MissLily--Are you there?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    MissLily--Are you there?

    Hi Miss Lily,

    I started back to work last week and I've been wondering how you're doing with your little ones.  It seems like a long time since I've seen you on the boards.  How old are they now?  Are you getting any sleep?  How is the pumping going? 

    Anyway, just wondering about my fellow MOT and hoping that you're doing well.  Give us an update when you have a moment!


     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    I've been thinking of MissLily, too. I hope she's doing well. Daisy, how's it going being back at work?
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from onecoolchick. Show onecoolchick's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    I hope all is well Misslily.  I hope you check in and give us and update. 

    Daisy - How is it going back to work?  I hope all is well with you.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    Here I am!  Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  It seems I barely have enough time to check email, much less check in with you ladies on the BDC boards! :)
    My two kittens continue to thrive.  They are nine weeks old now and both weight about 11 1/2 lbs! We still feed every three hours during the day, but we're working on 4 hour stretches at night.  They did a 5 hour stretch two nights in a row over the weekend - but then one baby had a feeding cluster and woke up every 2 1/2 hours one night.  But we were back on track with 10:00pm 2:00am and 6:00am last night.  I find that doable - although I can't wait until they sleep 10-6. :)
    We've moved on from pumping - I did 7 weeks and decided to stop.  It was like feeding a third child!  I decided my time was better spent cuddling my kids, or cuddling my DH.  I never was able to pump more than about 16 oz a day  - so they used to get 8 oz each every day and formula for the rest of their bottles.  It's 7 more weeks than my mom did for me and I seem to be a happy healthy 40 something.
    DH and I have decided I'm not going back to work. All the day care options are so expensive - and I'm ready to stay home and just be a wife and mother.  I'm actually really excited about it.  Don't miss my office one bit.
    Hope all is well with everyone on the boards - I'm excited for the newbies like RHM and OCC who finally migrated over from the TTC page. :)
    So - Daisy - how are your twins doing?  do they go to daycare or does someone come to your house?  How are you doing - do you miss them during the day, or are you happy to be doing something besides feeding and changing diapers? Are you still pumping too?  Or have you given up like me?  My biggest regret about not being able to nurse them is having to wash 16 bottles every day!


     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    In Response to Re: MissLily--Are you there?:
    [QUOTE]Here I am!  Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  It seems I barely have enough time to check email, much less check in with you ladies on the BDC boards! :) My two kittens continue to thrive.  They are nine weeks old now and both weight about 11 1/2 lbs! We still feed every three hours during the day, but we're working on 4 hour stretches at night.  They did a 5 hour stretch two nights in a row over the weekend - but then one baby had a feeding cluster and woke up every 2 1/2 hours one night.  But we were back on track with 10:00pm 2:00am and 6:00am last night.  I find that doable - although I can't wait until they sleep 10-6. :) We've moved on from pumping - I did 7 weeks and decided to stop.  It was like feeding a third child!  I decided my time was better spent cuddling my kids, or cuddling my DH.  I never was able to pump more than about 16 oz a day  - so they used to get 8 oz each every day and formula for the rest of their bottles.  It's 7 more weeks than my mom did for me and I seem to be a happy healthy 40 something. DH and I have decided I'm not going back to work. All the day care options are so expensive - and I'm ready to stay home and just be a wife and mother.  I'm actually really excited about it.  Don't miss my office one bit. Hope all is well with everyone on the boards - I'm excited for the newbies like RHM and OCC who finally migrated over from the TTC page. :) So - Daisy - how are your twins doing?  do they go to daycare or does someone come to your house?  How are you doing - do you miss them during the day, or are you happy to be doing something besides feeding and changing diapers? Are you still pumping too?  Or have you given up like me?  My biggest regret about not being able to nurse them is having to wash 16 bottles every day!
    Posted by misslily[/QUOTE]

