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  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts


    WPP - As a person whose house basically had a revolving door the first week that DS was home, I will tell you that you need to put your foot down about guests if you don't think you can handle them. Some of your guests may be self sufficient (ie. know where the cups are and what to do when they get thirsty) and that's fine. But I didn't have the presence of mind to think about dinner, guests, pets, etc. If your mom needs to make a reservation, tell her to make it for mid-October (or later) and that will be her time to help out, regardless of when your little girl gets here. It must be really hard for them to be so far away. Also, I will say that they might surprise you. Grandparenthood has changed my parents for the better. But, in case it doesn't, don't let them come before you're ready. Your first priority is healing from the birth, your second is keeping your baby content. Planning dinner for your parents is far far far down the list. 

    I'm glad you had fun at your shower!

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts


    WPP, I agree with Chiclet on this.  Stand your ground.  I found even brief visits right after the baby was born really exhausting.  We also had a very small apartment after the first baby was born, and the best decision we ever made was telling everyone that they could not stay with us.  You really will need your space, especially if your parents are that demanding.  Anyway, if your mom makes a reservation for your due date and the baby is late, she could miss meeting hm/her entirely during her week with you!  So, it makes sense for everyone for them to visit later, when you can be certain you'll have a grandchild there for her to meet.

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts


    You can definitely approach it from thistle's angle to avoid hurt feelings.  Remind her that first babies are often late, and who knows how quickly either of you will be released for any number of reasons.  It makes far more sense to make plans after the baby arrives than before so you don't even have to tell her that you might not want her there right away...even though, duh, didn't she have you and doesn't she remember what it was like?!

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts


    Lurking over here. :)

    WPP, I feel your pain. Do your parents do email? If so, one idea is to compose a nice email to them saying you are so excited for them to meet their soon-to-arrive grandchild, but here are some things they should expect if they choose to come... then decide what is most important for you to communicate to them.  Also bringing up the point that you really have no idea when said baby will choose to arrive. If you have any absolutes, like you absolutely don't want them staying in your house for a week or two, send them the info for a couple of hotels close by as well as rental car info, if appropriate, saying you think it would be best if they stayed at one of these lovely, comfortable, quiet hotels with room service. The other nice thing about email is if one parent is more level-headed than the other, they will both see the email and can discuss (versus a phone call that might be lost in translation when one tries to tell the other what was discussed).

    That said, are they capable at all of helping you? If they can do any laundry, cooking, tidying up, etc., it will be a HUGE help to you. Also, having someone there to hold the baby so you can take a nap or a shower will also be a huge help. I thought I would go crazy with my mother and MIL there immediately after the baby was born, but I ended up with a c-section and my mom did all my laundry and both of them were hugely integral in me getting some sleep during the day. Of course, I had to deal with some "Who are you going to believe, me or the doctors?" comments from my mom about certain things, but looking back it was worth it to get the help and have a little company. (Um... the doctors, mom.)

    I've found email to be very helpful when trying to relay information to my mom and MIL. Just have someone else read it before you send just to feel out any areas where misinterpretation might be possible. Good luck. :)

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts


    Thanks for the validation, everyone. I don't want to hurt their feelings (my mom is *super* sensitive), but email is probably the best route like Poppy suggests. 

    It's frustrating because we've all talked about this! They initially seemed to understand that DH and I need some space and to bond with the baby, figure out a few things of what we're doing, etc. Two of my cousins had babies this summer (their 5th and 3rd, respectively; they're both 10+ years older than me also) and my mom decided that it would be better if she were here immediately regardless of our discussions. 

    I think she would do laundry and hold the baby while we sleep or shower, but they also leave doors open for the dogs to sneak out--and they would be gone forever on busy streets if they got out--and leave napkins on the floor for them to eat and *chocolate* donuts on the coffee table for them to get (seriously). If I don't watch them like a hawk while they're around my pups, we would be in the ER getting their stomachs pumped every visit. And I grew up with dogs! I've talked to them about this, but my dad just gets mad and says they're fine. I also know it's normal to be really exhausted and weepy for the first week or so, and my mom would freak out if she saw me like that, then I end up reassuring her. I'm at a higher risk for PPD too and I'd like to figure that out before being bombarded with her frenetic energy. 

    So yeah, I'll need to put my foot down. They may be upset but this is one thing I can't compromise on. 

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts


    Anyone having (or recall having) a lot of menstrual like cramps mid to late pregnancy.  With my first, I had braxton hicks fairly reguarly, but they never hurt or bothered me.  And I had nothing else as far as any discomforts.  I'm getting braxton hicks now too, much more often than I did with #1, but they are still just annoying and sometimes can take my breath away.  But I'm also just starting to get cramps (for 2-3 days now).  Very low, exactly like AF cramps.  I actually woke up last night from them.  I wouldn't say they are very painful, just really annoying, and they do go away.  I've always heard folks say early labor feels like AF.  So at only 30 weeks.. that makes me nervous.  My next doctor's appt is Thursday, so definitely planning to mention.  Just wondering if I should call before...

