twin advice

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    twin advice

    hi ladies - for those of you with twins (daisy, misslily, and others!) - any tips on what made your life easier/harder/etc.?  mine are scheduled to be here 10/30 and i would love any advice you could give on what kept you sane, especially with sleep scheduling and feedings.  tia!  :)
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: twin advice

    It's hard to believe they're almost here!  I was in total denial that I was ever going to give birth right up until they were prepping me for my "emergency" C-section (that's in quotes b/c it was expected at some point--(pregnancy-induced hypertension+Baby B breach--but not scheduled).  You are in for one of the most fantastic, wonderful, and amazingly difficult things you'll ever do.  As hard as it can be at times, in a few months, you'll look at them and think "why would anyone just have one at a time?"  So...before I impart my 17 months-worth of twin-mom wisdom to you, I have some questions:

    Are you planning to nurse?

    How long will DH be home after you come home from the hospital?

    Do you have other people nearby who are planning to help?

    Did you ever get around to joining an MOT group?

    The answers to these questions will help me give you advice that is more-pertinent to your actual situation.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: twin advice

    ahh, i knew i could count on you, daisy!  :)

    Are you planning to nurse? - yes, if it is not impossible.  i'm expecting to do both - nurse and supplement w/ formula (or vice versa as the case may be!).  tbd on how long i will try - again, depends how hard it is.

    How long will DH be home after you come home from the hospital? - he has very flexible hours (works for himself) and is planning on helping me out almost full time for 2 weeks (with some 3-hour working spurts mixed in).

    Do you have other people nearby who are planning to help? - i have a night nurse on call, a doula i can call after a few weeks (she's not available at first) and my mom will help me one day a week.  and DH is pretty helpful - he cooks and is probably better w/ babies than i am!

    Did you ever get around to joining an MOT group? - no!  i checked the website and couldn't figure out how to join online - der.  i am planning on signing up for "great beginnings" at isis (the twins group started already so i missed that - booooo).

    :)

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    I would have died without my overnight respite care - but my DH wasn't willing to do middle of the night feedings.  I used the Bluebirds, but depending on where you live you might try Amanda Lopardo at All Through the Night.  She's on the North Shore and really great.  She came to me in the Western 'burbs without a problem. It's a fortune, but for me it was worth every penny.  
    One thing you can try is to go to bed after the 7:00pm feeding.  Let your DH do the 10:00 and then you can wake up for the next one (probably around 1:00am - but it will stretch to 2:00 soon).  You can get a decent amount of sleep that way.  I used to go back to bed after the 6:00am feeding too.  Never really started my day until after the 10:00am feeding.
    I tried to nurse and failed miserably.  Pumped for 7 weeks to suppliment the formula and that made me crazy - it was like feeding a 3rd baby, so I stopped.  I know Daisy pumped for much longer than I did.  Do what makes you happy - your babies will grow and thrive no matter how you feed them.  And don't feel guilty about choosing formula if it's right for you.  I know a woman who paid an extra 3 months for a pump because she was afraid to take it back to La Leche and get yelled at for stopping. :(
    I decided that I couldn't feed each on demand so when one cried I fed that one and then immediately fed the other - waking 2nd baby if I had to.  Otherwise you get NO rest at the beginning.  I also learned how to feed both at the same time.  I nestled them in boppy pillows and put a bottle in each mouth.  When they were bigger I put them in the bouncy seats.
    I'm a huge fan of swaddling.  Started with receiving blankets and moved on to Kiddapotomus (sp) Swaddleme blankets.  It's like a bag with velcro.  We use those until DS rolled over at 4 months at which point we went with SleepSacks.
    I had 4 bouncy seats - 2 up and 2 down.  Used them all the time.  I also have 2 changing tables - one up and one in the family room.  use the one downstairs more than the one upstairs!
    It get easier every week - and keep posting here - Daisy and I will keep an eye out for any questions you might have.
    I love my twins with all my heart and can't imagine life without them.  Now at 15 months it's so much fun to watch them start playing together!
    BTW - try and take a shower every day - even if you just put on another pair of pajamas.  It helped me feel "normal" to take 10-15 minutes all to myself everyday.  I used to shower while they napped - and as my pedi said, "Don't worry if you get out of the shower and one is crying - they are safe in their crib.  They'll be fine for a few minutes."  Great advice from a father of triplets!!!  And make sure you take care of your skin.  I stopped using moisturizer and after a few weeks I looked horrible.  Taking two seconds to slap some moisturizer on at night made a huge difference.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    We also had a twin bed in the nursery.  At the beginning, when the pedi told me they had to be fed every 3 hours - even if it meant waking them - I sometimes slept in there.  That way DH got a good nights sleep and I didn't have to worry about waking him.  Once we got the okay to let them go 4 hours at night I moved back into the big bed. :) Used the twin bed recently when they both were sick.  I wanted to be close to them.
    And we set up both cribs, but only used one for the first 8 weeks or so.  It was nice to have both available.  If one baby spit up, it was easy to move them both while you changed the other crib.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: twin advice

