Preschoolers - October updates

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Thanks for all the thoughts. Parents are husband's side, but the Dad is our DS's godfather. So I've gotten pretty close with mom. The whole family is concerned, but everyone's very nervous or unsure how to bring up. The little guy comprehends really well. He'll nod or shake head no when asked questions. And not just simpls ones. We see them about once a month, and I do try to talk to him with full sentences, which he does well with. (That is, when I'm not taking markers out of his hands pointed at my walls or removing toys that he is deliberately breaking). He is in a daycare. It's a center, so I would imagine they must have mentioned this??  Its just so frustrating as he just needs that extra help to get the words out.  Perhaps I'll be the brave one among the siblings and cousins and bring it up. Actually, our 3 year doctor's appt is this Friday for DS. I'll use that as a starting point for conversation with his mom, as I know they are going to ask a lot of milestone questions that I can mention to her casually. 

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates


    I'd try to be brave and bring this up - as long as the kids aren't around.  Could you get together with the parents alone (vs. at a big family event) or go for a walk sans kids during the big family event with just you and the mother and say that you're concerned about their older child, that he seems to understand, but simply his language is delayed?  That he seems to want to speak, but can't, which is why you're concerned? And that you think his misbehavior is a result of his lack of language, that he's frustrated, and can't get attention in any other way than being "the bad one."?

    That being said, I kept my mouth shut around my cousin with her 1st child, whom I thought had some delays but given they had ZERO respect for "day care" (said in a super TONE), my being a "day care" teacher wouldn't have cut the mustard.  Figured some day they'd get information from his snazzy preschool teachers (who, as far as I could tell, weren't any different from me, especially after I had them in workshops I was teaching, ahem), but they never said anything, so finally in 1st grade they heard from "real" teachers that there were issues. And, indeed, there were generalized LDs that he struggled with throughout school.  I didn't see their family enough to be able to really say anything other than "I have concerns, I see red flags" and I thought it wouldn't work for me to say anything given the family dynamics, and the fact that they didn't think much of my career, my knowledge, my anything.  Frown

    Soooooo.... I was a wuss, I wouldn't think less of you for not saying anything! those who live in glass houses for sure don't throw stones!

    Now that I have more experience and am older, I'd say something, but back then, I didn't.


  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from rama8677. Show rama8677's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    I don't know, I think I respectfully disagree.  I don't think you should directly discuss your concerns about the child unless you are qualified professionally to do so.  Its hard to tell from the original post exactly how close you are with the family member but it sounds like your aren't so close that the mom would choose to discuss a personal matter with you over anyone else in the world.  I feel like it most instances where there is a problem the parents know very well what is going on with their child and have decided not to share because it's a personal matter to them.  How do you know that this child hasn't been tested for variety of disorders and/or is being treated for a delay? Just because your almost 3 year old is very verbal and this child isn't verbal at all doesn't mean that this child has major issues that the parents are ignoring, per se. If you want to talk about it, and you feel reasonably certain that this child's parents are completely obvious to their child's potential speech issues, I'd casually bring up the issue of milestones with them as relating to your own child and see if they share a similar story, and/or ask what the child's "latest trick" is - and share a funny, developmentally appropriate story about your own child.  Depending on what the parents choose to share back with you, I think you will have a good sense whether it is ok to bring up your concerns about speech delays or not. 

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Rama - a lot of times, parents may not wish to know what is going on, or may not be able to pinpoint the milestones/symptoms that should be a concern.

    I know my parents regret very deeply that they did not detect my hearing loss and issues (and delays as a result) until pre-K... they knew something was off, but could not pinpoint it (and their pedi refused to acknowledge there were any issues and they regret allowing him to dismiss their concerns). It was not until the pre-K teacher said that they have to take me in for a hearing test that they discovered it, and it is something that still sometimes haunts my mother (she did ask about when kids get tested and to make sure we stay on top of it with our kids).  Seeing how verbal DS is at 3 and how important language development is at 2-3 years makes me even more aware of what I must have missed out in those relatively silent early years (and how much work they put in just for me to "catch" up on those critical years).

    I hear you on the whole "qualified" and for strangers, I would agree. But for family, I would feel that if there were issues, the later they are dealt with, the longer it takes to "catch up". And if the whole family is noticing it, it must be significant enough.


