October 2013 Pregnancy

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    October 2013 Pregnancy

    We've been slacking on starting this October thread, so here it is. 

    IPW, didn't want your rant to get lost though--that's absolutely unbelievable what your mom thinks is okay to say to you. You are not fat; you are pregnant and in your third trimester. Is there anything you can say to shut down your mom's rudeness? Does she just do this? Body snarking like this just makes my blood boil. I'm in a business networking group, and one day a guy there--and just to be clear, at a business meeting--came up to me, cackled, and said, "Oh I saw you from across the room and thought, 'Hey, WPP got fat!' Then I remembered you're pregnant! HAHAHA!" So I stared him down and said, "That's something to put on your list of Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman. Or anyone ever." 

    You're making a tiny human so everyone else can GTFO. Sorry you're still feeling uncomfortable too. I hope these next 7-ish weeks go by fast for you. 

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    I posted this in September but really it's more appropriate here. We couldn't go through with the termination. There are just too many unknowns as to how it could/will present from person to person. Baby Girl will be here in March.


    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    May the odds be in your DD's favor, Northern, and may you find peace in your decision.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Northern - i am proud of you and your husband's decision that you made together, best of luck with your baby girl!!

    I found out today I am having a boy! DH is pretty pumped, but now we do need to find a name we don't hate - we keep vetoing each other! 

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Northern, will keep my thoughts with you and hope you can enjoy your pregnancy as you make your way to an exciting March!  I know you don't want to give too many details, but will you know the extent of this illness at birth, or does it present a bit later in life?  I know you have said you and your mom are more fortunate...so I'm really hoping she follows in this path!

    Congrats on the boy Beagles!!  So much fun knowing in advance. 

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Northern - Congratulations on your decision! I'm in absolute awe of your strength. I'm sure your little girl will be a fighter like her mama. Now go out and buy a bunch of pink ruffly stuff!

    Beagles - Congrats on the baby boy! We had the same troubles naming our son. Good luck!

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Hi IPW-we won't know anything until later in life. Some of the issues may be learning disablities, which 80% have but they are all managable stuff. I didn't have any issues although I did learn the other day that my small issues with spatial things like maps (i can't make maps in my head of an area to save my life) are part of it. So, now I have an excuse with my husband when we go places ;-).



    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Pregnancy lurker, but wanted to chime in to wish blessings upon your baby girl and your family Northern. 

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Congrats on the boy, beagles! Northern, you and your DH have been so strong through this ordeal. I hope you're baby girl willbe happy and healthy!

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Northern - you have been in my thoughts.  You are brave either way.  I hope that you are feeling peaceful and that now that all the agony of testing and waiting and deciding is past, you'll be able to enjoy the rest of the ride the way you deserve to.

    Jennifyr - not sure if you are still reading, but I saw your post in September and wanted to say that I am so sorry.

    IPW - I also saw your post in September and what happened to you is Not Okay.  I feel really sad and angry on your behalf and I hope you don't have to endure a lot of that.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Thanks guys. Now my only worry is affording daycare. I knew it wouldn't be cheap, I mean you are taking care of my kid for me while I am at work I should pay you pretty decently, but yowzer!



    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Yes, Northern... daycare is ridiculous.  We're going to be paying the equivalent of some college tuitions next year with a preschooler and an infant!  But like you said, you want it to be the best care possible for the love(s) of your life.  I know this is no where the same, but my husband has pretty advanced dyslexia, and really struggled in school, was told he wasn't college material, etc.  Turns out he was really good in math, so he focused on that, and now really excels in his career (which required a master degree and passing about 13 licensing exams).  He struggles reading stories to DS, but has had some of his projects featured in magazines!  I'm incredibly proud of him.  I'm very hopeful your daughter won't have any troubles as she grows, and will take after you... but even with, there are ways to create wonderful, happy lives with a variety of disabilities!  But for now, focus on the fact that you will have a beautiful baby girl in a few months!!  You must be close to your 20 week ultrasound... which checks measurements and heart and all that other good stuff.  Hopefully that will give you great results and you can consider another hurdle under your belt!

    Jen, wanted to extend my sympathies to you as well.  You have such a healthy attitude and I can only believe that your peace with the situation will bring you great news again very soon!

