August 2012 TTC

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Welcome Fakin.  You are totally normal to realize that your life will change drastically once you add a child.  So it's great to really be thinking about it and discussing your "readiness."  Although they say there is rarely the perfect time to have a child, but it sounds like you are close :-)  And I agree with Kar, many people probably won't give you advice for fear of being crticized.  I'll gladly share what I would do in your shoes however.  I'd discuss IVF options with the PGD.  And this isn't because I'm making a statement that people with hemophelia are any less of a person.  But, especially from the way you describe it, it can make daily life incredibly dangerous and choices that the everyday person/kid would make can be potentially fatal.  About 100 careers ago I did medical data analysis, and I recall that the hemophelia patients were by far the most expensive because of the amount of very high cost drugs they have to take.  As a mom, if I could do something to prevent my child from that, I would without blinking an eye.  Now, if you said "we really want a girl with brunette hair and blue eyes because we believe she will have a better life than a blonde" than I'd say you're crazy.  I know its a very fine line, and slippery slope with this issue, but you are thinking about a major, major quality of life issue, which I say is incredibly valid. I know not on the same scale, but I decided to vaccinate my child to prevent illness.  Some parents don't.  I personally think I'm right in my desire to prevent potential future harm, but don't judge the way others make their decisions.  If nothing else, absolutely worth the discussion with an RE (and yes, any IVF would be through an RE, regardless of reasons, but you need your PCP first I believe).  Good luck!

    I've got my (no idea what its called) uterus scan today and mock transfer.  DH screwed up his schedule so his second SA is next week.  Still not sure we're going to do anything, I go back and forth each day, but at least we're giving ourselves the option.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from fakinbacon. Show fakinbacon's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    IPW thank you!  That was very very helpful.  In fact, all of you have been so insightful, I appreciate your time and all of your diverse opinions!  It's hard to get friends and family to say how they really feel, for obvious reasons, which is why I've been reading these boards for quite a while and have finally decided to question all of you about everything.  I think I got more out of one day from you guys than I have in one year from family, though I don't blame them at all, family life can be touchy so I get it.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    I drink my regular 30 oz of regular coffee, drink one or two glasses of wine a day, and take a prenatal vitamin (because spina bifida can develop before you know you're pregnant so after your bfp might be too late) while we're ttc. When we first started, I cut alcohol out in the tww because of the studies that say it can increase mc risk even before you get a bfp. I dont care anymore and drink as usual because it's been nearly 4 years, I'm 40, chances are I'll mc due to my age (chromosomal issues), and even greater chances are I won't get pg at my age without medical intervention which we aren't getting, anyway. I never cut caffeine because every study says that the amount I drink every day is not correlated to an increase rate of mc. I had a very early ("chemical") pregnancy 5 months after we started trying. I was happy to know we could get pg, but apparently it was a one time thing. Welcome, fakin, and best wishes!!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    I was reflecting on this more last night, and decided that if it were a disease that shortened life expectancy significantly and I had a 25% chance of passing it on, then I would be making an appt with an RE to assess IVF.  (As long as the risks of IVF to my own health and the health of a baby seemed minimal--which I think they are, but I've never read up on it in any detail--I think I'd want to do it.)  So I guess I'm with IPW.  (Clearly I'm someone with no qualms about ART in general. I'd go that route if I thought it would help me have a healthy baby.)

    Of course, that's cheap talk, because I'm not in your shoes.  But sometimes it helps me to hear an opinion spelled out, since then my reaction to it can be telling.  

    Regarding anxiety about changes that a child would bring--I think that's normal.  I only stopped thinking about that once I miscarried my first pregnancy, because I realized that my desire to have a child hugely swamped that anxiety and I became much more focused on the former than the latter. 

    I've been criticized here before for my puritanical approach to the 2ww.  I wouldn't prescribe it to others, but this is what I do:  I avoid NSAIDs (ibuprofen, naproxin, aspirin) because my doctor told me to.  I limit alcohol consumption.  (I will nurse a 1/2 glass of wine/beer in a social context where my abstinence would be highly conspicuous, but otherwise I don't drink. I honestly think the complete prohibition on any alcohol consumption during pregnancy is not really supported by current evidence, but I have no desire to deal with the self-blame if I ignore the advice and something goes wrong.)  

