Preschoolers - July Update

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Good luck, luv!

    all this talk of social pressures on older kids is making me worry... DD has a July birthday so she'll be young.  I have an August birthday and junior high was tough.  It seemed like we were kids ine day and teenagers the day school started.  My friend got a hickey, I remember, and I went to the bathroom and threw up.  I didn't even know what it WAS.  I was so not ready for that stuff, and my stomach hurt every morning for months.  Although, on a more positive note, by high school I felt comfortable and like it had evened out again.  Sorry for the rambling off topic tale...

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    RE-Kinder-with DS we will definitely enroll him when he is 5.5, and hope and pray he behaves in class if he is bored! I think his desire to read is because his best buddy is 5.5 and starting to read, he wants to be up at that level. Competition can work for some things! But I do see the social difference between DS and his older friends. ;) DD at 21 mo is another question, she's already recongizing most, if not all of the alphabet, and counting in two languages.

    Cute story about DS (or I think its cute:))  Driving to school last week I was telling DS about independence day and what it was about. Told him we celebrate our freedom and ability to maintain control of our country, and I got into the British controlling us a little bit. next day driving to school, out of the blue, DS asks "So, Mommy, are all the British going to get on a plane and go home tomorrow?"

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    medford, you'll know when she's 5 yrs old whether she's ready for kindergarten or not - you can't worry about that when she's just barely 3 years old, as in 2 years she'll be totally different than she is now.  so if in the spring before she turns 5 years old, you honestly and truly think she's not doing well with the other kids who will be going to kindergarten, then you can decide to keep her in the childcare center one more year.  Because she's in a center, she'll be with kids who will be older and younger, and you and the teachers will get a good sense of how she does with her school-mates - is her younger-ness make a difference or not? 

    there will always be kids who are the oldest and the youngest, regardless of the cut-off.  at least all children are 5 yrs old when they start kindergarten vs. 41/2 yrs old, but still, there will always be the olders and the youngers. 

    medford, by the way, how is preschool going? Is she still having a hard time with the transition or is that past you now?

    And how does she do from a gross motor perspective? is she cautious or less skilled physically on the climbers, swings, slides, teeter totters, what have you or not at all? 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    CT, thanks for asking.  Preschool is better, but things are still tough.  Honestly, I'm not sure what to do and whether or not we are veering out of "normal".  She has been better at preschool and her teacher thinks it's better (we have a communication notebook which has been great).  But, when I pick her up (this is after classes have combined and her primary teacher has left) she is basically standing with the teachers, never playing.  (She used to normally be playing independently.)  She loves talking to the teachers and is happy with them, but of course they have other kids to watch and can't just chat with her!  She's still spending most of the day "shadowing" her primary teacher, which was part of our plan to help with the transition.

    But I think it's improving at preschool, but it's when we get together with other people that it's concerning.  Some times are better than others, but sometimes she is SO anxious about other kids.  She won't physically stop touching me or DH, and she doesn't stop talking: "Mom.  Mom.  Don't leave me, Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  I love you, Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  I don't want him to talk to me, Mom."  Et cetera.  Our friends' son wanted to sit next to her at dinner and she started crying and crying.  He wasn't even trying to touch her.  We (and her teachers) try to remind her to use words to ask for space, but sometimes she just can't seem to do it.  Or we'll be at the beach (which she LOVES), and it's, "Dad. Dad. I don't want her to play with me, Dad.  Dad.  Dad.  What will we do if she takes my shovel, Dad?  Dad.  Dad."  Et cetera.

    She's always needed time to warm up to other kids, but since DS was born (almost 3 months) and the preschool transition, it's just way, way worse.  I'm so sad.  And afraid.  It's really hard.  We try to be totally supportive, but it's so frustrating, and I have to take care of DS, too.  I just don't know if this is normal adjustment, or gone too far.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Med - I don't really have any advice for your DD, but I just wanted to say I am sorry you are dealing with this.  I know it is hard to take care of the preschooler and an infant, so to have to worry about this must be hard.  Hope it gets better.

