Working moms - How do you do it?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from soxy-lady. Show soxy-lady's posts

    Working moms - How do you do it?

    Hi all,
    I am the mother of a 6 month old.  I've been back to work for a few months now and it's not getting any easier.  ANd I don't mean just the emotional aspect of leaving DS each day (that seems to be getting harder each week too!)  It's the logistics that keep getting harder as well - esp since we are trying to introduce solids - just more things to do!  I see working moms all around me holding it together and showing up at work with makeup and well dressed and put together.  How?  Not that I need that, but tt's all I can do to make it to work and that is sometimes a little late and always with wet hair and no makeup wearing something wrinkled most of the time.  Half the time I forget pump parts, my wallet, various day care items.  I've gotten better at keeping lists and packing us both up the night before, but still I feel like I am barely holding it together.  In the evenings it's a rush to get out of work for my 1 hr communte to get DS and get him home so I can nurse, play with him, feed him his solids, give him a bath and do his bedtime routine.  Then once he's asleep try to get packed for the day and have some dinner (if there is every anything to eat in the house!) and get some sleep before he wakes up again (he gets up one or 2 times, although last night it was every 2 hrs).  Then the mornings are a blur with getting us up and ready and to daycare so I can get to work by 7:30 so I can leave at 4:30 in order to get to daycare.  And that's a good day when everything goes perfectly and we all know how rare those are.  Am I missing something?  This is so hard and I don't think I can handle it anymore, but I don't know what else I can do.  Are there some secrets that I am missing?  I feel like a lousy mom and a lousy employee - and my employee standards are very low these days.  I can't imagine how women in high power jobs make this happen.  I expected this to be a lot of work, but I didn't expect to be crying every day after a few months.  Everyone else seems to make this work.  What am I doing wrong?  TIA for reading this.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    I highly doubt you are doing anything "wrong," but instead your coping abilities are falling short of getting you through this very stressful and demanding time.  I know fitting something else in to your life might seem like the last thing you want to consider, but check out the very recent thread on how to find a therapist.  Just because you see "other moms" who have it "all together" does not mean you are alone in feeling overwhelmed and needing help handling all this in a healthy way.  You aren't.  And, we aren't BORN with the coping skills we need to handle that much constant stress and demand on our emotional and physical selves.  Our parents teach us some, we learn some the "hard way" on our own, and sometimes we need a therapist to add to our emotional tool belt to get all the skills we need to make it.

    "I can't do this anymore, but I have to," is a very bad place to be, and is not sustainable without a change.  
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Soxy, most of us are just getting by, but look like we've got it together. Seriously!
    I wake up at 4:45AM to get the early train to work. On a good day, ds (17 mos old) is still sleeping when I leave. DH gets up when I leave and gets ready for work. If ds is up and DH needs to shower, ds goes in the high chair during this time. DH drops ds off at daycare and then drives to work. After work, I take the train back to the 'burbs, pick up ds at daycare, get him home and feed him. We play for a little bit, sometimes go for a walk (my exercise has become almost nil at this point), and then get him ready for bed. I try to get dinner started while he's eating, but sometimes I have to do part of it after he gets to bed. DH gets home right when ds is going to bed. We then eat (usually around 8-ish), try to talk for a few minutes, and then head to bed. I usually live on frozen dinners with yogurt and fruit for lunch so it's easy to get ready. We sometimes cook in bulk so there's less daily food prep for dinner. Time on the weekends is spent trying to balance cleaning, resting (since we're all exhausted after a crazy work week), spending time with family/friends and running errands (ie: grocery shopping, etc). Keep in mind, this is on a regular week when ds is not sick with a cold/ear infection/fever - that makes for less sleep for all of us at night.
    What I'm trying to say is that you need to be easier on yourself. It's tough being a working mom!!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Also, here's an article which talks about the craziness of trying to get it all done...
    http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/08/09/7318658-whats-your-deepest-darkest-secret-moms-confess-in-our-survey
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Soxy--I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this.  It's REALLY HARD to make it work and you're certainly not alone.  The first thing that I will put out there--and you can take it or leave it b/c I don't know you or anything about you--are you depressed?  Depression manifests differently in different people and it's VERY COMMON after having a baby.  I have two year old twins, and for a few months fairly recently I was just all over the place.  I was late to everything, forgetful, and completely disorganized and just feeling "blah" all around (not sad/depressed, just "blah").  Usually I'm completely on top of things, on time or early for everything, planning in advance, playing out all possible scenarios in my head ahead of time so I'll be prepared for whatever comes up, but I just couldn't get it together anymore for some reason.  I've been seeing a therapist for mild depression off and on for years, so she knows me pretty well at this point.  I had never been on medication for the depression and my therapist had never recommended it.  BUT, after consistently being late (not just a couple minutes...like, 15 or 20 minutes) to my appointments with her for a couple of months and just talking about my new-found flakiness in our sessions, she suggested that I go on medication for depression.  I told her I'd think about it--and at my next session, we talked about it some more and I decided to try it.  I've been on it for a few months now, and all of the "focusing" problems I was having are gone and I feel like I'm back to my old self.  I'm on a fairly low dose, but it's been enough.  Anyway, what I'm reading in your post reminded me of me not too long ago, so I wanted to put it out there as something to consider.

