December Preschoolers

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    I had success at the Children's Place for mittens last year and the year before that.  So they're consistent! If your DD has the same ones we have, those mittens also have a layer of plastic or vinyl between the two fleece layers, making them surprisingly waterproof! 

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    I haven't had a chance to read through all the posts yet on this thread, but I have a question about DD who is 3.5 years old.  She has been really whiny and giving an attitude lately.  Sometimes it is about things she doesn't want to do (brushing her hair) and other times it is just in normal conversation (i.e., her grammy thought her Elf on the Shelf was in her bedroom, but DD corrected her that NO it was in the LIVING ROOM!".....with a super attitude.  I try to correct her and tell her how to say it nicely, but that doesn't seem to be working.  She will repeat what I say nicely, but then she goes back to whining and giving an attitude shortly thereafter.  I normally only give timeouts for hitting, etc.  And if I gave time outs they would be very frequent.  Thoughts??  I hate having the kid with an attitude.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from KMMZ1012. Show KMMZ1012's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    I feel your pain, memes. My four year old told me last night he doesn't have to listen to me. He's gotten mouthy lately, constantly asserting that he can do whatever he wants, wailing that we're mean when we don't give in. He even went to so far as to take something and hide it after I took it away from him. It's been stressful. I've talked to some of the other moms at his school and it's going around. I hope it's just the age and not a permanent attitude adjustment.

    We've taken away tv, dessert, special treats (like helping dad put down the new floor) to try and impress on him that it's not okay to talk to adults like that - only when it's especially egregious (like when he told the cashier at the grocery store that she should be quiet because he was talking - I was so embarrassed!). I've noticed that his tone is uncomfortably like mine when I'm lecturing him about something, so I've started to moderate how I speak to him when he's being awful about something.

    He's also started to tell me that he won't listen to me when I yell. I think he's definition of yelling and mine are different, but it has made me more conscious of the way I talk to him. But I hope it's a phase because if he's this mouthy as a pre schooler, I dread the teenage years.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    Yeah.  DD (also 3.5) has actually been better the last month or so in terms of cooperating with actual things (like brushing hair) after a spate of really poor cooperation, including multiple instances where I had to get her dressed against her will while she screamed.  But these things I feel I can deal with even though they are unpleasant.

    I'm totally at a loss when it comes to the "tone" and attitude, though.  Memes, she often sounds like you described.  One of my least favorite is, "Excuse me!  You are NOT listening to my words!"  She doles out the "tone" to me, DH, and my mom quite frequently, and others sometimes.  But it's just like you said, KMMZ, with the grocery store!  So, so many of the things are the same words that either we use or her daycare teachers use.  It's just that they sound very sassy coming from a 3 year old, plus they also have the tone.

    Anyway, no real advice or solutions.  I am trying to moderate my own tone, and often asking her to try again in a nicer voice.  But I don't think I can do time outs or other punishments for tone provided that the words themselves are not rude.  I'm not sure she totally hears the tone differences, and plus so much of it is an echo of what she hears.  There have been cases where I have told her that kids can't say that to grown ups, but I can't think of any examples.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    Ah, the "tone." 

    I think med is right:  try to moderate your own tone when you speak with your child (given children are learning from us 24/7), and often asking your child to try again in a nicer voice.

    I just think it takes practice - they are so upset about the thing that is or isn't happening, and they are using their words (1 year ago they'd have either hit someone, snatched the toy and run, or bitten someone....) but NOW they are being told that their words (which we spent 2 years trying to have them say vs. snatching, hitting, etc) aren't right enough!  So having her repeat it the way you tell her to, using a nicer tone or nicer sentence, will eventually work, in a year.  Or 6 months, perhaps.  But if you don't do it now, you'll have a horror on your hands at 5 or 6 yrs old, when they DARN WELL know that they are using a tone. 

