April TTC

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    SSBride, sorry you are feeling discouraged.  Do you mind if I ask how old you are?  

    My BFF who enjoys wine, beer, and coffee hasn't had a drop since they started to TTC because she was determined to do nothing that might possibly have a hint of interfering.  Fwiw, she has a 2 year old and is expecting naturally conceived triplets.  I'm not implying it's giving up alchohol and caffeine that worked for her or even contributed to her being the 1 in 8000 pregnant women who get 3 for the price of one.  For all anyone knows she would have had the same result either way.  It didn't seem to hurt, though, lol.

    ETA:  Chicklet - glad we could point you to some things that cleared up a lot of what's going on with Clomid and the ovulation process in general for you.  It's very complicated...who knew?!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from SSBride09. Show SSBride09's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I'm actually turning 31 this week (also leading to feeling down since for some reason this birthday seems so much older to me than the big one last year).  I know thats not over the hill, but my eggs aren't exactly young anymore either.

    I agree giving up the caffeine and alcohol can't hurt (except my mood :).  I didn't start out that way since my obgyn said a lot of people go that route and it just drives them nuts unnecessarily.... but at this point the only thing driving me nuts is not getting pregnant.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    You'll hear tons of people tell you how young that is and how "lots of women" this and that.  That never helped me.  But, the fact is that 31 is quite far before fertility drops a lot.  Look up fertility vs maternal age charts, and you'll see.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: April TTC

    SS - Happy Birthday! Good luck giving up caffeine and alcohol. I gave up alcohol for Lent and it was a long 40 days. We saved quite a bit of money though! FWIW, I'll be 31 in August and my RE was completely unfazed. He showed me a chart (I guess similar to what Kar mentioned) that only showed a small decline between 25 and 30 - much smaller than I thought it would be.

    Kar - I think the doctors know it's complicated so they give you the bare minimum of what you should know. I'm the type of person who wants to know the "how and why", but I don't understand enough about biology to make sense of it all.

    Has anyone tried Vitex/Chasteberry supplements or tea? If the Clomid doesn't work, I'm going to seriously consider it. I guess it interracts with the Clomid, but it's supposed to regulate cycles or something. There's a "FertiliTea" for sale on Amazon that I was looking at too, which is basically chasteberry, green tea, red raspberry leaf and some other stuff. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Indeed, that's exactly what I was referring to, that suprisingly small reduction in fertility between 25 and 30.  And, it doesn't precipitously drop at any particular age, fertility just slowly declines over the years until you reach menopause.

    I hope those links gave you the science behind things such that you feel you have a better understanding of what's going on.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I know this isn't going to be popular, but sometimes, no matter what you do or don't do, you won't end up getting pregnant.  I did it all - gave up caffeine, alcohol, certain foods, etc. I threw in the towel and eventually got pg at 36 [or was I 37?] but then had a m/c. I haven't gotten pg again. I've faced facts: I'm old.  I'll be 40 in June.  I have no interest in fertility treatments so my odds of conceiving are really low.  I'm fine w/ that.  And I used to sob every month when we first started TTC b/c I wasn't pg.  Kar is right: fertility takes a serious nosedive after 35.  You aren't there yet, so don't panic. 

    It's not pleasant to think you may be one of the ones who can't get pg, but it may just be what it is. I hope that the Clomid and whatever other treatment works for you. If it's going to give you peace of mind to give up caffeine or alcohol, or anything else, or to try herbal or other remedies, great - go for it.  But there are no guarantees in life.  Do whatever you need to do to so that you are comfortable w/ thinking that you covered all bases that you want to cover, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work. There is nothing wrong with you, nor have you failed if you don't get pg.  GL.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: April TTC

