Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    What are your sleeping arrangements with your newborn/infant?  Does he/she sleep in a bassinet in your room?  In your bed?  In a contraption in your bed?

    I'm due in February and I'm pre-occupied with this question.  I don't want to upset anyone, but my nephew was accidentally suffocated at 11 weeks while sleeping in bed with an adult.  I am terrified of having my baby in bed with me. 
    It seems like there are contraptions that might ease my mind.  A friend of mine registered for this, for example: Snuggle Nest

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    The National SIDS Alliance and AAP warn against sleep positioners. They increase the risk of SIDS and have been known to suffocate infants.

    Our pediatrician said that the safest place for a baby to sleep is in the parents' bedroom, in its own crib or bassinet. She also offered advice for safe co-sleeping, because if you don't nap with your newborn in those first couple weeks you'll get very little sleep. And the chance you'll fall asleep while holding the baby is pretty high, particularly if you're breastfeeding, so it can be best to review the precautions and safe positions even if you don't plan to cosleep, because you might end up doing it unintentionally.

    We used the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper, which is basically a bassinet that can also be strapped to your bed. It has a short side, so you can't roll onto the baby no matter how hard you try. But it's level with the bed, so you can reach across to pull the baby into bed with you to nurse or snuggle without it being a big production. I was SUPER nervous about SIDS pretty much until she turned nine months and this cosleeper was SO reassuring to me. The sheet velcroes onto the pad, which is firm, and everything she could put her face against is mesh; everything else is a soft brushed cotton that's heavy and non-wrinkly. The whole thing folds up like a pack'n'play and is very light. AND it has storage underneath. It's a miracle of baby technology.
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    I'm sorry, I typed that in a hurry while making dinner but I also wanted to say that I'm very sorry about your nephew. What a terrible tragedy. It's every parent's nightmare.
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Notanewbie. Show Notanewbie's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    We co-slept with my DS in our bed.  I was super paranoid and stories like your nephew scared me, but somehow we just ended up sleeping with him anyway.  We had a bassinet in our bedroom and that got some use. But I found the BFing definitely influenced our co-bedding habit.  I would bring DS to bed when he woke for his 2 am feeding and I would nurse him while laying on my side.  Ultimately I would fall back to sleep and he'd wake again at 4 or 5 to nurse again.  We slept like that until he was about 10 months old and then did some sleep training/CIO to move him to his own crib and room.

    I'm so sorry for your family's loss too.  It's horrifying to imagine.
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Fram, I am sorry too!
    I bought the arm's reach co-sleeper and will use that.
    I second Lemon's thoughts on co-sleeping. AAP has pretty clear guidelines about this.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from mbg109. Show mbg109's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    We plan to co-sleep in some way, shape or form.  My DH is a big guy, so I am not sure LO will be in the bed or on a built-out extender or something like the arms reach.  Yes, the AAP advises against co-sleeping, but you have to take that recommendation with a grain of salt in my opinion.  If you look more closely at any cases of a child being smothered by a mother, you will likely find that it was because there was alcohol or drugs involved.  (And I don't mean that someone was drunk or stoned-- I mean like a glass or wine or a prescription med, etc.)  Sleeping with your baby, according to many experts, is perfectly safe and in fact preferred.  Of course, this is a deeply personal choice.  I just encourage you to research multiple sources-- beyone the AAP.  Good luck!
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from MM379. Show MM379's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    To be honest, DS was in the crib at 2 weeks.  I think because of my post partum issues, I was far too anxious to sleep with him in the bassinet in our room - he was a very active wiggler in his sleep and ever movement had my eyes flying open to check.  Having him in bed would have only worsened my paranoia.  I truly did not sleep a wink for the first two weeks we were home - perhaps contributing to/resulting from my post partum struggles.  DS did GREAT in the crib and seemed much less restless in there - I think the mattress was more comfortable than the bassinet pad.  Nursing was definitely tough not having him in the room - DH would get up and check the diaper and I would go stumble into the rocker.  But at the time, nursing in bed wasn't an option due to the positioning and propping I had to do to make BFing work.  Anyway, he was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks and I think having him in the crib and not reacting to every movement helped.   Unfortunately, around 5 mos, his sleeping habits went through a major downward spiral for reasons I to do this day don't understand and by 8 or 9 mos he found his way into our exhausted, defeated bed which he loved.  At that point, he was big enough and sturdy enough and had enough motor skills that I wasn't as concerned as I would have been with a newborn.  To be honest, its been a rough ride since then, but I would say from 18 mos on, he's back to being a pretty decent sleeper and is back in his crib... just doesn't require much sleep unlike some of his buddies who do like 13 hour stretches.     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from MM379. Show MM379's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Fram, I typed so much, I apologize for not expressing how sorry I am to hear that about your nephew.  I can understand your concern around this topic.
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Melsau2006. Show Melsau2006's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Sorry to hear about your nephew.
    I co-slept with my first son, 13 years ago, when it was all the rage.  I couldn't get the kid out of my bed until he was almost 8 years old.  Even now, he has trouble sleeping at night. Not sure if that is just him or if it is common with kids who co-sleep.
    Since our first, I have had three other children.  #2 and #3 slept just fine in his/her bassinet (in our room) until about three months. Once they slept throught the night, we moved them into a crib in their own room.  I would let them nap in the cribs during the day before the move so they would get used to sleeping in the crib.
    Baby #4 is now almost 4 months old. She still isn't sleeping through the night. She has fallen asleep in the bed with us a few times and I'm just too darn tired to move her.  I'm worried about SIDS, too.
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Fram, that makes my heart ache, I'm so sorry.