     

    Just as your knew your child wasn't horrible or a failure when she hit at 18 or 24 or 30 months old, she/he isn't horrible and you're not a failure if your 3 or 4 yr old uses the "tone" when speaking.  And sometimes what WE say IS RUDE but we don't realize it until we hear them say it to us, oops. 

    Now, there are also things a child just can't say to an adult, and I think that's also a useful thing to tell them, and have zero tolerance.  "You may not speak to the checkout lady like that." "You may not speak to me like that - right now, go to another room, go away from me."  Yes, they'll yell and rage and scream, but that's the way it is. You can't please your child all the time, you just need to keep your eye on the prize that your goal is to raise a wonderful child who will be enjoyed by others, who is bright, interested, interesting, nice and considerate and a good friend. 

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    I think it's the age, I really do. They are trying to figure out how they are supposed to interact with the world, asserting independence, and trying to develop coping mechanisms for when they don't get what they want. So much going on. I am definitely realizing that I need to check my own tone when talking to DD, especially if I am tired/hungry/generally impatient. That, and constant reminders to DD how she IS supposed to talk to people. She gets carried away with her emotions and forgets. When I remind her, sometimes she is annoyed by the reminder, but often she really does try to correct herself.

    Lately we've only been doing (or threatening) time-outs for physical bad behavior (hitting her brother, mostly). And I try to "catch her being good" and praise her for speaking politely. I've noticed that the "tone" is most likely to creep in if she is tired or hungry - just like her mama. Also, I truly feel like 3-4 year olds aren't often given enough credit for trying to follow the rules. People often interrupt them, or don't give them a turn to talk, or talk for them. In a way, sometimes I don't blame her for getting irritated with us adults. Sometimes even we don't follow the rules.

    That said, I do feel like I see the teenager in her, and it scares me...

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    Poppy, I notice with DS that hunger still gets to him, when he's a bear before dinner, or first thing in the AM, that low blood sugar limits his ability to think clearly and speak nicely to people. Now in the AM I greet him in bed with OJ, and 10 min later he's ready and able to listen. At dinner he'll refuse to come eat, we'll make him sit and take a few bites (some nights after some stern warnings) then the boy who claimed he wasn't hungry is now eating the majority of his meal. Sad thing is I as he got older I forgot to take hunger into consideration when he wasn't behaving...sad since I know it about myself!

    Med-I swear 3.5 was the hardest! (besides that 18 mo walker with no capabilities to listen) I actually look at DD (2) and I'm dreadign with next yar will bring!

    So many times we forget that they are just trying to find their way in this big world. Some nights DH have to remind us that 4/5 is still so young! Just because sometimes they do behave better, doesn't mean it's always appropriate to expect it from them all the time. So hard to accept as parents (who are often in a rush/over worked/tired).

    DS always has a melt down around his birthday, and holidays. When he knows there's fun stuff to expect his little brain goes into overdrive and the listening and behaving part sometimes shuts down. we just repeat to DS "Remember, when you listen we get to have more fun." But then again, I'm at the point when I just want to be done with work, have time with the kids and not stress about getting it all done in so little time! My work brain is shutting down and I'm having a hard time focusing (and caring) about work!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: December Preschoolers

    I'm out after today, so happy holidays everyone!  And happy belated Chanukah to those who celebrated!  I am looking forward to some MUCH needed rest... which I probably won't get :o)  What's that you say?  Xmas Eve is tomorrow and I haven't wrapped a single present?  I just ordered ahem holiday photo cards last night, but the upside is that I got them at a great price!

    At a couple months short of 3, I think DD is starting on the tone that you all have mentioned above.  It's kind of cute now...  I think mostly she is just mimicking adults and doesn't realize she's being bossy or disagreeable.  But I do make her repeat things sometimes.  If she says "I want cereal," I tell her to say "Mommy can I have cereal please?," to which she replies, "Mommy may I have cereal please?," so basically she's smarter than I am.  No wonder she tries to boss me around.

    I think DD is on the verge of dropping her nap, so this should be an interesting week off!

     
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