When teacher says, "We'll talk about it later"

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    When teacher says, "We'll talk about it later"

    This morning my DS (4 years old) had a hard time at drop off. He kept running out of the room before I could hand him off to the teacher. We finally got him to his cubby to hang his coat etc., and I left.

    At pick up, I said, "Did the rest of the day go better?" She said, "Parent teacher conference is next week. We'll talk about it then." So obviously the answer is "no". I'm actually quite upset about it. I'd like to know what he did now. I fully realize she couldn't have a big conversation at pick up - but don't you think she should have offered to email me or something? I know DS can be hardheaded and sometimes has trouble following directions. That's one of the reasons he's in an integrated preschool.

    Am I overreacting about being angry at being asked to wait a week to find out what his behavior problems are? Drop off had been going quite well up until this morning. And I do sometimes get notes that 'Ds had a really great day today."

    Probably needed to vent more than anything else. Life has been SO hectic recently. We've all been sick with a virus that we just can't shake, I've moved my father into my house, DH is in the middle of midterm exams - the list goes on and on.


  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    MissLily, mostly I'm just posting to say "hugs" and "vent away." It sounds like you have alot going on, aren't feeling that great, and are rightfully upset. I'm always amazed how how much you manage, and how thoughtfully and gracefully you do it - and without enough help and support all the time! Take some time to get out of the house and go have a cup of tea somewhere and have a moment to yourself.

    I think both you and the teacher know there are some issues to work out - but nothing so major they have to be dealt with immediately. If it were me I'd follow up and say I'm anxious to know what's going on and can we move up our parent-teacher conference?

    Sending good thoughts your way. Hang on and breathe deep!

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from KMMZ1012. Show KMMZ1012's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    What's next week going to do? Seriously. The problem was obviously that day so how are you going to discuss his behavior with him if it's in the past? I don't blame you for being frustrated. When DS has a tough day at school, it doesn't stay at school. School is not a vacuum. Misbehaving at school as consequences at home. Does the teacher think you just ignore it when you walk out the door (and I'm not suggesting at all that you do. That was a conversation *I* had to have with one of DS' teachers last year about this kind of thing).

    Does she expect you to just sit on the whole thing? Parent conferences might be next week, but you might want to schedule a phone call or send an email now, especially to let her know that you weren't thrilled about the way she handled it. And if she's not open to that, take it to the program manager. You can't be a team and work to get your child into good habits if you're not getting the right feedback.

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    You don't trust the teacher to know how big a deal something is and whether it can wait or not?

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    Misslilly-that is super annoying! I'd talk to them, maybe you can arrive a little early or later when it's not so crazy and ask for a quick update. Simply explain if it's behavior that needs to be corrected you'd rather start now than wait a week. No need to draw it out now, but a quick "Your DS needs to do better at sharing the crayons" etc lets you talk to him now, and next week in conference you can get into more details.

    DS' teachers used to tell me on Friday afternoons behavior he was exhibiting that should have been addressed earlier in the week-but I was rendered totally useless in trying to do something about it over the weekend. example: playing super heros, not allowed at school, and DS doesn't do it on the weekend-so how am I supposed to correct/talk about it with any relevancy if he's not doing the behavior in any recent time? Talking to him Friday about it, and him not being presented with the opportunity to alter his behavior for days wasn't working. So a quick convo about telling me earlier in the week so we can talk about it and see a more immediate impact of the conversation was much more helpful then "oh, by the way, your kid has been playing super heros and we want him to stop-have a great weekend!" was totally useless!

    And at 4 years old I do notice DS let school bother him a lot more if he had a bad day the prior day. Drop off can be really tough the next day. He totally remembers the not so great day he had the day before. Right now his buddies are all teasing and calling eachother names. Mondays it's worse, so I know Tuesday is alway a tougher drop off day. I really have to sit with DS and find out who said what and talk with DS about what he can do and say next time it happens. When Joe calls you a stinky sandwich (one of his buddies called him this-I had a hard time not laughing at the stinky sandwich comment) tell him you don't want to play with him if he's going to say mean things and move to a different area.

    How much does your DS tell you about his day? Can he shed any light into it?

    I echo what ML said-you've got a lot on your plate and perhaps it's not as big of an issue as you are assuming? when there is a lot going on, as there is with you right now, sometimes we have to remember to be kind to ourselves too!

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    Thanks guys. (except purple - always nasty as usual).

    I did have a long talk with DS and I think he's just in a phase, both at home and at school, where he's resisting following directions. I do want to tackle it right away and not let it slide.

    And thanks for the advice about some time to myself. I certainly do need it. Had a really tough week moving my dad into my house and cleaning out his home of 45 years. Then he got sick, and the meds they gave him made him delirious. He had no idea where he was. Even got dressed at 2:00am and tried to get out of my house. He told me he was going to London. I got him off the meds and he's back to his normal self. Still forgetful, but not crazy.

    Thanks again. Your virtual hugs really helped! :)

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    misslily, more hugs!  Cleaning out the house and moving must have been particularly stressful, especially if you're sick as well.

    I totally agree with you that you should have access to find out sooner if you want.  Maybe the teacher was having an off day, and/or it didn't occur to her that she was making it sound like something happened that you should get to know about.  Do they have an e-mail address, a paper mailbox, or a way to set up phone meetings?  I was always hesitant to ask for meetings because I know the teachers are so busy, but then I did and I felt better about it.

    Not sure if this is helpful or not, but with DD's recent troubles in the preschool room, ultimately I made her like a personalized daily sheet.  It only has on it the stuff that is an issue for her, and it is all checkboxes so the teachers don't have to spend a ton of time writing.  So for her, there is a row for each time period during the day (circle time, AM activities, lunch...) and then checkboxes for mood (happy, neutral, tense face, upset) and for social interaction (alone, with teacher, parallel with kids, direct interaction with kids).  Just as an example, you could make it whatever your child is struggling with.  The teachers seemed pretty excited, both because they want to help, and because it saves them having to write a long detailed note.  Although they do usually write something brief if there was an upset time.  Hope that helps!  It has been huge for us.

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    I don't blame you for being upset by this. The crypic response the teacher gave did not answer your question. That's rude, and unprofessional. I was a teacher for 10 years and I would never give a parent an answer like that. If I couldn't talk in the moment, I'd offer to call or email them later or the next day. No person in any job is so busy they can't take time to address a concern of a "client" - which is essentially what you, as a parent of a child in her class, are - in a timely manner. And "next week" is not a timely manner. I'm irritated for you.



  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    That's exactly how I felt Poppy. They do have email and I think she could easily have offered to send one. DS also has a daily sheet and she could have left a note. A simple "Ds is having trouble following directions. We'll talk more about a strategy when I see you on the 5th" would have been enough for me.

    Anyway. Thanks again everyone! I'll let you know how our meeting goes.


  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    I think she could have given a quick synopsis like, "He's having a problem with xyz, but it is not so bad it can't wait until our appt next week when we will devote good time and energy to the issue."

    Sorry for all the stress of dealing with your Dad and missing your mom, too.

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: When teacher says,

    And I bet that some of DS's problems at school with following instructions is because of all that's going on at home.  Now there is a 3rd adult at home - so is Granddad's word final, he wonders? If Granddad says no, will Mom or Dad change that?  Can/will/should Granddad discipline me?  what will happen now that Granddad is here?  All of these may be things he's wondering about so perhaps you could start a conversation with both kids (separately or together) about "I wonder what you think about Granddad moving in?  What's going to be different? What's going to be fun about having him here? What do you think will be hard with him here?'

    Good luck at the conference!