Preschoolers - July Update

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Lily - I would be ok with it if it was an actual lesson! That sounds great. The two camps I mentioned, the kids are just wading/swimming in a pond/lake on their own. I think that's fine once kids can fully swim, as I remember enjoying that as a kid when I was about 7 or 8.

    KAM - thanks for asking... however... I chickened out and didn't do weaning boot camp with DS. However, I did lessen the amount of formula I give him when he wakes (usually between 2-4 am). We're down to 3 oz. I will reduce it even more, then try giving him a sippy of water in the crib. Luckily, DD is MUCH better. Not sure if it's the sticker chart or something else, but she is not getting up 3-4 times per night and wandering into our room. At least for now!

    So, we're about to pull DD out of her daycare/preschool. She is transitioning to preschool now and I am really not happy with the teacher she has been assigned to. I waver back and forth, wondering if I am being too nit-picky. However, the situation has made me realize we don't really need the 6 hour days that she's been doing, especially now that she's not napping consistently. So we're looking int 3-hour preschool/nursery school programs. If anyone can recommend any in the Andover area, I would love referrals.

    Oh - also - Medford, if it makes you feel any better, my DD is similar to yours. She is very hesitant in any situation where there are any kids that she doesn't know well. Even our weekly playgroup, if she hasn't seen them in a couple of weeks, become virtual strangers to her. She will just stand with me for 30-40 minutes and watch. None of the other kids do that. Or if she's on a swing and a kid comes to interact with her or even just swing next to her, she'll say, "Mama I'm all done!!" with a sort of air of desperation, ready to get away from the other kid. It's hard to watch and wonder what to do to make her more comfortable.

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    I have no advice for helping shyness. I was so shy as a child - I still have memories of stomach aches and fear of new people and things. And I really didn't get more comfortable until college! But don't worry too much. I had some great friends all through school - I just wasn't great at making new ones easily.

    My twins, on the other hand walk right up to total strangers at the playground and say, "Hi friend, would you like to play?" DD is especially good at it. DS has a slightly harder time communicating with peers - I think due to his speech delay - but he's getting better (and easier to undethrstand too).

    I have great news for the Lily household. We are FINALLY out of pull-ups at night. DS has been dry for months but didn't want to stop wearing them because DD was still wearing them. She's a really heavy sleeper and was still waking up wet. But I thought I'd try (again) and we've all been dry for ten nights in a row! Hooray, Hooray!!!

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Lily - awesome!! Congrats.  That will be great on your budget!  Question about nighttime.  I know that takes a lot longer.  We're about to pull the plug on training, and my plan is to use underwear (which DS has already tried on and likes, helped pick out, etc.).  So cold turkey on daytime diapers is my plan.  With nighttime, do you need to use pull-ups since they are more like underwear.... or can you continue to use an actual diaper and not confuse them?  I would like to use nighttime diapers since they are much less expensive than pull-ups.

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Poppy - I know; it's really hard to watch.  Thanks for the commiseration - the standing and watching, plus the swing thing, are EXACTLY the same.  Maybe we should get them together!!  My DD has always been like this, but she used to not *mind* so much just watching.  Like, she'd be just watching but she'd be happy.  But since DS came along, plus preschool room, it's just been way worse.  If you're interested, here's an article about our kids:

    CT - Thank you!!!  Seriously, you should start a consulting business.  I love hearing from you (and from our own daycare director) because I know you have had experience with such a wide range of kids.  Regarding your advice, I was thinking the same thing about the pediatrician and the possibility of a therapist, but I'm glad to hear you don't think it's too crazy to wait a bit.  She has her 3 year old check up in a few weeks, but I would need a separate appointment to talk to him alone.  It also occurred to me about the sensory issues, but I don't think that's it because she's very physically affectionate with the trusted adults in her life (including her teachers).  She also really likes loud noises (smoke alarm, fire engine, loud music), although I'm not sure if touch sensitivity and noise sensitivity always go hand in hand.  So it seems to really be kids and adults she doesn't know well.

