Transition to daycare - older babies

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Transition to daycare - older babies

    Hi all,
    I am posting an awesome passage from CT-DC that I found from an earlier thread.  But yet starting a new thread.  Because I am looking to hear experiences and feedback about a plan.
    Here's the passage:
    "i would say that an 11 month old should do the exact same 5 day transition - nothing faster because, frankly, an 11 month old might have a harder time with this than a 3 month old, since an older baby has strange anxiety and separation anxiety.  Really, with the 3 month old it's usually the parents who are most worried - with the older babies it's both baby and parents.  So I wouldn't rush it.  But you also don't want to spend too much time on a transition.- you gotta p00p or get off the pot and not drag it out for too long.  For an 11 mo old, I'd say for the first 2 days find out what time is less hectic of a drop off time (right before snack?  right after?  At 9 am when all the teachers are there?) and drop off at that time.  Day 1 I'd say leave him/her there only 2 hours (9-11?), then the next 2 days do about 4 hours, then Thurs do 5 hours then Fri do 8 hours.
    If you bring food, make it your child's favorite foods.  If they provide food, find out what they provide - they shoudl have a menu of typical lunch and snacks.
    For the 11 month old, this is NOT the time to get rid of pacifier, lovey, blankie, etc.  Your baby might take 3 or 4 weeks before really relaxing, but won't cry all day or anything.  Still, we can see the difference after being in care for 1 month - they laugh more easily, can roll with the punches if they fall when trying to walk or reaching for something, and really have made friends with the other babies."

    First of all, she's 12 months and will only be going 2 days per week.  So I'm not sure what to do in terms of a schedule.
    Second, she'll be in an "older infant" room with mostly 12-18 months.  So I'm assuming they will mainly be crawling and walking.  Should I call the daycare back and tell them she can't do these things that they probably expect in that room??  Probably.
    Third, I am feeling overwhelmed by feelings that are my problem, not hers.  But she has really pull-able hair and other kids like to pull it and then she falls over and hits her head and cries.  Are they going to pick her up and make her feel better?

    Sorry this is totally incoherent.  Crying at work!!  Not a good image.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    oh, medford, I'm sorry you're crying at work!

    1.  OK, yes, call the director and find out what they expect for her to be able to do in the 12-18 mos room.  SOME children are walking at 12 months, but many are not, and yet she'll get that by 15 months probably. So, if there is a good mix of kids between all those ages, I'll bet she isn't the only non-walker.  IF she's the only 12 month old and all others happen to be 18 months old, then yes she'll be the only one not-walking, but then they can carry her when they move from one room to outside, or to the buggy to go outside, or the gross motor room (if your center is lucky enough to have a gross motor room, we don't).

    2.  during the call to the director, find out what they do when other babies pull hair, push them, pull up on them, and otherwise get physical.  BECAUSE children this age do NOT know that pulling another baby's hair hurts, they don't know they can't pull up to a stand on an 18 month old like they can on Mommy's leg, etc.  They are NOT doing it maliciously, although if your daughter always cries when her hair is pulled then they may discover the cause and effect - I pull, she cries - kind of like if I drop a toy on the floor from my highchair Mommy gets it.. SUCH a fun game!

    3.  go and spend some time in the classroom (like 45 minutes) - and I mean sitting on the floor, observing - bring your daughter and let her play among the children if you can, but if you can't, no problem - you want to observe what is happening in the classroom and how things get handled.  so, you aren't watching that everything is perfect - you are seeing WHAT the teachers DO when things AREN'T perfect.  If a child falls over, what do they do? If another child pushes or grabs for a toy and pulls it out of their hand, what do they do? How do they respond?  Are you comfortable with these type of responses? Do you feel that the teachers are caring toward the children, even as they are setting limits and not letting the children do whatever they want (we have a few children who just WILL climb onto a low table - sigh - they aren't allowed to, but you'll hear their teachers say, "No, thank you, Mark, feet on the floor."  Or "No, thank you, Mary, you can't be on the table" and they pick them up and remove them if they don't get down immediately.  Teachers (and parents!) say the same thing over and over.... there's LOTS of repetition at this point because babies/young toddlers just don't remember the rules, and they will push the boundaries even if they kinda do remember the rule.  (our babies know they can't take toys on the climber - and yet they do it all the time, and the teachers say no thank you, no toys on the climber... and either take the toy and put it on the floor, or take the child off the climber - many times as they are moving toward the child after saying no thank you the child will drop the toy because they really do remember the rule once it's said but, you know, it's fun to have a toy on the climber and they kinda wanna have it up there (but it's not safe to have the use of only one hand for a child this age on the climber...  which is why we have the rule.  we only have rules if they make sense)

    ALSO during your observation, you'll see what the skills are of the other children in the room (ask them if these are the children staying in the room - one may be moving to the next age group to make way for your daughter) and see if you think she'll fit in developmentally. 