    I continue to consume my usual amount of caffeine, which is small and pregnancy-safe--1 cup of tea per day.  I also have drawn back a little bit from a very vigorous exercise routine, but I still work out. (This is decision was based on research I have read that regular, intense exercise can slightly reduce fertility among women who are not overweight.  The effect is admittedly small though.)

    There are arguments to be made for "not putting life on hold" and I see the logic of them since it's been over a year since I first began this TTC game. But for me the path I outlined above minimizes my anxiety about this process, so I'm sticking to it for now. I'd recommend you talk to your doctor about these things and decide what makes you comfortable.  I listed the things above just so you could think about them.

    (...and now I'm waiting for the chorus of criticism again about how gosh-darned stupid my approach to the 2ww wait is...)
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Fakin' - welcome aboard - I definitely think it is worth a chat with an RE. I really am not sure what I would do in your positiion aside from consulting someone and weighing the actual options (not just what I think are the options in my head - even as an MD I get a ton of benefit from talking to those who have seen and done before me particularly did in the TTC process).  You were talking about the adjustment of life with kids - you would also have to consider the adjustment of life with a medically complicated child which can look a lot different if you ended up having a boy.  I have a friend who is a single mother and with her second child she would have terminated if there was a chromosomal abnormality such as Down syndrome.  I have no idea what I would actually do in that situation but with her she could not have supported the family and cared for a potentially medically complicated child so it can be such a situational decision.

    SS - Yay! My ovaries couldn't have squeezed out 10 follicles on their very best day.  I hope that you get 10 big fat ones! :)  Enjoy the anesthesia and day of rest and don't stress!

    Kar - Ankylosing spondylitis would never make me hesitate in conceiving.  It's genetics is multifactorial unlike with hemophilia or Tay Sachs.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Fakin - Thanks for the lesson on hemophilia! I had no idea it was passed on so easily. Honestly, I don't know what I would do in your situation. While ART scares the crap out of me, I can see a legitimate need to explore it, given the severity of this disease. Sure, your son could live a completely normal life most of the time, but it sounds pretty devastating when they inevitably get injured. That's a tough one, but certainly not something an RE couldn't give you advice on. 

    You and I are about the same age. I had a few things I wanted to get done before kids and then we decided that it was as good a time as any to start trying. We lead a pretty "on-the-go" life and I know all that will change if we have kids. Well, at least we'll be on the go with different things I guess. I think if you over-think it, you can always talk yourself out of TTC.

    I take a different approach to the 2ww as Siena. (Siena, I'm not criticizing, just merely pointing out the differences.) I do try to avoid taking pain killers, but I don't feel bad about drinking iced coffee or having a mixed drink when the mood strikes me. I don't do either very often, but I don't limit myself either. I don't limit my exercise, but I also have at least 10 extra pounds on me and I've gotten the blessings from all my doctors to keep going. To Siena's point, I've seen similar articles on reduced fertility and vigorous exercise but I'm honestly not sure what "vigorous exercise" entails. I also take a pre-natal vitamin every day that I remember.

    In my experience, limiting myself just adds to the anxiety. TTC is anxiety-inducing to begin with and I think we're all trying to find things that minimize that. For some people, that's establishing a routine or exerting control over things that you can actually control. For me, it's trying to keep some semblance of my regular life before TTC took it over. I think the "right" approach to TTC and the 2ww is whatever makes you feel the least crazy and that is definitely not the same for everyone (or even the same for yourself every month). 

    Anyway, sorry for the novel. I hope it helps a little!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Siena, I think you spelled it out just right - this is YOUR process, YOUR body, and YOUR decision, just as it is each of us who ride this roller coaster.  Whatever makes you feel like you are doing what you need to to stay sane is absolutely what you should do. 