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts


    IPW, that is exactly how my friend with the 3 yo and triplets described labor pains.  I hope that's not it; I'd call the doc today and would be absoulutely sure I told them it woke me.

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from jleighla7. Show jleighla7's posts


    IPW, I had intense AF-type cramping for two days before DS was born. If I were you, I'd call the doctor today just to let them know what's going on.

    WPP, re: exhaustion/weepiness after giving birth, have you looked into placenta encapsulation? I encapsulated my placenta and I think taking the pills really helped my state of mind in the first few weeks. When I felt exhausted or upset, I would take a pill and I would perk right up. And, my skin and hair have never looked better. It cost about $250 and I think it was worth it. I will definitely do it again next time.

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALS76. Show ALS76's posts


    IPW - don't want to be an alarmist, but I would call your doctor just to let them know what is going on.  If they are contractions, if they catch them early they can give you some medications to try to stop it.  For both my pregnancies, labor pains felt like cramps.  For DD1, who was a 33-week preemie, they admitted me and administered the anti-labor drugs to try and stop the contractions.  If it were me, I would call just to put my mind at ease and not worry for the next 2 days.  They will probably have you come in for an office visit and put you on a monitor for a little while. 

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts


    IPW I would call your doctor just to let them know what you're feeling.  It can't hurt.  Could you be dehydrated?  I had lots of BH and generally it was related to dehydration.  However, none of mine were painful, perhaps uncomfortable but not painful.  It's definitely worth a phone call!  Good luck!


    WPP - I think having your parents stay in your house right after the baby is born would be a lot to handle, especially after reading your last post.  I also suggested that my IL's stay in a hotel after my DS was born and I was so happy that I did.  While I was happy to have visitors after DS was born I only wanted them around for short periods of time.  I think having someone staying at my house would be too overwhelming while DH, DS and I settled into our new lives together. Best of luck as I know this will be a difficult conversation.  I did find that having DS made me a lot more assertive and made it easier for me to have these tough conversations.  Hopefully you will find the same thing once your DD comes along!

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts


    IPW - hope you're doing okay!  Let us know what your doctor says.

    (I'm lurking as well...) WPP - is there any type of residence inn type hotel (like with kitchenette) that you can ask them to stay at if money is not super tight for them?

    My mom is generally very helpful and competent, but she came to stay for a week right after DD and it was bad.  I was in bed due to complications, and she and DH were SO annoyed with each other (and they had a great relationship before).  It took a long time for all of our relationships to recover from that.  In retrospect, the main problem was that the roles were not defined and nobody knew what to do, plus they were all worried about me, plus my mom was not as comfortable with a newborn as I had thought she would be.  If you do have them (or anyone) over, be very specific about what they should do and don't be afraid to ask them for things.  My best guests were friends who have kids - they would just hold the baby, get their own drinks, and generally get down to business because they remember how it is!

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts


    Ye gods, WPP!  (although I always think of you as guinea pig, not WPP because of your photo!)

    Tell your mother that you think October 15th is the perfect time to arrive.  (or some date about 4 weeks after the baby is due).  that you consulted a psychic and that's the "PERFECT" time to visit!

    and get them to a hotel.  NOT your house.  Your house is too small.  (I don't know how small your house is, but trust me, I can tell it's too small, I consulted a psychic)

    planning dinners and entertainment?????   dinner will be "here's the phone, call Dominos" and entertainment will be "here, hold the baby I need to sleep and don't wake me up for love nor money" or "here, I'm taking a shower, play with her wouldja?"



  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts


    WPP - so sorry you have to worry about your parents in addition to preparing for your new arrival (and your sweet doggies!).  I had/have a similar relationship with my mom (and she'd probably also expect a meal) - in that I tread lightly with my comments.  But I have learned to be a bit more open and honest with her, especially if it affects my child.  I know you'd never want to purposely say something to upset or offend her, but just focus on what you want and need for your new family. 

    With DS, my in-laws (DH parents and sister) were all in my hospital room while I was in recovery (from c-section and allergy to the pain meds), holding and taking pictures with DS.  I know they were just excited, but come on... I think Mom should get to hold the baby first (or at least second after Dad!).  I know it will roll some heads, but I'll be for sure mentioning this this time around!

    The nurse I spoke with didn't seem concerned... thought my cramps and tightening still sounded like Braxton Hicks to her.  She did move my Thurs regular appt to this afternoon.. so that is good.  I'm actually sitting here at my desk incredibly winded because my belly has been rock hard for about an hour.  Had one bought of cramps last night, but went away as quick as they came.  I have skipped my walks at the gym this week because of the cramping, so I know its not from too much exercise (and have had plenty of water).  Really curious to see what happens at this 1:30pm appointment today.  Thanks for everyone's thoughts and concern. 