    Now, after your conversation(s) with the director and what you observe in the classroom, you'll know better if you and she are ready for this center and if this center is what is going to work for you!

    Now, remember that it's natural for you to be nervous about group care, having your baby leaving your care and the other type of care (a family member?) you've been using. So try to separate your feelings about the center with your feelings about this new adventure in her life.  that is, are you nervous because the center is wrong for her, the director is a crazy person, the teachers are mean and nasty and the other kids will run up and over your daughter

    OR

    are you worried because she's your little girl and you worry that you/she are ready and yet you are as comfortable as you can be with the center you've chosen?  if it's this one, then go for it and enroll her, she'll be fine and you'll be fine and in 1 or 2 months you'll remember that you were nervous but now you are fine. And you'll be couseling the next parent visiting the room that 'all will be fine!'

    and remember, you can CALL AND CHECK in for as long as you need.  We had a parent who called every single afternoon to speak with her son's teacher for the first 18 months of his life.  We have another parent whose son is now 2 yrs old and he's visited his son in the afternoons for about 1 hour each and every day since the baby started at 5 months old (he works in the building next door to our center).  so you CAN call and you SHOULD call and you are NOT being a PITA to anyone!

    Building parent relationships should be as important as caring for infants and toddlers - not all centers truly get this, but esp. for children younger than 3 years of age, it's critical.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Oh, and about a transition.

    You should expect that it might (might!) take longer for her to get used to it because it's only 2 days/week - but if this center enrolls children on a part time basis, then they are used to having babies/toddlers doing part time.

    So do a half day the first day, full day the second day, then just take the plunge and do full days, because you probably can't take weeks to make a transition, given you can only start taking her once you've paid, and you probably need childcare.  Most of our 1 week transitions are for babies whose parents haven't yet gone back to work and are doing the transition the last week of their mat/pat leave. 

    She will be fine, and you will be, but you will cry a bit and that's FINE and NORMAL!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    I would recommend building in extra time at the beginning of the day to sit with your child as she recommended. I did this for 2 months because I had the time, and it allowed me to watch him and other babies/teachers in the morning (he was not mobile but half of the room was mobile, which I knew intimidated him at first because he could not get away from them when they tried to run over him like a speed bump or take his toy from him). He started at 5.5 months old and he is now 11 months. And I don't think he is going to be walking for a little while yet.

    If they have video feeds for each room (mine does and has a screen by the entrance that switches to each room every few seconds), then you can also drop off then watch the video to see how she is adjusting. When DS hit that "separation anxiety" phase at 9 months, I sometimes would go and watch the video to reassure myself that he has stopped crying as soon as I am out of window range.

    I was just watching a new baby (7 months old) start in his class (his class has 1/2 of the babies on the prowl and other half not able to move at all), and how the teachers handled it because she was afraid of other babies and would bawl if one got too close. It took time, and patience, over a few weeks (I learned not to put my son close to her at drop off) and the teachers patiently moving the crawlers away from her and cuddling her while the other babies came over until one day, she no longer cried when the mobile babies came too close.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Phew.
    You guys are the best.  CT-DC, can you be my daycare??
    I have now stopped crying!

    Yes, the major problem is the issue where she's my little one and she's never been cared for outside of family for any notable length of time.  Exacerbated by (1) worries since she's mostly non-mobile (which you were great to help me with on the other thread) and thus more at the mercy of the movers and shakers, and (2) the director of the center is on vacation this week.  I spoke to the owner, who is lovely, and absolutely said I could come in any time, open door, transition, et cetera.  But she runs more the "business" side and her director has the extensive experience in early childhood care.  So when the director gets back and I can talk to her more about the transition, particularly her experience with transition for kids that are just a couple of days per week, that will help as well.

    I am definitely going to take all of your advice.  Just as when I went and looked at all the centers, I printed out the advice you gave on the highlighted thread on BDC so I would have a list of questions to ask.  Thank you so much for sharing your professional expertise with us.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Oh Med,I feel for you!  Please trust that it will get better!  I'm sure you have done or will do your dilligence with the place you choose, and it will be hard the first little while and odds are you will cry - ALL TOTALLY NORMAL!!  But it does get better/easier as you get more comfortable with the place you've chosen, the teachers etc.  I cried (and ate a lot of pastries) when DD started, and when she moved from infants to toddler (15mo) but when DS son started a couple of years later, it was much easier as I knew what to expect and I knew the people who were watching my son.

