February-Pregnancy

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Arcain - I have been in your coworker's shoes but hopefully handled it with more tact. Pregnancy/babies can be a really sensitive topic for a number of reasons and if it is a common subject in your office it might just be too much for her to bear.
    As recently as November, my family was home for my dad's funeral and my sister would not stop harassing me about getting pregnant. Of course she had no idea that I had just had a m/c the week before, but still... so really, you never know why she reacted that way.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    It is hard to know what someone else is thinking or feeling - if they do not like you, don't want to have kids, can not have kids or what other reason motivated her to say that. It is not pleasant when it seems like someone you see regularly (even if just at work) says something that implies she finds pregnancy/labor/kids offensive or gross. It may not be the gross factor so much as fear of unknown (life is a miracle, but a messy miracle, and some women really can not imagine themselves dealing with pregnancy or labor). Or it could be jealousy if she does not like you and thinks you are getting a lot of attention from your boss and other folks in the office for being pregnant.  If it happens again, maybe you can ask her "What is so difficult? That way I understand where you are coming from and we can find common topics to change to whenever we forget and stray onto topics you do not like."

    I do recall in my first pregnancy, bawling in tears at work at what I thought was a personal attack on my by a manager on an email thread - looking back, I don't know if he intended it that way or not (it was during the period of time when my old manager and this manager did not get along at all), but I also know that with my hormones raging, I could not shake it off like I would have (my group is quite visible and so we are caught in escalations a lot).  

    I am dreading some other incident like that during this pregnancy, as I seem so much more prone to tears during pregnancy, and we just moved cubes such that I am now just a few cubes from my manager's boss. 

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Thanks, all.

    Fakin and Cici - Definitely. I would normally wonder if she were TTC, but she has previously volunteered, without being asked anything, the info that she and her DH aren't anywhere near ready for kids and that she doesn't really like them. It's also part of a pattern of some weird social behavior that generally comes off as insensitive to what's going on in other people's lives.

    Regardless, I know it can be a touchy topic, so I think I should take Clc's advice and also remind myself it's not personal. Easier said than done, since, at this point, I take EVERYTHING personally. Hormones, I will not miss you!

    Cici - I know it was a few months ago, but sorry about your dad. That must have been such a hard time for you!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Cici - My ERA was covered and I was only 29.  I think I called my insurance (Harvard Pilgrim) first to make sure.

    I second whoever pointed out that HP doesn't pay for breast pumps.  Although, it really depends on your employer, so always worth checking.

    I never really thought about it, but I guess DD's movement in utero kind of lines up with how she behaved after birth!  If she moved much overnight, I didn't feel it and she started sleeping 6-7 hours at night pretty early (7 weeks). 

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Congrats to everyone recently and luv with a great u/s.

    AFM - I am 25 weeks today.  Can't believe it really!  She is a mover and a shaker just like my DD was.  Reality is setting in.  We are going to move DD's bedroom probably this weekend.   So not sure how we are going to handle two but I am getting excited to meet this little one!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Thanks everyone for the input on the ERA. I know when I had an u/s in Nov I didn't have to pay anything which was really unusual for my insurance. It sounds like anything pregnancy related is covered but of course I'm sure there are some exceptions that they don't mention.

    Arcain - thanks for your thoughts. I reread my post and it sounded kind of rude. I guess what I meant to say is that I can totally relate to being uncomfortable in that type of situation. It can be difficult being the only childless one in a group of people - you pretty much always feel left out. Similar to if all your friends got married before you and kept asking when your bf was going to propose. It sounds like you had an innocent enough conversation and her reaction was totally uncalled for, so I think it's perfectly normal to feel slighted. In any case, I hope I did not offend you with my comment! I totally hear you on the horomones though. The other night we were watching that stupid show Wipe-Out and I started crying because someone hurt themselves. Seriously that is not normal!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Acrain, I am sorry you had to deal with that comment. I have a friend (a very good friend) who has literally been ignoring me since the day I told her I was pregnant. I'm not quite sure why. She is 29, married and I have always shared in her joy when something significant was happening. But, for some reason, she just doesn't want to be around me right now. Maybe she is TTC and having a hard time, but I can't imagine that be it. The topic of babies had never come up with her before. I dunno....what can ya do?
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    People definitely react very differently to pregnancy discussions. One of my best college friends, who was in my wedding, and still part of my circle of college friends has never even acknowledged that my daughter exists.  DD is 15 months old!  She lives about 500 miles away, so it's not that I expect her to visit, but she will respond to every other part of an email, or will comment on non-DD related facebook posts, but has never made any mention of DD.  It's kind of weird, to me. 

    She had a miscarriage a while back, and has had some health problems, but had always said she didn't want kids.  Not sure if that's really how it is, or if it's her way of dealing with not being able to have kids. 