    In any case, it's really critical to do everything the night before.  Have everything ready and in the fridge and/or by the door.  You can even put some things out in the car the night before to shave off another minute or two in the morning.  Keep a list next to the door, and don't leave until  you're sure you have EVERYTHING.

    Bathtime--do you do it every night?  For a baby, you can probably cut that down to 2 or 3 times a week (or even less).  They really don't need to bathe everyday.  If it's something he likes and  you enjoy and you have time, then you can do it more often, but this is something you can cut down on.  We did baths on Friday night, Sunday night, and one other night during the week...usually Wednesday.

    Get up earlier.  (Yeah, I know...I am NOT a morning person at all and used to think that anything earlier than 10 am on the weekends or 8 am on weekdays was just sadistic.)  Even 10 or 15 minutes can make a difference and cut down on the morning chaos.

    Dinner.  Do your grocery shopping on the weekend.  You don't mention DH or DS's father, so I don't know if he's around, but it makes a difference in my advice.  If DH is around, one of you can go out during naptime on Saturday or Sunday and do all your shopping for the week.  If DH isn't around, try going first thing in the morning on Saturday or Sunday.  It's usually a bit quieter and will be easier to get it done faster.  DS will probably enjoy looking around at all the various-colored packaging and seeing other people.  During the week, after DS is in bed, one of you can prepare dinner while the other works on getting things ready for the next day.  You can also try to make a few things ahead of time on the weekends and stick them in the fridge or freezer to throw in the oven during the week.  Even cutting up vegetables ahead of time makes dinner prep go faster during the week.  Two words:  crock pot.  If you don't have one, get one.  Throw everything in it the night before, stick it in the fridge.  In the morning, pull it out, plug it in, set the timer, and when you come home, you'll have a hot meal ready and waiting for you.  Always double or triple the amount of food you usually make.  Eat what you normally eat and then freeze the rest so you can eat it when you just don't feel like cooking.

    Bedtime routine--if DH is around, you should start alternating nights.  The person who isn't doing bedtime can have little time to him/herself to regroup and relax.  It's amazing what 15 minutes of alone-time can do for one's mental health.

    Also, there's a website:  www.flylady.net that's got a great philosophy and method for getting and staying organized, keeping the house reasonably clean, etc.  I don't follow it religiously...or even agnostically, for that matter, but the message is very empowering and it's very do-able.  You don't have to do it all, all the time.  Just doing a little bit can make a difference.  Simply cleaning your kitchen sink in the evenings can do wonders for your mental health and sense of accomplishment (who knew?).  In any case, it's worth having a look to see if any of her suggestions are helpful to you.

    Take care and don't compare yourself to others or think they have it all together.  They don't.  They've just developed coping mechanisms and organizational skills to make it look easy.
    Hang in there.  You can do this.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    It is hard.  I'm almost 10 months into this motherhood thing, and sometimes it is just hard.  I think the hardest thing is that you give up parts of your old life that you never even realized - like an unhurried shower, or time to dry your hair, or nice dinners.  And once they get mobile, it gets even a little harder! 