    I'm so glad to hear that things are going well with you and your family.  That's awesome that the babies are growing so well!  With the eating/sleeping schedule, I found that at 12 weeks everything changed for the better almost overnight.  For one, they started falling asleep much earlier and waking up less.  At 16 weeks, they are ready for sleep at 6:30 or 7 and usually sleep through until 3 or 4 am with the occasional sleeping all the way through until 5.  Of course, there are still nights when they wake up 2 or 3 times--each--and those nights are difficult, but they're getting fewer and farther between.  So...I promise you it will start getting better SOON.  I highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth for understanding babies' sleep needs and sleep patterns.  This book doesn't really advocate any particular methods (i.e. Ferber) for getting babies to sleep but mostly covers the physiology of sleep in babies and how to solve common sleep problems.

    Good for you for making it to 7 weeks with pumping.  It is TOTALLY like feeding a 3rd child...I actually refer to the pump as my 3rd child quite often.  My mother never nursed me or my siblings either.  I don't think she ever even considered it--and we're all happy and healthy adults.  It's so important that you do what is best for your mental health/physical health and there is nothing wrong with formula.  I am still pumping.  I did have some supply issues a while back and found an herbal supplement (recommended by a lactation consultant) that really gave me a boost.  Now, I just take it if I haven't been consistent with my pumping schedule for a couple of days and am worried about a drop in my supply.  I am also very fortunate to work in a hospital that not only has several "nursing mothers' lounges" but also has hospital-grade pumps in those rooms along with sinks and refrigerators.  I think if I had to carry a pump back and forth and pump in a bathroom or another undesirable place, I would've stopped when I returned to work.  I also realized early on that whether I pumped every 3 hours or every 5 hours, at the end of the day, I had collected the same amount of milk, so going from pumping 8 times a day to 5 really made a difference.  I've also stopped waking up to pump in the middle of the night.  At this point, the kids get one formula bottle a day, but if I have a bad day and can't pump enough, they get more and I don't feel badly about it.

    I am SO JEALOUS that you're not going back to work.  If we could swing it financially, I'd stay home in a heartbeat.  I'm "only" working 4 days for now, though.  My mother is actually taking care of our little cherubs (we're paying her a significantly discounted rate), so leaving them with her isn't terrible because I know they're getting excellent care from someone who loves them to pieces.  Being back at work isn't bad, and leaving the kids with my mother makes leaving them in the mornings alot easier, but I do miss them ALOT during the day and I have a constant nagging internal monologue about possibly missing their milestones.  The part that's VERY difficult is that DH and I leave together at 6:30 in the morning for work and we often don't get home until after 5.  Commuting s u c k s and takes up WAY to much time.  And as I mentioned before, the kids usually go to bed around 6:30 pm--not because we want them to, but because they simply fall asleep then.  The fact that I only get about an hour of time with them a day is KILLING me, and that runs through my head all day too:  "you only have an hour with them a day."  Thinking about it makes me want to cry.  So...DH and I have talked about it, and I will probably start looking for a job closer to home towards the end of the year. 

    I'm so glad to hear from you and hear that things are going well.  I know it's unbearably hard some days--when they tag team you with wanting to eat and are just fussy all day and won't even think about napping and then one of them has an "exploding diaper" in the midst of the other having a meltdown--but when one of them smiles at you, it makes up for everything. 

    FYI the mother of twins group I belong to is having their fall tag sale on the 26th at Winchester High School if you're in need of anything (clothes, strollers, toys, etc.). 

