Breaking the news

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Breaking the news

    I was wondering how everyone decided to tell their family and friends that they were pregnant, and when?

    I am 8.5 weeks pregnant, and we have our first pre-natal appointment at the start of my 10th week.  I had a m/c in December, so we've been real tight-lipped about this pg - only my doctor, dentist, and chiropractor know, other than DH. 

    We will wait to inform non-immediate family until after the first trimester, if we can help it.  We were thinking about telling our moms on Mother's Day, but it will be 4 days before the doctor's visit.  I just want to make sure that all is well before telling people, but DH really wants to break the news on Mother's Day, and says that 4 days isn't that different.  We know our moms will be thrilled, and what a great day to break the news, but I'm still nervous. 

    What are your thoughts?  What did you do?  Even after the first trimester passed, how did you tell your friends?  email? facebook?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from LilSprout. Show LilSprout's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Hmm, Mother's Day would be a great day to break the news...  will anyone else be there who you won't want to hear - just in case?  If it's just your immediate family, then can you swear them to secrecy? 

    We waited until 8 weeks because we needed to ask our parents the questions on the family health history questionnaire that our doctor requested.  Otherwise, I might have waited (out of total awkwardness, to be honest).  We waited until nearly 12 weeks to tell our friends out of convenience - we were hosting a party before Thanksgiving, so it was just easy to blurt it out once and everyone close to us heard.  Once we were out of the closet, we just let the news spread.  We kept everything off of facebook. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod1818. Show capecod1818's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Jennifyr.  First of all congrats.  I am also 8 weeks pregnant.  This is my second pregnancy though so we have told people a little earlier than last time.  For our first we waited until the 1st trimester to tell our friends.  My parent's I told the day I got a positive pregnancy test and we told DH parents a few weeks later on x-mas eve.  I am with your DH on this and think Mother's Day would be so a great time to tell them.  What better gift then to let them know they are going to be grand parents.  Congrats again!

    FYI.  I am not sure what your dr. do for the 1st visit but I just had mine and all my dr. did was check to make sure my uterus was the proper size and my cervix was closed.  Some practices do an u/s but mine doesn't do one until the 12th week.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from hotcinnababy. Show hotcinnababy's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    The timing for us more or less depended on telling my in-laws in person.  They live in Texas, so for baby #1, we told my parents on Easter and the following weekend we were meeting up with hubby's parents in Las Vegas for a family vacation.  We told each set of parents in person.  That was around 9 or 10 weeks I think.  For #2, hubby's parents were in town for Memorial Day weekend, and that is my Dad's birthday.  We had a BBQ at my house and since #2 was due on 12/26, I decided to have Christmas ornaments made.  I think at that point I was around 9 weeks.  I had a very strict rule both times that there was to be no discussing the baby news with anyone until after 14 weeks.  I think it nearly killed my mother-in-law.  I think that if I could have waited longer I would have, but I wanted my husband to be able to share the news with his parents in person like I could. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    My decision regarding who to tell and how early to do it was based on whether I'd be comfortable with them knowing if I were to have a m/c.  If so, I told as soon as we got a BFP (mom, dad, cousin).  If not, I was waiting until after the first trimester (everyone else).

    So, would you be OK with sharing bad news with the people DH wants to tell now?  That's the real question.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    I actually waited until after my second prenatal visit, at 13 weeks, because at that point they could hear the heartbeat with the doppler so it reassured me that there was something alive in there.  I'm now 14 weeks and we've told just immediate family, and one close friend.  (Plus my good friend, who I told around 5 weeks when I thought the pregnancy was failing and needed someone to talk to.) 

    Frankly the reactions to my pregnancy have been weird and bad, and I now wish I'd waited longer.  I don't look pregnant at all, so it's not like I had to say anything yet.  My parents have been basically fine.  But my dad told my niece--who is 3 years old--all about it, which I really didn't want him to do--I think it's way too early and had planned to wait until I had a belly or she could feel the baby kick or something.  My husband's family was all bizarrely shocked and didn't seem all that happy.  And our friend was shocked/horrified and made it clear he thought our lives were basically over now. 

    Also, I have been trying very hard to take this a step at a time, because I'm pretty paranoid about the pregnancy and it's easier for me that way.  Almost everyone we told has kind of jumped ahead to asking about my plans for the birth (in creepy detail), or wanting to know my work plans, or haranguing us about what kind of crib to get, or whatever else.  All of this is six months away, and the focus on it this early is stressing me out a lot. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Kar, we are comfortable sharing news of a m/c with our immediate family (MIL, FIL, SIL, my mom and my brother).  This is who we would likely tell about the pregnancy on Mother's Day.  However, with our last m/c, our parents ended up telling many people that we were not prepared to tell (aunts/uncles, family friends) and I think we are just scared they will do the same this time around. 

