anyone?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowflake133. Show snowflake133's posts

    anyone?

    Hi wanted to see if there was anyone else lurking out there who could give advice on my situation - my wife and i are trying to start a family (myself also being female, key peice of information). We've done quite a bit of research on banks and donors and have talked to our doctor and a midwife - but we need that personal connection.  We don't know anyone who's done this before and choosing a donor is such a rediculously awkward and weird process.  And in addition to that the rest of our process isn't all that different than everyone else, OPK's and medical websites are pretty much a standard in our lives now.  anyway - if anyone's done this and can recommend or tell horror stories about particular organizations that would be awesome.  tx
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    "OPK's and medical websites are pretty much a standard in our lives now."

    What are you using OPKs for?  They aren't diagnostic of anything, not even ovulation.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerbride09. Show summerbride09's posts

    Re: anyone?

    In Response to Re: anyone?:
    What are you using OPKs for?  They aren't diagnostic of anything, not even ovulation.
    Posted by kargiver


    To the OP-  I have, have, have to disagree with this. Unless I'm talking about the wrong thing (which I assume OPK is ovulation predictor kits/strips/tests/etc...)....anyways I will personally vouch that they can and do work, as someone with PCOS & on the pill for 10 years, I got PG exactly 2 months after stopping the pill. I used the Clear Blue 21 day digital pee sticks...got my smiley face around the same time each month. So use them if you want- don't let people discourage you!!!

    That being said...I can't offer any personal advice in regard to your topic....but once you find a bank or company (however that works...I'm not sure!), perhaps you could ask for references? Talk to other people who used them and get their feedback? GL!

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    I didn't say they don't work.  I used them, and can also vouch for the fact that they work to detect LH.

    I said they aren't diagnostic of anything.  They detect LH, but if you get a positive it doesn't mean you'll ovulate for sure.  And, I'm asking about why OPKs are a regular part of their lives because they aren't having sex monthly to make a baby, just starting to research conception options.  OPKs tell a couple the window they have to have sex because the one who is trying to get pregnant could ovulate 24 - 48 hours after a positive LH test (OPK).

    This couple has no reason to have OPKs as a regular part of their lives right now, and it's a valid question.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowflake133. Show snowflake133's posts

    Re: anyone?

    thanks summerbride - I was afraid I had the wrong akronym or something! Been using the clear blue/smiley face one as well to practice in the months leading up to it.  I'm guessing maybe they don't work for everyone for various reasons - since not much in the world works all the time for all people...
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowflake133. Show snowflake133's posts

    Re: anyone?

    kar - I was advised to start with tracking ovulation asap so that we aren't shooting in the dark the very first time we shed out $$$ to inseminate - so thats where we're at
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    In Response to Re: anyone?:
    kar - I was advised to start with tracking ovulation asap so that we aren't shooting in the dark the very first time we shed out $$$ to inseminate - so thats where we're at
    Posted by snowflake133

    Ah, OK, thanks.

    YES, they do WORK.  "Work to detected LH" and "diagnostic tool" are two different things.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    It's too early to be spending that kind of big bucks on OPKs imo.  You can get cheap dip strips from amazon if you're going to be using them month after month before things even get started.  But, even with those, they can't give you much bang for the buck before the process is about to start (w/in 3 months).
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowflake133. Show snowflake133's posts

    Re: anyone?

    we are def w/in 3 months of starting...we really just have to wait for the best time and the right match and do it - so i was really looking for any advice or reviews on selection of bank or individ. donor characteristics before we spend thousands on purchasing sp*rm. opk's are cheap in this process for us :-)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from LuckyClover. Show LuckyClover's posts

    Re: anyone?

    I have been in your shoes, and I agree that it is a ridiculously awkward process all around.  We spent 2 years researching, ordering, traipsing to the ob's office... I barely even want to think about it anymore.  We used California Cryo and Xytex, and both places were really easy to work with.

    While I do know women who have gotten pregnant very quickly using frozen donor sperm, I also know women (us included) who have endured many procedures and heartbreak along the way.  In the end, a friend offered to be our donor and I was pregnant within a couple of months.  We now have the most perfect little boy I've ever seen (yes, I understand my bias on that topic), and all the time we spent wondering if it would ever happen feels like a distant memory.

    I second the suggestion to find someone you can know personally to talk it through with.  Whether a reference from the bank or anywhere that lesbians gather - social groups, sports teams, etc. - you will find someone with experience worth talking to. Being able to ask questions, vent, and get advice from friends made a world of difference.  Good luck!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowflake133. Show snowflake133's posts

    Re: anyone?

    thanks lucky - that is exactly what i'm looking for - all our gay friends aren't settled down yet - so I figure in 3-5 years we'll be giving the advice and they'll have a nice simple list of do's and don'ts.  but i havent been able to find any sort of social/support group in the boston area and i figure there must be other lurkers on here like me waiting for something they want to jump in on!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from rama8677. Show rama8677's posts

    Re: anyone?