    Medford, thanks for the concern.  My mom is really a unique type of person.  She is the furthest from maternal that I think anyone could be.  Always wanted to be a grandmother, and now it is more just a "resume builder," if that makes sense.  I think her family just has issues, as her brother is the same exact way with his two young grandkids.  I have learned to just take with a grain of salt, I allow myself frustration and then just move on.  I don't have plans to see her again for my remaining 6 weeks, and she is traveling when I'll be delivering (I mean, why would you be in the State when your only child is delivering her 2nd baby via major surgery!).  Anyways... no pity for me.  I have amazing, amazing in-laws (in-law parents and in-law sisters) who have literally made me one of their own.  My bio father, while drives me insane, would lay down on train tracks for my son and me... so I have a lot more than many and am grateful for that every day.  I guess I just needed to vent the other day... but I'm way over it :-)

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Since I don't know many people around me who put there kids in daycare, I asked a friend who has worked at a bunch of centers in the area just to get started somewhere. I know we have to go check them out ourselves, but I atleast wanted some recomendations of where to start so I have that. And yes, my 18 week scan is next week-DH will be coming with me to that one.

    Also, I wanted to say I am so sorry your mom was saying those things to you but I am so glad you have amazingly wonderful in-laws and your dad.



    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALS76. Show ALS76's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy


    Another lurker here. 

    Just wanted to tell Jennifyr that I'm so sorry as well.  Losing a pregnancy is always difficult and I hope that you give yourself time to grieve and are blessed with another healthy, sticky pregnancy in the near future. 

    Northern - I admire your courage and wish you nothing but the best in these next few months of your pregnancy.  Your beautiful baby girl will be here soon!  And I know about daycare.  $$ is quite a shocker.  Next month I will have two kids in daycare (preschool and infant) and I'm still wondering how we are going to afford it.

    IPW - Sorry to hear that happened to you, especially from family members.  I am petite as well (5'2") and will admit I was huge with both of my pregnancies.  I would get all kinds of comments as well - from people I knew as well as strangers.  Like people in the elevator in my office building that felt the need to comment on the size of the sandwich I was bringing back for lunch ("wow - you really are eating for two"... and rude stuff like that).  And my father-in-law who called me a giant grape when I had to wear a purple bridesmaid dress 6 days before I delivered DD2.  Thanks - like I wasn't self-conscious enough.  I guess my point is that people seem to feel like making comments to pregnant people gives them the freedom to say things you would never say to someone otherwise.  Shocking at first, but I guess I learned to just roll my eyes and try to forget about it.  I'm sure you look radiant and fabulous and you can vent here to us anytime!

     

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    IPW, you have such a good attitude.  :)  Good luck these next few weeks (in case I'm not doing as much lurking!)

    Northern, the $$ is crazy.  Home-based daycares are often less expensive.  I had no idea how to research those, but I've since found out that the local parents list is a good place.  Not sure where you are, but one example is Somerville Moms.  People are always posting on there when an opening comes up at a "family" daycare, and you can post asking the list for feedback on options you're considering.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Lurking again... 

    Northern - I wish you and your DH the best through the rest of this process.  I can't imagine what strength you both need to make that decision.  I hope you end up with a happy and healthy baby girl in a few months.  As for daycare, I started by creating a list of state licensed daycares in my area through this website:  http://www.eec.state.ma.us/ChildCareSearch/searchEarlyEdu.aspx

    It at least gave me something to work off of and then I started doing more research and scheduling visits.  I also created a spreadsheet to track it all (I'm a nerd, I know) and the first thing I did was call each one and see what their situation was on openings, no need to research a place that's full.  Best of luck!!

    Jenn - sorry for your loss, I wish you the best as you continue on your TTC journey.

     

    Good luck to the rest of the ladies!  Hoping and praying that I join you all here soon.  For now I'll continue lurking!

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    clc-that's where I started too just to get an idea of rates. Then I had a panic attack lol. But seriously, it's a good website that gave me a ton of results.



    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Hey, so I had my baby!  I was induced Saturday and he was born early Sunday morning.  8 pounds and 1 ounce.  Things went less than well--his heart rate kept tanking when I tried to push, and that meant that a) I had to get an epidural after I had already started pushing, because they wanted me to stop pushing to let the baby recover for a while and I couldn't do it without the epidural, and then b) once I started pushing again we had to get the baby out right away and so delivery ended up being vacuum assisted.  So much for my natural childbirth!  The whole thing was pretty stressful.  But, he made it out in one piece and I'm fine.  We had to spend an extra day in the hospital because he had jaundice and had to spend a day under special lights, which again was really stressful, especially with my daughter at home.  We have to follow up with his pediatrician tomorrow on the jaundice issue and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't need further treatment.  In the meantime we're settling in at home, finally!

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy


    So glad everything turned out ok! Congrats thisle!


