Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    So the holiday season is finally upon us (though judging by retailers, it's been Christmas since the week before Halloween).  To make a fairly long story short, we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah at our house but we don't believe in Santa.  Tree, stockings, presents, yes--just DD knows Mom and Dad are the givers.

    Last year, when random strangers loudly got in my daughter's face and asked her (despite her obvious horror at being addressed by a stranger) about Santa, I just said "Santa doesn't visit our house" and left it at that.  The issue I'm worried about this year is as she turned 3 DD got MUCH more outgoing and willing to speak in public, especially in regards to correcting people who are wrong (she's fairly obsessed with making sure passing strangers who think her baby sister is a boy are informed that GIRLS have VAG!NAS). 

    So how do I deal with the possibility she starts loudly denouncing the existence of Santa?  I don't care about the adults but what about innocent bystander children?  I don't want my 3.5 year old to ruin Christmas for any other kids.  Do I just say "Santa doesn't visit our house" and hope if I say it enough times she'll just go along with it?  I welcome any ideas people might have, even just recommendations of what NOT to say (what would totally give away the big red-suited myth for your kids).

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Do you enjoy the Santa story, just not literally believe in it?  Then find something along those lines for her to say.  "Oh, Santa is a lot of fun" or "I like the [insert Christmas movie title here]" or something like that.  It's true and more likely to go over better.

    If you don't have anything whatsoever to do with the story, then a polite version of "Santa doesn't visit" is the way to go.


    Nothing wrong with telling her that many things are true, but we pick the true thing to say that is the most polite.

    And if I may nitpick slightly... The "v---a" is the internal birth canal, which under ordinary circumstances is not something one can see, not a general term for female privates, which should be referred to as l-bia or v-lva...  I know the word is fashionable but it's not really correct here.


    And not sure why your child should have an absolute horror at being addressed by strangers, but I'd work on fixing that.  Not being comfortable with people "getting in her face" but greetings should not terrify a child.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    lissa we're in the same boat. we celebrate everything about Christmas, but I didn't ever want to sell the whole Santa gives presents. And I def cringed last year every time someone asked DS what Santa brought him. Thankfully he was just excited to talk about his toys. This year I'm not so sure how it's going to go.

    How do you talk about Santa with her-its hard not ? We've kinda avoided the issue until this year. And I struggle with how to approach the issue with DS not to create the belief in him, but get him to not spill the beans. But I think DS will probably go with the flow when people are talking about Santa in school. And thankfully his teachers are not allowed to answer questions/talk about such things.

    But a quick response that Santa doesn't visit your house is the best response. Short and sweet. Then leave it to the parents to explain different religions. And I would talk to your DD about giving the same simple response.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    In response to purplecow89's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    And not sure why your child should have an absolute horror at being addressed by strangers, but I'd work on fixing that.  Not being comfortable with people "getting in her face" but greetings should not terrify a child.

    [/QUOTE]

    sorry to interrupt this thread, but I am getting soooooooo sick of these kinds of judgy comments about everyone's kids and parenting.

    In the case she mentioned, her daughter was only 2.  Many people seem to forget, but it's NORMAL for a notable percentage of 2 year olds to be daunted when strangers address them.  It's NOT because we told them about "stranger danger", and it's NOT that they need to be "fixed".  We all just do the best we can with the temperaments we have.  Most of the time, the kid will grow to be more comfortable in their own time.

    Rant over.  Please return to your normally scheduled Santa discussion.

    ETA: also note - she specifically mentioned her daughter has now (in her own time!!!) become more comfortable responding to strangers.  Does not need to be "fixed"!

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Wait, I'm confused.  Girls DON'T have vag!nas?  Because that's all Lissa's daughter said: "GIRLS have VAG!NAS".  How is that incorrect?

     

    Lissa - I think what you're saying, simply that Santa doesn't visit your house, sounds great to me.  I guess you'd only need to revise it when DD starts asking why.  We're having a forced "Santa doesn't visit our house" this year because my DD (2 years old) is terrified at the thought of a strange man coming to our house.  Which is actually very sensible of her.  Luckily we don't have a fireplace.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Lissa - I grew up in NY with tons of Jewish friends who obviously didn't do the whole Santa thing.  In my house we did the whole Santa thing though, and can't remember anyone ruining it for me.  So my point is, don't stress about it because I doubt other 3 year olds will take to heart anything your DD might say.  HTH!

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Poppy - I had the same reaction as your DD when I was younger.  I told my mom that I didn't want to have a stranger in my house so Santa left all of my presents on the deck!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Thanks, everyone! I don't really have much personal Santa experience, so I get a little paranoid I'm going to say/do something inappropriate without realizing.  DD is VERY verbal and speaks VERY clearly.  What she says, people understand.  She knows that kids believe in Santa and that it's a story but I'm just nervous with this know-it-all stage of hers that she'll feel the need to correct adults if they are confused about what's real and what's pretend. 

    clc, that's so funny!  The deck!

    purple, I get what you're saying about vag1na/labia.  But the point is that the reason it's funny is that the baby is fully clothed (apparently not wearing enough pink) so it's kind of hilarious when DD says in a snotty know it all voice to the stranger "Girls have VAGINAS" since there's no way the poor old lady knows what the baby is.  So although you understand anatomy, apparently the joke didn't translate well.

     

    Also, I kind of want to write vag1na with a #1 all the time now.  We're #1! We're #1! We're #1!!!

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from whipsmama. Show whipsmama's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Lissa, perhaps this is not the response you're looking for, but my family is very "into" Santa (as is my husband and pretty much all our extended family!) My 1st experience with this issue happened last year when DD was then 5 y/o and in kindergarten. A girl from her class told my daughter very matter of factly that Santa was NOT real and that it is the parents who give the presents. I will say, this classmate was quite adamant on correcting the other kids about the existence of Santa and it was upsetting to some of the kids, my daughter included. It became sort of an issue for a few days, and then they all forgot about it, and went back to believing (or not) in Santa....I second Trouble's response, and I think it's perfectly fine and polite to say "Santa doesn't visit our house".  HTH! In response to lissafro's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Thanks, everyone! I don't really have much personal Santa experience, so I get a little paranoid I'm going to say/do something inappropriate without realizing.  DD is VERY verbal and speaks VERY clearly.  What she says, people understand.  She knows that kids believe in Santa and that it's a story but I'm just nervous with this know-it-all stage of hers that she'll feel the need to correct adults if they are confused about what's real and what's pretend. 

    clc, that's so funny!  The deck!

    purple, I get what you're saying about vag1na/labia.  But the point is that the reason it's funny is that the baby is fully clothed (apparently not wearing enough pink) so it's kind of hilarious when DD says in a snotty know it all voice to the stranger "Girls have VAGINAS" since there's no way the poor old lady knows what the baby is.  So although you understand anatomy, apparently the joke didn't translate well.

     

    Also, I kind of want to write vag1na with a #1 all the time now.  We're #1! We're #1! We're #1!!!

    [/QUOTE]


     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    When I figured out there was no Santa by asking a number of store Santas not if I could have a toy but if they were "really Santa" and concluding that they couldn't all be so none of them were, my mom informed me that I was not to correct others' beliefs about it, that that was up to their parents. I thought everyone would want to know they believed something that wasn't true, but I obeyed and kept my big mouth shut.  Maybe if you just tell her not to say anything about Santa to other kids she won't.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    how would you handle someone asking, "why doesn't Santa visit your house, aren't you good?"  If you go with that line I'd think you'd need to come up with an answer to the follow up question beforehand, too.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Santa doesn't visit our house but we don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else

    Wait...there's no Santa?

     

     

     

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