  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Thanks all for the advice with different options... I value all opinions.  We saw them at a family birthday party this past weekend.  The boy was happy, but still no words, and bullying his way through playing and grunting at the dinner table, as I believe this is his only way of communicating.  During an earlier moment with me, my SIL and the mom, I brought up my son's 3-year doctor's appointment and all the milestone questions, offers for developmental screenings and such.  We actually did get these... wasn't making them up.  My SIL and I both used EI way back (both for gross motor issues), so we brought up our experiences and just talked in a conversational way about it.  The mom of the little boy just listened and chimed in that she thinks doctors just overreact and all the intervention seems overdone.  This would have been a very comfortable moment for her to mention any action they are taking with their son, so we are 99% certain they are not doing anything.  And perhaps nothing has been mentioned to them??  I will say, my doctor didn't make my son prove that he can talk.  He asked me if his words and sentences are understandable 75% of the time.  My son is very shy, so while he followed all the directives during the appointment, he didn't speak to the doctor.  So when I said that he is very advanced with his speech and words, my doc just wrote it down and moved on.  So perhaps that is how she got around her son's 2 year appointment questions - since he does understand almost all words, the doc could've just thought that was equivalent to him also speaking back home.  I'm sure a lot of kids are shy at their appointments and don't talk.. so if mom says they talk... they just write it down as truth.

    Given the festive occasion, I just didn't feel like getting too deep into the issue (and then she started on the track that she's 1 1/2 weeks late and how she hopes she's not PG...oye).  We'll see them a lot more over the next few months with holidays... so will just do my best without overstepping.

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    IPW, sounds like you did what you could and handled it well.  I agree now that you've given her ample opportunity to chime in and she's volunteered her personal opinions that benchmarks and interventions seem overdone, there's little more that you can do.  The unfortunate truth is, at the age he is at, he's almost too old to get into EI anyway.  Without an advocate pushing to get him services it's not going to happen.  Perhaps he'll come through in the end.  It's good he seems to understand. My niece was very delayed with a number of things, both physical and verbal.  Her parents seemed very willing to put her in EI for the physical gross/fine motor issues but were (are still somewhat) completely in denial about her verbal delay--and my SIL, her mom, is a preschool/kindergarten/sped teacher!  She talks more now but doesn't really understand/follow the conversation very well and doesn't always understand questions.  Basically, my SIL is in denial about the difficulties my neice has with comprehension and abstract thought. At her last test, they found her to be in the lowest 2% for abstract thought and expression.  SIL uses her knowledge of teaching prek and K and special needs kids to essentially help train/drill niece in the types of speech that will help her "pass" assessments but doesn't seem concerned about the lack of pretend play or understanding pictures/symbols at 3.5. Oy vey is right.

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    For those of you on Facebook, anyone belong to the "All My Mama Friends" group? A friend of mine invited me, and some crazy stuff happens on there! Anyway, one post today got me thinking (i.e., obsessing) and I need to ask someone:

    Have any of you actually had *success* with the whole "keep putting an offending food on the plate and someday the kid might love it" scenario? Does that actually happen? My 3 year old will not eat any vegetables. None. We give them to her every day, and she will not eat ANY. Raw, cooked, dip, sauce, ketchup... no dice. If she senses there is a vegetable inside something I'm giving her, she will refuse the whole thing or pick out the vegetable. We all eat all meals together and she watches DH, DS (who just turned 1 and is starting to reject some of the foods he happily ate before, to my dismay), and I eat veggies and proclaim how yummy they are. She is not convinced. The only exception is she will sometimes eat the carrots in soup. She loves fruit and will eat most kinds, which I know is good, but every so often the veggie worry will nag at me. We very rarely *make* her take a bite of something. I just don't want to have food battles. We never eat dessert (we save desserty things for after breakfast or lunch, on the occasions that we have them around). If anything, we'll have fruit after dinner.

    I'm just really curious if it actually happens where kids suddenly one day (over the age of 3) decide they love a food they refused/hated for years before. I've "heard" it can happen... but does it, really?

