October 2013 Pregnancy

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Sending a big hug to you Jennifyr.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

    NL--you are brave to be facing this and making the decision that is right for your family.  I hope you are able to settle in and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy as much as possible.  

    Thistle--congratulations on your baby boy!  Sorry about the stressful delivery.  I hope his jaundice clears up quickly!  It is so common and I think usually once they can feed regularly it takes care of itself.  My DD had slight jaundice too.

    Re. the daycare discussion.  Yes, it is crazy expensive.  It is more than our mortgage too.  I read that MA has the most expensive daycare market in the country, and we live in the city and go to a center based daycare, so we probably have among the most expensive daycares in MA.  So be it.  

    In addition to the points others have brought up, I would add that career on-ramping and off-ramping is not that easy, and often leads to a salary cut (depends on your industry and your job).  But it's not just your current salary and benefits to think about, but also how much future wages you might forego if you stop working now and then when you come back you have not been promoted the way you would have been, or you have trouble returning to the same job even.

     I know at least for my own job, if I left it for a few years, I would almost be guaranteed never to get a similar job again.  And there is no such thing as a part time option in my career.  It has many perks and I feel lucky to have the work I do, but that sort of flexibility is not among them. But I trained for many years to be able to do this, and now I'd like to keep my employment!

    I do know many families who do nanny shares.  Having a nanny for 1 kid is often more expensive than daycare, but a nanny share can be cheaper.  Home daycares also save money, as do daycares that are further from the city (cheaper real estate).  Some of the city daycares we toured are crazy small with no playgrounds or outdoor space, no windows, tiny floor plans...  We are a significant amount extra to have a daycare with those amenities that I would have thought were basic.  

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    WPP, regarding work and your identity - that's learned, not intrinsic.  I identified strongly with being an engineer...while I was one.  I've been a housewife for 5 years and identify with being a housewife, now.  If you leave your job to be a SAHM, you'll soon identify 100% with what you decided to do, be a SAHM. 

    I'm not trying to get you to do it, per se, just not avoid it simply because you see yourself (and can only see yourself right now) as being whatever your job says you are.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    This is such an interesting conversation!!

     

    I will be going back to work after my maternity leave. I am a teacher - and I am hoping to time it so stay out for maternity leave until the end of the school year. I am due in April, so hopefully that works out. Our daycare will either be at my husband's high school (he is also a teacher) or at a home day care in the city in which we both work. We work in the same school system, so that is convenient. The one we pick is still TBD but we have checked out both options and like them both. The pluses and minuses of each we still need to weigh. 

    Then, I will be home until September, 6 or 7 months with the baby, then back to work! I need to work for financial reasons, and also, if I take a leave of absence, I lose my "status" in the union. That means, I take a step back in retirement, seniority, and pay scale. It may be an option for us for baby #2, but it is not an option now. Plus, I love my job, I get out of work at 3, and summers/school vacations off. No complaints here! 

     

    That being said - I have wondered how I will feel after 6 months off work. Some teachers have been so eager to be back, and some have cried and wanted to be able to stay home.....

    I guess I will find out! 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Yeah, this has turned into an interesting conversation!

    Kar, I completely agree that the work/identity combination is learned. And I think I've internalized those learned social expectations--probably a big reason why I went into the previous career that I didn't like. Certainly a paradigm shift is in order, and that's my own mental block. I've been "trying on" different jobs to see what fits and feel like I *should* land on something concrete soon, but again that's my own internalization of expectations. I'll need to work for financial reasons and DH has been very patient with me over my years of self-exploration. I'm getting frustrated, though. 

    Beagles, it sounds like you've ironed out a lot of the details. 6 months home sounds like a great amount of time--and I've heard different reactions from friends too about changing their minds about working/staying at home or changing the work situation to do something in between. Is it difficult as a teacher to get a long-term sub while keeping your position? I would think a teacher's pregnancy would be a common enough situation that they'd have some policies in place?