    SS - Happy birthday!  Also, one easy thing to add in is Mucinex.  I used it the cycle I got pg.  Not sure that they are related but it couldn't hurt.  FWIW, I started using it Day 8 and continued until Day 15-17ish because I ovulated later in my cycle than I thought.  I just followed the directions on the box, every 4 hours, I believe.  I didn't bother with waking up to take it I just did the best I could.  Also, I used the generic Stop & Shop version because it was cheaper. Good luck!  Hoping your day comes soon :)
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Thanks for the menu suggestions. I'll marinate over them (haha...) and do some grocery shopping on Friday. Sorry to misconstrue your words, Kar; of course, asking about those details gives you a better idea of what you're getting into. And I would hope the acupuncturist wouldn't lie. If you get a bad feeling about their answers, I'd definitely find a different body worker with better integrity! SS, happy birthday! Sorry you're feeling the weight of TTC. I think there's nothing wrong with educating yourself further on the topic and researching always makes me feel like I have a little control in a chaotic world. Has your doc/RE given you an action plan at all? I know they say a year of trying is normal, but that's such a long, arduous time. Chiclet, do you like tea? You can still get the benefit of some caffeine but it also has healthier properties. Win! I've turned into a hippie. CD118 and I'm trying a holistic cocktail of massage, acupuncture, and reiki. Once I get AF I'll knit you guys some dream catchers, stuff them in bottles, and set them free into the ocean.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    After 35 it is pretty low, but it doesn't drop off precipitously, I don't think, does it?

    I, too, am old, ALF.  I didn't try it all and I have no regrets, but that's no commentary on anyone else's choices.  I'm having a glass of wine right now, and I have no idea what cycle day I am.  DH still really wants kids and I'm happy with life the way it is.  (I had a very early m/c at 37.)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    That's OK, WPP - I'm guilty of the same thing. :)  I don't expect the acupuncturist to lie, but if you ask "can you do fertility acupuncture?" and they have a chart that tells them how they could say yes.  I'd feel much more comfortable if I said, "What's your specialty?" and they respond, "Infertility, and my success rate is x% within 6 months."  You know?
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I guess precipitously is in the eye of the beholder. I compare it to where I was in my late 20s, which was before I met DH.  So compared to when some friends were getting pg at the drop of a hat, me starting at 35, well, I considered that a precipitous decline.  It does markedly start to drop at 35 and every year thereafter.  Considering that it's not that high per cycle to begin with, I think the decrease each year is marked. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Yes, the slope increases a bit over time, too, but it's basically a fairly gentle downward trend, not a sharp drop off as if it would be were eggs to universally start dying in droves at age 35, lol. ;)  But, yeah, compare our chances at 40 and our chances at 20 when my BFF at the time she got pregnant by accident...it's a big difference.

    ETA:  I just learned that there IS a precipitous drop in fertility, but it doesn't start until you hit 40.  According to this, anyway, there's a huge difference between fertility at 41 vs 43 unlike the difference in 2 years at younger ages.  Age and fertility: Getting Pregnant in your 40s

    ETA #2:  OMG, I just realized my friend's "baby" is 20, the age we were when her mom got pregnant (and 1/2 our age now!).
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Sorry you are feeling down SSbride.   Here is my two cents.  There are so many small lifestyle changes you COULD make but if there is really a difference is hard to tell. I got into an argument with DH early in the process when he wanted me to try some more natural remedies due to anectdotal success stories.  Well, we could also try standing on our heads.  If there is some evidence ok but if there is not there is no more use in trying one thing over the other as far as I am concerned.   You can go CRAZY trying to control little details but in my view, none of us asked to be infertile, none of us are responsible for our infertility so as long has you have a reasonably healthy lifestyle I am not sure there is a whole lot more to do.  Some recent studies have suggested that exercise may negatively impact fertility if you are at a normal weight.  Well, I could have not exercised for 2 1/2 years of trying but I am quite sure that my end result would have been the same and I would have been miserable.  Acupuncture can make some people feel great but studies do not suggest that there is a true increase in fertility.   All of that being said, if it makes you feel good you should go for it but I wouldn't completely restrict all the pleasures in your life to increase your chances.  Longwinded for sure!

    If you are interested in the future to see a specialist, I would advise you do get a referral around month 10-11 of trying b/c it will probably take a month or two to get an appt.  However, at 31 I think you can still be quite hopeful so don't give up.  Just look at this as a marathon to finally get to where you want to be.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from SSBride09. Show SSBride09's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Thanks for all the responses.  Being able to vocalize my frustration to someone other than my husband always makes me feel better.