    I can tell you already that you're going to do fine and you're lucky that you have plenty of help available to you.  My DH went back to work 2 days after we came home from the hospital and my mother was being nutty for the first few weeks and wasn't very helpful even though she only lives 15 minutes away.  I was essentially on my own.  If your DH is there and you have people coming in at night and other people helping during the day, it's going to be a lot better for you.  On the other hand, there will be a day when you're alone with them, so make sure you get to a point where you're comfortable with that too, and not dependent on someone else being there to help you.

    So...first thing to do is make a list of all of the "chores" that need to be done--empty dishwasher, load dishwasher, fold laundry, sweep floor, take out garbage--and put that list in a visible place (like on the fridge).  When people ask what they can do, tell them to pick something off the list and do it.  This way, you won't feel weird asking someone to do something they hate to do.  They can choose something they won't mind doing.

    DO NOT "entertain" people who come to visit.  Let them go and get themselves a drink from the fridge and get their own snack from the cupboard.  You have 2 very good reasons to let them bring you something from the kitchen while they're at it.

    Contact an LC the second you feel like nursing isn't going well or if something doesn't seem right.  Nursing is hard and it's even harder when you're trying to coordinate two.  You're fortunate in that you will have other people around to hold babies and bring you things and keep everything else going so you can focus on sleeping and feeding the babies.  Drink LOTS of water.  Seriously, you should be drinking water all the time.  I know lots of people who have nursed twins exclusively for the first year and it can be done (it doesn't mean you "have to"--just that it can be done if that's right for you).  If you get to a point where you're thinking about stopping the nursing, or want to do a combination of nursing and pumping, I'm happy to give you more info about pumping (and supplementing with formula as needed).  I know that Kiwigal pumped for her singleton for even longer than I pumped for the twins.  It's a commitment, but it can work.  I did it for 10 months.  And, of course, as MissLily said, DO NOT put all kinds of pressure on yourself.  If formula is what's going to work best for you, then so be it.  Your babies will be fine and happy if you are.

    I don't know where you live, but if you're north or northwest-ish of Boston, I belong to MMOTA-Founding which has over 300 members.  Their website is www.mmota-founding.org. They have a very active list-serv (sort of like this but everyone has twins and uses their real names), monthly meetings with speakers, monthly support group-ish meetings for MOTs to get out of the house and talk to other MOTs about any issues they're having, and family social events (Halloween party, picnics, etc.).  We also have tag sales twice a year, which are awesome :)  There are other groups on the North Shore too, but I don't know much about them:

    North Suburban:  http://www.nspom.org/
    North Shore:    http://nsmom.findsmithgroups.com/signin.do
    Merrimack Valley:  http://www.merrimackvalleymmota.org/

    West:
    West Suburban:  http://www.wscmmota.org/
    Nashoba Valley:  http://www.nashobavalleymom.org/

    South: 
    South Shore:  http://ssmom.org/
    Southcoast:  http://www.southcoastmothersofmultiples.com/
    Attleboro/Taunton:  http://www.orgsites.com/ma/atmotc/index.html

    There are others, so if none of those are near you, point me in the right direction and I'll find ones that are better-located.  Honestly, I don't attend many of the "activities" b/c the kids aren't really old enough yet.  I've been to a couple of the support-group meetings and its nice just to have people who understand what it's like to have two babies crying at the same time or to have two blow-out diapers at the same time.  I mostly take advantage of the list-serv at this point, but I've worked at the last two tag sales and that's a good way to meet other members too.

    Like Lily said, showering every day will help keep you feeling human.

    Start accepting now that it's ok for one baby to cry for a little bit while you deal with the other one. 

    Realize that you're just one person and there are two of them.  They WILL conspire against you ;)

    Accept that it WILL take you no less than 2 hours to get out the door with them if you're on your own at all those first couple of months.  Plan accordingly.