    That said, here are some of the things we've done that have helped us adjust to this new family of three:
    - getting a cleaning lady.  She comes every other week and it is the best thing ever to not have to worry about cleaning bathrooms and mopping floors every weekend.  If you can swing it in your budget, do it.  Ours is $70 every other week and while my husband was resistant, now that she's started, he would never go back. 
    - teamwork. I've learned that I need to ask my husband to help...he's a great guy, and once I ask, he'll do it, but I need to ask, because he won't see the need. Once I started asking for help, and our teamwork shifted, it got so much better. 
    - planning.  I cook 1-2 times a week; the rest of the week is more "assembling" (salads with leftover chicken, leftover pasta tossed with different sauce, that kind of thing). After DH does the dishes, I pack up all of the stuff DD will need for daycare, I set out both of our clothes for the next day, etc.
    - adjusting expectations.  It is hard, and it will be hard, but I've let myself off the hook. Would I like to be back at the gym? Sure, but instead, my DH and I take DD for a walk...it's not the same, but it's still exercise. Would I like to relax and read like I used to? Absolutely, but now it's one chapter before bed, as opposed to half a book!
    - and just to stress again: asking for help when you need it, or time when you need it.  We've started each having a night off a week...I go to dinner with friends, he goes out and watches a Sox game...sometimes it's as simple as going to the mall and wandering aimlessly. It has helped so much to get some of the "me" time back, time that's not about work or family, but just for me. It's not perfect, but we're a work in progress, and just when we think we've got a good routine going, something changes and we have to adjust. 


     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Daisy, I thought there were warning signs of depression in her post, as well, but was afraid to say so.  "Insufficient coping skills" was as much as I dared to say, but since you brought it up I figure it can't hurt to throw in another vote for investigating the possibility of clinical depression further so if that's the case it can be addressed as such.

    ETA:  I'm definitely not saying that if anyone is having a hard time with all this they "must" be depressed. This is why I didn't say the D word...I'm all freaked out, now, about how it will be received.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    OK, I tend to agree that some of what you're feeling might be more than just a "how-to," but since that's been covered, this is my daily schedule.  And, yes, I do have it printed out and on the fridge.  My husband takes care of a bunch of this, but I whipped it up around the six month mark -- I'd been back at work and was struggling with all the extras.  Now, this is the GOAL schedule -- it doesn't all get done every day, but what works for me is planning, planning, planning; lots of help from DH, getting up disgustingly early, and leaving very little to chance.  Also, we have a cleaning lady come in weekly so most of my household stuff is daily chores, and I have a very short commute, as you can probably guess from the times on these.  I also do my weekly menu planning/cooking/prep on weekends, so dinners come together fairly quickly.  DH is in charge of putting DD to bed, and we tag team on the daily stuff, like dishes and laundry:

    PM Checklist/Schedule:

     
    • 5:00pm – daycare pick-up
    • 5:15pm -- Walk/play with DD
    • 6:00pm -- unpack diaper bag/dirties in DW/start laundry
    • 6:15pm – DD eats, start dinner
    • 6:45pm – DD’s Bath/DH gets home
    • 7:30pm -- DD’s Bedtime Stuff:
      • Music/Story
      • Bottle
    • 7:30pm -- Restock Diaper Bag
      • Diapers (eight), wipes, Desitin
      • Two spare outfits
      • Gear for outside play
      • Notebook for Daycare
      • Food for next day (two 6oz bottles, formula, lunch/snacks)
    • 8:00pm – Eat
    • 8:30pm -- Clean up from Dinner/Prep for tomorrow’s meal/pack lunches
    • 8:45pm -- Prep Coffeemaker for A.M./Run dishwasher/Set timer on washing machine for 5am wash 
    • 9:00pm -- Fold & put away laundry
    • 10:00pm -- bed
      

    AM Checklist:

     
    • 5:00am – get-up/wet laundry in dryer/unload dishwasher
    • 5:30am -- Workout
    • 6:00am -- Shower/get ready (me)
    • 6:15am -- DH wakes up DD & gives her a bottle
    • 6:45am -- DH showers/gets ready
    • 6:45am -- Story & cuddle with DD (me)
    • 7:00am – DD goes in exersaucer
    • 7:15 – DH leaves; puts daycare bags in car
    • 7:15 – Breakfast for DD
    • 7:30am – Clean-up, get DD dressed
    • 7:45am to 8:15am -- Clean coffee maker/dry clothes on bed/load DW/defrost dinner (if needed)
    • 8:15am – leave for daycare
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    I'm more fun than this list would lead you to believe, for the record. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    wow - impressive schedule GC!!!

    i have 9 month old twins and i have to say i feel pretty much put-together, but i have a LOT of help - FT nanny who does the babies' laundry and a husband with a flexible job/hours who does a lot of stuff around the house (grocery shopping, trash, dinner prep, gets home to relieve the nanny, etc.).  is getting more help an option for you?

    and, this might be unpopular but: you've got to sleep-train.  it's no wonder you feel like a wreck if you haven't had a full-night's sleep for 6 months.  i think interrupted sleep for that long really does a number on you - it did for me and we sleep-trained early! 

