Preschoolers - August Discussion

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Here it is the 12th... figured a new monthly post, even to continue July discussions...

    KAM, is it possible he has a kind of hemmoroid, or something is inflamed down there making it hurt?  Even if a BM is soft... if it came from something fairly spicy, it could burn a bit?  (what odd conversations we parents have... :-))  I'd tend to agree that its something rather than nothing, and worth investigating more.

    Poppy... good question.  We did this weekend as we were hosting a family party (outdoors) Saturday and had no plans Sunday.  But knew the there was certainly the potential we'd need to go out.  We did take a short drive to the nursery Sunday and DS did fine in the car, walking through the nursery and then home again. (I did get the piddle pad seat for the car seat BTW... which at least allows me to worry less about the car).  I did 95% of the work... but not because DH wasn't home.  But I would imagine that being tough also with a 1 year old (happy b'day to G btw!)

    We started Saturday morning... by 10am I had changed underwear and pants 4 times.  But we pressed on.  I was remembering the conversations here, especially CT's notes about diapers being so absorbant.  So I was actually even just letting DS get used to feeling wet.  We tried the reminding every 30 mins or so, one M&M for #1 and 2 for #2.  That helped with trying.  Probably a total of 7 underwear/shorts changes Saturday, 4 yesterday and by noon today (with my MIL) he had only had 1.  One thing that surprised me this morning... the morning diaper wasn't as full as usual, and the first pee was quite a bit.  So I think their acknowledging the whole process and how their body feels is part of the battle.  I'd imagine if I could pee anywhere, anytime... I'd eventually stop paying attention to any signals my body was giving me.  He was getting a little frustrated with me for asking him if he had to go all the time, and I learned that I can't force him.  After two sippy cups full yesterday afternoon, I knew he'd have to go.  But playing with his cousin (thankfully outside) was distracting him and he totally refused (even though I brough a little potty outside).  Sure enough... 20 mins later he came over to me with wet pants.  But again... I'd imagine that is part of the learning process.  Full steam ahead in the IPW household.  I think it was the right time (even though my MIL seems to think a second day with accidents means he wasn't ready... good grief!)

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    That's great, IPW, sounds like he is really catching on! Even though some people cannot seem to help chiming in with their opinions...   ;)  Thank you for the advice!


    I need suggestions for grab-and-go foods for 1- and almost-3-year-olds. I'm talking snack-y but filling/healthful things to bring on outings, other than meal foods. I'm tired of granola bars and goldfish. What are your favorites?

     

     

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    TJ's has lots of dried fruit with no sulfur or nitrates.  "Just Mango" is one of my favorites.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    med - HSC (highly sensitive child)... it came up because DH himself is very sensitive (he meets all criteria you name for having been a HSC) and had a difficult home environment, and is very determined to use that as what not to do with DS, who is very, very much like him in some respects. And now watching our DD who is 2 years younger, and her behaviour makes it even more likely to us that we have a HSC. 

    Although I am usually not a fan of psychology today, I did find these helpful. 

     

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/201201/the-highly-sensitive-boy

     

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/201206/highly-sensitive-children

     

    ETA: I meant to say - DD's reactions are more what we would expect, while DS seems to be on the sensitive side in his reactions and by nature, and watching them makes that contrast more noticable

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Sorry - I just posted to July - party foul!

    cwag - thanks for the info.  It is really special that you and your DH are so aware of your son's needs.

    IPW - great job!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Last night at pick up I asked day care how DS was eating-they agreed he was eating less. However, they did tell me a stomach bug was going around! Ah ha! So right now I am under the assumption that DS had a touch of it and we didn't realize it OR has seen his friends suffer from it. Odd because he's usually great at verbalizing such things-but if he was just getting rumblings/uncomfortable feeling he might not speak up about it. Of course he did ask for salmon for dinner -and of course I didn't have any-so that was a positive sign! (he only picked at the chicken and salad. but no weird comments about not eating much.) But we'll watch it for a few more days and if he doesn't start eating more we'll take him to the doctors. But DS has a history of hunger strikes after illness-the kid can hold out for a long time-Ghandi would be proud!

    IPW-I think it's a great start!