    We agreed that if we tell, we will give them strict instructions not to breathe a word of this to anyone.  I hope that after learning how upset we were that they told people of the m/c, they would respect that, but both our moms are notorious blabbermouths, and while we know it would only be out of excitement, I don't trust them not to tell people and brag about how they will be grandma's. 

    And I agree about the in-person thing.  But my mom lives in California, so unless we want to wait until June when we are going out there for a friend's wedding, then it will have to be over the phone with her.  I am hoping to tell other friends and family on the West Coast in person when we are there and that will be about 14 weeks, which is great.  DH's parent's live nearby, so we would definitely do that in person. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    For both pgs, we did something like this. DH and I told our immediate families right away (just parents, and my brother because there are only 3 of us in my family). We told all of DH's siblings after our first appointment where we saw the heartbeat (around 8-9 weeks). We then told extended family and close friends at about 14 weeks with #1 and after the anatomy scan (18 weeks) with #2. Anyone that we wanted to find out more personally, we called before making a post on Facebook. Otherwise, Facebook was the easy way to get the word out. (We have friends and extended family scattered all through Oceania, Europe, and the US.) Unfortunately, I had debilitating m/s both times and I had to let work know quite early (around 8 weeks with both). There were times I felt awful that work people knew before some of our family, but there was no way around it. So, I didn't give in to the guilt.

    There's no right or wrong way to handle it. Just work out with DH when and how much you are BOTH comfortable sharing. Good luck!!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Thistle, I'm so sorry about your experience in telling people.  That's awful that people haven't been supportive!  It sounds like the guy who was shocked/horrified probably doesn't like kids or thinks your friendship will change once you have a child.  Unfortunately, he's taking his own feelings/insecurities out on you, which is so inconsiderate.

    I also think some of my anxiety lies in not really knowing if all is okay.  I "know" I'm pg - i took two tests 5 days and 10 days after AF was supposed to arrive and got BFP's, and my cycles are pretty regular.  The fact that AF hasn't arrived for almost 9 weeks is most definitely a sign.  But other than my sore breasts and some very slight nausea and some tiredness, I don't look or feel pregnant.  Granted, I don't know that you are supposed to have any additional symptoms or signs, but I think after hearing a heartbeat or having an ultrasound I would be more comfortable. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Leila32. Show Leila32's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    We told our immediate family at about 6 weeks...just parents and siblings and asked everyone to keep it to themselves (and definitely off facebook).  My first dr appointment was at 9 weeks, and they didn't do an u/s, they just did bloodwork and checked to make sure my uterus was the right size.  My next appointment is this Wednesday and I am now 12 weeks...they will do an u/s and I will finally get to hear the heartbeat.  I will probably tell friends/extended family and work in the next month or so.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    If the issue is the risk of their telling people, ask yourself if that risk is worth taking for DH's request to be able to share.  It seems that he has his heart set on telling on Mother's Day, and you have to decide if the risk of any other family finding out is high enough or worth enough to you to tell him not to tell now.  Every decision is a risk-benefit analysis.

    Tell now risk - blabbermouths might tell other people earlier than you prefer
    Tell now benefit - DH gets his wish to share your happy news on Mother's Day

    Tell later risk - DH is very disappointed to keep the secret past Mother's Day and it possibly comes between you on Mother's Day
    Tell later benefit - If no one knows early no one can tell
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from itsallnew. Show itsallnew's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Thistle- I'm so sorry to hear that sharing the news has been such a difficult experience for you!!

    Jennifyr- I ended up having an ultrasound around 7.5 weeks where we saw the heartbeat in the little tadpole, and that is when we told my parents and my sister and BIL.  I wanted to tell my parents right away, but I was also hesitant and wanted to see how things progressed the first few weeks. I am (and DH is) very close to my parents and sister/BIL and I knew that they would be the people I'd rely on if something bad happened.  I also started my m/s aroudn that time and just needed my mommy.  (yes, at 30 I think we can still need our moms to make us feel better)  They agreed that they would not tell anyone, and they didn't.  We decided to wait until 12 weeks to tell MIL for a variety of reasons.  Basically, she lives so far away we didn't want her to worry if anything bad did happen and we also weren't sure we could trust her to keep it to herself and we didn't want to take the chance of the word spreading.

    12 weeks is also when I shared with my grandparents and DH and I told close friends.  I'm halfway through my 13th week and we are slowly telling more people.  I'm still managing to keep the secret at work though!