    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Congrats Thistle.  Sorry for the delivery that didn't go entirely as planned.  But so glad he came out healthy!  Hope you are all doing great at home!

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Congrats, thistle! Sorry to hear about the stressful birth, but glad everyone is home and healthy!

    Daycare rates are like a second mortgage. It's scary. There are two places within walking distance from our house, but I need to find a new job around February and we have to determine if me working will cover daycare + profit enough to be worth it....I'm not sure when to start looking because I don't know how long it will take. Thanks for that link, CLC, that's helpful!

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    A friend of mine the next town over stays at home with her LO. She'll be a year this month. I had to email her about something unrelated so I just threw it out there as a question to her if she had an interest in being paid to take care of another kid. I figure the worst she can say is no and it doesn't hurt to ask (i hope). I also asked one of my co-workers who lives in my general area what his wife does. She stays at home but lives too far away from us to make it worth it to take our kid to her but he did say he would ask her if she knew any at-home places in our area. I'm a little hesitant to take our child to someone's home without a recomendation from someone I know. Me staying at home is in no way an option. My mom did say maybe we could work something out where she came to help us twice a week though.  I'm sure it'll work itself out somehow, even if it means that we just have to use our savings.



    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Whirled Peas, one thing to make sure you factor in to the costs/benefits of working vs. staying at home is retirement and other benefits, as well as money to join classes, have a regular babysitter for some alone time, all of that.  

    I've got a 3 year old and a 1 year old, so my monthly daycare bill now is about the same as my mortgage (and they only go 3 days a week!), but if I were to stop working, we'd lose my retirement (I get 8% employer contribution with no obligation from me), and have to switch our health and dental to my husband, which is considerably more expensive for less than optimal coverage. Also, depending on what field you're in, it can be hard to get back in after an absence, so that's something to consider too.  

    In talking to parents of older kids, I've been reminded it's a 5 year problem (aka investment), and if you are good about budgeting, once kids are in school (assuming public school), if you can save even half of what you'd been spending monthly on daycare into retirement and a 529 plan, you'll be in a better position for college and retirement, and won't be missing that money later. You'll also have the balance for things like summer camp, after school activities, etc, and again, be used to not having that money.  

    Plus, for me, there are the intangibles of work, that can't be measured or analyzed: I love what I do, and I love having something that is "mine", which I found even more important once I had kids.  I also grew up with 2 parents who worked, so it's what I know.  I also love that my kids are meeting new people, making friends, learning new things, and have some experiences that are theirs to share with us.

    My goal now, and I think several of us have talked about it, is to be able to get to part time or flexible work once my kids are in school, so I can be home in the afternoons to help with homework, deal with activities/sports/etc, and be available then. 

    Just my perspective on the should I/shouldn't I work debate.  It's of course a personal decision you have to make and be happy with.  

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Congrats Thistle! Sorry the delivery was so stressful! I hope the jaundice works itself out too. I ended up needing an extra day in the hospital when I was a baby for the same reason and I turned out okay (at least in terms of liver function - lol)!

    If I can chime into the daycare discussion, staying home wasn't an option for me (for a lot of reasons). I bring DS to the daycare next door to my office and it's working out great. They're a little more expensive and they don't do part-time care, but I love our arrangement. DS is thriving there. He has teachers who love him and do fun things with him, plus he's learning to interact with other babies. As for the $$, check to see if your company offers any discounts. Friends of mine have been talking about buying a lake house once their daughter is out of daycare! 

    I read an article about a study between kids who stay home with a parent and those who go to daycare. They found that the babies who did better are the ones who come from families who believe in the choice they made, either to stay home or to work and put their child in daycare. I thought that was interesting.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Northern, it sounds like you have some good options with your mom and friend nearby. Even a couple days a week would help out with daycare costs!

    Luv, you make a lot of good points. I hadn't even considered the retirement benefits. I'm conflicted about working/staying at home. I feel like I need to do something, maybe even part time, because I connect working with part of my identity. I have my own business now, but for various reasons I'll need to work for someone else at a steadier job when I return, either in my current industry or previous one. A few months at home should be okay but this is an expensive city and we'd be in trouble if I stayed home much longer. Since finishing college, I've struggled with landing on a career path that I enjoy that's also sustainable and it feels like I'm running out of time to get myself together. That's awesome that you enjoy your work; it's a huge quality of life matter. I'm hoping that this transition gives me a chance to find fulfilling, sustainable work! There's a lot to think about and I hadn't anticipated the transition of work-baby-back to work to be so complicated.

     
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