    Hang in there Mama!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Medford I hope your okay.  Your post tore at my heartstrings.

    Ask your center for an orientation meeting.  We went in for an orientation at our daycare facility yesterday (DS starts this coming Monday) which I highly recommend.  We met with the director and she went over some of the basics of the center, some of which I had forgotten when I first went to interview and see the place.  Then we went and spent like 30 minutes in the room our DS will be in. 

    Like your DD he is going to be in a toddler 1 room which is older infants and toddlers up to age 2.  The entire visit I had to hold back tears and emotions.  It was really overwhelming for me but DS seemed to really enjoy it.  He walked around the room (yes one difference is our DS is walking however there was a little boy who was not walking or crawling and the teachers would pick him up and carry him and he was fine and happy smiling.  The other kids (when we were there anyway) didn't bother him or do anything). 

    It made me feel so much better to see him in the room and meet with his teacher.  He played with the toys and even had snack with them after stealing some animal crackers from a little girl. He really was happy and seemed to really fit in which makes me feel so much better.

    If you can go to an orientation meeting I would highly recommend it!!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Yesterday I cried because of the thought of sending her to day care...
    Today I'm going to cry because you are all so sweet.  Thank you -- reading your posts helped a lot.

    I should clarify that I know the other kids won't pull her hair to be mean, just because they're babies and her hair looks fun!  She would do the same.  I was more just fretting about if she cries after they pull her hair, will the teachers make her feel better like Mommy or Daddy would...

    There is a lot of good advice here about the transition, both about visiting and about pastries!!  I have to keep reminding myself that I felt really good about it before, and once I go back to visit again with her, talk to the teachers and directors, I'm sure I'll feel really good about it again!
    LLLE - it's nice to know you are in the same place.  Keep me posted!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Oh Medford you poor thing!!  I don't have any advice, I just am catching up from missing yesterdays posts.  I'm glad so many folks here have such great insight.

    I'm going to be in the same boat as well, probably in about 6 months.  So at that point I will be looking this thread up again!

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from neda88. Show neda88's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Medford - I've spent MONTHS beating myself up about daycare (DS is 11 months) and recently it dawned on me that there are real advantages to a professionally run center.  The major one is that I don't get 15 calls a day while I'm at work about what's happening at home.  I can call and check on him if I'm worried, but in general I know that a caring staff of professional people are making sure my son is OK.  This allows me to be able to focus on my (high stress) job while I'm here and be efficient about it.  That means that I'm not taking my work home with me (in reality or just in my thoughts) and I'm able to be truly present with my son when we are together.  Of course it's taken me 8 months to come to this place, so give yourself a break. 

    Also, we recently moved DS to a new center that just opened very close to our house, and at 10 months the transition for him was MUCH harder than at 3 months.  We had a bit of the opposite experience as my son is now the only mobile child in a somewhat young infant room and I was worried about him terrorizing the other kids.  The center's staff was great and worked out a plan for us such that he spends part of his day in the Toddler room so that he has a place to really move around and play.  We followed almost all of the steps suggested by CT-DC and I will say that one month in, the morning transition is going very smoothly.  Give it some time, but in the end it could end up being a really good thing for you both!  Good Luck!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Medford--So glad/jealous that you were able to stay home as long as you have been!  Just wanted to give you my support as well. Like Canuck, when DD went at 10 weeks old, I cried.  It was much easier with DS who actually goes to a different home daycare rather than the center that DD goes to.  I think that once you realize that these people have chosen to work with young children and that their focus is on development and learning and fun, and once you get to know them, you'll be fine (thank you run-on sentence).  They will never replace you, they're there to help your child, and then that time that you do spend with your child will be that much more special.  

    Good luck!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Poppy... I'll be there with you.  DS will go this January at 15 mths (and I'll also be re-reading this thread).  That is when the toddler room starts at the place we found, and I figured might as well wait so he isn't in the infant room for only 2 months (Originally we were going to do right at 1 year, but the extra few months will thrill my MIL). 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Medford I definitely will!  It's like ripping off a bandaid right!?! The anticipation is what kills you...it's definitely what's killing me!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Oh, my last thing is - I didn't realize your daughter wasn't crawling or walking when I answered this - if you child still isn't crawling or walking by the time she enrolls, and you are comfortable with the center, do it anyway - don't get caught into putting her in a classroom with non-mobile but much younger babies because she needs to be stimulated by the other children her cognitive developmental level, and the teachers will be doing things like singing songs, reading books, art projects, etc - all of which she can and should be doing because she's of that developmental stage.

