April Pregnancy

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang, congrats on a healthy pregnancy and impending birth of a lovely baby girl!

    As for your in-laws, I'm stunned and dismayed that they've put you in this position.  Shame on them; they DO know better.  I'd tell them that I'm thrilled they are excited for us and can hardly wait to meet their granddaughter, but honestly it's too much to host them and let them know they can either stay with you in a month or get a hotel if they must come now.  They had no right or thought of you at all when they invited themselves to your home.  I'm not deriding them as people overall, but this was a pretty self-centered thing to do, and you need to stand up for your needs for sure this time.

    Best wishes, and we'll be looking forward to your story!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang - I totally agree that having them stay may be more stress for you.  It is funny because I got a little upset with my sisters (also are my best friends) who wanted to come up from out of state with their four kids (total) about 3-4 weeks after I delivery.  Doesn't sound super exciting to me and I was disappointed that they were not for sure just going to come up on their own and us all get together later in the summer.  All their kids are older than 6, delightful and sweet but sounds more stressful to me.   Not sure how this end up turning out.....
     
    Liz - I absolutely have had patients on SSRIs without any problems during their pregnancy.   I have not really had a predisposition to depression and found the immediate post partum period to be very difficult (I had a baby who was hospitalized several times) but even if she hadn't been sick I am pretty sure I would not have enjoyed it much!  It is way better to be optimized the best you can be moodwise during pregnancy and right afterwards.  I think it is great that you are talking about it!  

    Luv - While I agree that seeing a specialist is ideal, they are few and hard to find at times.  I constantly have patients tell me that their prescribers do not listen to them and spend no time with them.  I think word of mouth is critical.  If you know of a great practitioner  that is the way to go.  Unfortunately, as PCPs we have been put in the position of prescribing and treating b/c of the paucity of mental health professionals out there taking patients.  Oh boy, I am about to get a soap box myself.  I have patients discharged from psychiatric facilities ALL the time without any real plan for follow up with a mental health professional only to find they need to be seen for 2 months prior to getting any attention with regards to their medicines.  It is like me sending home someone with a heart attack to f/u with a psychiatrist.  Crazy!  So, anyway, while I agree with you whole-heartedly on principle, practically my patients have not be able to find great access.  I think some of it depends on where you are and I work in an area that has very limited access.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang, say no.  You do NOT want to have them in the same house when you come home.  Anyone who would suggest staying for the first days after a couple comes home with their baby is probably not the kind of person who would be much help to the new family.  My friend had a baby last summer and her parents came up from Pittsburgh for a week.  They stayed in a hotel and it was STILL tough when they were up.  She felt like she had to take care of them and they had all sorts of expectations about how things should go. 

    I am planning on being bossier about not letting anyone come visit in the hospital this time around since I felt like I had too many visitors in the hospital with my first baby. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerbride09. Show summerbride09's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang- I agree with others that I'd suggest they stay somewhere else. If not for your own sanity, privacy, and comfort- but also so they can have their own space and quiet time and not be with you ALL. THE. TIME. Because if that was me, it'd drive me nuts. I'm not fond of house guests to begin with (nevermind the fact we don't even have a spare bed anymore), and having guests at such a crazy time...no thanks.

    ETA: congrats on making it this far! Maybe try some of the old wives' tales of ways to jumpstart labor? Good luck!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tangerine5. Show Tangerine5's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Thanks, everybody - I'm glad to hear that I'm not selfish in feeling this way! They really are great, and have been an enormous help to us in setting up the house - they're also really easygoing and are happy to crash on air mattresses, couches, etc - which is fine most of the time, but I do think it'll be too much right after the baby's born. Fortunately DH agrees with me and is going to discourage the visit. I might ask my parents to host them if they really want to come as soon as the baby's born (which I know they will). It might sound weird, but they'd be very offended if we suggested a hotel - they don't really "do" hotels and are big fans of hosting people and staying with friends/family wherever they go.

    Lil - 4 kids?! No thanks! They could be the most well-behaved, lovely children on the planet, but I can't imagine hosting all those kids right after having a baby.