    Keep us posted on how you're doing, we miss hearing from you!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    Sounds  like things are going really well Daisy.
    I'm really looking forward to the 12 week mark - I think they will probably be able to give up the 2am bottle by then - or get close anyway.  We have had a couple of nights when they've gone from the 10pm feeding to 3:30am - 5 1/2 hours between feedings - so I think in another few weeks they'll be ready to push from 10-5 or 6.
    I am very lucky to stay home.  DH and I saved as much as we could while we were busy trying.  I also agreed that if we have to, we'll move if DH gets a job offer somewhere else.  He's a college professor, so if he gets an offer to teach at a good university where the cost of living is cheaper, we'll pack up at go.  I'll be sad to leave the Boston area, but it's worth it to me if it means I can stay home.  I figure our little family will be happy no matter where we live.
    I know what you mean by being tagged teamed!  The other day they were both crying so I ended up putting them each in a bouncy chair and rocking them.  It's basically impossible to hold both at once.  It seemed to work, but those events always make me feel a little guilty that I have to divide my energy between the two.  I envy mom's of singletons sometimes - although I wouldn't change a thing about having the twins.  I'm too old to have anymore children so I'm THRILLED that I got my boy/girl familly in one fell swoop!
    They're starting to smile a lot now - and it melts my heart everytime!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    Daisy,
    Try (and I know it's hard), but try not to think about missing milestones.  Becuase no child actually stands up and walks without doing the tiny things beforehand, so you'll see the first time they sit up, the first time they crawl (however they do it), the first step, the first time they cruise, when they clap for the first time, etc.  And you'll see these firsts at a different time from your husband, but each will be a 'first' for each of you.  So your mother might see a clap for her first time, but you'll have either seen it the day before or when you see it later it'll be a first for you.

    As a director of a childcare center, our teachers strive to balance the need for us to celebrate and applaud a baby's 'firsts' without taking them over from a parent.  So, honestly, if a child takes one step on a thursday or Friday we won't say anything, knowing the child will take more steps over the weekend for mom and dad.  BUT you can't act like you didn't see anything, or the parents would think we weren't watching the babies! Surprised

    So, again, we view ourselves as partners with the parents - in the same way, I hope you can view yourself as a partner with your mother on caring for the babies, so if she tells you about a 'first' they did during the day you can take it as a celebration not a 'oneupmanship' thing.  And, perhaps, your mother won't tell you all the firsts she sees (wish I could tell her that... it does make a difference, I think!)

    Just remember, if you came home and your husband said in an excited voice 'he just clapped his hands', you'd be thrilled and look for it again, not feel 'oh, wow, bummer I didn't get to see the very first hand clap ever!' - right?

    The babies will be staying up later, too, which will make a difference, but good for you looking for a job closer to home.  Do you own your home or rent? Could you move closer to work as another option (if you don't own your home)?
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    In Response to Re: MissLily--Are you there?:
    [QUOTE]Daisy, Try (and I know it's hard), but try not to think about missing milestones.  Becuase no child actually stands up and walks without doing the tiny things beforehand, so you'll see the first time they sit up, the first time they crawl (however they do it), the first step, the first time they cruise, when they clap for the first time, etc.  And you'll see these firsts at a different time from your husband, but each will be a 'first' for each of you.  So your mother might see a clap for her first time, but you'll have either seen it the day before or when you see it later it'll be a first for you. As a director of a childcare center, our teachers strive to balance the need for us to celebrate and applaud a baby's 'firsts' without taking them over from a parent.  So, honestly, if a child takes one step on a thursday or Friday we won't say anything, knowing the child will take more steps over the weekend for mom and dad.  BUT you can't act like you didn't see anything, or the parents would think we weren't watching the babies! So, again, we view ourselves as partners with the parents - in the same way, I hope you can view yourself as a partner with your mother on caring for the babies, so if she tells you about a 'first' they did during the day you can take it as a celebration not a 'oneupmanship' thing.  And, perhaps, your mother won't tell you all the firsts she sees (wish I could tell her that... it does make a difference, I think!) Just remember, if you came home and your husband said in an excited voice 'he just clapped his hands', you'd be thrilled and look for it again, not feel 'oh, wow, bummer I didn't get to see the very first hand clap ever!' - right? The babies will be staying up later, too, which will make a difference, but good for you looking for a job closer to home.  Do you own your home or rent? Could you move closer to work as another option (if you don't own your home)?
    Posted by CT.DC[/QUOTE]

    Hi CT.DC,

    I do appreciate your words of wisdom, but I think I'm just not there yet.  I hope that I will be--sooner rather than later--but for now I'm just trying to work through these feelings and trying to come to terms with the reality of what it means to be a mother who works outside of the home. 