    Poppy-our go to grab and go foods: bananas, apples, raisens, I'll always have a baggie of animal crackers or pretzels, and I always have juice boxes/UHT Milk. I stay away from dried fruit since the drying process takes most of the nutrients out of it.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Med - Just read your other post. This is just my opinion, but switching doctors seems like a good idea, especially where DD is interested and asking for this other doctor. Doctor visits seem like such a vulnerable experience for a little kid, I'm all for making them as comfortable as possible. If I had a doctor who made me uncomfortable, I wouldn't treat it as a learning experience and tell myself this was my opportunity to learn how to manage those uncomfortable feelings. I would get a new doctor.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    In response to medfordcc's comment:

     

    Sorry - I just posted to July - party foul!

    cwag - thanks for the info.  It is really special that you and your DH are so aware of your son's needs.

    IPW - great job!

     



    Med, I totally get your concern, but as strongly as I can feel about it I believe you shouldn't coddle her in this case.  She's not so afraid she can't function at the doc's and, in fact, does very well despite not being terribly comfortable.  By keeping that doctor you are teaching her how to handle having to do somthing in spite of being a little scared.  I know it's a mom's instinct to make everything as pleasant and fun as possible, but that sidesteps their having to learn how to handle the inevitable unpleasantness of life they need to experience even at that age. Please don't miss that wonderful opportunity to help her mature.  The natural progression will be that she learns she can handle it and will be less and less uncomfortable with it, not go the other way...unless you make a big deal about the doctor or switch to a woman.  You do not want her to believe that mom thinks men are scary, too, and are to be avoided or that all uncomfortable situations can or need to be avoided.

     

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Kar - I know your post wasn't directed at me, and I totally get the essence of what you're saying, but I also think it's important for parents to know when discomfort could cross the line into something lasting. When I was a child my mother forced me to hug and kiss an older male cousin whenever we saw him, and to this day I hate him and avoid him at all costs (even though he did nothing wrong) and I will never forgive my mother for putting me in that uncomfortable position, which began when I was maybe 7 years old. I have a few memories like that in which I feel that my mother should have understood the level of my discomfort. I guess that's why I am super sensitive to putting a child into a potentially uncomfortable position that involves physical contact with another person, and nakedness.

    ETA: (sorry, Med, not meaning to make it more dramatic than you intended!)

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Poppy-I have those same memories-though after around 9 my mother started to listen. As a parent I try not to force my kids to kiss and hug anyone-I do suggest they hug/kiss their grandparents, but if they don't they don't-I'm not going to force it.

    Med-if she is really uncomfortable with the male doctor-of course switch-but if you like him I'd ask for his input into who he would recommend. And if your DD connected with the female one at the party-that's great (but it may just have the party association). It's not like your DD will never see a male doctor-who knows what doctor will be able to see her in a sick apt-and you'll help her through that. But showing your daughter that you listen to her, and allow her to have input into who helps take care of her body is an invaluable lesson!

    Kar-I think the lesson to mature here is showing a young woman, even at age 3, that she can respectfully express her opinion, and have input over her body.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    I just didn't want it to be a knee jerk reaction to get a woman doctor just because she isn't 100% thrilled with the male doctor.  She handled it ok, following instructions, no tears, no big negative reaction.  It's a wait and see how it goes kind of thing imo, but I'm sure if med thinks it's bad for her dd to continue seeing him she'll switch...and, if that's the case, that's what she should do.  However, I strongly believe a 3 yo can learn that a bit of discomfort (not full on terror) with people can be something they can overcome and they should be given the opportunity to prove it to themselves not immediately removed from any and all discomfort before they have the chance to get past it.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    I don't think there should be any discomfort with your relationship with your doctor.  This can and will be one of the most trusted advisors you will have in your life (as a child and an adult).  We can all be uncomfortable around a co-worker or the mailman, or a cousin in the example above... or heck, even a person we hire to do a job in our home.  But your doctor... that is where I would draw the line 100% at any age.  Don't see a learning opportunity here when this is a person who will have their hands on our bodies and give us good and bad news as we age.  Kar, I get the learning opportunity you reference, because in life, there are many things that we cannot change and have to just accept and be "comfortable" with.  But I doubt there is an adult out there who wouldn't change their doctor if they didn't like them. 