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Feeling so huge.  34 1/2 weeks measuring 37 at today's appointment.  The doctor (he's in my practice, but hadn't seen him before) did say he isn't too concerned since I am literally "all belly, full of a big baby"  But I did get a "woah... that's a lot of baby in there" as he was feeling around, and he even thinks this one will be 9+lbs.  He (and all the other docs I've seen) all agree with my desire for a repeat c-section given the size of my first, and seemingly this one too.  Part of me, a very small part, wants to attempt a VBAC if I were to go into labor ahead of time... but incredibly nervous about pushing out a 9-10 pounder with a previous c-section scar.  Since this is my last pregnancy and I would like to somewhat enjoy the experience... an emergency c-sec is not my desired outcome.  Measurement ultrasound not for 3 more weeks (and I know those can be 1lb off).  Looking forward to that appt!

    And this sleeping on your side with a 30 lb belly is so for the birds... I can literally feel all the bones in my hips (and we have an awesome temperpedic!).  The pillow is permanently between my legs, which does help.

    WPP - how are you feeling?  I think you are 4 weeks ahead of me, so you are so close to your due date!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy


    IPW when I got that close to the end I started sleeping with something under my belly to try to remove some of the stress from my back.  I was picky so something that worked well one night drove me nuts the next.  I tried pillows, towels, blankets... the list went on but each night I would end up with something helping to hold up my belly.  Good luck in your final weeks!!

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Hi Peas,

    Yes, teachers' maternity leave is all contractual! I get 8 to 12 weeks, depending on my personal medical clearance (usually 8 weeks for non-complicated vaginal birth, 12 for cesarean, and if other isssues appear you can get more than 12). Your doctor has to sign off on your clearance, so they hold the key here!

    We do not pay into Short Term Disability or Long-Term, for that matter. I work for a city, so we all pay into the Sick Bank, and then we can pull from that after our own personal/sick time runs out. This way, we get to collect full pay the entire time. 

    I usually teach summer school, but I will not this year. However, I still get paid all summer since I elect to take my salary over 26 pay periods instead of just the 180 days of school. 

    Good luck sleeping IPW!

     

    In response to WhirledPeasPlease's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Yeah, this has turned into an interesting conversation!

    Kar, I completely agree that the work/identity combination is learned. And I think I've internalized those learned social expectations--probably a big reason why I went into the previous career that I didn't like. Certainly a paradigm shift is in order, and that's my own mental block. I've been "trying on" different jobs to see what fits and feel like I *should* land on something concrete soon, but again that's my own internalization of expectations. I'll need to work for financial reasons and DH has been very patient with me over my years of self-exploration. I'm getting frustrated, though. 

    Beagles, it sounds like you've ironed out a lot of the details. 6 months home sounds like a great amount of time--and I've heard different reactions from friends too about changing their minds about working/staying at home or changing the work situation to do something in between. Is it difficult as a teacher to get a long-term sub while keeping your position? I would think a teacher's pregnancy would be a common enough situation that they'd have some policies in place?

    [/QUOTE]


     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    IPW, it sounds like you just have big babies., huh? I've heard that can run in families (who knows if it's true or a wives' tale). That's good that your doctors have no concerns. How long do you plan to work? It'd be nice to have a pre-baby break, but it probably depends on maternity leave rules.  I hear you on the sore hips while sleeping and second CLC's suggestion with another belly pillow; that's made a huge difference. Otherwise it feels like a bowling ball falling into the bed!

    I'm 39 weeks today and closing in on the due date! I feel like there's so much to do and I'm torn between wanting to meet Baby Girl Peas and wanting her to stay put for a little longer to get everything done and keep her protected from the world! I still feel pretty good--knock on wood--but the lumbering around is getting annoying. I miss being able to do normal things...like put on shoes.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    IPW, my cousin had her first baby vaginally.  He was between 9 and 10 lbs and his shoulders caused a 4th degree tear...she had wanted more children, but he is an only child because she was adamant about not going through that, again.  I hope you can take joy in looking forward to another C section; it's not worth getting torn from stem to stearn to do a vbac with such a big baby.  Can't imagine sleeping with 30 lbs in my abdomen...what about a pregnancy body pillow?  Would that help?

    WPP, if you need to work for financial reasons that's different than being afraid to leave work because your identity is wrapped up in what you do right now.  I hope you find what strikes your emotional and financial chord.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy


    Am I being weird that I'm not really crazy about the idea of DH going away for a whole day to go to a video/board game convention a week after my due date? I mean, yes I have family around (by that I mean in state) but the thought of being home alone by myself with a possible one week old, seems daunting. Also, a little weird that my husband thinks this is a good idea. But again, maybe I am just being a little weird here.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Oh man. I've had the weirdest few days...what is today? Wednesday? They've all blurred together. (This will be super long!)