    Interesting ideas about the play date!  I definitely don't know any of the parents at daycare well enough to ask for a kid-only play date (like, I don't even know the parents' names), but I will start to work on building those connections.  She also has one buddy we met at the library who is very similar to her.  Play dates with her usually go well and I just set up another, although we haven't done any without the mom.  And what ends up happening is that DD gloms onto the other mom and wants to play with her!   But they just had a new baby, too, so maybe we can work towards having play dates with just the older girls.

    Actually, daycare is going better the last couple of weeks.  Her teacher said that she used to look tense about 50% of the time when she first started in preschool, but now she generally does not look tense except for big transitions, like when they combine with the pre-K room at the end of the day.  She still has trouble if something happens, like someone pulls her hair or something - she freezes and then cries really hard.  But she's been doing much better during the normal course of events.  She has also been more cheerful and better behaved at home, but going places with other kids is still an issue.  Last week at the beach, DH had good luck stopping the "spinning" by doing something similar to what you suggested - saying they weren't going to worry about that kid any more and they were going to play, and then doing it.  He is much better than I am at thinking of alternate activities and putting an end to the "dad dad dad".  I get so frustrated and so I have to put all my energy into staying calm and reassuring her that I'm there, but I can't think of how to get *out* of the spinning.

    Anyway, I really appreciate all the advice and commiseration on these boards!!

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    I think you can still use a diaper at nap/nighttime - especially for now. When they get better about going potty before bedtime - or are able to get up and go potty themselves at night, you might want to switch over. My DD had many nights when she would get up around 10 or 10:30 and go potty. Other nights she'd wet right through the pullup!


  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    That's a really interesting article, Medford. Thank you. And we'd be happy to do a playdate with you any time! It would be very easy, they'd both just be standing there, staring at each other from across the room. ;)

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Med, I can relate to your DD.  My mother never talked "baby talk" to me and treated me like an adult (in age appropriate ways, if that makes sense) from the time I was able to talk.  I gravitated to adults, therefore, because playing with kids I considered babies because they acted the way they were treated wasn't my thing.  I would have had more fun at 3 and 4 chatting up the teacher than playing on the floor with dolls.  I saw ads for Barbie when I was about 3, and wanted one.  My mom knew me and knew I'd find it incredibly boring - I had taught myself to read and walked around the house with a book at that age more often than not - and told me no.  Well, on this rare occassion she finally caved and there I was with a Barbie, 2 sets of cltohes, and a Barbie Box for lack of a better word.  And I HATED it.  I distinctly remember pretending to play with it to prove Mom wrong, but I couldn't keep it up.  Since other girls my age LOVED Barbie and other such things, I didn't like being with them.  There was an "alone time" box in kindergarten with an egg timer in it.  I was so bored out of my skull, knowing how to read while my classmates were learning the alphabet I wore a hole in that box.  BUT, as I grew and my classmates matured, I started becoming more social simply because my peers started getting into things I liked, too.  All along the way through grade school, though, I wished we could choose to hang out in the teachers lounge where it was far more fun than the playground.  So many adults to talk to!


    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Hi Kar!  That story is hilarious - I'm picturing a three year old trying to fake enjoying a doll!

    For DD, she definitely likes the same activities as the other kids... She just wants to do them with adults or by herself.  Must be the way the adults interact?  More predictable than the kids, maybe.  At any rate, it wouldn't bother me much if that were just her way.  It's the fearfulness that's so sad...

    Yesterday when DH asked her how daycare was, she said, "not good!" And launched into a whole story about why.  However, I think this IS good - when things were really bad, she refused to talk about her day at all.