    I can't answer your question based on personal experience but wanted to let you know we have close friends who are in the middle of this process. I don't know specifics on which bank they used or anything but they chose an anonymous donor based on physical characteristics, and personality info provided to them via an info packet. They purchased enough vials up front so that each of the couple could be pregnant once and the kids would be half siblings and I believe they store them at a facility in or around Newton Wellelsey area. I would just start calling different banks and seeing if they have any resources like message boards or email lists that would allow you to contact other couples who have used their services in the past. I'm sure there are others who have gone through this process who would live to offer advice to you. They are in the middle of their first pregnancy now. They were also advised to use OPKs, temp and keep track of cervical mucous to make sure they inserted the sperm at the optimal time of the month and I think your plan of keeping track of your monthly ovulations in advance is good - you may want to try temping and other methods too. If you havent yet, check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wechsler for more about tracking your cycles.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: anyone?

    You mention looking for similar couples and families in the Boston. I'm not sure where you are, but I belong to the JPMoms forum and I've seen a number of threads from same-sex parents. You might find some good resources and advice from the community over there. https://www.bigtent.com/groups/jpmoms
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from LuckyClover. Show LuckyClover's posts

    Re: anyone?

    I'm in the Western part of the state, so I'm not aware of what resources are available in Boston.  Wish I could help out with that part!  If you are up for road trips, take a look at Cradle in Northampton.  They offer a support group for glbt non-gestational partners and a same-sex childbirth ed class.

    I was thinking about your question last night and how we approached things.  We wanted to be sure that whatever decisions we made could be explained well and make sense to a future child.  So we chose to pay extra and have the limited options to choose from a known donor, who our child could contact at age 18.  We also looked through profiles carefully and when we were tempted to just "eeny meeny miny mo" a selection, we would step away from the computer and try again another day.  We figured we were making some very big decisions for a being who didn't even exist yet, and we wanted to make sure that we would feel comfortable explaining our choices some day.

    We did go through an ob's office.  We hated how medical it was, but it also allowed us to get some testing done and to document attempts (after 12, you may be eligible for some insurance assistance).

    We also did OPKs, chart cycles, etc.  When you're paying $1,000 a try, you want to make sure your timing is right!  So definitely keep doing that. 

    I also recommend not keeping any pregnancy tests in the house.  Way too tempting to not be able to sleep, feel a twinge, get out of bed, test waaaaaay too early, be disappointed, etc. :)  Wait the full 2 weeks and keep yourself BUSY!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from tomarra. Show tomarra's posts

    Re: anyone?

    Snow,
    I also do not have a personal experience with looking for a donor.  But I wanted to recommend another resource with you may find helpful.  It's called resolve and here is the link to the website.  They provide great resources and support groups for all types of fertility issues.  Good luck with your journey.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    by the way, if you want to see if you're ovulating, the free and more reliable way to do it (as opposed to OPKs in both respects) is to temp.  The expensive smiley faces only tell you if you're having LH surges, not if you're ovulating, and it might not even pick up on all of those surges, either.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Micromom. Show Micromom's posts

    Re: anyone?

    I don't have any advice on specific resources, but I do have friends who have gone through a similar situation.

    They made an interesting choice, asking for a donation from someone who is a friend, but not a very close friend.  Their thinking was that it was nice for him to be in their general community, but not so closely involved that it could become problematic.  They also chose him based on some traits they considered desirable.  They maintain a connection, so the children know him, and he knows them.  

    They were also able to do the fertilization procedure at home with a kit, successfully both times.  I'm sorry I don't have more details, but I thought these insights might be helpful.  Good luck!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: anyone?

    Similar to the post from Kiwi, I am on the Somerville Moms yahoo group and see lots of posts from same-sex partners who are parents:
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SomervilleMoms/

    If that's closer to where you live, you could try signing up for the group and then sending a message asking to hear from or meet others who have been through this.
    best of luck to you and your wife!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    In Response to Re: anyone?:
    kar - I was advised to start with tracking ovulation asap so that we aren't shooting in the dark the very first time we shed out $$$ to inseminate - so thats where we're at
    Posted by snowflake133


    Do you realize that an LH surge doesn't guarantee you're ovulating or even give you an exact cycle day that you might?  That's why I'm beating the temping drum and telling you that OPKs are not diagnostic of ovulation.  You can get that smiley face every single time and still not be ovulating and not know it.  Temping will give you a more accurate ovulation picture.