    Labor started for me (EDD tomorrow) Monday around 8 pm. Called my doula, took a bath, tried to get some sleep. Started losing my mucus plug (there's a lot of that thing to lose, turns out), came downstairs to move with the contractions better. They started getting 5-6 min apart and stronger around 4 am, called birth center and we talked it out. They said eat something, drink lots of water, and when they're consistently at 5 min apart to call and come in. 

    They never got to that point for every contraction, so my doula came over around 11 am and we tried some movements and things to keep labor going. Our walk down the beach sidewalk was a major turning point bc contrxns got *really* intense and lasted for 90 sec every time. Then I started throwing up on the sidewalk and my doula called the birth center and DH to grab the car.

    Got to the birth center 100% effaced but only 1 cm dilated. This was around 2:30 pm. Decided to walk around more since that helped before. I couldn't believe it bc each contrxn was a killer and I couldn't move or talk through them. Back to birth center at 4:30, no change. By this time I was overwhelmed and exhausted by 20 hours of pain nearly every 5 min and needed sleep. MW prescribed ambien, stopped at CVS on way home (super long ride during rush with obscene contraxns). Got ambien--car won't start. Battery partially died and doesn't recognize our key. I just start crying bc it's been almost 24 hrs of the pain. Called friend to come get us, who stayed to meet AAA, while DH drove me home so I could start the ambien. 

    Ambien did nothing and I was laying in bed practically delusional and screaming. MW's option besides ambien was sleep at hospital under morphine (all these things are safe for pregnancy) so we're back in the car for a terrible ride to the hospital next to the birth center. I absolutely needed the sleep. I woke up around 10:30 am there with contrxns a lot farther apart and much less intense. They did some more monitoring for me and baby, then said labor can start and stop like this, especially for first time moms. "My false-ish/prodromal labor-type thing" was just more intense and drawn out than most people's. MW said to ignore residual contrxns for now--not super easy, but doable--and we'll just wait for labor to start for real. Could be this weekend, could be in 2 weeks. 

    But it's been such a bizarre few days. No baby yet! Just weird sort-of-not-really labor. Sigh. 

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Oh WPP... I feel so bad for you!  You must have been insane.  I get frustrated by 10 mins of braxton hicks!  You are a super strong woman!  And you must have a really great doula too to have helped you through that.  Glad you were able to get some sleep at the hospital.  Hopefully you are not too far away from real labor and don't need to wait much longer.

    November... you are not crazy AT ALL.  And not because of the home alone with a newborn part.  It is more common than not that a first baby comes late.  So it is very likey you will not be home with a newborn, but actually delivering 1 week after your due date.  I'm going to guess a game conference does not take preference over the birth of your first born? :-)  I was 9 days late... DS and I had to decline several opportunities... but they all come around again whereas can't put the baby back in for a "do over!"  Good luck!

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Oh WPP-thinking of you! I hope this doesn't last too long and you have your baby girl soon!

    And I'm assuming you mean me, IPW-thank you! I figured I wasn't being totally nuts here but I just need confirmation from someone else. Like you said, babies show up when they feel like it, early, late, whenever. I actually asked him if he could get a refund on the ticket if need be before realizing "wait a minute, are you nuts?" lol. And no, this gaming thing doesn't take preference over the birth of our first born.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    WPP - that sounds awful!  Hang in there!  Glad you got some sleep, at least.  It makes a huge difference.

    Northern - you're not crazy.  Especially, ditto to what IPW said!  I guess I would think it was okay if the ticket was refundable to get it "just in case", but with the understanding that the outlook is not good!

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy


    I told him no, sorry-can't go this year. My sister also agreed that I am not crazy and first babies are often late so there's a good chance I'll be in the hospital that weekend or just getting out of the hospital. My co-worker said she wouldn't really care because he was going by himself. I've decided she's the outlier in terms of opinions.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Oops, sorry Northern... absolutely meant you.  Had responded to November on another post :-)  My DH is going on a 6 hour hiking trip this Saturday, 3 hours away.  So a total of 12 hours out of pocket and I'm not even that comfortable about it... and I'm still 3 1/2 weeks from due date.  But he knows this is his "last hurrah" for quite some time :-)

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Thanks, everyone...trying to ignore these contrxns like they said but it's getting harder. Wow.... 