    As for us, I made a HUGE parenting fail this weekend.  Could have been tragic, and I am having a hard time forgiving myself.  My MIL has a pool that we go to often (and the kids are with her 2 days a week).  So, we have told MIL that there should be certain rules....DD can only go out to the pool if she has on her swimmies, etc.  Well, DH and I went out to the pool with her yesterday and she didn't have her swimmies on yet.  She stepped onto the first stair of the pool and for some reason I assumed she would just stay there while I dropped off the baby monitor at the table and got the sun block.  Not sure why I assumed that....she was essentially in the water with no flotation device.  Next thing I know I turn back around and she is under the water (essentially drowning).  I have no idea how long she was under for, I didn't see her go under.  It is like they say.....it was totally silent.  I jumped in fully clothed and she was totally fine, but it could have been really bad if I was turned around for 10 seconds more.  Both DH and I were RIGHT THERE and I would have never thought I would allow something like this to happen.  It just happened so fast.  So, make sure your kids are ALWAYS wearing swimmies near water.....we learned the hard way!

     

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Memes, so glad to hear DD is okay! So scary!

    Have you thought about swim lessons for DD? When I had DD, I signed DS up for private lessons, the whole intention of the lessons wasn't so much to teach him perfect swimming technique (he was only 3 at the time) but to teach him how to get out of the pool should he fall in. We were getting ready to travel to a vacation resort and just wanted the piece of mind that should DS fall in, he'd be comfortable enough to get himself to the surface and hold onto the side of the pool/wall walk/pull himself out until one of us could jump in to get him.

    We live near a nice beach on a lake, and DS keeps asking to go when I'm home with him and DD alone. there's no way I could keep both of them safe by myself. DS insists he would stay in a certain roped area that only goes up to his knees, so hard to explain so he understand how quickly something can go wrong near water. Both of my kids love water and are fearless. we have recently signed DS up for group swim lessons at the Y- he gets no personalized attention so he really has to figure it out now-which is great!

    DD has been wicked clingy lately, so much so I can barely get anythign done, let alone play with DS. But this past weekend we had a great moment on the swings together. One of those great moments of pure joy and laughter. Made me miss being able to spend all my time solely with him.

     

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Memes, I can only imagine how scary that was for you - and I am so sorry as I know you will probably re-live that moment over and over.  You are not a bad mom at all.  We were at a pool party two weekends ago and all the kids (ages 2-4) had those great swimmable floaty-arm-jacket things.  We took them off to eat, and when everyone was heading back to the pool, one very anxious little girl just jumped right in.  I barely heard her mom yelling from the deck, "she has no jacket on... she has no jacket on" and I looked quickly at her flailing in front of me.  Thankfully I was able to grab her, but she was terrified, as was I, and everyone else around the pool.  Pool safety is no joke and I am so grateful your daughter is ok. 

    I will never forget the time I was visiting friends just after DS was born.  He was sleeping in his car seat, so I just left him there, but unbuckled him.  After a bit, we headed off to the car, I snapped in the bucket and drove home almost 45 minutes... only to realize when I got home that the buckles were still undone.  OMG... heart failure right there.  We all do silly and stupid things and can just be so thankful when most of the time it turns out ok. 

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Memes - I am so sorry.  That must have been terrifying.  Accidents just happen SO fast.  Thank goodness you were able to act quickly.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Thanks all!  I just need to figure out how to get that image out of my head of her under water.

    KAM - we have done swim lessons which I think are great, but now I am planning to do more in the fall.  She will move up to the next level where she will get more personal attention, so I hope that will help.

    Thanks for that story IPW.  Glad your DS was fine too!

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Oh Memes, how awful for all of you! This is my worst nightmare during the summer. I was panicky all day yesterday becasue my MIL told me she wanted to take both kids to the pool where my SIL nannies. Two adults, four kids (two of them mine). Not enough adults, IMO. I'm so, so, so glad your DD is ok. And this could have happened to ANY of us. When you have a child who is over 2 years old, they seem old enough to know better than to just walk into the water. It's easy to forget they might not know these things! My MIL has a cottage on a lake and last we were there DD walked into the water until it was up to just under her bottom lip. I just about had a heart attack.

    Also... ditto IPW. I just did that 2 days ago. Sick about it.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    ugh, Memes, horrible feeling!  If it's any consolation (which is probably isn't), I was a lifeguard for 8 years and on MULTIPLE occasions I had to literally push mothers out of the way who were sitting ONE FOOT away from their kids on the steps and had not noticed the kid had stepped one foot deeper and was standing upright, head inches below water, well within arms' reach. They were RIGHT THERE doing what they were supposed to be doing, but talking to another mother friend RIGHT THERE and neither saw.  This happened multiple times over the years to different people. I'm so glad you found her in time.