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts


    I'm glad that appt was moved to today, IPW, because with all due respect to that nurse I suspect she could be mistaken.  Be super careful and don't dismiss your own gut instinct if you think something is wrong between now and then because of her lack of concern.

    ETA: ...or at least her sounding like she isn't concerned.  

    The last thing I want to do is scare you.  However, I'd go to this appt taking precautions that you would if you thought you might be in early labor like having someone else drive you, etc., until you get there and have early labor ruled out (which it could be and I hope it is!).

    Discretion is the better part of valor.

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from amy-lynn. Show amy-lynn's posts


    WPP - I am on board with the try and get your parents to wait train. It will make it easier for everyone if you have a few weeks to get your feet back under you. My MIL came two days after DD was born, and while the help was appreciated, she is the type of person who will do what she thinks is most helpful, not neccessairly what I think would be most helpful. When DS was born, we actually travelled to see  more distant family (my cousin's daughter was getting Bat Mitzvahed) when he was 5 weeks old, and after that we had the stream of grandparents. It was much easier, because we had a month to get ourselves used to the new dynamics.

    IPW- I hope you are just having Braxton-Hicks, I will say that the second time around, B-H were much more uncomfortable than with my first, and while I had a vaginal birth, I remember reading somewhere that if you've had a C-section, B-H can cause even more discomfort around the scar. 

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts


    CT, your post made me laugh out loud. All of your psychic predictions are correct. :) I will be having a very specific conversation with my parents! There's a hotel seriously within walking distance of my house and my neighbor works there!

    IPW, I hope you get more answers at your appt today. Listen to your instincts and if you feel dissatisfied with an explanation, insist on whatever you need to find out what's going on! BH aren't supposed to last for an hour, are they? I thought BH were supposed to be irregular and go away with movement or after a short amount of time. Good luck, I hope you and baby are both fine. Is there anyone who could meet you at your appt just in case?

    I'm 35 weeks now and just exhausted. This is pretty new--I've had a lot of energy since 14 weeks until this weekend--and I don't want to be so tired because there's so much to do!

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts


    WPP - I definitely had BH that lasted an hour or more.  They were rather uncomfortable as the top of your belly is hard as a rock but not painful at all. I want to say those started in the final 3 weeks or so for me.

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts


    A close friend I worked with had BH for hours a day; she was well hydrated - never seen anyone drink so much water, actually.  She said they were "tightenings" of her belly that were not painful (not crampy) but annoying.  Was too long ago for me to remember how early they started, but it seems to me they went on quite awhile.  

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts


    Thanks for everyone's concern.  Appointment went well.  The doctor did a check (forgot how fun THOSE are!) and I'm still completely closed (as well as some swab for a pre-term labor test).  So the good news is any contractions, BH or otherwise, I'm having aren't opening my cervix.  Amy-lynn - she said the same exact thing.  Repeat pregnancies can actually trigger a lot more cramping and BH for some reason.  She gave me some real warning signs to watch out for and said to call anytime.  I feel relieved.  And also great to hear that others have had BH for very long periods of time (not that I'd wish that on anyone... it's like your belly ready to explode outward and you can barely bend over or breathe).  I'm on every 2-week appointments now, which is also comforting.

    WPP - expect these next 5 weeks to be tiring, unfortunately.  I recall it just getting challenging to do so many things.  Take it easy and just work at your own pace.  Congrats on getting so close!!

    Awaiting Thistle's arrival soon!

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts


    Great news, IPW!

    Discretion is the better part of valor.
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts


    IPW, glad you checked it out and that you got good news!  

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts


    IPW -glad everything checked out ok!

    WPP - I am probably the last person to give advice on handling visits with the grandparents but I will say, stand your ground when it comes to those first few weeks. You and DH need to figure out your new family plus you are healing from a major medical event and are in no position to play hostess especially if you need to supervise your guests. We really limited visits for the first month or so. We told everyone that because DS was so small the doctor told us to keep visitors to the minimum at first.

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts


    IPW. Glad everything checked out. It's definitely worth going in for the peace of mind! I didn't realize that BH could be so sustained. That does not sound pleasant. I hope they calm down for you!

    These days there is nothing that can satiate my constant hunger. DH tries to steal some of my food at dinner and I nearly bite off his hand. MORE FOOD. 

    Does anyone remember thistle's EDD?

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts


    haha, I'm only 15 weeks and I'm the same way WPP. I generally have two breakfasts- cereal & milk before around 6 when I get up and then either an english muffin or a lender's bagel when I get the office around 8:30. Usually I eat lunch at noon, plan some snacks for the afternoon and I'm starving again by the time I leave work. I can eat a piece of pizza at 5 and still be hungry for dinner around 7ish. I think I need to up my water intake or something. Or find better foods in the afternoon between meals.

    Also, no results yet so it looks like I'm headed in for an amnio on Monday.

    "I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs"

  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts


    WPP, my EDD is tomorrow.  Nothing happening so far!