    GL. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    I struggled for a good few months when I went back to work after DD was born.  I felt like I was not enjoying my time with her, always just thinking about the next task that needed to be checked off.  It took me a good few (or more) months to adjust. 

    I think that accepting help (from DH, family and friends) really makes life a lot easier.  I did not do that as much when DD was your DS's age but once I was pregnant with my second I started to accept more and wish I did earlier.  I also have lowered my expectations on myself, for example if the day was especially crazy I just make the announcement that we are ordering out (I am really cheap so this was big for me).  My parents took DD one night a week for dinner and that helped so that I could either get things done around the house, food shop, run an errand, or just relax.

    It is difficult when you start solids because what once took a short time now takes a lot longer.  I find that just when you get a routine down something changes and you need to find a new rhythm. 

    I agree with Daisy about the baths - I don't think that they need them every night. 

    Now for your pump parts - could you just buy more parts to leave at work?  Sometimes spending the money to have duplicates does make a difference.  Can you do peapod for grocery shopping?  I do almost all my shopping (for everyone and household items) online, to me its worth the fees.  It saves me time, aggravation, etc.

    Also, do you have friends who are working moms?  I find talking to them about the struggles helps a lot!  They don't usually have any answers but its just nice to vent about how hectic it all is.  Example I called a friend almost in tears about feeling guilty about something yesterday - she had no answer for me other than, you just do your best, but it felt good to actually talk to someone who knew exactly where I was coming from.  These boards are great, but to me talking to a friend is therapeutic.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Oh, I definitely didn't bathe DD every night until ... probably last month.  Now that she's self-feeding, she's a hot mess by the time we're done with dinner, and she's generally had sunscreen applied during the day, so I prefer to wash that off.  Also, I wash her in the kitchen sink with a pad -- it's just a LOT easier for me. 


    I had three sets of pump parts -- one for work, one at home, one on deck -- when I was pumping. 


    I'm trying to remember my other tricks ... this won't work if you're still nursing overnight, but DH and I alternate "duty" nights so that one of us is in charge of the monitor and getting up if DD fusses.  She didn't sleep through the night until seven months, so that was huge for me.  I think we went to a bottle-feeding overnight at five months -- I had low supply so that way I knew that she was getting a solid feeding at that wake-up, and that cut down on the number of times we had to get up. 


    When I cook, I usually cook for four even though it's just the two of us, so we have a second meal for later that week, or I freeze the other half for another week.  That helps a lot. 

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    I just want to say that you aren't doing anything wrong.  Going to work and taking care of an infant is REALLY hard.
    I am a SAHM but when I worked, I was surrounded by working moms and here are some things that worked for them.
    Showering at night.
    Giving up the pumping at work and supplementing with formula.  Two of my friends found it easier to use formula and just nurse morning and night.
    Hiring a cleaning lady if finances allow it.  The last thing you want to do is clean the bathroom and vacuum right now.
    I have twins and I totally agree with Daisy that babies only need to be washed every other night at most.
    Stefani is right - think about some sleep training - or make your DH give a bottle once in a while in the middle of the night - you need some rest too!

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Some excellent advice so far!  I hope you will find it helpful.  My daughter is almost 6 months as well and I definitely have good days and bad days.  I hoped that work would seem like a break after being with an infant all day for 13 weeks, but it has been beyond hectic. 

    I'm repeating some things that have been mentioned, but here are some things that have helped me:
    Cutting back from pumping 3 times to pumping 2 times at work.  (Will have to introduce formula soon, but even with 3 times I didn't get enough for the next day.)

    Being clear with DH about what is needed.  For example, he used to sit and watch TV while I pumped at night, but once I asked a few times he realized he should be doing something to help prepare for the next day as well.  So he will usually wash bottles or defrost some milk while I pump.  Is there anyone who can help you?

    Is there anyone who could do drop off or pick up so that you only do one?  I do drop off and DH does pickup.  With my commute I could never do both.

    Letting go of some errands.  I prefer to do the grocery shopping and choose all things baby myself, but sometimes ya just gotta let it go.  He may not buy the "right" product, but we'll live! 