     

    I can only imagine how often this type of thing happens now, with smartphones and whatnot.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Lissa - that exact scenario happened to my friend's 5 year old daughter at camp. Thank goodness she's ok. Is there anything you can tell your kids to help avoid simply walking a tiny bit too far into a lake, etc? I was telling DD (2.9) that if "the water touches your chin, walk some steps back to the beach." Even though I was right there, I felt like I wanted to try to empower her at least somewhat to be aware of the possibility. Any advice about this?

     

    ETA: Obviously, floaties or other swim device would be one way to avoid this. But at many public swim areas, they aren't allowed.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    I hope this doesn't come across wrong... Is there any research or thoughts out there about swimmies and things and overconfidence around the water?  Our friends with pools have them and it certainly helps the kids have fun in the water, but I wonder if the kids might have a false sense of security.

    Poppy - I like that phrasing, I'm going to steal that!

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Poppy-I think you're approach/wording is great. Teaching  kids what to do in certain situations, and practice practice practice it. DS just last night, on his own, was doing practicing how to climb out of a pool (he was playing sea diver) "elbow, elbow, belly button, knee, knee" he kept saying as he hoisted himself up onto the couch. 

    Tooth Fairy: what's the going rate these days? DS has his first loose tooth, and he has put his request into the tooth fairy about what he wants (a cars 2 car). I broke it to him last night that the tooth fairy only left $1. The look of utter disappointment on this kids face was priceless! I told him he should save up his money to buy the toy - mean while DH has already purchased the car. sigh.

     

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Perhaps, Kam, you can tell him that the tooth fairy isn't like Santa Claus - she doesn't bring gifts, she brings money!  And then I think $1 is probably great - I got a dime or a quarter but that was in 1973 so I'm sure there is inflation to think of Smile

    And, no, Dad, you CANNOT just buy a car because your son is sad he didn't get what he wanted.  We need to help them learn to handle disappointments now, when they are little ones, or we don't give them the skills to handle the super big ones (didn't get the date with the person you wanted, didn't make the team, didn't get into college, didn't get invited to the party....) when they get to those, which they will.  We can't buffer children forever....

    lost a tooth at 4 years old? wow, he's quick!  Did he get teeth earlier than most babies do?

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Floaties are usually banned at public swim areas because they make everyone a little overconfident, tend to lead to little kids drifting out over their depth, and block eyelines (big floats, at least) for lifeguards.  Also, in terms of swim instruction, kids learn to kick wrong when they wear floaties to swim.  They should have their legs straight out behind them, kicking with "french fry legs (or Barbie legs, if you're into that sort of thing), not under them stepping up stairs.  Kids who can't swim should actually be instructed to keep the water below their BELLY BUTTONS if they are not standing WITH another adult (who is paying attention/playing with them).  That is because any deeper, a kid can lose his footing and get confused, even if he can reach, and start to drown.  If a kid trips in chest-depth water and gets his face wet it's a lot harder for him to figure out what to do (hold breath, stand up) than if he trips in waist-deep water. I am trying to instruct my 4 year old to be better about holding her breath and being more comfortable with the water on her face. I keep talking up how great she is at holding her breath and not getting scared whent he water hits her face.  It helps. 

    Also, swim lessons are nice but swimming is like walking.  Kids do it when they're developmentally ready.  Some are ready early (there's always that one kid who swims at 3, just like there's always that one baby that walks at 9 months).  Others take longer.  Swim instruction is beneficial, especially if a parent is nervous around the water and doesn't want to spread her fear to her kids, but overall, swimming won't happen until the body/brain are coordinated enough to do it.  Some kids can swim but aren't bouyant enough to actually make it for long. My brother could 'swim" at 4 but he could only swim around under water.  My poor mother would follow him as he swam laps and then pull him up to breathe when he indicated he needed to surface the entire summer he was learning to swim haha.

    The real onus is on the adults to be vigilant all the time.  No sitting on the shore for at least 8 more years.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Poppy, if you're RIGHT there, within arm's reach, what you said trying to get her more comfortable is perfect.  That's what I do with my daughter.  I also encourage her to blow bubbles and dunk her head herself (NEVER dunk a kid without them being ready & willing), to get her used to the action of standing up out of the water to breathe. 

    Also, to get her to blow air out her nostrils so the water doesn't got up, tell her to hum REALLY loudly.  This takes some practice, but it works if they maintain the hum.  If they stop humming as they hit the water the water goes up the nose.  But in the end, it's a much better skill to learn than holding the nose.  they can't do rotary breathing when they're older if they hold their nose.

     

    Sorry about allt heposts.  I'm having flashbacks to teaching swim lessons for 6-hours-straight in the golden, olden days.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    I second the going in ONLY as deep as the WAIST is deep enough in a lake or pool unless an adult is RIGHT THERE. 

