjoying reading and catching up after being away.  I'm happy to read all the updates about the little ones (and the parents...)
    I was also glad to read about the food throwing, and get advice and also know that it's common.  It drives me nuts.

    Nene, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  And Luck, thinking of you and hoping things are well.
     

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