    I've been wanting to try some of the old wives' tales (assuming I don't wind up getting induced after my appt tomorrow) - but now that I'm on bed rest, it seems like some of them (lots of walking, anyway) would be harder to pull off! If I get sent home tomorrow, though, I'll definitely be trying some (and coming here for advice!). Thanks for the support, ladies!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Hopefully, they'll immediately recognize they were wrong to invite themselves in the first place, but if not DH should be prepared to tell them outright that they cannot come if they don't take the discouragement hint.  It's an uncomfortable situation for sure, but they caused it by inviting themselves not you guys by saying no.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang, you could try the spicy food one from bed rest if it won't give you heartburn!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang - HOTEL.  Tell them (or have DH tell them) you CAN'T handle house guests at the moment.  Be definitive that you and DH are making this decision; if you try to say, "Oh, you don't want to risk being awakened by a screaming newborn all night!" they could very easily say, "No, we don't mind!" then you're stuck.  Tell them you and DH cannot handle guests right now.

    Also, you can always get Happiest Baby from the library.  That's what we did.  Or borrow from a friend.  Especially the video - you really only need to watch it once or twice to understand what to do.

    ETA: Just read your follow-up post about hotels.  It would be great if your parents would be willing to host them, but I still feel that in this type of situation you and DH need to only worry about you and DH and the baby.  Not the other grown-ups.  They can figure it out themselves.  I know that's sometimes easier said than done, but once you have a baby you might be placed in this situation more often than normal and it may be good practice for you and DH to say, "Sorry, it's too much for us to have houseguests this weekend." and leave it to them to figure it out.

    ETA, Part 2: I feel like I was sounding harsh!  You/DH can certainly preface it with, "of course we'd love to see you and of course we want you to meet the baby when he/she arrives, however..."
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    LIL, I guess I see perinatal and postpartum depression/anxiety as something that needs a specialist, because you have to act fast.  Moms want to feel better and take care of their babies, and if you see someone who has less experience, it can take a long time to get better. Of course, I wish everyone who has depression/anxiety found people who would support them and do a long term care plan, but I see special urgency with PPD/Perinatal stuff, especially since they're not always straightforward, and there are factors like nursing and return to work to take into account.  I've seen firsthand with friends who have not gone to a specialist and been initially misdiagnosed and therefore, treatment has taken a long time; I've also had a friend pressured by her psychiatrist to give up nursing to go on a new med, then adding another trauma to her, when there were options out there. 

    So with that in mind, here are several great resources in MA for women, around perinatal and postpartum mental health: 

    Jewish Family and Children's Service, Center for Early Relationship Support is a great local resource (and you don't have to be Jewish to get help here):
    http://www.jfcsboston.org/tabid/219/Default.aspx

    On a bigger scale, Postpartum Support International is a nonprofit that has a resource page:
    http://postpartum.net/About-PSI.aspx

    And PSI Massachusetts has even more local resources, including a warm line to ask questions and ask for resources: http://www.postpartumma.org/index.html

    And MGH has a center for women's mental health and does a lot of PPD reseach:
    http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/

    Hope those are helpful to many of you, or to any friends who might need help! 




     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    I totally agree with poppy about the family visitors - now is not the time for subtle hints or "discouragement."  Like she says, they can have an answer for everything and given their being cluelessly out of line to begin with probably will.  He can and should be nice about it, of course, but give them an unambiguous, absolute, firm "no" right up front.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Awesome list of services Luv!  Thanks!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    LIz, I hope last night went well, and have a great getaway with your husband!!!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from wrkingmom. Show wrkingmom's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang, No news = baby?  Hope all is going well...
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Thinking of your today, Tang.  Hopefully that little girl decides to join you on her own.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who suggested the extra pillow.  The past few nights have been wonderful! It's sad that good sleep has become the highlight of my day :)  I have my shower this weekend and I can't wait.  It's scheduled during the B's playoff game though so I hope all of the ladies like hockey as much as me!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from wrkingmom. Show wrkingmom's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    CLC - Good Luck with the shower!  I enjoyed my baby shower so much more than my bridal shower.  It was fun.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    So funny, I didn't want a baby shower...for some reason it felt weird to me...might be a little of my superstitious nature (didn't want to celebrate someone who wasn't there yet). 

    I did end up having one, but it was only about 15 people at a friend's house and it was really nice and personal...we had a much bigger christening, since that was a chance to introduce DD to friends and family. 