    And northern, I didn't see your post...but show your DH my post, and then show him the calendar! No way, that's insane! It took my DH a little while to understand why he isn't going to that wedding two weeks afer EDD 6 hrs away, so we can do an intervention with your DH. He should comes to his senses soon though!

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    I hope so WPP! Husband's can be funny sometimes. He was also surprised last night when I told him I expect him to be at the hospital during the day, the day after I have the baby.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from cwagner13. Show cwagner13's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    I think most men think that mothering comes automatically to women upon birth when it is not - and they usually underestimate their impact and importance to helping with the newborn. DH had to think about it - the fact that my body would be recovering from long labor and delivery and the newborn would be needy, but neither of us realized HOW tired *both* of us would be those first months. (second time, we were much better prepared so it went smoother post-recovery). But dads don't realize how much they need to learn from the nurses before going home - like how to swaddle, diaper, carry/hold, dress etc.

     

     

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    I haven't checked in for a while, but thanks for all the well-wishes and sympathy.  I FINALLY stopped bleeding after the MC yesterday, so hopefully my body will kick into gear and after my next cycle I'll be back in the TTC camp. 

    Lots of interesting discussions - congrats Thistle, on your birth, even if it wasn't ideal. 

    WPP - what a crazy experience!  Congrats for sticking it out - I think at that point I would have just told them to do what they could to get real labor started!  Good luck on your real delivery, hopefully soon!

    Northern - absolutely echo what the others are saying.  Do not make any plans that you cannot easily cancel/get refunds for about 4 weeks before and after EDD.  Even if you do deliver before the conference, you and he will be so exhausted and happy and delirious that he would not want to go anyway. 

    As for the day care discussion, that EEC site was what we used too.  It helped to narrow our search to the neighborhood we wanted, and to see what the options were.  I created a spreadsheet based on all the day cares within 2 miles of our house with their cost, start and end times, food requirements (some provide food, some do not), whether they would do cloth diapers and expressed breast milk, and what their late policy was (some charge by minute).  I then called the ones that met our criteria and interviewed with the top choices. 

    It is tough to pay for day care, especially now that we are thinking of #2, but absolutely agree with IPW and Siena about the "intangibles" of working and how that contributes to the decision.  DD loves her day care and her friends there, and I don't regret our decision at all.  But everyone has different perspetives and priorities, so you have to make the decision that's right for you.  I wish there were more opportunities for flex/ work or "mother's hours", because I have no idea what we'll do once she's in school and starting after school activities, etc. 

     

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from jennifyr78. Show jennifyr78's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    *sorry, meant Luv, not IPW in regard to Day care comment.  (BDC won't let me edit my post for some reason)

    Also, what a great perspective, Luv, about using day care money for camp and college/retirement without "missing" it!

     

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Northern, hope this isn't overstepping, but it sounds like maybe your husband could use a book?  :)  Maybe like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547

    I like it because it emphasized that the woman has been through a lot and that much support is needed.  On the other hand, unless they've updated it, some of the information is outdated.  Like I think they recommend crib tents, which I'm pretty sure are now NOT recommended.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy


    You aren't overstepping, thanks for the suggestion Med! Smile

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    Hey everyone, don't have a lot of time but wanted to post an update. 

    Quinn was born Thursday night, which was actually her due date, and she's awesome. We're all doing really well after my 70-hour labor and (non-emergency) C-section. I'm in some pain but recovering. It's nothing compared with last week, though! But we're so glad she's here and DH and I just want to sit and stare at her all the time :)

     

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: October 2013 Pregnancy

    WPP - congrats!!  Can't wait to hear more when you have some time.  Sorry you had to end up with a c-section... I know you were really hoping for the birth center.  Just shows we can only plan so much.  But sounds like you are in heaven with your little girl - great name!!  You went through quite a bit last week with your stopping and starting of labor.  I hope you have gotten some rest here and there.

     
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