Sending a big hug to you Jennifyr. I'm so sorry for your loss.
NL--you are brave to be facing this and making the decision that is right for your family. I hope you are able to settle in and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy as much as possible.
Thistle--congratulations on your baby boy! Sorry about the stressful delivery. I hope his jaundice clears up quickly! It is so common and I think usually once they can feed regularly it takes care of itself. My DD had slight jaundice too.
Re. the daycare discussion. Yes, it is crazy expensive. It is more than our mortgage too. I read that MA has the most expensive daycare market in the country, and we live in the city and go to a center based daycare, so we probably have among the most expensive daycares in MA. So be it.
In addition to the points others have brought up, I would add that career on-ramping and off-ramping is not that easy, and often leads to a salary cut (depends on your industry and your job). But it's not just your current salary and benefits to think about, but also how much future wages you might forego if you stop working now and then when you come back you have not been promoted the way you would have been, or you have trouble returning to the same job even.
I know at least for my own job, if I left it for a few years, I would almost be guaranteed never to get a similar job again. And there is no such thing as a part time option in my career. It has many perks and I feel lucky to have the work I do, but that sort of flexibility is not among them. But I trained for many years to be able to do this, and now I'd like to keep my employment!
I do know many families who do nanny shares. Having a nanny for 1 kid is often more expensive than daycare, but a nanny share can be cheaper. Home daycares also save money, as do daycares that are further from the city (cheaper real estate). Some of the city daycares we toured are crazy small with no playgrounds or outdoor space, no windows, tiny floor plans... We are a significant amount extra to have a daycare with those amenities that I would have thought were basic.