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update


    One of the skills my just four year olds practice at swim class is "Spider walking", hand by hand holding on to the edge of the pool wall, and getting out of the pool by putting elbow, elbow, tummy and then knee to climb out. That skill they now use to climb up on the kitchen counters!

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

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    Lissa, thank you for all the swim info. I like that, about the belly button. Much safer than the chin! I'm going to say that from now on. An adult is always right with her (when it's me I pretty much have a hand on her the entire time we're in the water) but I want her to know what to do. My friend whose daughter almost drowned was 5.5 and at a local summer camp where the kids would swim in a pond. Another friend sends her 5.5 year old twin boys to a camp with a pond or lake. I have heart palpitations thinking about it. I don't plan to EVER send either of my kids to a camp or other situation with water without a family member present until they can completely swim on their own, I simply don't trust anyone to pay close enough attention. That said, I want them to swim as much as possible so they become comfortable in the water.

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    CT-yes, DS was an early teether-at 6 mo he had his first two teeth. And DH has agreed that DS needs to start to pay/earn for some toys. Though DS is great when I say no to getting something.

    This AM DD was crying because she wanted to go in DH's car, so DS said "DD name-do you want to go in Daddy's car? Yes? Me too! But we can't go in his car today, we have to go in Mommy's car." It was so cute to listen to him try and reason and calm her down.

    Poppy-how goes the sleep?

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Medford,

    I'm sorry, I didn't see your response to me.... how about you wait 3 more months, doing what you are doing, and see how things go with her? that will give her 3 more months to be really comfortable with preschool and having so many more children in her classroom, and time to get comfortable with having a baby brother (although this is always in flux, since now he can't take/touch her stuff, but once he starts to crawl he will be able to.... so that relationship will always be evolving)


    Perhaps you can try to give her short responses to her... Mom, Mom, I don't want her to play with me. What if she takes my shovel" stuff - sometimes (and I don't know you are doing this, obviously!) as parents/teachers we ignore a child because a) we're TIRED of behavior but also b) because we think if we don't give attention to it then the behavior might stop.  And that's true, to a certain extent, but in this case I think you need to stop, handle the issue, then say "and now we won't talk about it anymore."  So, Mom, Mom, Mom, what if she takes my shovel?  you say "Oh, then you will ask for it back, and if she doesn't give it back, I will help you."
     But Mom, Mom, what if she pushes my sand castle?  "Then you will tell her to stop and I will help you.  BUT she looks like a nice girl, I think she'll play nicely with the sand."

    But Mom, Mom...  'DD name, that's enough.  We're not talking about this anymore.  You are fine. Let's have fun in the sand."

    And help her get involved in building with her shovel, bucket, whatever.  And if she "mom, moms you, tell her 'enough, it's time to play." Mom, I love you.  I love you, too, DD, now let's go get some food at the table.  Let's go find a place to sit to have our snack."

    PERHAPS this will help her, because she seems to be going over the same ground over and over, working herself up. You need to give her the tools to help herself, remind her you wlil help, too, and then stop the perseverating.


    I think it's time for some playdates at your house with ONE friend at a time from school who is a nice, easy going, not pushy and bossy kid.  (this might be a boy, girls sometimes are the bossiest things at this age!)  I know it's not your first idea of fun, given you also have a baby, but I think it's time for her to practice having friends.  You can plan for 1-2 hours at the MOST - probably 11/2 hours is best - and plan to do something specific.  Invite the child over to paint a picture, or to play with playdough.  Or to play in the water table/in the wading pool (although that might be hard because they have to share stuff).  Can you stand to make cookies together (think those easy pillsbury dough logs of cookies: kids each slice their log with a plastic knife, put on baking pan, bake, and voila, they think they baked cookies!)  Think of something where each child would be at their own space at the table, with their own equipment, so they don't need to share their stuff. (put them at each end of the table, for example, so that poor child doesn't take your daughter's brush and she go ballistic!)  then hover.  have DH take DS out, anywhere, or have them at home but DS is DH's responsibility so you don't need to deal at all (DS takes a bottle, right?) 

    hover gently, but hover, so if something happens and the child takes your daughter's shovel (and it would be good if this happened once for practice) then you say "DD, what do you say to Mary/Mark?  'that's my shovel, I need it. Please give it back."  Mark/mary, what did you hear DD?" Believe me, the child will give it back.... and play will continue.  Keep the time very short so neither child gets to the end of their rope, and so it's mostly a positive experience.  Remember things will happen, perhaps not the first time, but the 5th or 6th, and that's fine because that's kind of what you want: for your DD to see that she can handle the bad stuff, and that you are there to back her up. 