    I have been very fortunate in the TTC process.  I had one miscarriage at 9 weeks (first pregnancy), and have since had 1 full-term pregnancy (DD is 22 months) and am waiting to deliver my second (due on Labor Day).  That said, once you decide you want a baby, it does kind of consume you, and you have to decide how you can handle that.  For some, it's to try not to think about it until you test; for others, it's more like Siena, to do all in your control to help an optimal outcome; and for many, it's something in between.  For me, I was an in-betweener.  I tended to not drink in the two week window, but not worry about the food stuff, and I made a rule that I wasn't allowed to test until I was at least 2 days late; that's what worked for me. 

    Whether it takes one cycle or 5 IVF cycles, it is such a personal thing, and you and your partner have to be the ones to figure it out. We're all here to offer our opinions and experience, and hopefully give you some ideas and different perspectives that might validate your decisions or might teach you something new! Good luck on the journey.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Lil, thanks for consdiering my post. I understand you're right about that, and I think my mom and grandmother were influenced by how my grandfather and uncle suffer(ed) so much; they both had/have severely debilitating cases. It skipped my cousin's brother, thankfully. It's not a given a boy would get it, but we know it runs in the family, and I don't know if the severity of the disease is also genetically determined. Overall, while I'm not preventing pregnancy or seeking intervention, I would be relieved if we were to have a girl if we ever get pg.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Fakin, sorry to hear about your sister.  My best friend also was recently diagnosed w/ thyroid cancer. She had the same procedure as your sister, minus the iodine [at least, last time I talked to her, she hadn't had the idodine, but she hadn't gone back for testing after surgery yet].  She said she was told, as far as cancers go, it is the one to get. I have no idea what that means, but she was not the least bit nervous about it.  I was freaked [still am!], but she said all was well and that it's easy to treat. 

    No one can decide but you what kinds of risks to take in terms of TTC. I personally would not have a child if I knew I carried such a disease, but that is my choice and is what is right for me.  I wouldn't doom a child to a painful or shortened life or a life that was restricted due to medical/physical limitations due to disease just b/c I wanted to experience pg or have a child.  Yes, that is my take on the situation; I get that many don't share it.  I also take allergy meds and have exercise induced asthma. I was told by several doctors that not having enough oxygen is far more dangerous than the asthma/allergy meds and if I needed them to breathe, then to keep taking them.  I was also told that exercise does not impact pg in any real way unless it is of marathon/Olympic quality for most people.   I was assured that the fact that I was working out just before I started my m/c had nothing to do with it.  It was ironically a pg workout, but one by a Circe de Soleil acrobat [great workout btw].  I also don't do anything different during the 2ww, but I've been TTC for about 4+ years, so I have a different perspective  than some.  It works for me. 

    Good luck w/ whatever you decide. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    SSBride--hope your egg retrieval goes well today!  I've got my fingers crossed for you!

    IPW--hope your mock transfer went ok! good luck with your decision.

    FB--I wanted to add that I really like fakin bacon tempeh.  So yummy! esp in sandwiches.  

    I succumbed to early testing today, and BFN.  (You think I'd know better by now! But, this is my 2nd time testing early in 9 TTC cycles, so I guess it's not such a bad record.)  Oh well.  Maybe it will soften the blow when the witch shows up and knocks me out for a day.  I wasn't too optimistic, bc despite my own mental catalogue of phantom pregnancy systems, my DH has his own accounting and did not think I was pregnant.  (Yup, my DH thinks he is now finely attuned to early detection of my pregnancies.  I guess I will figure out his accuracy as time goes, but right now he's 2 for 2, this round.)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from jleighla7. Show jleighla7's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Well, I got a BFP today. I'm really scared this is going to end in a 3rd m/c, but I'm also hopeful that it won't since I ovulated on my own, without Clomid [not that I have any proof Clomid contributed to the first two].

    Siena - I'm sorry to hear about the BFN. How early is early testing? Could it be a false negative? I had to laugh at your DH becoming an expert on preg symptoms, as my DH is the same way. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Congrats JL! Sending sticky thoughts your way! I would be hopeful too. Maybe your lining is better this month without the Clomid and the embryo has more to hold on to?