    We started with a female doctor for my son, just because I liked her (and in the first 12 months, that is what really mattered).  When she started to change her schedule and only become available at another location, I decided to switch and went with a male doctor... assuming that at some point, my son would be more comfortable with a man.  And I believe doctors will be the first ones to tell you they are absolutely not offended by this type of "gender discrimination," especially with children.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    What about the male preschool teacher?  Kindergarten teacher?  If all men are avoided simply because she generally prefers to be around women it's not the doctor part of it, it's being around a man.  I understand needing comfort with a doctor, in particular, but she doesn't seem that bothered from what med described, and it fits an overall slight aversion to men that she can be encouraged to get over (within emotional reason) or encouraged to enforce.  It's med's call, and I really just wanted to offer the idea that maybe making an immediate switch isn't necessarily the best call.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Wow, didn't know this would be such a hot topic.  :)  I really appreciate the insight from all of you, and I see both points of view.  (I should also maybe clarify that the female doctor she's asking for is in the same practice, and while we most recently saw her at a party, we've also seen her for sick visits before, and she seems fine doctor-wise.)  We really have a year to decide, until her next physical, since for sick visits we are just as likely to see another doctor or the NP.  But realistically, I am likely to switch her.  I definitely agree with your point, Kar, that I have to fight my own tendencies to smooth things over for DD.  But in this case, I see two factors.  One, I really don't want her to be afraid of the doctor's office.  Two, in the past 3 months, we had a new baby, new preschool room at daycare, and a new house.  DD is improving, but she's been kind of a hot mess.  Daycare is better now, but for the past few months we've had to keep making her go even though she didn't want to.  Every time we go to a party, have friends or relatives over, or go to our new neighborhood playground, she has a hard time and has to manage that.  I guess my point is that we keep pushing her into uncomfortable situations a lot lately (believe me, I've been tempted to skip parties because it is NO fun for me), and this seems like maybe one we could skip.

    So interesting to hear other people's stories... reinforces my decision to not make my kids hug or kiss anyone if they don't want to.  Also reminds me of a strong memory: was going to the store with my dad and uncle (7-9 years old?) and my uncle was trying to hold my hand in the parking lot (just because he thought I was too young to not hold hands in the parking lot) and I was jerking away and he kept doing it.  My dad said, "leave her alone, (name), she doesn't have to hold hands if she doesn't want to."  It was such a tiny thing, but such a big memory.  That my dad would stand up for my autonomy like that.

    KAM - that seems like good news!  My DD also hunger strikes after an illness.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    I'm sure I'm going to get slammed for this one, but I personally would be extremely uncomfortable with a male preschool teacher. The only man at my kids preschool is the janitor. I don't think it's natural for a man to want to spend his days taking care of very young children. And if my kids did have a male teacher and came home and said they didn't like him - I'd have them out of there in a heartbeat.

    Forget teachable moments - there are just too many weirdos out there.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion


    Seriously? You wouldn't be comfortable w/ a male preschool teacher? What about a stay at home dad? I guess he must be "weird" too.  There is absolutely no reason why men cannot be as good w/ preschoolers as they are with highschoolers. Or maybe teaching should just be reserved for females?  Or does it become acceptable once the children reach a certain age? I cannot tell you how seethingly angry I was about 10 years ago when I was asked by a male client if I planned on getting pregnant any time soon because his last lawyer went out on maternity leave and it 'inconvenienced' him so if was going to get pg any time soon he wanted to deal with a male attorney.  It took every ounce of my self control not to deck the guy.

    Gender plays [or should play] absolutlely NO role in whatever career people want to pursue. You are either good at it or not. Whether you sit or stand to pee makes zero difference. I cannot believe that in 2013 people actually believe that male caregivers are "weirdos' or should not be allowed around small children or have jobs dealing with children because men are statistically more likely to be pedophiles.  Women are statistically more likely to give birth, so I guess I should be prohibited, as a female, from taking a job where my maternity leave may negatively impact a client. 

    If your child doesn't like a doctor, switch doctors.  Sometimes the doctor is just a jerk or a bad fit.  That's not coddling the child necessarily.

     

     

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Oops, KAM, seems like you've already solved this and I posted in July, too, sorry! 

    All teachers get a full background check in MD, DC, VA and MD (I can't speak for other states) before they are allowed to be with children, so whether male or female, they are all checked out - we can even find if they've been bouncing checks, never mind much bigger and more important laws they break.

