April TTC

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I usually drink what my coffee maker at home calls 4 cups of coffee every morning (travel mug full).  I decided to switch to half caf rather than drinking a smaller cup.  The adjustment wasn't too bad.  I also used to drink a can of Coke Zero in the afternoon maybe 2 days a week, but I cut that out. 
    I figure since I'm not actually pregnant, I don't need to go overboard, but it's good to make some adjustments.  Besides I don't want to try giving up caffeine if I'm also dealing with morning sickness or gas or whatever.

    Sorry to hear you had a rough week tomarra.  Seems like it all happens at once sometimes!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alto2. Show Alto2's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Add me to the list - AF arrived yesterday. =(

    On a positive note, I just booked an appointment with my Ob/Gyn for some preliminary fertility testing. So I have that to look forward to...
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    AF sure is getting around right now - are we sync'ing up over the web???  Sorry, ladies. :(

    I'm in the 2ww (pretty early), and I had a vivid dream about our having just had a girl and decided on a name, one we have actually never talked about nor would I choose.  Jennifer Joyce Kargiver.  Jennifer Joyce?  Not bad names, but together?  LOL

    I'm still loving the cheap ovulation strips from Amazon.  Since we started using them, I've learned that my cycle length only changes before ovulation.  After is always 14 days.  I never knew!!!  My ovulation day has been different all three months so, hopefully, this is the way to pg for us.  I always assumed it was midway through, but I've gotten LH surges on days 11, 12, and 14 for the 3 months I've tested.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April TTC

    OMG, Kar!  Jennifer Joyce Lastname is my best friend's name. She's coming to visit next week.  :-)
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    NO WAY!!!  Don't tell her I said it didn't sound good together, LOL! :)
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Hi Ladies - I've been lurking for a while now. I think it's amazing how supportive you all are. As difficult as TTC is, and as much as I'd never wish these difficulties on anyone, it's reassuring to hear that I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy for getting my hopes up each month and then being upset when it doesn't happen. 

    My DH and I have been trying for a year now, which doesn't sound like very long but at my age (42), time is not on our side. I had one failed IVF (got pg but miscarried very early on) and can't decide whether to try again or move on to a donor egg as the drs are suggesting. How do you know when it's time to move on?
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Welcome TC - I don't feel like I have any insight for you, but I'm glad you found us.

    Kar, I was thinking that too!  I seem to be in sync with some women at work, but I didn't think that it could happen over the internet lol!

    Would you mind posting a link to the ovulation strips on Amazon?

    I was at a bday party yesterday for my 4 year old nephew.  As I sat at a table with MIL and the other grandmother, they went on and on about how they needed more grandchildren and my BIL and his fiancee need to hurry up and get married so they can have a girl. The whole time I felt like saying, What am I chop liver???  My MIL never says anything about us having kids.  Clearly I am being overly sensitive, but it hurt my feelings.  I should have said something, made a joke.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Kar, it's the first thing I'm going to tell her when she lands.  lol. 

    TC welcome.  You'll know when you know.  Probably not what you want to hear, but I truely believe it.  If going the intervention route becomes too much, you can always just 'not prevent' rather than actually, actively try. I'm going to be 38 in June, so I know where you are coming from.  We're not using any intervention methods but just waiting to see what happens. We've been trying for about 2 years at this point. I used to chart, etc, but really it became way too much of a hassle. I stopped 'trying' several months ago and ended up getting pg.  I had a mc at 9 weeks back in Feb so I know I can get pg.  We're just hoping for the best.  GL!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Fram, here are the strips - getting 50 for $12, you can't go wrong!  They get mixed reviews, but never having tried the more expensive POAS kind I love them.    They don't give you a happy face, but they do either give you unequal or equal lines (I count 90% equal as positive because I've tested the next day and it's clearly negative again).  You have to read them EXACTLY at 5 minutes, not like pg tests that stay accurate longer than that.  The result changes DRAMATICALLY up to and after the 5 minute mark so set the timer.

    Ovulation test strips

    ALF, definitely tell her I dreamed our baby would have her first and middle names!  I still think it's very weird...psychic or something.  All you mentioned in gmail was "Jen."

    TC, welcome and best wishes!!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alto2. Show Alto2's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Welcome, TC! Unfortunately, I have no advice for you other than to go with your best instincts. The ladies here tend to be a compassionate, supportive, well-educated bunch, though, so I'm sure that you'll get plenty of food for thought.

    Syncing over the web - lol! Maybe we should have started a new "Menstrual Hut" thread? I've had some AF weirdness... it's really light and keeps starting and stopping. Anyone else have this issue? (My temps are starting to fall off, so I don't think I'm pg.)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Hi TC and welcome to the Boards.