    Get a calendar and WRITE DOWN WHEN THEY DO THINGS.  The first time one of them smiles, the first time one of them rolls over.  If you have baby books for them, do your best to write things down in them, but at least if you have the calendar, you can look back and know when they got their first tooth and when they tood their first steps if you don't have time to write about it in the baby books, and maybe write about it later on when they're a bit less needy.  If  you don't write it down, you won't remember.  I hardly remember anything about those first couple of months.

    There's a book called "Twinspiration" by Cheryl Lage.  It's not very long, but she chronicles her first year with her b/g twins and I found it helpful to read just to know that someone else has gotten through all of the challenges.  If I remember, she was able to nurse them for at least a year, too--so that's inspiring if you're hoping to do it for any amount of time.  She also has a couple of chapters about logistical things like going to the grocery store with twins (there's only one seat in the grocery cart in a lot of cases...the two-seaters that look like cars or similar won't work until they're toddlers), how to get in and out of places with double strollers, how to carry two babies at once....  She also has a section on dealing with all the silly and invasive questions/comments people make to twin parents (i.e. Q:  Do twins run in your family?  A:  Only after they've been walking for a while.)  If you have time in the next week or so, it would probably be worth the read.

    Start working towards getting them on the same schedule as soon as you can.  This doesn't mean "eat at 7, sleep at 7:30, etc." at least not at this point.  When one wakes up, wake up the other one.  When one wants to eat, feed the other one too.  Eventually they'll be reasonably synchronized and things will get more predictable about when they are awake or asleep or when they'll want to eat.  Most MOTs will tell you that this is an essential part of maintaining your own mental health in those first few months.

    Hanging out with singleton moms will make you feel like a superstar--not because you're a better mom, but because all of the "how do you do it with two?" and "it's so hard with just one, it's amazing that you even got out of the house" will go straight to your sleep-deprived head :)  Hanging out with twin moms will make you feel less-isolated.

    Drive-thrus are your friend b/c you don't need to get out of the car.

    What else?  Love and kiss and cuddle them as much as you can and go easy on yourself.  Things WILL NOT be perfect and things WILL BE hard, but you will get through it and you will find things that work for you. 

    We're here if you need us or if you have questions, of course! 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Lily's post reminded me--our two slept together for the first few months and they slept better that way than sleeping alone.  It was really cute how they'd kind of snuggle together with they're heads leaning towards each other.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: twin advice

    these are really great stories - thank you both SO MUCH.  silly question - is there a concern for SIDS if the two sleep in the same crib at first?  or are they pretty immobile all swaddled up?
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: twin advice

    They're pretty immobile at first, esp. if they're swaddled.  What I was told at the hospital (BI) is that they used to keep twins together in the same bassinet but then had to stop doing that for administrative/legal reasons--NOT because of SIDS concerns.  I know some parents don't do it because of SIDS concerns and for other reasons, but many parents DO do it for at least a few weeks, and many for a few months (until they start interfering with each other's sleep).  We found that they slept better together than apart and we would have done it for longer, but DD started having reflux problems and we needed to move her to the swing or bouncy seat so she could sleep more-upright.  If you think about it, they're used to having the other one right there all the time and they're used to getting kicked and punched and having someone to snuggle with already.  It has to be a bit stressful to all of a sudden NOT have the other one right there.  Don't be afraid to try it...and if it doesn't work, don't do it, or if your pedi recommends against it, take it under advisement, but you'll find out pretty quickly if it's right for you/them.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: twin advice