    Siena, sorry about your BFN. Sometimes I think it's easier to test early when you kind of know it's going to be false. 

    I'm waiting for AF to come so I can do another CD3 blood test with the new RE. It's CD32 right now. I'm leaving for vacation next Thursday, so it would be nice if she gets here by Tuesday so I don't have to waste yet another month.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from fakinbacon. Show fakinbacon's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    IPW...I hope all went well yesterday.

    SS...wishing you the best today.

    Siena...I'm sorry about the result.  I'm sure I'll be an early tester too, at least sometimes and not because I want to be, but because it's so easy to just give in.

    JL...Fingers crossed for you!!

    And to everyone you all have really confirmed what I've been feeling all along.  I'm going to look to schedule an appointment with an RE and see what he/she says.  I have a PPO so I think I can just make an appointment - but I'll call them and see what they say.  Insurance is tricky.  I've read a few of you mention the Mass General/North Shore center, so I think I'll start there (I'm on the NS).  I've always said, I only have asthma, but if I could prevent my child from getting it I'd do whatever possible...and that's barely life altering compared to hemophilia. Thank you all!

    I'm sorry I'm not writing back to each of you individually, you all came back with such a wonderful flurry of information I'd clog up the boards with all of my responses!

    As for the ttc process, I think I'm pretty much playing by the rules already (wish I could say I have to cut down on my exercise though - I don't...pick it up is more like it).  And I do have to work on the caffeine, my only vice.  I'm going to start taking a prenatal vitamin though, since I don't do that yet and I'm sure it'll be good for me anyway. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    I think home pg tests are the worst thing on the market. Before those existed, you had to wait until your period was late to go to the doctor and get a test, and no one bothered before they were a week late. Now we can know about every chemical pregnancy and pee money down the toilet on bfns as early and often as we want every month. I'm not being critical of anyone's choice to do it here other than my own; I've wasted so much money on having irregular cycles and a vivid imagination I can't even tell you. That's why when newbies ask, "When should I test?" I invariably say the day after your period is due at the earliest. If you're taking a prenatal, not drinking a ton of alcohol, and not drinking more than 300 mg of caffeine a day, you can't do anything better for knowing three days earlier, anyway. And, despite the sensitivity, many women don't even get bfps when they are pregnant until after their periods are late, anyway, regardless of what the pee on a stick manufacturers tell us. I know there are people who think there is value to knowing about chemical pregnancies, but I respectfully disagree. Sorry about the bfn, Siena. Re husbands knowing - the one cycle I was pregnant in all this time my husband announced it as if it were certifiable fact one evening while we were working on a home improvement project out of thin air. We were working away when suddenly he said, "you're pregnant." and, I was...for two weeks.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Wow, I missed a lot!

    jl, congrats on the bfp and ovulating on your own! I hope this one is super sticky. 

    siena, sorry about the early bfn. 

    Welcome, fakin, and it sounds like everyone has given you a lot of great insight. Good luck with whatever you decide. 

    I think I'm driving DH crazy because I'm waiting to get that fertility questionnaire in the mail--it's been a little over a week--and I keep saying, "When do you think they mailed it? How long do you think it'll take in the mail? Did the mail come yet today?" I'm not at all patient. I wish they'd email it to me and I could print it out....

    I was googling to find out what kinds of questions would be on it, but didn't find much. Is it weird that I'm counting the days until this fertility appt? I'm so close to making one of those paper chains like we did in kindergarten while waiting for Christmas. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from SAW73. Show SAW73's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    I've started a post at least 3times this week, but each time it has been it has been completely inadequate. I want to wish you all the best in endeavors at TTC or peace with whatever your outcomes may be.

    I am moving to the pregnancy boards with a July BFP. Thank you for all the advice and I'll be lurking with fingers-crossed for everyone!

