Poster whose daughter can't let go to have BM on the potty:  Leave it, don't push her (oh, bad pun, sorry!).  Do read the book "Everybody Po0ps" lots of times.  Does she have constipation issues, too?  Of course, if she holds it for days on end she will GET constipated... but if she's always been one for being constipated, then it can hurt when you do have a BM.  So I'd also be giving her some prunes, dates, prune juice (start slow or you'll have an explosion!), raisins, grape juice, lots of veges, and making sure her water intake is very high.  Just a little prune baby food mixed into (secretly!) her yogurt might do the trick.  Because if she's more regulated and softer it will be easier.

And then I'd just leave her in pullups, enjoy the fact that the pullup stays dry until she needs to have a BM, and leave it.  Summer will come, fewer clothing, more exercise (which also helps to move the bowels) and you can turn your attention to that in 6 months.  Really, let it go.   Don't talk about it in front of her or even in the room next door where she might hear you.  No "oh, I WISH she would just use the potty!  I wish she'd get over it!  she can't go to blah blah (nursery school, Disney, whatever) until she learns to have a BM in the potty."  NONE of that (and don't let MIL or your mother or your friends, husband, aunt, sister, whomever, say it!).  You can't guilt her, push her, stress her, or whatever her. 

So take a DEEP breath and enjoy that you only use 1 or 2 pullups a day, and you are doing less laundry without having underpants in the laundry (see?  I told you there was a silver lining!).  OR you could do it the other way, if she's home with you (this is much harder in a busy childcare center or nursery school program):  she wears underpants and ASKS you for a diaper to have a BM in.  Then when she's done, you change her out of diaper into undies again and she continues on her merry way. This means she has to know when she's going to have one, wait until the diaper is on, then let go and do it there.  Those are all the skills she needs to switch to the throne, eventually.  AGAIN, children don't go to kindergarten in underpants. 

AND if she still is doing this at 31/2 years old, then I'd speak with her pediatrician (of course speak with him/her now, too, to see if I'm off base) about what else to do.  At THAT point you might talk to her - do you WANT to do BM in the potty? What stops you? Do you know that Mommy, Daddy, and X and Y (her bestest friends at school) do BM in the potty?  Maybe she's scared it will hurt, maybe she doesn't know why, but maybe you'll get some words from her.  Then you can say you want to help her, since she wants to do this, too, and so every time she does her BM in the potty she'll get a sticker, 3 stickers gets her a trip to the ice cream store, blah blah.  BUT NOT NOW, AT NOT QUITE 3 YRS OLD. that's if she's still at this point at 31/2 yrs or 4 yr olds, scared to death. 


(frankly, it's NOT TRUE that a chlid who isn't toilet trained can't go to preschool - we are mandated to take children with special needs and some children with some special needs train later for various reasons so we must take a child who isn't toilet trained - we must accommodate.  Of course, 1/2 day nursery schools don't have the diaper tables that full time centers do, but whatever, that's our problem to figure out) Directors wlil try to threaten you with this, but there is way to handle it - by using pullups, or whatever.  But I digress.)