    ok - thx daisy!  and btw i am in boston re: the twin groups (but will probably move south within the next few years).  i will check out those websites.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Thought of something this morning.  I like Daisy's idea of posting chores so people who come to see the baby can help.  Also - if they ask, don't be shy about asking for food - even just a roast chicken from the grocery store or a frozen lasagna.
    The one thing that made me a little crazy was people coming to see the kids.  In hindsight I wish I'd had everyone over at once - like a self hosted "sip and see".  I found all the visits a little intrusive - maybe it's just me.  My husbands three best friends and their wives all came at once on a Sunday - we ordered pizza and they got to see the twins.  It turned out to be much easier than all the little visits from my friends...and my mother's friends!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cgfrost. Show cgfrost's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Congrats on your new additions!  I have a little to share about having twins- mine are 2 now and it has been the adventure of a lifetime!
    1) When someone offers you help, take it and don't be stoic- after a while people might stop asking you!  (this advice was given to me)
    2) Grow a thick skin.  Twins attract a lot of attention and bizarre questions.  At about 2 months, I started giving people really sarcastic answers or TMI.  It was so painful to be asked time after time if my twins were real, how much I BFd them, why I brought them to the grocery store, etc...
    3) The BEST gift we got (and it might be too late? ) was a second freezer from my mom.  No 2nd crib, no cute matching outfits, no blankies... a second freezer filled with mac n cheese, chicken pot pies, frozen veggies.  I stupidly resented it before they came, but when they got here I appreciated that more than anything!  If that's not a reality, when people ask what they can do- they can feed YOU!!!
    4) Do the best w/ BF you can.  My boys were delivered vaginally at about 8lbs each.  BF was MORE than a challenge for me!  I also had a delivery complication that prevented my milk from really coming in- the doctor (opps) didn't deliver the 2nd placenta and it didn't detach.  Not saying this to scare you because it was easily fixed- more to empower you to tell others that "life happens" and you do the best you can!
    5) We used those vibrating chairs a LOT!!!  And the boys spent a lot of time in their exersaucers...
    6) When it's 2 on 1, somebody's gonna cry.  It's OK.  Babies cry.  They also stop crying.  You're a mom, not an octopus. 
    7) Our pedi gave some great advice too:  for colic gripe water is good, but homemade chamomille tea is cheaper.  Desperate times call for desperate measures- if you 3 need to sleep on the carpet because that's where everybody landed- cool. 
    8) My boys shared a crib until 6 months.  We only pulled them apart because they were having way too much fun!  SIDS decreases with a steady breathing pattern, so... co-sleep them!
    9) Enjoy them!!! Best of luck!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Let me start by saying:  I'm not a mother of twins.  I'm not a mother of anything (except 2 cats, but I digress).  What I AM is a director of a childcare center and we've had several sets of twins.  One mother of twins breastfed exclusively (and I mean she did pump and they drank from bottles but not formula) until they weaned at 12 or 13 months. The other mother of twins used formula only.  So breastfeeding CAN be done but I can't imagine how she did it. She's also a single parent. 

    I will say that her twins were about the most well-adapted and well-rounded babies I've met in forever!  They did happen to have fairly easy going personalities but I also think she fostered it by just NOT panicking when one cried.  She would talk to one while doing what she needed to do "J, I hear you, but I have to put S's coat on, then I'll get you" but it was done in a calm tone of voice (and she didn't always feel calm, I know her well) but they learned that they could calm themselves, they would survive, and she didn't run herself ragged in that first year. 

    I've known MANY parents of singletons (my sister included and about a zillion at our center) who ran themselves ragged because they could NOT hear their infant cry.  Crying is how they communicate, how they let off steam, how they work things out.  that isn't to say you should let a child cry for hours on end without being concerned, but you can NOT panic every time they do cry, as they WILL cry.  Lots.  And if they are twins, they simply cannnot be carried, held, picked up, etc. the INSTANT they cry because there are two of them.

    But I bet that works in the twins favor nowadays, when so many parents seem so cry-averse.

    Have fun, ask for help, and if we (the general public at the grocery store) say or ask stupid things it's because:

    a) twins are just so darn cute and sweet, it's almost as good as puppies
    b) we are all so awe-inspired by the concept of 2 infants at the same time
    c) again, they are cuter than puppies!  (but not as cute as kittens)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: twin advice

    oh, and they sell nursing pillows designed for twins and that's how she tandem nursed them all the time.   that means that each baby gets only one side per feeding, so they will have to eat more often than if they got two sides per feeding (like some singletons who eat a ton).

    She sometimes did it where they faced her with their feet out the back, and sometimes she did it where they were cradled in a more "traditional" position with one on the inside and the other on the outside (this was when they were small, once they got older she did the football method). 

    AND she figured out how to do it at our center so that she wasn't too exposed (for her sanity) although she appreciated a heads up if a man was coming in the room, and she picked times to nurse when there wouldn't be fathers picking up (she came to our center to nurse them about 2 times a day)

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    One Step Ahead sells this baby bunting that goes in the infant car seat.  I loved mine.  So much easier than wrestling two babies into parkas or snowsuits in the winter.  You just plop them into the car seat and zip the whole thing up around them.
    Enjoy every second.  They aren't tiny babies for long.  I shed a little tear the other day because mine seem to be growing up so fast! :)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    One more thing.  With cold and flu season upon us make sure everyone washes their hands before holding your babies. That includes you and DH if you leave the house.  I was very strict about this and mine didn't get their first virus until last month! (14 months old).
    Having two can be hard - having two who are sick would be REALLY hard.