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Hey, med!  Glad I made you laugh, and I hope it was encouraging over all.  I wanted to be by myself until I was about 9 or 10 and still, as social as I became, I still often prefer it.  And, now, when I socialize I strongly, vastly prefer one on one.  I learned to juggle (hours at a time) from a book at 7, etc.  maybe I'm biased, lol, but I don't think there was anything wrong with me. And, yes, if she's launching into a story about it she's not really that upset, she's possibly mimicking "not good" maybe from hearing one of you say it about your day?

    I wasn't afraid, though, so maybe she just needs to outgrow that.  Not saying that I definitely believe there's nothing to worry about just putting it out there that she might just be more, uh, like me. You can decide how much more or less concerned you should be by that. ;)

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    I have a kid on the other end of the spectrum-not shy at all! And I tell you, it can be tough this end too! We had out of town visitors for part of last week, my aunt and her husband. DS was so excited to see them, last time they both came was my wedding 6 years ago, my aunt came for my father's funeral when DS was 22 mo old. We were all really looking forward to getting to know them better. Well, my aunt never had kids, and I learned why-her husband truly hates kids! DS was super slow to pick this up, kept trying to engage my "uncle" in playing and activities, at one point DS gave him a back pack DS uses as a pretend scuba tank so the two of them could go "sea diving." My uncle handed it back to him and said "this is your sister's toy, go put it back." and turned to continue reading. The times he would talk to DS would be to lecture him about listening better. I was so frustrated, but god love DS, he kept trying! We'd be out visiting something and DS would go give him a hug, or try and hold his hand. I spent the better part of two days trying to keep a social DS away from someone he looked to as an uncle-which in DS' eyes meant someone to play with and love.

    I was painfully shy growing up, didn't come out of my shell until college. I love meeting new people now, but only if they reciprocate the conversational volleys too! Oye, nothing worse than trying to small chat someone and it feels like talking to a wall! My shy father taught me to try and learn a little bit about as many topics as you can so you can hold a minimal conversation with anyone. Great advice!

    If anyone is looking for a great day trip-check out Georges Island in Boston Harbor-so much fun! though not great for swimming-it is boston harbor after all! But it has a great fort to explore and beaches to look for seashells. Felt like going back in time to a relaxing retreat.

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from KMMZ1012. Show KMMZ1012's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    It's too bad your uncle was able to resist all that love, Kam. Your DS sounds adorable.


    DS is shy at first, even with people he loves, but eventually you can't get him to stop talking. It's pretty typical, I think, of most kids that age.  He has a huge crush on my cousin and he's always asking me to her call her, email her, or send her a video. When he plays with an old phone, he's always calling her and asking her to come over for dinner. It's pretty adorable and she loves it. We send her videos of him talking to her or asking her if she can come over (which is hard because she lives in NYC and has a pretty busy career). Her BF is terrific with DS, too (I keep telling her - excellent daddy material there)

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    IPW - we are about 3 weeks into potty training and we are using regular diapers for nap and nighttime.  We did exactly what you described....cold turkey into underwear during the day.  I would say that the first week was challenging with her having a fair amount of accidents and us having to constantly take her to the bathroom to try.  I think she also was anxious about having accidents because she would want to sit on the potty for long periods of time (like while watching TV).  A lot of naked time worked for us in the beginning.  But, she has slowly gotten the hang of it and the accidents are few and far between, she is getting better about telling us when she has to go, and she has been dry when she wakes up!  So, the regular diapers have not hindered her progress.  I am not removing the diapers for sleeping yet, but I don't think it will be long since she is dry all the time.  Good luck!

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    DS is pretty good with the pee part of potty training but we are having some concerns over the p00p part - not because he has accidents but because in the last few weeks, he has been having periods of "my tummy hurts" and unusually long periods in between movements where at the end, he seems to be trying so hard to p00p and nothing comes out (he went 5 days - by the end, his appetite diminished a lot and every few hours, he would complain his tummy hurts). We have taken him to his pedi a few times, and they don't know what to make of it either because it does not seem like normal constipation or a fear of potty training - the big concern is the periods of pain at random times (he had one episode where he scared his teachers because it got so painful). But we are holding off underwear to make sure we are not compounding it by creating any anxiety over possible accidents in understand. If there is no improvement with diet changes (limit dairy, increase fruit/veggies but especially fruit like pears and drink more water), then he will have to go in for a belly x-ray to make sure there is no obstruction anywhere.