    Everyone deals with a situation in his or her own way, I guess, and we can never know what's going on in someone else's head!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    arcain- the way you described it, I wouldn't take it personally. It seems like several people were talking about babies- maybe she just had nothing to offer. I do agree it wasn't worded in the best way, but perhaps that is why you don't really like her :) does she do that about other things as well?

    luck- good luck with the room switch... ours is planned for april. let me know how it goes!

    poppy- glad to hear you are planning a move- that is exciting!! I didn't know there were definite plans to move out.

    AFM, just came back from the early screening ultrasound- at 11 weeks- which looked good. I know it isn't the be all and end all, and we obviously don't have the blood work back yet, but I feel so much better. Something about being older has really bothered me this time around (probably being "high risk").  And the fact that people keep asking if I am pregnant makes it so hard!!! we are telling DH's parents this weekend.... but I have wanted to hold off until we knew it was healthy.

    oh, and the best part about being high risk is 3D ultrasound. it is really the most amazing thing.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Another perspective: I used to be SO terrified of pregnancy and childbirth when I was in my 20's.  When people talked about it, I would get sweaty and queasy and sometimes start to have a panic attack.  I would have to either change the subject or leave the room.
    I know that sounds ridiculous to a lot of people, but it was very real to me and it's really hard to deal with, socially, because you're trying to be tactful but you're also trying not to freak out.  It's certainly NOT that I thought a pregnant person was gross in any way; I knew full well that it was my own discomfort.

    Anyway, obviously no one should be rude to you for any reason!  But if something is just a bit borderline or socially awkward, that's another possible reason.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Even when they are your closest friends if someone does not have kids, they don't really get it and often find the topic boring.  I have a friend who was selective in what gatherings she attended after we all got married.  She was single with no prospects at the time and weddings/being married was ALL some of my friends would talk about up to and including "Let's have a party where we all wear our wedding dresses".  Man was she mad, hurt and offended.

    Now that we all have kids (in our group of friends there are 10 kids 3 and under), when that friend (who is still single) is around I try to make sure that the whole conversation isn't dominated by baby talk.  I like to give advice and talk up my kids as much as the next person but I can understand how it could be boring/sad/scary if you have no knowledge on the topic. 

    Of course, I like to tell people that when I was pregnant with DD1, I kept waiting for the alien to jump out of my belly ala Aliens. That comment makes lots of people squirm.  :-)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Arcain, try not to take her immaturity, ignorance, and rudeness personally.  Age just happens autmatically as years add up.  Maturity, on the other hand, doesn't just happen and sometimes people get stuck with whatever they had of it as a teenager indefinitely.  Their rude, immature comments are no reflection on those around them, and they should be pitied for being emotional teens in adult-aged bodies.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerbride09. Show summerbride09's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Arcain, I wouldn't take it personal either. Like others have said, it could just be a lack of interest or maybe something personal she's dealing with, like TTC also or jealousy, etc. But if it were me I would just let it go...easier said than done, I know.

    We just got back from our "growth scan". Basically it was like the level II anatomy scan, but not quite as intensive. Baby looks perfect, and they even checked her heart again, and no sign of a VSD. And she is definitely a she :) The tech tried to get some 3D shots, but her hand was up in front of her face the whole time. We did get some great print outs though, including one of her sucking her thumb :)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    summer- that is awesome. what a relief!!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Summer - That is great news!  Congrats!

    Luv - That is so weird!! 
    I thought it was weird that one of my co-worker's never acknowledged the fact that I was pregnant and/or that I now have a child.  When I brought DD in during maternity leave, she literally walked by me in the aisle and didn't make eye contact.  I can't imagine if it was a friend, but I do realize that different relationships are different and we talk about some things with certain friends and not others.

    Have a good weekend!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tangerine5. Show Tangerine5's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    I agree with everybody else - definitely not an attack on you. Sounds like she has some odd/antisocial tendencies, and probably reached her limit with the baby talk and sort of snapped. Definitely immature. I do have to admit, though, that DH and I STILL sometimes get annoyed when all our friends talk about is baby stuff...and we have one on the way! It sounds awful, but sometimes it is just plain boring, when we're the only ones at dinner without a kid yet. And it's one thing to discuss Junior's sleep pattern/eating habits/diaper changes/etc to death, and another to constantly tell us a.) how to do everything, or b.) how much our lives are going to change/s&ck once the baby arrives. If I hear one more time "get ready for a 7pm bedtime! Enjoy your freedom now!", I might snap myself. It may be completely true, but DH and I have vowed not to tell future pregnant couples how tired they'll be, how they'll never travel or have fun again, etc etc. It drives us nuts.

    Okay, rant over!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Everyone has really good points here. Maybe it's immaturity, maybe it's something I don't know about this woman, but I think it comes down to people have very different levels of tolerance for baby talk. Medford -- maybe she really does feel like you did! In any case, considering how many people at my office have kids and talk a lot about them, I probably don't realize how much it dominates conversation, either.