    At the hospital I had DD with me in the bed and when we got home, I put her in the bassinet right next to the bed, but if she woke up often, I would bring her in bed with me. I kept her on my side of the bed - not between my husband and I. I would sleep on my right side and would be face to face with her. I'm a somewhat light sleeper and I don't roll around a lot. I never nursed her lying down because it was too difficult when she was that small, so I never fell asleep nursing - although I would wake in the middle of the night THINKING I was still nursing her!

    Now a year old, she sleeps in her own bed till 4/5am and then I bring her in bed with me when she wakes up for a feeding.

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    mbg - The studies are not clear-cut, I agree.  However, the AAP has made recs based on the studies we do have (from multiple sources). I am unaware of any studies that show that sleeping in the same bed is protective. Infants who die of SIDS are rarely "smothered by their mother" even when they are co-sleeping in the same bed.  That is not thought to be the most common mechanism.   I agree that it is a personal decision but will also say that ideas about this have changed in the past couple of years.  As a pediatrician we used to be encouraged to not have an opinion regarding co-sleeping in the bed and this has changed. I think there are so many risk factors that can contribute and it is interesting to note that room-sharing is encouraged.

    Fram - just wanted to give you some information.  This info is culled from studies that we do have.  Again, studies are not perfect, and it is a personal decision.

    Sleep position
     — The prone sleeping position has been found to be associated with an increased risk of SIDS in a number of observational and case-control studies [19,55-60]. Additional support for this association comes from the decreased rate of SIDS in various countries following recommendations to place infants on their back or side to sleep [21,25,26,61-63].

    Increasing evidence also suggests that avoidance of side positioning is important, perhaps because the probability of rolling from the side to the prone position is greater than that of rolling from the supine to the prone position [64-66]. (See 'Epidemiology' above.) As the proportion of infants placed to sleep in the prone position has decreased, the relative contribution of side-sleeping to SIDS risk has increased [50,64,67-70], as suggested by the following studies:

    • In a population-based case-control study, the risk of SIDS was increased for infants placed on the side and found in the prone position (adjusted odds ratio 8.7) [68]. In the same study, the risk of SIDS was also increased among infants who were usually placed supine but were placed on their sides or prone for the last sleep (OR 6.9 and 8.2, respectively) [68].
    • Other case-control studies have demonstrated an increased risk of SIDS when infants unaccustomed to the prone position are placed in the prone position [71,72].
    • A population-based study noted decreases in SIDS mortality associated with non-prone sleep positioning, and documented further decreases associated with specifically supine positioning of infants for sleep [73].