    Before this all started, he was really good about letting us know when he needs to p00p and getting to a potty especially at home or school. So now we are in a holding pattern...



  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Cwag, I purposefully constipated myself so bad at that stage that I had to go to the hospital to be evacuated on an emergency basis.  If he's holding it that long you need to talk to the doctor.

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    My niece had similar trouble.  Apparently if they are constipated enough their rectums can stretch from holding so much, thereby weakening the muscle walls and making the cycle of constipation worse.  Good luck!

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    I actually didn't think about #2.  My DS has gone pee in the potty a ton of times; before bath, at school, random times he announces he has to go potty.  But, he has never gone #2 in there.  Should I still go cold turkey on diapers in our training attempts, and really try to get him to try #2?  My plan is to really focus on this on a weekend where we can basically stay home (in about 3 weeks after all our plans and family visits) and just go to the potty every 30 mins.  And then work with him that week as well when he's with my MIL and at school they are really good about helping training.

    Oh, another question that may sound silly.  DS still has some trouble pulling pants up and down.  Will this great affect training?  My plan is to be with him all potty times in the beginning so I can help him, but I know for training to really work and them to become independant about it, I'd imagine he needs to be comfortable pulling pants down and getting on the seat by himself.  BTW, he only wants to use the big seats as we haven't found a little seat he actually fits on well.  So I have to help him up and sometimes he uses the little stool I have nearby.

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    cwag-sorry to hear about DS! have you tried, or have the doctor's suggested miralax to help things along? I would hold off on undies until you have the reason identified. Or ask him what he wants, for a lot of kids (Kar included!) it's a control issue, give him a choice in the matter, no pressure, just a simple choice. Of course explain that accidents do happen, and we learn from them.

    Kar-any idea the reason you constipated yourself? Where you're parents putting too much pressure? From your other stories, you were ready to do most things before they were expected of you.

    DS actually potty trained #2 first, he would comment how his tummy hurt, and I said that we should try and p00p in the potty. And from then he knew that feeling meant going to the bathroom.

    Right now I'm in early potty training DD (22mo), the AM/PM/Nap/prior to going out trips to the potty, if she's not interested fine, if she is great. Problem is DS joins her in the bathroom and the two of them just start playing and laughing. (it's actually funny to watch them, they dance around with their little naked butts.) It's great they are so close, he hates being excluded, but I fear her training process will take longer since they have so much fun playing.

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    IPW - the kids in DS's room sometimes have trouble pulling their pants down - the teacher always help. And so do we... we have little potties and then the Karib seat (which sits on his toilet, and has a ladder/one step that leaves him feeling secure on the seat since it fits his toilet upstairs perfectly) and we always help him as needed. We did make sure to get pants with no buttons or zippers (like Kicky Pants) for every day use so they are easy to deal with for now.

    Kar - We did think he was holding it in at first... but the reason we are not sure it is the case of him holding it in is that even with stage 1 prune pouches (we gave him 4 in 24 hours - before, if we gave him one, he would p00p right on schedule after getting one, but not this time) and miralax, it took five days last week, and he would keep saying "I have to p00p!" and then would have gas... and when it finally came, it was soft/sloppy joe, which does not fit what you expect if it was normal constipation. It was so soft when it finally came out (even after the 5 day one) that we were taken aback after 5 days of nothing - and all that time, he would keep hopping on and trying for like 20 minutes every day, get gas and he would strain while on the potty.

