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Twins First Birthday

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Twins First Birthday

    My b/g twins will be one in a month.  I'm starting the planning for their b'day party.  I'm a moderate party planner, not over the top but party usually have a theme and DD1 has had special invitations for all 3 of her parties.

    I really try to make sure I treat everyone equal across the board and so I intend to have separate cakes for each of them( a "1" just like big sis had) and presents (although their big gift is going to be a 2 person wagon).  What I'm struggling with is invitations.  I feel like they should each have their own invitation but that also feels a little like overkill.

    What did/do you do for birthday invitations?  Did you have a theme for their first birthday?

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    Two invitations is overkill, people will think it's weird, but a split invitation would work, either something where you open the card and each side is different - one for each baby or a single page invitation with a split bottom/top design.

    I totally agree on separate cakes and separate gifts though.

    We just had DD's first birthday, we had a really loose music/carnival theme on the invitations and I realized after the party I had not put up the decorations I had planned. Ugh, she never knew the difference!
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    2 invitations are overkill.

    One of my good friends has twins.  They had 1 big cake and then cupcakes for the boys. That way, each got their 'own' little cake.  For a first birthday, I don't think you need to worry too much about 'fairness'.  One boy was all into his cupcake and had a blast.  They have the cute 'cake eating' photo for him.  The other fell asleep, woke up b/c of all the cake commotion, and then had a meltdown.  All the photos of him are of a pouty face and crying, poor little guy.

    I am a super planner too, so I get where you are coming from, but the first birthday party seems to be more for the parents than the kids, who are really too young to 'get it'.  By the time holidays and birthday #2 rolls around, they will get the concept of fairness more and probably appreciate your efforts in that regard more.  Long story short: don't kill yourself trying to plan a separate or distinct party within a party for each child for the first birthday. 
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    For my twins first birthday (they're 2 now), we kept it pretty small (maybe 10 total--mostly family) and i think I did an evite rather than traditional invitations.  I did not do a separate invitation for each of them.  As far as the invitations go, I say one party = one invitation.  When they're older (school age?), it will make sense to have separate parties for them if they have separate friends, and THEN they can have separate invitations.  OR, you can have simultaneous parties for them with each inviting their own friends--in which case each will have their own invitation.  For now, though, I think one invitation is the way to go.  The joint invitation will be special to each of them because they are twins and got to share their first birthday with each other.

    My kids each had their own cake and candle to blow out, and they had slivers of their own and each other's cake (cakes were entirely different from each other) to eat/play with.  We didn't have a theme except for "1st Birthday."

    For their second birthday, we didn't invite anyone except my mother who lives nearby.  They had been to a couple of "happy birthday parties" and ALL they talked about was blowing out candles.  I bought a smorgasbord of character-themed stuff.  One character for the tablecloth, another character for the napkins, two sets of plates with two different characters, etc. (interestingly, when I gave them their choice of plates, DD chose the one I had bought with DS in mind and DS chose the one I had bought with DD in mind--go figure).  They had similarly-designed cakes b/c they have the same favorite character, but the character was posed differently on each cake, and the flavors of the cakes were tailored to each one's preferences (not that they had input, but one likes chocolate more, another one likes strawberries more, etc. so I chose flavors based on that).  So, you can do things to individualize the party for each of them while still having it jointly.

    I think, as parents of twins, we're hyper-aware of trying to maintain each twin's identity as an individual rather than as part of a set.  BUT we also have to remember that being a twin IS part of their identity.  With that awareness comes a ton of issues that are important to us, but that the kids (especially at this age) just don't care about.  We are sure to get them their own gifts that reflect their own interests, and we get them gifts to share.  When it comes down to it, they end up playing with each other's toys anyway and a couple weeks after a gift-giving occasion, I usually can't remember what belongs to whom.  If a toy is important to one of them, though, they definitely remember whose it is and THEY enforce that themselves.  If I buy two things that are identical except for the color, they decide which is whose and after that it never changes.  If I give DS's toy to DD or vice versa, they won't accept it and I'm met with "that's brother's/sister's."  We try to honor their possessiveness of certain items when possible, but blocks, puzzles, books, etc. are to be shared and if one of them "claims" any of those items, we tell them that those are for sharing and move on. 

    My advice is not to over-think this.  Put the money you saved from only getting one set of invitations into the "future therapy fund" and if they're traumatized by it when they're older, you can pay for their therapy sessions to deal with it. ;)

    And congrats on making it through the first year with twins!
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    I'm half of a b/g twin set... and definitley save your money for when it really matters to them.  Thinking back... I can't recall being upset about any joint parties or gifts etc... UNTIL high school.  Then it bugged me (we still got the same things... but oh well, they were nice things).  Good luck and have fun.  Definitely more about the parents and family at this point!
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  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    You're having one party for two kids, and the purpose of the invitation is to invite people to the invitation is appropriate.

    I don't think you have to go to extremes to instill in your twins that you see them as unique people.  They are intrinsically unique people, and being a twin will not damage them psychologically, nor will you if you combine things here and there with common sense as your guide.
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    Thanks, everyone.  I knew I was being neurotic about the 2 invite thing but hearing it from others helped put an end to it in my mind. :-)

    Some of my concern (and this is more likely to come into play when they are older) is that I don't want them to feel like their sister got "more" because she's a singleton.  But Daisy's right being a twin is special, too.  And then that makes me worry that DD1 will get jealous that they are twins and she isn't.  Trying to anticipate how kids will react to things will drive me crazy.  I am totally over thinking all of this.   

    I'm going to set up their "future therapy fund" today and try to stop worrying about things to come!
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    DZ, My sisters are twins. It never occured to me to be jealous of their twindom, or to gloat over my singleton status, it's just the way it is, like the color of our hair and birth order!

    But definitely start the therapy fund, it's seriously more important than paying for college I think!
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from twin04. Show twin04's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    DZ - I am a twin and we always had just one invitation, one party and we turned out fine. You could always buy 2 packs of invitations of a different theme or whatnot and just mix it up. We each had our own cake and mostly received separate gifts, but the joint ones were pretty neat and usually needed two people to use so it always worked out. No stress!!!
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    dz, every child in every family has something to be jealous over.  The key is to raise thankful children, not to try to anticipate and prevent every possibile appearance of disparity.  

    The fact is, life isn't fair, and not everyone gets exactly what others get no matter how hard anyone tries, and if kids are raised to be thankful, gracious children, they'll be so as adults, too, even in the face of unfairness or the appearance thereof. 

    Think of any disparity, even as unintentional as it might be, as a learning experience in graciousness.
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Twins First Birthday

    I guess I'm a bad mom 'cause I didn't even do separate cakes for my b/g twins on their first or second birthdays.  We've only had family parties so far and for bday #2 we did an Elmo theme since that what they both love.
    My two are so attached that the first thing DD says when she wakes is "where's DS?"
    I don't really think about the fact that they are twins all that often - to me they are just my children.  I treat them as individuals as much as possible. - But again - being a twin is part of who they are, and from what I can see they really love each other.
    The time will come when I think they will want separate things - including birthday parties, but I'm not worried about that just yet. I'm just trying to figure out how to potty train DD when DS has no interest - but wants to come and play in the bathroom (mess in the sink) when I try and take her to the potty (sigh).