    The increased risk among infants unaccustomed to the side or prone position highlights the importance of supine positioning for every sleep [16].

    Sleep environment — Various aspects of the sleep environment, including the sleep surface, sleepwear, bedding, room temperature, and whether or not the bed or room are shared with parents also appear to affect the risk of SIDS, as illustrated below.

    • In a case-control study, soft cot mattresses were associated with a twofold increased risk of SIDS that was independent of the prone position [74]. Other forms of soft bedding (eg, polystyrene beads, natural fiber mattresses) also have been associated with an increased risk of SIDS [75,76]. Sheepskin bedding has been associated with an increased risk for SIDS when infants are placed in the prone position [77,78]. The risk sheepskin bedding presents to infants sleeping in the supine or lateral positions is less clear. There are reports of deaths by "suffocation" attributed to crib bumper pads [79], prompting the Canadian Pediatric Society to caution against their use [80].
    • In a population-based case-control study performed in California, fan use was associated with a 72 percent reduction in SIDS risk (adjusted odds ratio 0.28, 95% CI 0.10 - 0.77) [81]. The effect was greater for infants with other environmental SIDS risk factors, including prone or side sleeping, bed sharing, and warmer room temperature. The study was limited by low participation rates and recall bias, and needs confirmation by prospective studies.
    • In a population-based case-control study among Northern Plains American Indians, SIDS was significantly associated with two or more layers of clothing on the infant (adjusted OR 6.2, 95% CI 1.4-26.5) [41]. Another study noted an increased risk with swaddling or in heated rooms [76].
    • Whether swaddling infants increases or decreases the risk for SIDS is unclear, and may depend on sleeping position. Swaddling increases the risk for SIDS associated with prone sleeping position [76], whereas limited evidence suggests that swaddling in the supine position does not increase SIDS risk, and might actually be protective [82]. This may be because swaddling keeps the infant in the unsafe or safe sleeping position, respectively. Swaddled infants are less likely to be aroused by external stimuli, but this effect is not seen in infants who are routinely swaddled and it is unclear if is clinically relevant in infants who are in the supine position [83].
    • A reported association between SIDS risk and infants sharing a bed with their parents has proven controversial [24,84-86]. However, there does appear to be an association at least for younger infants (eg, younger than 4 months of age) [19,87-91], or if the mother smokes [16,19,64,89]. There is a consistent association between increased risk of SIDS and sharing a couch or sofa with parents [16,27,87,88,92,93]. Based on these findings, the AAP suggests that bed-sharing be avoided, although room-sharing is encouraged [16].
    • Room sharing, without bedsharing, between parents and infants appears to reduce the risk of SIDS [19,87,88,92,93]. In addition, the risk associated with sleeping in the prone position appears to be mitigated if the child is sharing a room with an adult. In a case-control study from New Zealand in which 393 infants who died from SIDS were compared to 1592 controls, the relative risk associated with sleeping in the prone position was reduced by approximately 80 percent if the infant slept in the same room as an adult [94]. A similar reduction in the risk of SIDS was not seen if the infant shared a room with another child
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    In Response to Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?:
    In a population-based case-control study among Northern Plains American Indians, SIDS was significantly associated with two or more layers of clothing on the infant (adjusted OR 6.2, 95% CI 1.4-26.5) [41]. Another study noted an
    Posted by luckinlife

    That was the other thing I obsessed over -- I'd read that the risk of SIDS increased when the baby was overheated, so I'd put her to bed in a onesie and light swaddle, and then fret all night about her being too cold and sneak in to put more clothing on her at 2 am. Crazy.
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    If I could go back in time I totally would have gotten the arms reach co-sleeper.  But, of course, that's not what we did.  We built DD's crib in our bedroom before she was born and she has always* slept in her crib. 