    Clc, I did actually try the Mucinex last month.  No luck, but I'll give it another go.

    WPP, I don't have an RE yet since I don't think I'm eligible until we've been trying a year since I'm under 35.  I should interpret "a year" as 12 cycles instead of 12 months right?  I have short cycles 24-26 days so I think that would make me eligible in late August or so.  Luckinlife, I think I'll take your advice and start pushing for an appt in June if nothing has happened yet.

    Both of us can't really imagine our lives without kids so we've already decided we're in this for the long haul and would try pretty much anything.... IVF, donor eggs, even adoption if it becomes our only option.  

    Even though 31 still gives us some time before the precipitous drop (good to know that doesn't start right at 35), I find myself thinking we should have started earlier.  We were so focused on making sure we had the perfect house and were totally and completely ready since in the back of our minds we thought the day I stopped taking the pill we'd magically have a baby.  Pretty naive huh :) 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: April TTC

    SS, I think we're inundated with the message that sex = pregnancy from a young age and we spend so much energy preventing pregnancy that we take it as a matter of course that we can get pregnant whenever we want. You're not naive, just a product of your environment. I hope things progress quickly for you and that you'll see an OB/GYN or midwife instead of an RE in August!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Yes, nothing dramatic is going to happen at age 35.  Your chances will simply be lower at 35 than they were at 34 and higher than they will be at 36.

    You are not alone in your naiveté.  My DH didn't know anything about baby making beyond the fact that it involves having sex.

    The more you stress the more cortisol and other stress hormones you'll produce. Working yourself into a frenzy every month will work against your fertility.  I'm not judging you for stressing - goodness knows I stressed myself.  But, here I am with no kids, too.  Do whatever you want to increase your chances, but like ALF said, sometimes nothing you do or don't do makes a difference.  You just do NOT have control, and that's a fact worth wrapping your mind around before you drive yourself crazy for no reason.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: April TTC

    If that's naive, SS, then I'm guilty too. The way I see it, we weren't ready until we had been married for a year or two and were in a house. I guess now we can say we should have tried sooner, but then we would have been facing having a baby when we weren't really ready and I'm not sure that's any better. I've seen the stresses that a lot of my friends who have gotten pregnant before they were really ready have faced. So yeah, I guess we didn't expect that there would be problems either, but I wouldn't trade the last 6 months or so that we spent getting the house, having vision correcting surgery, losing 10 lbs, etc. I just keep thinking (and I apologize for getting back on my religious soapbox) that God must have a reason for testing us and giving us a baby later than we expected. Don't beat yourself up too much. You're doing the best you can.

    ALF - I hear what you're saying about you might try everything and not get pregnant. I get that. Like SS was saying though, DH and I will have children some day somehow, be it ART, adoption, etc. If it was up to me, I'd take this diagnosis, shrug my shoulders and book an extra long vacation to Europe, but it's not just up to me and DH needs to be a dad. I hate the idea of fertility treatments (including Clomid, if we're being honest) and the idea of opening ourselves up to the adoption process, so if I can do anything in the 6 months or so that I have before my new health insurance starts, I want to do it.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Fertility is only part of the TTC picture.  Trying to get pregnant as soon as physically possible simply because that's when a woman's fertility is highest isn't what any reasonable person would suggest or is suggesting.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from MissWolff. Show MissWolff's posts

    Re: April TTC

    SS- I just wanted to chime in about a couple things.

    A.  I totally agree with you about the 31st b-day being strangely worse than the 30th. I am not one to get 'hung up' on aging, or birthdays...but 31 was odd for me. (I'll be 32 in about a month, I still think I'm 27....)

    B.  I clearly had my head in the sand and did not remember health class from
    6th grade. I had NO idea that there were only a few days a month you could get PG.  I also thought it might take a few (like 2 or 3 months) to get PG once I stopped the pill. B/C unprotected BDing=pregnancy right???

    I had no idea that even if everything was ok a whole YEAR was completely normal.