    I think it's a very sweet idea to tell your parents on Mother's Day, if that's what you decide to do.  Good luck with your decision!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Jennifer - we had several m/c's so we waited to tell people for as long as was possible.  Like itsallnew we told my parents and DH's parents after we had an ultrasound where we could see a heartbeat and things were going well (around 8 weeks but we were being monitored by an RE so we had several early u/s's)

    I think like Kar said you have to weigh how comfortable you are telling those people if you were to m/c.  If you decide you are okay with it then I think Mother's Day is a perfect time!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    We waited until after our early screening so it was about 12 weeks. My parents live in FL and my IL's live in RI. In advance, we said to my parents that it would be fun to Skype with them when we were at my IL's house over Labor Day weekend so we could all chat. We went down to my IL's and told them (I forget how we actually worded it) and then went on Skype to tell my parents. My SIL's grandmother was visiting my parents at their house at the time so she ended up finding out at the same time which wasn't the way we had planned, but it worked out fine. We then told our siblings and close friends on the phone over the next week (and told them not to say anything on FB). After everyone important was notified, we did it on FB.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Thanks for sharing and your advice. We talked about it again last night and we are going to tell them on Mother's Day.  Then we ordered flowers to be delivered on Monday (after we officially break the news) with Happy Mother's Day to the new grandma as the card. 

    We will just need to be very explicit about not telling other people until we give them the OK. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ladyboston. Show ladyboston's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    We found out in Febuary ( on Valentines day <3) I was about 9 weeks and I told my mother the next day, as we have a history of m/c and genetic defects in my family I needed some information from her, we also told my partners parents the same day, as they live in Florida and we knew we wouldnt be able to tell them in person. We each only have one brother and SIL so we told them at around 10-11 weeks and told them it was a secret and please no posts on facebook (our #1 rule). I told my Dad on his birthday as a special treat I gave him the u/s pics and a grandpa card, he was so funny.."this says grandpa, not dad?!?" hahas yes dad open the card!!! The rest of my immediate family (aunts, uncles, cousins) I told on Easter, I was about 16.5 weeks.
    As for friends and extended family we told them after my whole immediate family knew we wanted to wait the heartbeat and u/s, and all testings came back positive.
    I still havent told work, I plan on doing that around week 20 (2 more weeks) thats when my dr said first time moms usually "pop" right now i just look a little bloated =)
    I think its whatever you feel comfortable with, and if you trust the people enough to respect your wishes (not telling anyone, not putting on a social network etc) and if you are comfortable enough to talk to them if god forbid you do have a m/c.
    I must say it is a very stressful time, who do you tell, who don't you tell? I do feel better not having to lie to people anymore tho! I was lucky that my early pregnancy fell during lent so I could tell people "I gave up drinking for lent" when I was at various birthday parties and St.Paddys day celebrations.
    Good Luck to all <3

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Thought I'd give you all an update.  We told my mom over the phone on Sunday.  She was super excited!  The due date is a day before her birthday (Dec 7th) so she is already starting to think about flights to come out here for the birth/Christmas. 

    We told DH's parents tonight when we went out to dinner for a belated Mother's Day celebration.  We bought one of those recordable cards and said "Happy Mother's Day Grandma-to-be!"  She opened the card, heard it, and then popped up her head like "what?" and then ran over and gave me a hug.  DH's dad didn't hear what it said and was looking at us like we were nuts.  Then he listened to the card and got excited too.  It was perfect!

    I think my in-laws will be very discreet, but I think my mom will have the hardest time keeping the news to herself.  Part of the problem is that she is across the country, and she doesn't really have anyone out there to share in the excitement with her.  My brother knows, and I told her they could talk about it, but she was like, can't I at least tell so and so?  Well what about this person?  And I kept saying no one, not until we hit the 2nd trimester.  If she ends up telling one of her friends who I never see, that would be okay with me.  I just don't want her telling anyone that I want to tell myself. Plus, I'm still overly cautious until the doctor's appt this week.  Maybe after all checks out okay I will be a little more lenient with who she can talk to :)
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod1818. Show capecod1818's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Jennifry, What a great way to tell them.  I know that I was paranoid with our first and even though I told my mom not to tell anyone she couldn't resist.  We had an x-mas eve party and everyone kept on coming up to me congratulating me.  At that point I was almost at the end of the 1st trimester and it turned out at my U/S I was actually 3 weeks farther along that I had thought. 

    Only a few more weeks away and you will be done with the 1st trimester.  BTW - your due date is 4 days ahead of mine.  I hope you have had a great trimester.  I can't wait for the first u/s.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts

    Re: Breaking the news

    Jennifyr, that sounds like it went great!  Congratulations!  And I bet you've made yourself clear enough that if your mom does share the news with anyone, it'll be someone you don't know (and therefore not as much of a problem).
     

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