Recovering from a Bad Playdate

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Something very embarrassing has happened and I am not sure what to do about it.

    Over the last few months we've worked really hard to cultivate some friendships with other little girls my daughter's age (2.9) and she's really connected with one little friend, they just adore each other. We have only had playdates and adventures with the nanny, never the parents - who both work alot, travel and have other children. We have communicated to them through the nanny, and (they haven't been particularly receptive) but we planned on reaching out about meeting up at the beach this summer, but now I am not sure what to do.

    So yesterday, DD and DH were having a playdate at their house. It was hot out and the kids were running around the back yard naked and jumping in and out of the pool - and my daughter, who is not yet pooping on the potty pooped in their backyard!

    I know it's really not a big deal, but I was up most of the night worrying these parents will put the keibash on the friendship and think poorly of us.  Mostly, I hate the thought of my DD losing her first little best friend. Basically, in the past I've been very judgemental and now it kills me thinking about my husband and child (and me by association) being judged. Do I just let the cards fall where they may and let these parents dictate the terms, do I reach out to them and say "hi, nice to meet you, sorry about my kid pooping in your yard?" pretend nothing happened - what?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Oh, gosh, ml, that sure is embarrassing, but remember, THEY have a 3 year old, too!  Those things happen.  It's like having your boss point out your fly is down.  You laugh it off and go on.  If that ruins the relationship, it wasn't worth having, honestly.  She'll find new friends and doesn't need those crazy uptight freaks as friends if they react poorly. Bring it up and treat it with the levity it deserves, a little embarrassed giggle and "life with a 3 yo" knowing attitude.  If they reject that, shame on them.

    ETA:  Think about the Clorox ad where the little boy says, "I made poopy!" and mom looks in the toilet and asks, "Where?!"  You cannot be alone in this situation if Clorox capitalizes on this common, relatable experience to sell bleach.

    ETA 2:  You can make a joke, "Gee, maybe those crazy 'dog people' who are forever comparing their dogs to our toddlers have a bit of a point."  Or, "Success!  No poopy in the panties!  We take what we can get, right?!"  I happen to like the first one better, lol, seeing as though I AM one of those crazy dog people who does see remarkable similarities. ;)  

    Really, though, the upshot is that 3 year olds do and say zany things that embarrass us, most of which we wish we could still do and get away with, lol.  Yesterday I was walking the dog down a dirt road with ONE house on it and had to pee so bad I actually did hide (marginally) behind some ferns and got 'er done.  10 minutes later, the neighbor who lives down there DROVE BY.  Ugh, how embarrassing would THAT have been?!

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    I know it's hard to not stress but don't stress.  How did you find out she pooped?  Did you see and not know what to do (pretend it didn't happen, not know how to announce it, just ask if they had a bag, etc.) or did DD or someone else draw your attention to it?

    I really don't think it's a big deal.  Seriously.  Part of having a potty-trained kid is you are suddenly forced to have them pop a squat in a parking lot or bushes because you can't find a public restroom and they aren't wearing diapers any more.  If the parents are upset they'll get over it.  THey have a 3 year old too. It isn't like she pooped on their floor.  That would have been more emarrassing but also kind of funny and not too big of a deal (unless it was carpet or something). If anything, this sort of thing could make you closer friends because they might be able to relax and not worry about making an impression around you.  Who knows, they might be agonizing that you're judging them for not having time to hang out more often (you aren't but they don't know that).

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    So it was the Nanny that witnessed the pooping in the yard not the parents right? Either way, I wouldn't worry too much about it. These things happen when kids aren't potty trained. It was outside-and don't they say let the kids run around naked outside when potty training????

    If it happened at your house and it was the other little girl, what would you honestly think? would you think the girl/parents were barbarians? Or would you internalize it that you should have done a better job hosting and had a diaper/potty ready in case the kids needed one? If I was hosting the event that's exactly what I would be thinking.

     

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Basically, in the past I've been very judgemental and now it kills me thinking about my husband and child (and me by association) being judged.

    Well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    In response to purplecow89's comment:

     

    Basically, in the past I've been very judgemental and now it kills me thinking about my husband and child (and me by association) being judged.

    Well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner.

     



    How was that helpful?  We all learn to be more empathetic when we experience things we didn't understand and had little patience for before it happened to us.  It's just part of being human to misjudge before we understand or go through something ourselves.  Sure, we hope we won't and try not to, but for pity's sake, that was a mean thing to add and pretty judgemental of you to say.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    I don't think you should worry at all, ML! Where is the harm - she pooped outside, on the grass, somewhere easily cleaned up... what's the problem? It would be a different story if she pooped on their new white $5000 couch or something! I do not see this as something any normal person, especially a parent, would get upset at all about. If a kid did this at my house I wouldn't even bat an eye! You certainly cannot control if and where your barely potty trained naked child might let something slip!

     

    I wouldn't even acknowledge it with the parents. They probably don't even know it happened! Why would the nanny tell them? And even if she did, they sound way too busy to let something like this occupy their brain space.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Thanks everyone, especially Kar on the defense :) You are all so right, it's life, these things happen and if these parents are that judgemental, they have bigger issues than po0p in their back yard!

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    You're welcome. :)  Think about the laugh you'll have with DD about it 20 years from now!  This is a great potty training story, tell it with a smile.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Too funny!  (Although I sympathize that it didn't feel funny to you!)  I totally agree with the previous posts - if your DH cleaned up and gave a brief apology, I don't see that you need to reach out about it.  If you do see them, you should be able to treat it as a funny thing that happened, and if they think it's a big deal, well, then they're kind of weird.  :)

    Only thing I will add is not to take it personally (or think that it's connected to this incident) if the parents are not receptive to you getting together in the future.  Especially if they have other kids (and maybe older kids?  who have "activities" and a million birthday party invitations?), weekends might just be family time for them.  I know for our friends who have two parents who work long hours, the weekends are almost the only time they get with their own kids, and maybe occasionally catching up with the friends they already have.  No matter how fantastic new families/kids they meet are, they just don't have time on the weekends.  They are probably thrilled that your DD hangs out with theirs during the week, but it just might not translate to family get togethers!

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Haha - my DD once pooped on our bedroom floor when she was running around bottomless, we just laugh about it now, "do you remember the time..." I agree with a previous poster that I wouldn't even acknowledge it.  It's just one of those things that can happen with young kids.  I bet the nanny didn't even think to mention it to them because it's just kids being kids!  

    I also agree with Med that you shouldn't take it personally if it's difficult to get a playdate with them in the future.  As a working parent myself I find it incredibly difficult to schedule playdates with other parents on the weekends (when I am available) especially if they have older children.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate

    Okay, I don't have kids, but I think it's funny!  I can't see how anyone would be offended by this?  She's 3, things like this happen.  If they don't invite you back it's their problem and they need to lighten up!

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate


    I wouldn't give it another thought. My almost four year old son is likely to find a tree if he's running about naked. He knows better, but you know how boys are - they love to pee outside!

    And I will say, that even though I'm at home, my DH doesn't love it if I schedule playdates on the weekends. He prefers to save Saturday and Sunday for family time. I'm sure that will change eventually, but for now, he doesn't want to be scheduled into a playdate on the weekends.

    finally - Purplecow - really? Not funny.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from rama8677. Show rama8677's posts

    Re: Recovering from a Bad Playdate


    I think that's hysterical, and I agree that anyone who has kids who wouldn't find that funny aren't people I'd want to associate with in the first place!

     

     
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