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Not sure if this helps... but when DS started his current daycare at 18 months, he refused to touch any fruit unless it was in one of the few pouches he loved and at school, he would eat the veggies but pick out and reject every piece of fruit he got. At home, the only veggie we got him to eat was sweet potatoes unless it was in a pouch. Now, at 3, he loves fruit especially pears, peaches and apples, and he will eat beans, peas and broccoli at home. Same for fish (salmon - not until we showed him the video of a bear salmon fishing, and then pretending he was a bear trying to catch the salmon on the fork) - so far, red meat is still usually rejected so we just offer and leave it alone. Lettuce - sometimes if we pretend to practice feeding giraffees, he will eat some lettuce.... but only when he is in the mood. He still loves pouches, so we still sneak in veggies in there that we could not get otherwise.

    Apples - we would put those into his Chinese school bag every week (once a week) as his snack from when he was two to now... and for the first half year, those apples came home uneaten. Then we started to notice a few slices were missing, and now he eats most if not all of his apple slices.

    DD is still the garbage disposal and apparently at school, she eats anything they put on her plate. However, she does prefer taking her food from my plate or DS's plate even if she has the same items in front of her. However, I noticed that she demands variety - she won't eat a ton of any one dish. DS was, and still is, one of the those kids that eats only limited set of items a meal and DD seems to want many things at once.

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Poppy, DS would refuse onions, gag if he mistakenly eaten one, until one day I told him his favorite cousin (DS idolizes him) liked onions. From that moment on DS LOVES onions. LOL could you work that angle? (DS' cousin really does like onions so I didn't lie! but nothing wrong with saying their favorite character/person likes veggies) Now DS isn't a huge fan of overly cooked onions, but if they still have some crunch he'll eat them-ds prefers them raw. I do think if he didn't know his cousin liked them he still would refuse them.


  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    DD has actually started eating a bit more in the fruits and veggies department.  And she will now eat chicken in chicken finger form, which is not great, but as a protein source once a week, I'll take it.

    I have no idea why... I do notice she'll try something more readily at someone else's house.  Who knows?  I did tell her that carrots help her see in the dark, but other than that I try to remain neutral.  It does worry me.  But she's a tiny control freak, so I am not willing to push it since I sense she'd dig in.

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    So, last night she randomly and cheerfully tried: raw carrot, raw orange pepper, and dill pickle. I tried to hide how agog I was. I have no idea why she chose to do this, but was heartened that perhaps it IS indeed possible that she will someday eat more foods. I did nothing other than put them on her plate. Usually she shrieks that she doesn't want it on her plate. She proclaimed to love the carrot, but only at about 1/8 of it (it was the baby variety) and she licked the pepper and said it was sour. She then inhaled 3 pickle spears. We tried to point out the irrationality of this, but she insisted the pepper was more sour than the pickle. Whatever. I was just so happy she ate pickles and "tried" the other two things. I guess it's just always going to be a bit of a mystery! I hate mysteries.

    Cwag, that is so cute about the bear/salmon giraffe/lettuce. Good idea!

    Medford - I was convinced that carrots would make my hair curl until sometime in my 20s someone told me this was certainly not true. All because my grandmother wanted me to eat carrots, and I desperately wanted curly hair. Glad your DD is eating some chicken now! I know that feeling that even a little branching out is exciting.

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Poppy.. way to go on her trying a few new items!  Pickles... wow!!  We're in the same boat as you.  Not a veggie!  Decent about fruits... I'd say eats 50% of them (but now refuses to try new fruits that aren't already tested... like a mango).  I did make a pasta bake recently with bowties, ground sausage and homemade sauce.  I used some crushed tomatos, so there were some good sized chunks.  I was shocked as he ate a few, specifically pulling them out... analyzing them as if they were nuclear, and then eating so carefully.  Yet he would never touch a tomato.  As you said, I just try to not make a big deal about it and move along.

    A do have a friend who I grew up with since we were 10.  She ate very, very few things for most of our early teen and college years.  I mean, she was so selective, she wouldn't eat cream cheese unless it was like how her mother bought it... in the rectangular Philly box.  Now she eats at any restaurant and tries things you've never heard of from the menu, and eats just about any kind of sushi, etc.  So there is some hope :-)

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    we were out for lunch at a TGI Friday's (speaking of unhealthy!) with family this weekend and DD chose chicken fingers and then said for her "side" she wanted oranges.  I was so surprised that I actually said the words, "are you sure you don't want french fries?"  Because with oranges at home (and even clementines) she will just suck the juice out but not actually eat them.  But they served up those mandarin orange slices and she ate every one.  We'll see if it translates if we get them for home!  So, yes, even if it's not the healthiest thing, anything outside of her usual dairy/grain routine is exciting.