    I digress...Enjoy your shower, CLC...hope they have a big-screen within eyesight so you can watch the game!!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pugslove. Show pugslove's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Tang - thinking of you.  Hope your meeting your little bundle of joy soon!

    Clc - have fun at your shower this weekend.  Go Bruins!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Luv - I'm actually looking forward to my baby shower while I dreaded my wedding showers.  I think it's easier for me to accept gifts and have a celebration for the baby than it was to do it for myself.  Also, my baby shower will be a lot more relaxed than either of my wedding showers were.  It's 30 people (which sounds like a lot but my mom is one of 9 so it's almost all family) but it's at my mom's house and my aunts are all chipping in with the food so it will be more of a nice little party.  And of course I already warned my mom that we would have to have the game on and all of these ladies know me and I don't think they would expect anything else!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    See, I LOVED my bridal shower!  Too funny!  Your shower sounds right up my alley, though...all people you genuinely love around you!  Hopefully the Bruins will win and it will be perfect!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Had my 30-week checkup at the OB yesterday.  Things look good. Also had the consult with the anaesthesiologist.  It took 2 hours to finally get it and it's not like I'm planning on using it at all (went natural, drug-free with my first) but with the high-risk pregnancy and my cardiac history I have to sign all the papers before I'm actually in labor. 
    It was kind of amusing because they asked me about previous pregnancies and I said I'd had natural childbirth with my first pregnancy and it had gone well, no complications, no interventions.  Then about 5 minutes later they were like "well, you've done this before so you know the whole procedure with an epidural.  Do you have any questions" and I was like "wait, what, I've never had an epidural"
    They see so many c-sections coming from the high-risk OB that they just wrote down "vaginal delivery with epi" when I'd said natural childbirth.  So that instilled a lot of confidence in their ability to fill out a form properly.  I must have made a teacher face because both the doctor and the observing intern/resident looked slightly chastised.  The intern/resident then blurted out "WHY not?" in a horrified tone. 
    It was an interesting experience.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    I'm guessing a lot of women report having had a "natural" childbirth not realizing that getting an epidural negates that adjective.  That doesn't excuse your doctor's assumption that you don't know what natural means, but I bet it happens quite commonly.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    Lissa - that's a little funny but I'm sure was frustrating at the time.  There was actually a woman in my childbirth class that said she wanted a "natural" delivery with an epi.  It took everything that I had in me not to correct her.

    Otherwise, I'm glad that your appointment went well.  If you don't mind me asking, what makes you high risk? I've heard a lot of hospitals have you pre-register which I think is a great idea.  CCH isn't one of those hospitals so we will be filling out the paperwork once I'm in labor.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    I was born with 2 different congenital heart defects and had 2 open-heart surgeries to repair them, one as a 6-month-old and one when I was 10 years old.
    I'm fine now.
    It makes sense they assumed, based on my medical history.  I was just annoyed because I'd waited for 2 HOURS (over lunchtime, mind you) for them to come after being paged, and the whole point was to get it done accurately while I'm not distracted by contractions, and they just assumed and didn't ask a clarifying question.  The reason they do these things ahead of time is so I can't claim I didn't understand what I was signing/saying because I was under the stress of being in labor if I sue them for malpractice or something.
    So it annoyed me that they make you jump through hoops just to cover themselves and then they aren't even careful about what they're putting on the paper. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    I totally understand your frustration.  Good thing you were paying attention and caught that they had wrongly assumed your previous pregnancy was medicated.  Hopefully you have no need to deal with them again this time around.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April Pregnancy

    In Response to Re: April Pregnancy:
    [QUOTE]There was actually a woman in my childbirth class that said she wanted a "natural" delivery with an epi.
    Posted by clc51510[/QUOTE]

    Yes, this is what I meant.  Surprisingly, I've heard lots of women refer to "natural childbirth" wrongly for many reasons, the most popular mistake being that it included an epidural.  A doctor might assume you got one even though you said "natural childbirth" because the stats are on the side of that assumption and many women make that mistake.  But, doctors shouldn't assume nonetheless.

    I guess the moral of the story is that one should probably qualify "natural childbirth" by saying outright that there were no drugs involved.  It's kinda dumb, but necessary, I guess. 
     

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