    If AF comes on Monday I'll be going into month 8 of TTC so I feel ya.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I think 41 might impact me that way.  Being 40 feels OK, but somehow 41 is truly "in my 40s" emotionally speaking despite numerically being there already.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from SSBride09. Show SSBride09's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Yeah its weird.  Turning 30 was kind of fun and didn't phase me, but like you said kar, 31 is "in your thirties" which is why I think this birthday is hitting me harder.  Oh well... its just a number and despite all the passing birthdays I still feel about 25.

    MissWolf, I'll be thinking of you Monday and hope AF does not make an appearance this month!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from MissWolff. Show MissWolff's posts

    Re: April TTC

    I agree with the thoughts about 'in your whatever decade it might be'...vs. just hitting the decade milestone theory.

    Thanks SS.

    I hope everyone is doing ok. I haven't had a lot of time to get on the boards lately. :)

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: April TTC

    Truthfully, as painful as TTC was and can be, I would not give up those years that DH and I had without kids.  I know that may sound bad to those TTC but we had a great time even though we were a little limited b/c of timing and fertility treatments.  We took up golf together, went on a lot of trips and just had a stress-free existence save for the TTC part.  So it may sound retrospectively optimistic but I definitely would not feel bad about waiting.  We tried right away and it made no difference.  Heck, we probably could have tried at 30 (although I didn't know him) and it would not have made a difference.  Again, I would try and refuse to put any of the  responsibility of this on yourself.  It doesn't help an already difficult process.

    SS the fact that you are not ambivalent about having kids is going to help you through this process.  Again, it may take some time but if your desire is to have kids it WILL happen if you are willing to pursue other options such as ART or adoption - and more likely will happen more easily than that.

    I think the hardest part is not knowing.  If someone could have said to me right away your fate is infertility and you need to go to donor or adoption right away, that would have been a lot easier to deal with.

    Hang in there!

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from MissWolff. Show MissWolff's posts

    Re: April TTC

    What luckinlife said.  :)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: April TTC

    In Response to Re: April TTC:
    [QUOTE].  ALF - I hear what you're saying about you might try everything and not get pregnant. I get that. Like SS was saying though, DH and I will have children some day somehow, be it ART, adoption, etc. If it was up to me, I'd take this diagnosis, shrug my shoulders and book an extra long vacation to Europe, but it's not just up to me and DH needs to be a dad. I hate the idea of fertility treatments (including Clomid, if we're being honest) and the idea of opening ourselves up to the adoption process, so if I can do anything in the 6 months or so that I have before my new health insurance starts, I want to do it.
    Posted by Chiclet831[/QUOTE]

    You misunderstand me.  TTC and being a parent are 2 different things. I am not saying 'well, if you can't get pg just suck it up and deal'.  I am saying that you [the plural you, not you in particular] may be in the group of people who, no matter what they do and no matter what fertility treatment they try, cannot get pg or give birth to a live baby.  IF you fall into that category, it does not mean you've done something wrong or have failed somehow.  I hope you don't fall into that category and that whatever treatments you decide to try work and you get pg and give birth to a healthy baby.

    I just find it very disenheartening to see post after post of people asking, well, should I try this? Do you think this will increase my odds? What if I cut out X?  What if I add Y?  I agree w/  what luck said - don't unnecessarily deprive yourself of things you enjoy b/c it 'might' up your odds of getting pg.  If you feel that you must do something or refrain from doing something b/c it will help you sleep at night or feel like you have some control over the TTC world, that's great. But in the end, we don't have control over it and sometimes we don't get the result we want.  That is not a personal failing nor does it mean that you did something wrong or didn't try hard enough.  It also need not prevent you from becoming a parent.  There are many different ways to become a parent other than by conceiving and giving birth. So apples to oranges there. I was talking only about the TTC process.

    And there is a huge difference between a need and a want.  I don't think you posted that but no one 'needs' to become a parent. They may want to very very much, but that is not a 'need' in the true sense of the word.  Are some people more willing to try more options than others in pursuing their desire for a child? Yes, but their desire to have a child is not any more great than someone else who decides to accept their physical limitations and not pursue other options - to say otherwise is to imply that unless you are willing to turn over every stone, you must not really want a child, and that's just not the case.  
     
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