    I do agree with Alf that it really needs to be when you are ready.

    I will also put my two cents in, however.  If you know you absolutely want to have kids and you are not so concerned about the genetics, I think donor is a great way to go.   I went with a donor egg for several reasons.  First is that my ovaries s*uck.  I am 37 and after 5 IVF attempts  and 8 IUI I never got pregnant.  I never responded well from meds.  I felt like we were squeezing blood from a turnip and the odds of me having a pregnancy to term were becoming nil.

    Donor is cheaper than adoption and to me I felt it was going to be less emotional.  Plus, of course, I wanted to have the experience of being pregnant.

    Additionally, I enjoyed some sense of knowing that my risk for genetic problems decreased significantly using a 20 year old's eggs.

    We have frozen embryos so if we want to try again in the future, it will be easy as picking them up!  I was always worried if I did get pregnant and not with twins, that going through this whole thing again would be a nightmare.

    I figure any bad traits in our baby can be blamed on my husband. (Ok that was a TOTAL joke).

    The donor process took a long time.  I had the most excellent donor whom I do not know but I love.  She was super responsible during the whole process and it still took probably about 5 months. 

    Your odds are much, much greater with donor but that doesn't mean you can't try more rounds with your eggs and maybe you can get the donor process started in the meantime.  

    I hope that was helpful.  If you have any questions feel free to ask.  I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with a frozen donor cycle (the fresh cycle didn't work). 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Thanks everyone, your responses are really helpful. I do feel like I'll know when it's time to move on to donor egg but it helps to hear it when the logical part of me starts thinking just go with the odds.  Maybe it's intuition or a crazy optimistic streak but I still have hope that it'll just happen either naturally or with a 2nd round of IVF. We'll see- but realistically should only give it a few more months because of my age.

    I appreciate your insights Luck, especially as someone who has been there. Congrats on your pregnancy! We've given a lot of thought to donor egg and definitely prefer it over adoption.  For the very brief time I was pregnant a few months ago, it was enough to tell me I definitely want the experience.  I love the idea that the baby would be genetically connected to my husband (also love your idea of blaming any bad traits on him!!!) and I like the idea that there could be extra embryos to use later.  The lower risk of genetic problems is also a big benefit- every time I see a stat on women having babies over 40, I cringe. There are a lot of positives so I'll keep reading and learning as much as I can about it.

    Add me to the list of ladies now wondering about online syncing... currently day 4 for me. So weird!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April TTC

    FWIW, my SIL used donor eggs [she was around my age at the time] and she and my BIL have twin girls who started kindergarten this year. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: April TTC

    ALF - do the girls know that they were born with the help of a donor egg?  I'm a little puzzled by the idea of how to explain it to a child but the social worker types seem to say you should just make it "part of the story" from the very beginning. I wouldn't want to keep it from a child, especially if adult friends and family knew about it but it seems like it'd be a hard thing for a kid to understand.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Kids learn and accept adoption, right?  I'd think it would be similar.  I'd wait until they get the birds and bees chat, though, before I brought it up simply because they won't understand before age 9 or 10 or so what you're talking about, and it would be age inappropriate to discuss sex, eggs, fertilization, etc. with a kindergartener, for example.  I'm all for full disclosure as early as possible, but "as possible" is the opertative phrase.  Certainly don't wait 'til they're 15 when they've known something about the birds and the bees for years and will resent your not telling them earlier.  When you feel your child is ready to have the sex talk, tell them the whole story.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Tc - We have thought about this a lot.  I do think that it should be part of their story.  I.e. mommy and daddy could not have a baby on their own so a very special person gave her egg to mommy.  There are children's books written about it.  Although they may not fully "get it", I think waiting until they are older and having a day of telling them is not ideal in my opinion.  Through my own experience and seeing the experiences of others, the worst feeling is knowing there is something different and that there is a secret in the family . I am not ashamed of using a donor and I don't want my child to feel that we were hiding it from him or her.