    If fathers can care for children, do diapers, and be loving caring parents, then I think teachers can be men and through their example they can be loving, caring, communicative people with young children.  And for those children without good male role models, male teachers are a godsend.  Put a male teacher in a group of children and so many of the boys gravitate to them, and many of the girls, do, too. 

    but this is a common misconception.  At our company we have just about one of the most gifted toddler teachers in the world at one of our locations - and he is a man.  he's actually been videotaped in action as  training videos to show to other toddler teachers.  I've met him, he's a full on man's man, with a wife, 2 of his own children, but he is god's gift to toddler teachers.  And not a weird bone in his body.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Ah male preschool teachers-I have to ask why teaching 3-5 year olds is creepy as a male, but teaching 5-18 year olds is not?

    Either way, at DS' preschool, they have 3-5 male teachers on staff, and I think they are an invaluable addition to the staff! Ever notice how your DH plays differently with the kids, I'm constantly in awe of how DH does things differently and the kids love it. Having a different starting point to teaching preschool is awesome! All the kids have connected with DS's male teacher.

    IF my kids said they were uncomfrotable with ANY of their teachers, male or female there would be serious conversations and discussions about why and if/when to move my child!

    Weirdos can be male or female.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    In response to CT-DC's comment:

    And for those children without good male role models, male teachers are a godsend.  Put a male teacher in a group of children and so many of the boys gravitate to them, and many of the girls, do, too. 



    I was one of those girls - I craved good male authority figures as my folks divorced when I was 4 and my father...well, they divorced for a reason.  All my favorite teachers were great men.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    CT-thanks for your input in the july thread! DS has started to eat again so, after his 5 days of non-eating and comments things have turned around. Normally I wouldn't have been too worried about the hunger strike (kid has never been a huge eater) it was the comments I found so alarming and heart breaking. Thankfully this was a mama bear over-thinking a few comments moment-and not knowing about a stomach bug going around.

     

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    I too don't see why it matters if the man teaches preschool or high school. There are weirdos out there, both make and femle. Many (not most) of the gym teachers are men, sometimes there is only one gym teacher. I believe it's mandatory in MA that kids need to take and pass gym. So if you get a man gym teacher you have no choice. My son's gym teacher is a man, same one that has been there since he started that school in Pre K(4 years old). None of the parents have ever had an issue with this. I find it odd that this would be a problem when men can be wonderful care givers.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    I find your lack of faith disturbing
     - Darth Vadar
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Maybe the reasoning behind my suggesting letting a child become comfortable instead of making an immediate change due to a subdued sign of a little aversion is becoming more apparent.  Who knows, maybe with a little more experience with him Med's dd would really like him, who knows?  

    Once she learns from having had lots of good experiences with them that men, including her doctor, aren't scary, she won't be anxious off the bat anymore. 

    But, I understand med believes she's had enough anxiety ridden changes to deal with lately, and that's her call to make and I respect that.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    To my input, the *doctor* piece of it caused my reaction. You're naked and being touched by your doctor. You're not naked and being touched by your teacher. We certainly hope. Don't get me wrong, I had a male pediatrician until I was 18 and loved him. You're just more vulnerable with your doctor than with other people you encounter in life, and that's what prompted my responses.

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Absolutely, poppy; that point is not lost on me even as hard headed as I may sound. :)  
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - August Discussion

    Poppy, that was my point too - the touching and probing questions that a doctor needs to do - unlike most anyone else in your life.  But totally agree Kar that sometimes parents can jump too quickly to make everything nice and comfy... which takes away a valuable lesson of life.

    Just because this is my world right now, a short potty training update (then I'll stop!).  So proud of DS.. he's really doing well.  Day 4 yesterday and no pee accidents with Nana (she has him Mon and Tues).  She caught him starting a BM in his underwear and was able to maneuver him to the potty, like I did last Sunday.  He didn't freak out and finished his business.  Last night DS was outside playing with DH with all his trucks.  I thought we'd have a repeat of Sunday night with him playing with his cousin and too focused on play to stop.  Mid play, he stood up and told DH he had to potty.  I heard this from inside, and quickly brought out the little potty seat as they both ran over.  He actually held it... and then went (quite a bit!) in the potty seat.  High fives all around.  This morning, the first thing he said was that he needed to go, and the nighttime diaper was fairly light, and go he did!  Today is first day back at school since we've started this weekend... so we'll see.  But I had a good conversation with his teacher yesterday and she thinks he will do great (they have plenty of spares, just in case). 

     
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