    Funny story - two months ago I was in the grocery store.  I NEVER take my kids to the store - DH watches them and I stroll all the aisles calmly by myself.  Anyway - I saw these 8 week old twins intheir double snap"N"go with their mom and dad and maternal grandmother pushing the grocery cart.  I know all this because I, of course, stoppped to admire and say that I am a MOT too.  The grandmother looked at me and said, "Does it get any easier?"  "Of course it does" I said, "especially once they start to sleep more at night."  What I wanted to say was - "Well it would have been easier for two of you to stay home with them and send one adult to the store instead of bundling them both into the car seats, into the car, into the double snap and go, into the store, back into the car, into the house out of the car seats, and then unloading the groceries...." But I didn't. :)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from KANN29. Show KANN29's posts

    Re: twin advice

    I have 5 week old twin boys and it gets easier every week.  The first 3 weeks were rough.  I cried everyday because of lack of sleep and hormones.  We finally had someone come one night to do the night feedings so we could sleep and I felt so good after 9 straight hours of uniteruppted sleep I haven't cried since!  You are smart to have a night nurse already lined up.
    Get them on a schedule as soon as possible.  As soon as we did that things got easier.  We feed them at 7:30 and put them in their crib.  At first they would be awake at 10:30 but now they make it to 11:30 and sometimes 12:30!  At first we were just staying up until the 10:30 feeding and keeping them in the living room with us but we found that after the 10:30 feeding it was hard to get them to go to sleep.  So we started feeding them in the dark and kept it quite at the 10:30 feeding now they usually go right back to sleep.  We also go to bed around 9:30 now and wake up for the now 11:30 feeding instead of just staying awake for the 11:30 feeding. 
    Try to avoid the constant stream of visitors.  I like the idea of having everyone over at once.  I ended up avoiding returning calls and emails just to avoid having people ask when they could come over.
    I tried pumping and was able to supliment formula with some breastmilk for about 4 weeks but it got to be too much work (finding the time, cleaning all the parts, stressing about not producing enough) and am now just doing formula.  I found pumping to be very isolating in the first couple of weeks b/c I felt like I always had to leave the room b/c we always had vistors and I didn't want to pump in front of everyone.  So another reason to limit visitors.





     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Congratulations to KANN29 on your 5 week old twins, are the boy/girl, g/g or b/b?  Identical or fraternal? And you're all home from the hospital, so they sound healthy, which is fabulous!

    One of the parents of twins did a LOT of using a single stroller for one and using her Ergo carrier for the other, rather than using her double snap and go or her double stroller.  She did use her double stroller, of course, but since it's so big, heavy, cumbersome to get in/out of car, etc. she found that she would carry one and use a single stroller for the other.  She rotated who would be carried so they each got some carry time vs. stroller time. This also means that they had less time in the stroller with each other, pulling, pushing, stealing pacifiers, kicking the one in front of them, etc. which minimizes the "making each other crazy" stuff of siblings. 

    This is the single parent I'm talking of, so she had to have them with her alot.  I bet that's how she did her grocery shopping, too - one in the cart seat, the other in her ergo bag.  She used that Ergo bag all the time, including when they were 13 and 14 months - she used a sling while they were young, but really loved the ergo bag once she got older.  for her she preferred it over the baby bjorn. 

    Going to the playground, however, she couldn't do without help, because they walk/run in 2 different directions, have different interests and need different help on slides, steps, climbers, etc.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Hi KANN29!  Welcome to the MOT club! We're all dying to hear about your 5 week old twins.
    I agree that the first few weeks are the hardest.  It will get easier every week.  At about 8 weeks I was thinking "this is a piece of cake!" Then at 16 weeks I was told to start "sleep training" - no more naps downstairs - I counted 29 trips up and down one day - they took 4 naps and I was alone carrying them up and down all day long! Got the baby weight off in a hurry though.
    Anyway - it's a wonderful journey - keep us posted about your progress.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from plksmcz. Show plksmcz's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Congrats on your impending arrivals! I have 3 year old fraternal boys and a 6 year old singleton. I had help for the first 2 weeks from DH, Mom and M-I-L and then was on my own after that. It gets easier. Like everyone else has said, try to get them on the same schedule. I would use either the boppy pillow or bouncy chair during the day to simultaneously feed them and DH and I would each take one for the night feedings. We did not use a night nurse and we formula fed exclusively. The boys co-slept for the first 4 months and then were too big and needed their own cribs. I had a changing table and port-a-crib on the first floor of my house so that I didn't have to do stairs constantly. It helps, trust me. 