    My niece and nephew are adopted and knew from day one.  I think the idea of being adopted is quite complicated as they know there was a women out there who had to give them away.  I think if anything, the donor concept (although obviously not the science) is probably a bit easier to accept.  We have her pictures and her writings and definitely will show our child at some point.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: April TTC

    TC - welcome! Like several women on here, I also had fertility issues. Got married at 37, started ttc and was not getting pregnant. We went through 3 IUI's and 2 IVF's with dismal results. I was told I have a diminished ovarian reserve. We were in the process of going to donor egg since I wanted to have the experience of being pregnant and knew DH's swimmers weren't the issue. We got approved by insurance and were about to pick a donor when I got a BFP almost two years after we started trying. We just had our baby boy last month - 3 weeks before I turned 40. We really want two kids so we will go back to a fertility center at the end of the year to start up again since we know everything takes a while with assisted fertility treatments and I'm not getting any younger. We're open to trying IVF again, but are still definitely open to donor egg so we can move on with our family (although we're hoping we can dodge that financial bullet again).  HTH and good luck!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I'm not for keeping secrets, but it's a lot easier to explain (maybe not accept from the child's perspective) that a whole child/baby was brought from one family to another than it is to explain that an egg came from a different mother, was joined with daddy's sperm (somehow), and became a child that mommy gave birth to before the child has had the sex talk.  Kids can understand the process of adoption long before they can process the idea of making a baby and the variations thereof.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Kar, I am not talking about the actual process of making a baby - I agree that it complicated for kids although we will still talk about the egg donor while they are young.  I am talking about the emotional toll it can take on a child to learn of an adoption.  I.e. some go through a process of wondering why the birth mother gave them up.

    I guess the plus side is that I can talk about the day the child was conceived really without even mentioning a P*nis or v*gina.
    Just kidding everyone!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Scorpio75. Show Scorpio75's posts

    Re: April TTC

    RE: adoption I think it all depends on the child and the way it was presented.  Two of my nieces were adopted. They at the moment have no issues with it and they are 9 & 10 and have known that they were adopted since pretty much forever, I am not sure of the exact details of how they were told but I know there was a book involved and it has never been a secret in the family and we all treat as a statement of fact and nothing to be ashamed of .  Heck the kids proudly tell anyone that will listen that they are adopted and they think it is pretty cool.

    Like TTC it is a personal decision and each couple will decide which is right for them, but I don't think it would be more difficult or easier if the child came to be via an egg or sperm donation or via adoption.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC


    How would you explain egg donor w/out any of the rest?  Out of context it means nothing, seems to me.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Scorpio - Same is true with my niece and nephew.  They will tell anyone that they are adopted and have no problem with it.  I think that is largely because it has just been a fact in their lives ever since they can remember.

    Kar, a child up until the time they are ready to ask questions about where did I come from, are not likely to question the details of a story about egg donation.  Of course, this may happen at age 6 but at that time I don't think it will be too difficult to understand if they have questions.  I  don't think it will be any more confusing or disturbing for him/her than the regular reproduction.  Who knows?  I guess I will just cross that bridge when we come to it.   I am not really concerned as long as we do it with love and caring and I hope our child understands the fondness we have for the lovely lady who helped us in our endeavor.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I guess adoption is an easier concept to explain (though possibly harder to accept if the child is older and might have abandonment issues- which could be less common now than years ago). Starting to talk about either adoption or donor egg early probably makes the most sense, even if the child doesn't completely understand for awhile. 

    Luck- you have such a great attitude about all this, it's inspiring. I'm still trying to get to the point where I can just be grateful that donor egg is even an option and not be resentful that I need someone else's help. I think I'm getting there - and I'm sure once I'm pregnant or have a baby, the fact that a donor helped won't matter at all- but it's been a gradual process. 

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Tc - I have a sister who is older than me who is infertile.  Both of us are unexplained infertility.  I think that helped me to think of the idea of not being able to have my own kids early on.  I have a middle sister who had kids without problems as well (we call her the Chosen one). 
    I will tell you that I got there much faster than my husband.  I definitely had a mourning period but remember, I had been through many more rounds than you have so I had lots of time to adapt to the idea.  You may need to do more rounds of IVF on your own to get that piece of mind.  I would have done donor 2 cycles ago but my husband wasn't ready.  Bless my husband, he really liked the idea of it being my genetic child.  Certainly, take your time with this! :)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I'm not disagreeing with telling as early as possible so they don't feel hoodwinked or like you kept a secret, per se, but my only point is that at six if you tell a child, "Your mommy used an egg from someone else," it's not exactly like you told them anything they can use because they don't have the context that gives it meaning.  You might as well tell them, "Your mommy blah blah blah," and how helpful is that in their emotional development? 

    Or, worse, they think it has something to do with breakfast because those are the only "eggs" they know about.  Kids tend to force new information into the contexts they have, for better or worse, and when you ask, "Do you understand?" they say, of course, they do (because they have made it make sense for themselves in some very incorrect way).  For instance, in their minds you might have meant, "Mommy had a different breakfast than other mommies.  Then you were born." 

    How is that "telling them early" if they don't have any idea what you're telling them?  Information needs context or it's not information.
     

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