    I went through my clothes and chose the ones that are acceptable for work.  I am not allowed to choose anything from the other drawer!  Might sound weird, but now I never wear a shirt that is borderline too casual, for example, so I feel slightly better about my not-so-awesome appearance.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    For heaven sakes, can a new Mom vent a bit, admit to being overwhelmed in a moment and not be slapped with a depression label!

    Seriously, Look back, I wrote the same post probably at about 6 months. I honestly feel that just at about 10 months to now I am finally getting it together, and I have A TON of help.

    Are you nursing and still up at night? Are you honestly getting enough decent sleep? That was the kicker for me, once I started sleeping enough, everything - EVERYTHING - started back in to place - work, our marriage, our house and our new life with Beanie Boo. Unfortunately, that means I often am in bed at 8:30 or 9:00 pm but that's what I need (I'm up at 4:45). 

    I'm printing off GC's schedule for myself because it rocks. 

    I've also found I've had to develop a new work wardrobe since DD has arrived. Nothing that can't be ironed by throwing it in the dryer for 10 minutes. Tahari business dresses with a cardi and heels (that stay at the office) is my new uniform!

    Just wanted to give you hope, I swear I swear 6 months is still early on and by a year it finally STARTS falling in to place. 

    My thoughts and good wishes go out to you - we've all been there (and didn't even need medication for it!)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from MM379. Show MM379's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Hi Soxy - It definitely is tough!  Some of the overwhelmed feelings good be mental health-related as others mentioned.  Post-partum depression and post-partum anxiety are super common.  That idea of 'everyone has their act together better than I do' is something I struggled with and I did have PPD/PPA.  Getting professional help was great, but also learning how to cope, let some things go, and then become super-duper organized on other things really helped too.  Multi-tasking and delegating are key.  And DH is key, too.  First, figuring out what DH can do, what can be done ahead of time or in bulk.  If you are bonding with DS through nursing, perhaps DH can do solids or baths or bed time.  If it is financially feasible, I might suggest stocking your office and/or car with "extras" that you commonly forget - pump parts, a few extra diapers/wipes or bibs and linens for daycare.  I kept a pack of those "take n toss" sippy cups in my care b/c I was forever forgetting to pack a cup for daycare.  As other posters suggest, could you budge a bit on using some stored milk or supplementing with formula for some of the feedings so all the feeding pressure isn't on you?  What worked for DH and I is sort of saying "here's what needs to happen before work to get out of the door on time and look presentable and here's what needs to happen after work to take care of chores, kids, food, etc." and still get some time for ourselves.  Then we divided it up.  DS wakes up first - DH gets up with him, pours him some milk, allows him a little Thomas or Sesame time.  Then he assembles DD and DSs school supplies for the day (we have bottles, snacks and lunch ready to go which I prepped night before).  While he's doing this, I have a bottle of water and a formula dispenser waiting in my room - I get DD, feed her, dress her, then bring her down to DH.  I shower, make up, blow dry, dress.  In the mean time, DH dresses DS.  DD is playing in one of her baby contraptions.  Then DH showers, dresses while I'm finishing up.  DS gets some breakfast, I have mine, DH drinks his instant breakfast and we load up the car.  After work, it's an assembly line of one of us unpacking daycare stuff and rinsing/replacing as we go.  So, while I clean out DD's bottles from the day, I'm also prepping ones for the next day.  Whatever I make DS for dinner, he usually has for lunch as well at school the next day.  We don't have family dinner down pat quite yet - usually one of us is feeding or playing with the kids while the other one is preparing dinner for the parents.  DH usually does bath while I clean up - I get both kids ready for bed, DH does tuck in with DS which is an ordeal, I give DD her last bottle and she goes right down.  Everything is usually wrapped up by 8:30/9:00.  Some nights we vary it up for a walk, playground, fun outing, but this is the more traditional night.    Keys to saving time for us: LOTS of hand me downs and cheapy clothes so that we are never desperate to do laundry, cleaning lady, cooking double batches of everything and freezing or using for lunches, pre-planning my outfits and children's outfits the night before, having lots of extra, back-ups for being on the go.  Being a working mom and then trying to do every aspect of childcare when at home to cope with the working mom guilt does not work at all.  Delegating, prioritizing, and planning are key.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from arugulacm. Show arugulacm's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    For me, when DD was 6 months old, a lot of how I felt, how organized or forgetful I was, etc. came down to how much I slept.  Around 6 months is when DH and I started alternating nights.  One night, he had the monitor on his nightstand and handled all the wake ups that night, the next night, the monitor was on my nightstand and I handled all wake ups.  That way every other night, I was able to get some sleep.  Also, on the weekends, we'd each get one day that we could "sleep in" an hour or so. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    A good night's sleep makes all the difference in the world. We didn't sleep train until well after a year, and it was a huge mistake. Once we were all sleeping throught the night, everyone was happier and more productive.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    I wanted to add - I agree that sleep is really important.  DD slept through the night when I went back to work and I still struggled for a bit (as mentioned above).  Also as Arugulacm posted DH and I also trade days on the weekend for getting up.  I am normally awake and used to get up both days but realized I need (and deserve) an hour in bed in the morning - That makes a big difference too.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    As a mom of an almost 11-year old (and for 7 of those I was a single full-time working mom) I can tell you it does get easier.  I will echo what others have said.  You need to get some sleep and as hard as it is you need to learn to let basic things go around the house or ask for help.  Good luck and feel free to vent away here as much as you'd like.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    ml--chill out.  No one "slapped a depression label" on anyone.  What I was reading in the OPs post was a situation I identified with and threw it out there as a possibility.  I don't know the OP or anything about her.  Maybe she's always had trouble with organization but it was never a real problem until now--when she has so many more responsibilities and things to think about.  OR, like me, maybe this is a drastic reversal of how she's always been.  IN WHICH CASE, it could POSSIBLY be a symptom of depression.  AND, if that's the case, it's important to deal with that in order to improve her current quality of life.  If she is depressed, and it's manifesting in this way, it's unlikely that a schedule or defined plan is going to help all that much.  So, in order to stop feeling overwhelmed, etc. she has to deal with THAT issue before anything else can change.  On the other hand, if she's not depressed, schedules and suggestions from other people about how they do things will be very useful and helpful and if she incorporates the ones that work for her, then she should see a significant improvement fairly quickly.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Soxy- another thing that I do (even though I'm at home) is get all the baby stuff from diapers.com or amazon mom.  I'm a diapers.com fan, but a lot of moms I know love amazon mom.  both deliver free in 2 days.  It's so nice not to have to worry about diapers, wipes, diaper cream etc.
    I also order all my twins clothes online.  Old navy is my favorite for everyday stuff - I let my Mom get the special outfits!
    Don't feel bad about making good friends with the pizza delivery guy or whatever if you're tired.  And my DH (who can't cook) will make breakfast for dinner if necessary.  he can whip up a mean bacon and eggs with toast and it's fast and delicious.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    In Response to Re: Working moms - How do you do it?:
    For heaven sakes, can a new Mom vent a bit, admit to being overwhelmed in a moment and not be slapped with a depression label!
    Posted by ml2620-2

