I think the couple is practicing using OPKs so they'll know what is a positive so that they'll know when to use their "male supply" the exact same way a couple would use them to time sex. It's been pretty clear from this board that it can be difficult for people to get used to using them to determine their positive.

If I were in their position, I would be using both OPKs (to practice) and temping (to confirm).

ETA: To the OP, I have friends who were/are in the same position. They are currently actively trying, but we're not close enough that I would feel comfortable asking how they went about choosing a donor. Best of luck to you!

Indeed, they are not useless even in their situation (they are certainly better than guessing or using the Day 14 average!), they just shouldn't be used exclusively with respect to ovulation confirmation and timing.  Why no further discussion with the OP?

Kar, she's new and I think you've scared her off, to be honest - even though your intentions are very good, and your research and knowledge is spot on.

The process she's embarking on is long and scary.  If she can't handle me or the fact that she's going about learning the intricacies of her cycle in an obtuse, less accurate and precise way than temping she can't be that eager to learn.

The OP said they're planning to start within the next 3 months, so it makes perfect sense that they would want to use OPKs to practice for a couple of months to make sure they're using them correctly. They aren't planning on waiting another 6+ months. They just want to know exactly what OPK will tell them, that ovulation is likely to occur in the next couple of days so they know when to try, the same philosophy used by heterosexual couples trying to conceive.

Maybe temping doesn't work for them. It works great for some people, but it doesn't make much sense for others. In fact, Kargiver, isn't that why you've used OPKs in the past? It really isn't as complicated as you're making it out to be.

I would agree that temping should be a part of the puzzle, but there is no harm in doing OPKs, too. If they want to spend the money to use them, there is no disadvantage to gaining more information. It's not wasted time. It's practice time for when they will be using them for the real deal.

Yes, temping doesn't work for everyone including me.  However, it's something that should be tried because of the preciseness of the timing and proof of ovulation it gives.  If that is tried and it doesn't yield any information, OPKs are better than nothing.  And, of course, there's no harm in doing them, too.  But, given the preciseness that can be obtained by temping I don't understand why they aren't doing it or discussing it.  But, whatever.  I wish them the best in however they decide to go about figuring out her cycles and getting pregnant.

Maybe the OP read your informative posts and is now planning to temp instead.  Who knows.  Just because she didn't come back and validate your posts, doesn't mean she didn't absorb or appreciate the information.  I find your posting in capital letters and bold print extremely rude.

I do think I get what you're saying - temping is more precise (and conclusive proof of ovulation??), so it would save a woman time and $$ to know exactly which day to attempt insemination, rather than knowing a window of when she might be ovulating based on LH surge... Right?

I don't understand your passion here, either, Kar, or your semi attack on the oP for not coming back and discussing the OPK v. temping "issue" further.  I do see your point that OPKs are indicative of LH surge and window of time to have s*x but not proof that ovulation occurred.  However, I think you are missing the point of the OP's initial posting.  She wasn't asking about best ways to prepare for insemination in the months leading up to starting to try for a baby; rather, she was asking if anyone had any information or advice about choosing sperm donors or other resources for same-sex couples embarking on this process. If you read back through her posts, there is nothing in them to indicate either way whether she has been temping or not.  The fact that she said she was using OPKs has no bearing on whether or not she is temping; she may be doing both.  In either case, it sounds like she's been advised by a RE to use the OPKs and I'm sure she's going to follow that advice.  Your comments, while potentially helpful to some, and certainly informative about the different pros and cons of temping v. OPK, are also significantly distracting from the discussion that the OP wanted, which was for people to offer advice about the process of sperm donors etc., which is a shame since I think it's a valid question that hasn't been asked before.

I'm sorry for being rude.

To the OP:

My partner and I adopted our daughter, but we have friends (local and not) who have gone the sperm donor route. Our local friends used a sperm bank in Newton called New England Cryogenic. Some things to consider when choosing a bank include whether they place any limits on the number of times a donor can be used (some pull the donor from circulation once X number of children have been born with his sperm) and whether they have donors who are willing to be contacted by your child once your child turns 18 (if this is important to you or if you think it might be important to your child). Other friends used banks far from them (Sperm Bank of California, I think?), and would have the sperm Fed Exed to their doctor as needed -- so you don't necessarily have to find a sperm bank nearby.

For a general overview of parenting issues for same-sex couples, you might check out The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook by April Martin (I think it was published awhile ago -- it might be a little out-of-date).  Good luck!

I just wanted to offer support to the original poster. Good luck and many blessings to you and your partner! 

Hi, OP here -

Thank you to those offering support while we are navingating this!  I had given up on the discussion a few days ago since it wasn't really leading in a direction that was useful for me. Pretty much exactly what Rama said sums it up. I regret even even mentioning OPK's, as I didn't have any questions about them, we are meeting with a doctor and midwife who specialize in artificial insemination -and I fully trust their direction. 

Kar thank you for your passion about temping, opk's and tracking ovulation, and while its clear you have knowledge of this, its also clear that you don't have much knowledge or experience with sperm donation and the issues of same-sex parenting/conceiving.  you did not "scare me away" - you just took my question off into a whole different direction that was not what I came here for, and you did it without much compassion, I have to say. it was fairly accusatory. so i didnt feel the need to hang around!

lauren, jmd, rama & others, thank you for your suggestions and experiences- we've done tons and tons of googling and calling various banks in the last two weeks and have settled on one with the lowest allowed # of children allowed per donor, and its a non-profit which is also reassuring.  would still love to hear of (or start, if any lurkers out there are interested) a social support group for other couples (or single women) in the boston area who have done this - as it would be great to converse with others who are running into similar crazy things as us in selecting a donor.

also thanks kiwi and medford for those group references, I will check them out!

What I didn't have compassion for was what sounded like people's patronizing you to me - what a great idea OPKs are when temping will give you a better idea of what you're looking to learn.  I'm sorry for taking the thread in a negative direction, and I hope it's obvious I'm wishing you the best outcome.  Otherwise, I'd have never bothered with the OPK thing in the first place, I'd say, well, gosh, if that's what she wants to do what's it to me.  There is such a thing as over-validation, and that doesn't help anyone succeed.

No one said anything encouraging or validating OPK's to me but you - with your very first post - without any best wishes, welcome or anything. which immediately made me think, well those forums must be a bust unless you are in the club!

no hard feelings though- i'm not one to hold those (especially with strangers online!)...and i was fully prepared for the barrage of "what you're doing is unnatural" haters - so no big deal at all.

Welcome to the club Snow, you've just been hazed. :) Keep us in the loop!

I picked up on something you were doing I thought might be less than optimal and, given the importance, ran with it.  Sorry for the lackluster welcome... Welcome!

Looks like Fenway Community Health offers workshops/support groups -- check out this page on their web site:
http://www.fenwayhealth.org/site/PageServer?pagename=FCHC_srv_services_LGBT
(If the link doesn't work, go to fenwayhealth.org and click on services, then click on LGBT Family & Parenting Services.)
Again, best of luck to you and your wife!