    My real reason for writing is for when they get a little older. It will be very hard but do not compare your twins when it comes to development. One may develop on pace and one may be behind or ahead. With mine, Twin A is very accelerated for his age. Twin B has been behind developmentally from the start. At first we were concerned that he was extremely delayed but that was because we were comparing the two. 

    Best of luck with your babies. They will be the light of your life and the first smile and I love you will melt your heart! 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Good luck, Steph, and congrats KANN!!!  Loved reading all the stories.

    (cgfrost, what do people mean by, "Are your twins real?")
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Sorry to butt in...but "real" = conceived without the assistance of modern medicine--as opposed to all the "fake" twins out there.  Seriously--people ask lots of bizarre questions.  Most are well-intentioned, but some are very personal things you usually wouldn't ask a complete stranger.  People you've never met will come right out and ask "did you do IVF?"  Lots of people ask if they were a surprise (as if you can plan a multiple pregnancy) or if twins run in the family (from what I've read, only a very small percentage of twins are from families where they're common).

    My favorite question, asked ALL THE TIME about my boy-girl twins is "are they identical?"  I try to always be polite, but this question drives me bonkers.  It would be one thing if they were boy-boy or girl-girl twins and actually looked alike, but how, exactly, could a boy and girl be IDENTICAL?!  Not to mention...DD has a darker complexion (DH is 1/2 Filipino) and dark hair; DS is blond and has a very fair complexion like me.  I also often get asked whether or not they're brother and sister "because they don't look alike."  And of course, these same people are shocked that they're twins.  FWIW, I'm always happy to explain the difference b/t fraternal and identical twins to those who ask or seem like they'd be receptive of the explanation, but just looking at them, it's very clear, they're not identical.


    And I totally agree that you cannot compare the two to each other developmentally in any way.  They are two different people and you need to be mindful of that all the time.  DS rolled over super early and DD rolled over on the late end of the "normal" scale.  DD was the first to sit on her own, but DS crawled about 2 months before she did.  They took their first steps on the same day.  As a parent, you always want to know if your kid is "advanced," "normal," or "behind."  Singleton parents compare their kids to other children their child's age at playgroups, daycare, etc.  It's completely instinctive to do that, but with twins, you have to be hyper-conscious to not do it because they're both always there and it's really easy to do.  We are also very conscious, even at only 17 months, not to say things like "your sister likes it" or "don't you want to do what your brother is doing?"  Just because one of them likes something or doesn't like something has no bearing on the other's preferences.  If you get in the habit of not comparing early on (and reminding people who are around often not to either), it becomes second nature. 

    Congrats to Kann and good luck Stefani!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: twin advice

    Oh, thanks for the explanation, Daisy!  I never would have figured out that they meant as opposed to the "fake" IVF ones.   The nerve.

    People ask if your b/g twins are identical?  Do they know what the word means?  I hope you have a good repetoire of funny responses.  It's low hanging fruit, lol.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: twin advice

    "Are they identiacl?"
    Well no - he's a boy and she's a girl.
    "But other than that, are they identical?"
    Well no - there's not such thing as identical boy/girl twins.
    "Are they real?"
    Yup - real live babies! :)
    "Did you use fertility treatments?"
    Wow - that's a really personal question, don't you think?
    "Do they run in the family?"
    They do now.
    "How do you do it?"
    They are a joy - we're very blessed.

    All of the above questions have been asked to me - all of the answers were delivered with a big smile - especially the one about fertility treatments.
    I try to always be nice.  People aren't really trying to pry - they are just fascinated with multiples.  Sometimes they just say silly things.
    I actually love it when other people come up to me and say "I'm a twin too!" or "I'm a Mother of twins, too!"  It's like being in a very special club. :)

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: twin advice

    i love all of these posts!  ctdc - i'm with you, i don't think my two babies are going to be nearly as cute as my two kitties!!!  ;) 
     
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