    There's no shame in a depression label. And sometimes what you need is to have people around you, who can view your situation objectively, tell you that you seem depressed. When you're on the inside it can be hard to see your way out.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from soxy-lady. Show soxy-lady's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    Thanks for the responses all.  I think I mostly needed a vent, but it was super helpful to hear everyone's advice.  Most important thing I got from this is sleep - I need to figure out how to get some.  The next thing I think is to give up pumping.  I don't get enough anymore to get him through a day and have run out of frozen.  He has a dairy allergy and a soy allergy so he hasn't been able to do regular formula.  He had a reaction to the first hypo-allergenic formula and now he is on another one (which, by the way smells horrible, so he's not such a big fan).  I've only been giving him enough to make up my shortage and to get enough into his system to test. We go to the Dr. on Saturday to see if this formula is causing bloody stools and if not I think I am just going to go to formula full time.  I think really the stress of worry about having enough to feed him was sort of manifesting itself into stress at everything (and to answer someone's question I was formerly super organized and a good planner prior to DS).  I'm sad to let the nursing go, but having someone else feed him and being able to order takeout will be a lifechanger for me.

    Thanks for the concerns about depression.  I don't think that is it, because it is mainly only on weekdays, but something worth checking out.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: Working moms - How do you do it?

    I usually just lurk on the Infant boards but I wanted to suggest that perhaps you make a visit to your PCP and have a blood work-up done.  I believe a few months ago a few others on the boards were feeling the same way and it turned out they were Vitamin D deficient which can result in depression-like symptoms/feelings.  It's at least worth a visit to your PCP!  Best of luck!
     
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