    I gotta say, if I went out to the store or something and came home and my husband told me that one of the kids did something for the first time, even though I'd be excited and happy that he got to see it and I'd watch for the next time, I'd still be sad that I had missed it.

    I have heard SO MANY mothers talk about being partners in the care of their children with a nanny or daycare provider and every time I hear it, my heart just breaks.  I want to be THE expert when it comes to my children (ok, maybe it's ok if DH is an expert in our children too, lol).  I don't want to have someone else tell me about my children.  I know how neurotic and controlling this all sounds...but I always feel SO SAD when a parent talks about their children's nanny showing them how to do things or teaching them what their child likes.  In my gut, it just feels so backwards, and I hate that I may be in that situation eventually too.  Believe it or not, I'm not a control freak normally.  I think that I'm just very unenthusiastically battling the biological drive to be with my children.  I don't want to miss a minute of their lives.  I know that's unrealistic and unreasonable, but it's really hard for me to only see them for an hour a day four days a week and I think it's just causing all of these feelings to be magnified.  Before going back to work, I had no problem leaving them for a few hours with DH or my mother to go out and do errands or get a haircut or go to the movies, etc.  Now, the mere suggestion of being away from them while they're awake would be met with an emphatic "NO!"

    We own a home that we bought back in March, so moving is not an option, and I really love our house and neighborhood, so I wouldn't want to move anyway.  I've been feeling for a while--since before I got pregnant--that it's time to move on from my current job, so the lack of time with the babies is the final straw.  I'm generally happy with my job, but it's been time to move on for a while, so I'll wait a couple of months until my annual review and raise and I'll start looking after that.  I really hope that I'm able to find a better balance between work and home in the not too distant future!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    Daisy, is it an option for you and your mother to shift their schedules by an hour and a half or so, so you put the babies down for the night at a later time, and they sleep later in the morning?  For a while to have even 2 1/2 of their waking hours on your 4 workdays would seem a major improvement.  So you put them in their seats sound asleep and transport them  in the am, or have a shift in nap times so they wake an hour before you are due home and are up  later.   An hour really must seem too little.
      The time schedule of the rest of the world does not matter at all to them, won't for a couple of years.
         Lots of couples do it, particularly people who don't get home until 7-9 pm.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: MissLily--Are you there?

    Yes, do what whatawag suggested - slowly you can shift their bedtime by putting them down a little later (by 15 minutes) for their last nap, they'll sleep later, so go to bed later....  after a week or so, push it another 15 or 30 minutes until you get them to stay up until 8;30 or 9:00pm.  We have 6 month old twins who are awake until 8 or 8:30pm at our center, it's doable!  Just don't push it too fast or you'll have really overtired babies who can't fall asleep - ugh. 

    I too cringe when I hear parents talking about how their nanny or child's teacher, or whatever, knows more about their child than they do, or can get them to do something that they can't. But for some parents, remember, thinking/believing this is how they get comfortable with the concept of having childcare.

    Just as you'll ask your friends with babies for advice about sleeping, nursing, tantrums, potty training, how to keep one from bopping the other over the head ALL the TIME, etc. - you could ask a childcare provider, be that nanny, family childcare provider, or teacher. But you may also ask relatives like mother, sister, aunt, mother-in-law....

    I couldn't have my mother care for my children because I wouldn't want the relationship of caregiver/grandmother combined and therefore skewed, and I'd hate to take advice from her, but that's me, others obviously think that's out of whack!

    But I do hear you, believe me, many parents feel as conflicted as you do - not every mother is swinging their briefcase and whistling heigh-ho, heigh-ho it's off to work I go!  Laughing

    (I'm one of those who is NOT whistling that as I drag my sorry but* out of bed at 5:30am - but it's not the children, it's the HR nightmares that nearly kill me daily!)
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share