    Cici -- Oh no, your post wasn't offensive in any way whatsoever! You had a really good point about how you really never know what someone is going through. I was just thinking of how hard it must have been to deal with those questions right after you had a m/c and while you were grieving. I just meant I was going to take Clc's advice to chalk it up to it being her issue, not mine, and move on :-).
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Even people with a low tolerance for baby talk (for any reason even having a hard time TTC) should have the social graces to ssuck it up and listen quietly, or, if need be, graciously excuse themselves.  I feel sorry for her, really, because if that behavior is OK to her she'll have real social problems soon enough if she doesn't already.  Who knows what else she doesn't know to keep her mouth shut about, and she's going to learn the hard way someday.  That's the sad part about anyone who gets too old before learning these things; they always learn the hard way.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Arcain, I think you might be being a bit overly sensitive, which is understandable w/ pg hormones.  Some people just don't like to discuss bodily functions of any kind and get really really uncomfortable w/ personal topics. I think you'd have a right to feel offended if she said it was 'gross' like another person's family member told her, but she just asked to please stop, and said 'yes it is' in response to the statement of 'it's not so bad'.  If this happened at a group lunch at work, she can't really excuse herself w/o calling attention to herself.  Even if the lunch is not mandatory [and let's face it, if you have a group lunch w/ your boss on a regular basis at work, even when it's not 'mandatory' it really is], she is going to look weird getting up and excusing herself. I did that once at a lunch w/ guys who were talking about really gross stuff - I left b/c they were just taking too long at lunch.  I also happened to be very uncomfortable w/ what they were talking about, but that wasn't why I left.  I had people coming by my office to ask if I'd be offended b/c they were sorry, etc.  So, you really can't just walk away sometimes.  I really don't think she was out of line, or that she was trying to be rude to you. She may have been, but it doesn't sound like it.  GL.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    I think she was totally rude.  Like if you were out to dinner and ordered liver and someone at the table said, "Ew, gross!" 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Oh my God, now I want liver.  thanks.  :)
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    I think people might be confusing what she said w/ another poster who said a family member said pg was gross.  Arcain said she laughingly but firmly said 'can we please talk about something else' and said "yes it is" and then changed the subject in response to a laughing reply of 'it's not that bad'.  I realize it's not the Bible of good conduct, but there is an etiquette section in Real Simple magazine [which I get b/c I am totally anal retentive and like to organize things ;-)], where someone recently wrote in about uncomfortable subjects and how to politely change the subject. This was the exact advice given.  I think this is a totally appropriate way to change the subject.  It is entrely possible that the woman was just being a giant B, but it honestly doesn't sound like it is to me.  Reasonable minds can differ, but I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

    Now, I've been pg and obviously have been TTC for quite some time.  I find toilet humor hilarious, much to DH's consternation.  I sometimes find pg and birth stories uncomfortable, so I can only imagine how someone who is not TTC or doesn't want to would feel.  There is no excuse for being rude to a pg lady [or anyone else] at work, but, to me anyway, it doesn't sound like this was the case.  Hopefully it won't happen again in the future. 

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Arcain. Show Arcain's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Wow, didn't realize this would generate so much discussion! ALF, I do think it may have been a poorly executed attempt to change the subject politely. Having been present in the moment, it felt rude, but it wasn't in direct response to something said about MY pregnancy. If it had been (i.e. the "gross" comment Poppy's FIL made about the baby kicking), I would have been far more upset. It's funny, working in a place where so many people are into talking about this stuff, I alternate between being grateful to have an easy outlet to discuss what's obviously prominent in my mind and appreciating the contingent that ISN'T interested drawing me into other topics. I'm a bit obsessive so sometimes I need reminding of how much other interesting stuff there is in the world.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Arcain, I'm a bit excessive too, so I probably would have had it on my mind too. BTW, your cat is adorable. :-)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: February-Pregnancy

    Hi ladies, happy February!

    I've been slow to post but DH and I welcomed our baby boy (that was a surprise- had been thinking girl all along!) on January 19th. He was 7 lbs, 5 oz. I had a scheduled c-section so no dramatic labor story to report but the whole experience was just wonderful and little Jack is healthy and happy.  We loved the staff at Newton Wellesley, they couldn't have been nicer and took great care of us. 

    We're struggling a bit now with the b-feeding so I've looked back at the Dec thread discussion on exclusively pumping and that was helpful. Hopefully we can work out his latching issues. One lactation consultant thought Jack might be tongue tied but the idea of snipping anything in his little mouth worries me so I don't think we'll go that route. Would love to hear what others have done in this situation.

    Ok, back to staring at the little man and the many faces he makes while sleeping...

     
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