    Before this, he would tell us or his teacher he was going to p00p - and he has been one of those kids that only p00ps every 2-3 days. He still tells us he needs to p00p... just nothing happening.

    So the concerns for us is suddenly it now seems to hurt and it is not hard at all (if anything, almost too soft), so should not have been difficult to pass. We have been to the doctor twice so far, and if there is still no improvement after the diet changes - miralax did not seem to help - then the x-ray comes next... and then we don't know what is after that.

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from fakinbacon. Show fakinbacon's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Cwag, I'm not a doctor, and don't have kids myself yet, but have a lot of bowel issues (I only go every 2-4 days myself) and have learned from my doctors that actually if badly constipated, the body can pass soft stool after maneuvering around the constipated stool.  This of course prevents the hard stool from coming out and means the body is still constipated.  

    Your son's stool was probably super soft from the prunes/miralax but my guess is he has some harder stool still in there that needs to come out before he starts feeling better and moving his bowels more regularly.   If that happens to me, I can still feel it, but he probably can't verbalize that to you yet.

    I would say he needs to see a doctor too because I believe there are medications they can give him to soften the compacted (constipated) stool to get it out.  And they are always telling me to increase my fiber intake (and I'm a vegetarian for crying out loud, but we are all so different), so you may need to think along those lines for him.  Cheerios, daily, are a godsend for me!

    And, sorry for the TMI!  Just trying to help!

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    thanks, fakin! that actually does help, we can ask the doctor about that possibility if this continues, when we go back again. 

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Cwag-Doesn't sound like a control issue-when do you go back to the doctors? I'd be so impatient with the wait and see diet changes! Big hugs! 

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Cwag - this is the same as what fakin wrote, but I recently read a surprising article about how kids can have the soft stuff go around the hard stuff.  I can't find the exact article now, but this is pretty much the same content:

    (Really?  I can't use the word p00p on here?  Silly.)

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    KAM, yes, I remember why I did it - purely my own idea to not want to take a break from what I was doing. I had no desire to go so I didn't.  It didn't really occur to me that that was not a viable long term plan, LOL.  It wasn't my mom's fault in the slightest because I came and went from the bathroom on my own quite early and she didn't think to ask if I were utilizing those trips to the fullest.  It wasn't in my pants so she assumed it was going somewhere, and she'd seen me do it and take care of things so there you have it.

    ETA: I had a dangerously long attention span.  When I learned to use scissors, I asked my mom for a newspaper to cut up.  I was sitting at my kid table, about 3, and I set out to cut up the whole section she gave me.  After awhile, she turned to see tears silently streaming down my face.  "Kar, what happened, what's the MATTER?!?!"  I said my hand was tired and hurt really bad.  "Well, STOP CUTTING," she exclaimed to which I matter of factly responded through the tears, "But, Mama, I'm not done."  

    So, not bothering to go to the bathroom was a natural risk, see?

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Kar-that's funny, as a parent's it's hard for me to release control about knowing EVERYTHING about what DS is up to. He goes to the bathroom, does his business, and I don't have control/full knowledge-it took me a while to accept that he would come to me if things weren't going well. And not to know everything he did/ate/peed/p00ped at day care-ugh! His preschool room doesn't give me daily reports-phew, for a semi-typ- A-control-freak-mama-bear it's tough!

    I will have a tough time not placing a locator beacon somewhere hidden on DS' person when he becomes a teenager.


  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    KAM, as he proves himself I think you'll be more able than you think to let go more and more as it becomes appropriate based on his ever increasing maturity level.  It's always hard at first with each new phase of their maturity, but you can do it - parents have as much growing to do as their kids do as the kids change!

    I was not normal in how focused I was on tasks (that I "assigned" to myself - my mother was never standing over me with a whip!) to the exclusion of using the bathroom or dealing with pain, but I can't be the only one who ever did it.  Just a heads up to parents who are dealing with what could be constipation but could also be a conscious choice to not go.


    Discretion is the better part of valor.