    And, wow, by the way, she was dancing to the jamberry book?  That's cool - that's a hard book to understand the story about, but she got it - I wonder if she'll end up talking sooner than the other kids?  some  kids talk early and their gross motor develops later, others seem to crawl and walk early and yet take longer for language to develop - seems like they can only focus on a few things, not everything!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Well... I don't think she really understood the story of Jamberry, per se, I just think she heard the word "dancing" as we went by.  I didn't think she would catch that.  It is SO fun to see how she acquires language.  Not talking, but it seems like she's understanding new words each day.  It's a lot of fun -- "give mommy the ball", "where's safari dude?", "where's your belly?"  et cetera.  We're busy over here.  :)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    hm, my son seems to be spending more time on motor skills (he did not crawl/scoot or even roll until 9.5-10 months) and I worry about his language skills since I don't see too many signs of language awareness yet (we know he can hear) - I guess it is always something for a mom to worry about.

    BTW, when I dropped off my son at daycare this morning, his teacher said "oh, your son and <another boy /> always get their ears pulled because they have no hair, but they go and pull on <third boy>'s hair - he has a lot of hair to tug on" - unavoidable part of daycare although his teachers move the offender away from the baby having hair/ears pulled with mild admonishment and if there are tears, soothe the crying baby (I watched them move the baby who was pulling on DS's ears earlier this week - DS did not cry, so they did not need to console him, but the previous time I saw it when DS started to cry - he was not mobile yet so he was startled when the crawler came up and tugged on his ears, but they moved the offender away and picked up DS to soothe and distract).


     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Medford - dropped off DS this morning and I have to admit it was tough.  I'm pretty sure he knew something was going on today as he was off all morning and very clingy.  When we got to daycare he sort of went and played with the kids but kept coming back to me.  I was about to cry myself so his teacher picked him up I said good-bye and we left with me crying all the way out.

    It was tough but we checked in 45 minutes later and he was fine...playing and having snack.  Thankfully DH went with me so we went and had coffee and a scone together while I pulled myself together. 

    I can't wait to go pick him up in about 20 minutes! Day 1 down with DS doing fine and momma getting it together!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Congrats LLLE, to you and DS!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Good job, LLLE!  I'm glad it went pretty well and glad you got a scone!
    Did you do a half day just for the first try, or is that your regular schedule?

    We are doing a visit where I will stay with her on Thursday AM, and then in two weeks we'll go for the Big Drop Off.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    I'm doing as CT-DC recommended and did two hours today from 9-11.  Tomorrow he is going to do 3 hours and by the end of the week a full day, then next week I head back to work to prepare for the new year.

    He was happy but tired when I picked him up.  Being in the toddler 1 room they do one nap after lunch and even though he has been taking one nap for a while its been in the morning around 10:30/11 so they said he got a little fussy around 10:30 because he was tired but they headed outside and he was fine.  He has also been waking much earlier than usual for past few days so I'm not surprised he was tired by then. He conked out on the ride home and slept for two hours.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Very good job, baby LLLE.  Soooo sweet to think of these little ones playing together and getting all tuckered out.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Day 2 - Dropped him off and he went and played...no tears nothing.  It was really nice.  3 hours today 9-12.  DS slept til 8:15 this morning which has never happened so apparently he was very tuckered out!  He did want extra cuddle time last night before bed which was fine with me as I love cuddling with my little guy. 

    Really love the people at our center.  The teachers are so nice! 

    Medford I love how he has other kids to play with...it so cute to see him interacting with them. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    livelovelearnenjoy:  how old is your baby again?
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    he is 11 months
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Transition to daycare - older babies

    Congrats again LLLE!  I think this has been covered before, but I can't find the post.  I was planning on starting daycare this January, 3 days a week.  My MIL currently does all 5 days, and just mentioned they are going on a 10 day cruise first two weeks in November.  I know I can't take that much time off, so why not start then.  So I'm just starting my research.  For those doing daycare, does ~$250 for a 3-day week sound reasonable?  Breakfast, lunch and snack are included.  They do their infant rooms to 15 mths but said since he'll be 13 months then, we could start him in the young toddler room most likely. (so as not to have to do a second transition so soon after the first transition).
     

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