    Poppy, I am laughing about her proclaiming love for a carrot.  My DD often proclaims to love things that she clearly does not love (e.g. in the yard, "I love to touch worms!"), and she also recently decided to eat an enormous quantity of red grapes (previously would only eat green) whilst proclaiming that red grapes were her "favorite, favorite, most favorite kind".

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    I was required to have a tiny portion of all veges on my plate from the time I was 5 years old and I had to taste that tiny portion (and by tiny I mean that my mother served my green peas with a regular spoon, not a serving spoon, so I mean SMALL portion!).  Period.  I could try it as my first bite of my meal, my last bite, or my any time during the meal bite but I had to try it.  So try (yuck!) I did all those horrible veges.... and finally when I was 10 years old I discovered that I liked green peas!  Not a minute before did I like them, but it did finally happen. At some point I discovered that I also liked carrots (raw only), broccoli, green beans, potatos, etc etc.  Still don't like cauliflower (seriously, people, it has no taste and no color, so WHY do people eat it?) and I wouldn't touch a yam/sweet potato with a 3 foot pole, ditto for squash. But I do eat many other veges.  I actually liked raw veges more than cooked veges so when my mother made cooked peppers she'd just give me raw ones, etc - that's fine, because it's just a case of holding a few out of the cooking pan, but my mother did NOT make different meals for my darling self - she was not a short-order cook!

    I wouldn't require the tasting at this age, but I do think that at 5 years and beyond it's not too much to have them taste it.  So for now just having it on the plate (and, yes, it's gonna be on the plate, period) is enough, because they might try it. But a school-age kid won't try it unless required to. 

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    CT - cauliflower!  Slice it about half inch thick, olive oil and salt.  Oven on a baking sheet to get brown, flip and more brown.  At a restaurant they told me they roast it in the oven until just tender and then sear it in a hot skillet to get brown when somebody orders it.  I've tried it and it is even better, but a little more work.  Really the key is browning, and the slices rather than florets mean more contacts the pan and so more browns.  It's addictive like popcorn!

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    So, THIS happened Tuesday night:

    DD proclaimed carrots were her favorite (after the 1/8 she ate the previous night) and so I gave her a quarter of a baby carrot, sliced lengthwise. It must have triggered her gag reflex; she threw up almost her entire dinner, right into my hand. First she was gagging and I made her drink some water (even for me, raw carrots can be difficult to swallow), but I couldn't stop it. Poor thing was traumatized. So much for carrots being her favorite. At least it wasn't me that was trying to make her eat them.

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Oh, poor little poppy!  Well, yes, carrots are off her list for now, that's for sure.  (sure it wasn't mean ol' cauliflower that did it? I'd believe anything about that boring, stinky stuff!  although I MIGHT bend enough to try medford's way of cooking it - we'll have to see)

    How about this?  For a few months, make sure she doesn't see any carrots lurking in her food (like in chicken pot pie, or pasta sauce) or she'll freak out.  And there would be no discussion about carrots in front of her, but when she brings them up,  I'd say, "yes, we learned that you aren't big enough to eat carrots, but you will be when you're 2 yrs old (unless she's already 2, then say 3 yrs old, LOL)".  Say it with confidence, set the age, and whenever carrots are talked about, say "you'll be old enough at X yrs old" NOT we'll try again when you're ready, or when you're big, because she'll decide she's never big enough:  "oh, I'm not big enough yet, mommy...."

    but poor thing, how horrible for her!

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from amy-lynn. Show amy-lynn's posts

    Re: Preschoolers - October updates

    Medford, I tried making cauliflower as you suggested (with the addition of a bunch of minced garlic) roasting it in the oven until nice and brown, and it was wonderful! I had gotten it at the farmer's market, so I had 3 small heads, one yellow, one purple, and one green. DH loved how colorful it was, but DD was not too excited to try it. She refused the purple on general principles, but I did get her to eat 3 small florets of the yellow. I wasn't sure about giving her the green cauliflower, since she loves broccoli, and I previously have called cauliflower "white broccoli" to get her to try it. So CT-DC, you should try it, it was nutty and garlicky and delicious!