    SAWSmile

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    WPP, how can you be so anxious in a massage therapy career, lol - how about getting some collegues to do you a solid? Seriously, though, I understand after all you've been through, and I hope things move along at far over a snail's pace from here on in. I still cannot BELIEVE they let you go so long without a period...argh. Fakin, one thing I just thought of is that Vitamin B-12 is essential for blood production, and when you're pregnant, your blood volume increases almost immediately. Vegetarians are often low on B-12 because it's only found in animal products so you'd need to be taking it by supplement. Make sure your prenatal has all the B-12 because without the ability to produce a lot of "extra" blood fast, you might m/c, although, I don't know of any studies that say that, just an inference given what I know about B-12. CONGRATS, Saw!! Best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy and beyond. :)
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Congrats JL and SAW!  

    JL--I obviously relate completely to your anxiety, but do your best to take it one day at a time.  I hope the fact that it happened w/o Clomid is a good omen for you.  I've got my fingers crossed.

    FB & Kar--re B12: there is an easy blood test for B12 that your PCP can run to check your levels and see if it is a concern.  The few prenatal brands that I've comparison shopped for have included it anyway though.

    WPP--I totally relate to your impatience/anxiety to get to that appt!  At least it's something concrete that you can expect in this process.  (I'm secretly ticking off months in my head until I get to 9, at which point my OB said she'd do an infertility evaluation if I'm not pregnant.  I really hope that I am pg before that, but at least it is a concrete deadline, at which point I know I can try to get more help if things aren't working.)

    chiclet--hope AF shows up soon!

    kar--that's too funny that your DH detected your pg!  Sounds like lots of our DH's have a sense about these things.  

    I will say that I'm glad that HPTs are on the market, because given my ectopic pregnancy history, my doctors have emphasized that it is important that I come in right away for bloodwork.  Without HPTs, it would probably take me longer to figure out that I'm pregnant, and knowing is somewhat medically important to me at this point.  (Not that knowing five days early versus two days late is likely to make a difference, but I'm imagining it could take me up to 1-2 weeks to notice late AF without charting, OPKs, or HPTs, given my cycle variability, and that could potentially make a difference.)
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    I agree that if you have a condition that makes every day count, the HPT issue is different, but for the geneneral population I think it causes people to spend $$$ for nothing and to know about chemical pregnancies that in the grand scheme of things mean nothihg but heartache.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Congrats, SAW! Best wishes for your pregnancy and forthcoming tiny human :) 

    I know, Kar, right? I just went to a new-technique seminar and got some awesome work done, but I need to do a trade with a friend soon. Believe it or not, I've mellowed out *a lot* since becoming an LMT. We have two out-of-town weddings in subsequent weekends and I'm ready for a distraction. 

    Siena, you're close to that 9-month mark, right? I thought you and I started around the same time. 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    Congrats SAW! I hope you're feeling well!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    WPP--I've been TTC for 14 months now, but I've gotten pg twice in that time, so there's no indication for an IF workup.  There's a chance that scarring from this ectopic pg will have reduced my fertility, but hopefully I still have at least one open tube, and the only way to know for sure if it works is to try to get pg!  

    If we TTC for 9 more months after being cleared to try again after the ectopic pg and don't succeed, then we will get the IF workup.  (At that point, we will have been TTC for 1.75 years.)

    It makes sense to me that there is no reason to workup an IF issue that I don't have evidence of having at this point.  It doesn't make the waiting any easier though, so I remind myself there is some structure and some deadlines to the waiting process.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    WPP, a new techniques seminar?! I wish we lived closer, I'd let you practice on me because I'm just that altruistic, lol. Siena, I hope the ectopics didn't do any damage.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    thanks, kar!  also, this is OT, but how on earth do you keep cut roses alive for 3 weeks?  I know that I have no green thumb whatsoever, but even when I feel like I'm being really diligent, I'm lucky if they last a week.  I'd buy fresh flowers more often, if I had your skill!  (I didn't want to hijack the other thread with this question, but I was wondering...)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August 2012 TTC

    I don't know if it's skill or luck! I bought the smaller roses, about half the size of traditional ones, at whole foods, mixed a gallon of water with the food they give you, and changed the water every week with it (the vase didn't take a gallon at once, of course). I think it has to do with the heartiness and freshness at the time you buy them far more than your skill as a cut flower keeper, but not letting them sit in green water definitely does help. GL!
     

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