    * because newborns LOVE to sleep on their parents.  Not with, but literally on (or at least my DD did and many of my friends were the same).  So we would get her down in the crib at some point then of course she'd wake up and want to be nursed and I'd hold her on me for a while, then try to put her down only to have the cycle repeat in another couple of hours.  I was crazy paranoid about suffocating her and about her rolling off of me and falling off the bed, so I'd alway be awake or in a super light sleep if she was in my bed.  Sometimes after her ~6am feed we'd let her sleep between us just so we could get a little more rest.  Usually that would entail DH and I on each edge of the bed and DD luxuriating in the middle.  God she loved that.  But eventually she just grew out of it and has been happy in her crib in our room since she was about 3 months.  Next big step is to move the crib to the nursery.  But I think that will be more traumatic for me than DD!

    Fram, I'm so sorry for your loss.  That really is every new parent's worst nightmare.

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Fram, so sorry to hear of your nephew's tragic death.

    If you are terrified of co-sleeping have you considered that you don't have to co-sleep?  It might sound obvious, but maybe not...  It's like breastfeeding; there are people who say you HAVE to, but you really don''s up to you and what you are comfortable with. 

    ETA:  Thanks, lemon, I did mean co-bedding above.  I had no idea they were different.
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    For the sake of disambiguation, it might be worthwhile to note that "co-sleeping" usually refers to sleeping in proximity -- in the same room but separate beds, with the crib sidecarred to the bed, or sharing a bed. "Bedsharing" refers specifically to sleeping in a bed with an infant (or older kid, or the whole family). I and a lot of other people use the term cosleeping as a default, but if you're looking for specific information it can be easier if you use the correct terminology .
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from tracyk. Show tracyk's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    I have had four babies.  The first slept in a bassinet in our room, but would end up sleeping with us, because I would fall asleep breastfeeding. The second wouldn't sleep so we just did whatever worked so we could get some sleep.  Often that involved the baby sleeping on his dad's chest in front of the Tv.  The third was strapped into her car seat next to me and I slept on the couch.  She slept in her swing also.  The fourth was very ill, but we found the bouncy seat placed in the co-sleeper next to our bed worked well while he was with us.  (He passed away in January)  The theme here is the importance of everyone getting some sleep. You may have to experiment a bit, but don't be afraid to try out the car seat (strapping the baby in of course), the swing, the bouncy seat.  If co-sleeping becomes part of the sleep arsenal you should have some hard and fast rules.  You should never sleep with your baby if you have had alcohol or medication that would impair your ability to wake up or be sensitive to your baby's needs.  You should take care to minimize the bedding when the baby is in bed with you.  Get rid of extra pillows, blankets etc. I think every parent would admit to co-sleeping at one time or another.  In the blur that is the first few months, it is bound to happen.  You will find that in parenting, flexibility (and adequate sleep) is the key to sanity.
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Fram, so sorry to hear about your nephew...that must have been devastating for your family.

    I haven't thought much about co-sleeping, but I always just assumed my child would sleep in a crib in the next room, or if need be a bassinet in our room (that scenario would be for our 2nd child, since we only have a 2BR house at the moment). I guess I'll find out the reality of this in a little over 6 months...I'm not against co-sleeping (not sure I could risk bedsharing - I would be more afraid my cat would cause some trouble), so I guess we'll be playing by ear...

    Tracy, sorry to hear about your little boy. :-(
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Silver, you'll find that once you have the baby, you won't want to let it out of your sight! Our daughter outgrew the cosleeper at 6 months, and moving her into the crib in her room was so much harder on us than her (I think she was relieved to have some peace and quiet).

    Tracy, you sound like a really good mom. I am so sorry about your baby. 
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    I put the kid in a crib in her own room from day one and was not devastated from having her out of my sight.  Must be something wrong with me!

    Seriously, don't get sucked into the militant battles on this one. There are those who think bedsharers are out of their minds, there are those who think that putting a child in his/her own bed before age four are bordeline abusive.