    OPKs work for what they do, detecting LH.  And, if the dominos that are supposed to fall after an LH surge do fall they do so in the next 24 - 48 hours.  But, the LH surge itself doesn't guarantee that the other dominos do fall.

    Temping gives you evidence that the last domino after the LH surge, ovulation, in fact, did or didn't fall.

    OPKs are good for couple having sex to get pregnant because it gives them the 24 - 48 window to have sex.  But, for a woman not having sex to get pregnant, temping is better because it gives you the exact DAY you ovulated (figured out in retrospect each month), not a pretty decent idea of when you might ovulate.

    For instance if you use OPKs and get a positive (LH surge) every Cycle Day 10.  That means that you could ovulate on Days 11 or 12.  But, if you temp a few months and find that your temp drops every Cycle Day 13, you know you ovulated on Day 12 (not Day 11).  It narrows the accuracy window. 

    So, if you have months to prepare, temping will give you a chart by which you can tell EXACTLY when you tend to ovulate whereas OPKs give you a big window of when you might (and an LH surge doesn't even tell you IF you've ovulated).
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from naomigoldman. Show naomigoldman's posts

    Re: anyone?

    HI there! I work for RESOLVE and we are having an event for the GLBTQ population trying to conceive on May 9! More info can be found here: http://www.resolvenewengland.org/edprograms/lgbtq/

    The 2 speakers are very very experienced in this - please come.  Feel free to email me if you have questions: naomigoldman@resolvenewengland.org
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: anyone?

    My SIL and BIL conceived using a sperm donor and her eggs through ovulation (they didn't need IVF).  I am not sure the details of which bank they used but I know they got to look through some pretty extensive descriptions (beyond just physical descriptions--health histories, etc.).  I am not sure how they found their bank.  I do know that it was covered partially by insurance--maybe not the sperm itself, but the storage/implantation at least.
     
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml26202. Show ml26202's posts

    Re: anyone?

    Thanks Naomi.

    I have a totally different set of issues and Resolve has been a great source of info and support! I really recommend them!

    I have nothing to add Snowflake, I just wanted to welcome you to the boards and wish you and your partner the best of everything, super sperm, sticky beans and lots of love and support for both of you!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: anyone?

    I'd suggest contacting your RE about sperm banks. I have friends who have done donor egg and they were given a list of companies who handled that process. Once she chose a donor her RE did a through medical exam before the final egg retrieval was made.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from fazel2012. Show fazel2012's posts

    Re: anyone?

    Snowflake - looks like you are getting some great advice/references here. On the topic of OPKs, I understand what kar is saying but I tell everyone I know who is trying to get pregnant that I got pregnant my first month of trying using an OPK. In fact, I bought a couple boxes at once assuming it would take a few months and ended up wasting one whole box because it worked so quickly. Was I surprised! 

    Just an FYI for anyone else reading this thread. :)

    Best of luck snowflake!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: anyone?

    OPKs work great for their intended purpose, to tell couples the couple of days that sex would have the best chance of leading to conception.  Temping, on the other hand, gives you the exact day you ovulate during your cycle plus tells you that you actually DID (or didn't) ovulate.  Temping tells you what day you ovulate in retrospect so it's not as helpful if you are trying to time sex that month.  But, given that it gives you the EXACT DAY you ovulate in retrospect every month, after a few months you'll see a pattern you can then use to accurately predict ovulation.  This is EXACTLY what this couple is trying to achieve by using OPKs instead.  It makes NO SENSE.

    This couple is trying to determine exactly when and if she ovulates for LATER USE.  Temping is the absolute indisputably best way to do that.  It's free and gives more precise and accurate information.  OPKs are expensive, imprecise, and less acccurate.

    For later use, temping is best for these reasons.

    For immediate use in the month a couple is actively trying to conceive by whatever method of getting a sperm to an egg, an OPK works GREAT.  It works even better when the couple is temping and already knows what to expect as far as ovulation goes by the CHART that was marked with the exact day of ovulation every month for months at a time.  The OPK should confirm the pattern.

    I can't say it any clearer.  OPKs WORK.  THEY WORK.  THEY ARE AWESOME!!!!  But, not for what THIS COUPLE IS TRYING TO DO with them.

    They say how driven they are to make a baby, and then do the less precise method to determine generally when ovulation MIGHT occur as determined by an LH surge (not even proving it does) instead of doing the method that gives the exact day of ovulation and confirms, in fact, that ovulation even is occuring.  It might not be PC to say this, but what the heck???
     
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