    Find 3 kids who work well with your daughter and have the kids come over one at a time.  And without their parents, because you don't want to have to focus on entertaining the adult, or dealing with the adult's issues with their kid (or worse, perhaps they LET their little darling take shovels, etc...) - you need to be hovering kind of inconspicuously (you'll dust the same area of the counter, wash the same pot over and over....)  Not all parents will allow a child of 21/2 yrs old or 3 years old to do a playdate without an adult, but if you explain that your daughter is having a hard time playing with so many kids at school, that you want her to have time with just one friend, perhaps it will go over better. Or worst case, you have the other adult there, but again, get DH to take DS out so you aren't also focusing on nursing, putting baby to bed, etc.  And don't let the other parent suck you into the "oh, let them work it out, they'll be fine" because that is actually CORRECT for other children, but you really probably don't want that attitude with your daughter since she's such a nervous nelly re: working it out.  Smile

    Lather, rinse, repeat about 1000 more times.  Ask the teacher which children your DD seems to get along best with. 

     

    Oh, now that the teachers have helped her get comfortable by shadowing an adult, what about pairing her up specifically with another child (a gentle, helpful one - every classroom has one of these) so it's "DD, mary, why don't you go build with legos/go paint a picture?  Or, if Mary is painting a picture, the teacher brings DD there and says "it's time to paint a picture next to Mary."  and the teacher stays RIGHT THERE but doesn't make too much commentary about 'oh, what a nice picture, isn't it fun to paint with mary?" just keeps her mouth shut so she fades into the woodwork.  this might work better with dramatic play, or lego building, but you get the picture.  eventually the hope is that Mary will finish the picture, and then say to DD 'let's go .... read a book, cook in the kitchen, whatever" and DD would go along.  Not the first time, but the 10th or 11th time?  or if Mary is playing with a ball outside, teacher does the same thing 'Mary, how about if DD joins you and you play ball chase?' 

    I had a boy, Nicky, who was my go-to for new kids in my preschool room - he was the bestest boy ever, and he would play with the kid and (I swear) caught on to what I was doing and then a few days later you'd see him approaching my target child to invite to play.... wonder what Nicky is doing? He's probably in his late 20s/early 30s?  oh, god, I'm old... he actually (at 4 yrs old, mind you) remembered which kids had already been picked when playing duck duck duck goose and would choose one who hadn' been picked yet, even if that child wasn't one of his close friends!  that's unheard of with 4 yr olds..... although something tells me KAM's son is probably like this? 

    Now, if things are about the same in 3 months, I'd have a heart to heart with the pediatrician when DD isn't in the room and get some help.  She's very tightly wound, and it might just be a tiny bit of family coaching from a child's therapist would help you all help her to unwind and relax.  She might also have some sensory stuff, or whatever, that isn't helping matters (ask her teacher;  will she sit at circle with the other children? what happens if another child accidently brushes her arm when they are reaching for pens/markers/brushes?  what about during circle if a child touches her accidently when they are playing pass the bean bag, or just settling in to be able to see the book better?  can she stand at the sand table/water table with a group of other kids or does she have to be on her own side, not standing next to anyone?)

    I'd lean more towards the tightly wound, let's see if we can figure out ways to unwind her vs. jumping on the sensory or other special need train.... 

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    someday I'll write a short post, LOL!

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    In response to misslily's comment:


    One of the skills my just four year olds practice at swim class is "Spider walking", hand by hand holding on to the edge of the pool wall, and getting out of the pool by putting elbow, elbow, tummy and then knee to climb out. That skill they now use to climb up on the kitchen counters!




    Like your son needed help climbing on kitchen counters!  I seem to remember he's been doing this since he was a toddler....  Yell

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - July Update

    Poppy - find a camp with private swim lessons. My twins go to a day camp with a pool. Every kid gets a private swim lesson every day. I've been taking them for a weekly lesson at the Boston Sports Club all year, but they are really doing great with the daily lesson.

    Anyway - my kids get to swim and have fun...and I get a four hour break every day. I LOVE CAMP! :)

    CT-DC - yes, this is the kid who can climb the mullions on the bay window all the way to the top. He's been using whatever he can find as a stool for ages (remember him using the potty as a stool?). Now he just using his "get out of the pool" skills - no step stools needed! :)

     
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