    What really matters is

    1.  safety--there are safe ways to have the baby near you and safe ways to have the baby not as close to you, take your pick
    2.  the ability of all parties to be comfortable and get decent sleep
    3.  for your baby not to replace your husband in the bed
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    tracy, so sorry for your loss.
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    So sorry to hear about your loss Fram and Tracy!

    I was so afraid of SIDs that I don't think I enjoyed DS as an infant as much as I could have if I just let him sleep on me/with us. DS was in a pnp in our room for the first 3 months. When he was about 3 mo old we would bring him into bed with us and it was the best feeling in the world. We put him between our pillows with a big space and we both slept clinging to the sides of the mattress.

    Even now, when DS, 21 mo, wakes up and is having a tough time, if it's after 5am we bring him into bed with us. He's teething now so he's been in with us in the AM for the past few days and it's so nice-even with him kicking us in his sleep and him hogging the bed.

    You'll find what works for you. If I had the space for the Arms Reach Co-Sleeper I would have gotten that.

    our Pedi actually encouraged us to have DS sleep on us and with us.
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    It is horribly sad to hear about the tragic stories. I am so sorry.

    I just wanted to put in another plug for a family that had DS in a crib from Day 1 because that's what worked best for ALL of us. The initial decision was space-driven (we live in a small city house), but it ended up working out well for lots of different reasons. I won't try to argue the pro's or con's of any one method. I just throw it out there to remind everyone that, like all things parenting, there are various healthy ways to go about it and none of them mean that certain parents love or care for their children more than others.
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from SarahInActon. Show SarahInActon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    I too am very sorry about your loss; I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is for your whole family.

     We bed shared from the very beginning (DS is now 17 months) and it has been great.  Do whatever makes you the happiest and feel most comfortable for both you and you partner.  Avoid sleep positioners at all costs; they are very dangerous and the recalls for them is CONSTANT and the companies that manufacture them do very little safety testing.

    Our bed sharing experience has been very positive and we made the decision early on that we would do it and did some prep work.  A king size bed is very helpful and gives everyone enough space to sleep.  We have a firm mattress to prevent DS from rolling around and a sleep bolster (Tres Tria pillow) positioned under the fitted sheet so he wouldn’t roll out of bed.  BF was so easy and I never found myself lacking sleep in the early months of being a new mom.  I also knew this would work for me as I don’t move around in my sleep and DS and I had our night time sleep schedule synced right away when he was born.

    No, I don’t wear Birkenstocks or eat tofu 24/7.  And it was a total pain to climb over that giant bolster to get in and out of bed when I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and I really missed being able to reach the nightstand.  Some nights, DS was also in his baby swing and it wasn’t all perfect.  I had to pump a lot at night and do some bottle feeding.

    DS never slept in the bed on his own and would be in his swing (infant) and eventually moved into a crib for naps and was used to a pack ‘n play for daycare.  At around 10 months, he moved to his crib for sleeping at night when he started going to sleep before I did.  The transition went smoothly and now when he wakes at around 4 AM, he comes back to bed with us and snuggles for another few hours until the whole family gets up.

    Bedsharing is the norm percentage wise for the vast majority of the world's population and all the reasearch in the world still won't give parents a concrete answer yes or no as to the safety so you need to make the decision based on your own feelings.

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Fram - how awful about your nephew.  I am so, so sorry.  And Tracy, I am very sorry for your loss as well.

    Very interesting discussion, and one my husband and I will definitely have with our pediatrician.

    I'm due in about 3ish weeks and we plan to start the babe in our room in a bassinette.  I have never considered bedsharing as the primary sleeping arrangement (mainly due to fear of rolling over on the baby, or the cats sleeping on the baby's face), but I can imagine taking the baby into bed with us during a feeding or during fussy early morning hours.

    I think Purplecow makes some great points about everyone getting some sleep, but also about not sacrificing the intimacy between partners because the baby is always in the bed.  I think those two things are very important.
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from SarahInActon. Show SarahInActon's posts

    Re: Sleeping arrangements? Co-sleeping?

    Poppy, don't forget.  There are sooo many other places to be intimate around the house ;)